บท 55: May-December | Chapter Twenty-five
Chaska was flipping through a book when the sound of running feet and squeals made him raise his head. He rolled his eyes when he noticed that Kyle was pretending to chase Otis through the aisles.
"This is a library," Chaska muttered, pressing his pointing finger to his lips as he made a shushing sound. The toddler paused in his tracks, mimicking Chaska's shush gesture before looking behind him and squealing again. He ran past Chaska, trying to avoid Kyle who was still pretending to be ten times slower than he was to give Otis a head start.
"Don't entertain him," Chaska said when Kyle was in earshot.
Kyle chuckled, moving to stand beside to taller man. "How couldn't I? He's so cute," he muttered, making Chaska smile.
"I guess," the younger man said, feeling his stomach twist up when Kyle reached out to help him tuck his shirt in his jeans. Chaska needed to borrow a few books from the library, and Kyle had wanted to tag along with Otis, so here they were in the small underfunded town library.
It was a public holiday, so most people were at home taking a rest instead of running errands or doing an outing.
"Have you found what you're looking for?" Kyle asked, moving his hand from the belt of Chaska's trousers to hold on to the man's shoulder.
"No, but I'll ask them if they can order it," Chaska muttered, squinting down the aisle. A part of being a teacher, even for a small daycare, was trying to get books and learning material.
"Alright then, we should go and find Otis if we're leaving," Kyle said, letting go of the man's shoulder before walking away to look for his son. Chaska smiled as he watched him leave, and he only turned his head towards the bookshelves again when Kyle was out of sight.
When the toddler was found hiding under one of the many desks in the reading area, the trio left the library and headed in the direction of the parking lot. Fall was slowly passing away, giving way to colder temperatures and the need for heftier outerwear. Sometimes, the mornings would mean seeing a thick fog or ice frosting and sheets on grass blades. It didn't snow in Peace River often—which made it ideal for farming, but the way the current fall season was going meant there would be at least some snow in winter.
"We should go and get ice cream," Chaska said after convincing Otis that he had to sit at the back.
"Ice cream?" The toddler asked, perking up as his gaze moved to look at his father up in front. "Strawberry?" he asked, as Chaska got into the passenger seat and closed the door behind him.
"Anything you want," Kyle muttered, adjusting the driver's mirror as he looked at his son. A smile touched his lips, wondering why he had been so harsh on him when they had started living together by themselves. He was glad that he was getting closer to his boy.
"With sprinkles?" Otis asked, squealing a bit when his father nodded his head. Like the two men, the boy was wearing a padded jacket and thick socks to fight off the cold, but it did look like he was drowning in his own clothes.
The car ride to the grocery store wasn't long. Kyle's mother wasn't working today, and instead, there was a younger woman who seemed to be in her forties.
"An extra scoop for this very good boy," the woman muttered, topping Otis' cone before handing him his ice cream. The boy was all smiles and giggles when they left. The adults got snacks and a couple of things they needed about the house.
The ride to Chaska's place took a bit more time, but they got there eventually. After parking by the street adjacent to the apartment complex, the three made their way into the building and climbed the stairs until they got to Chaska's floor. Otis was quick to go and find the cats after taking off his shoes, socks, and jacket. Kyle and Chaska listened to the boy play as they sorted out grocery's and figured out what they would make together to dinner.
"When we move into the townhouse, we won't have to worry about fridge space," Kyle hummed, he was sweating and staring into the cool fridge lit up with orange light.
Chaska reached out to touch the top of the man's hair. "You're really excited about the big fridge," he said, making Kyle chuckle.
"Yeah, I am."
The pause after that wasn't uncomfortable. They two had grown close to each other's silence and space.
"I was thinking pancakes," Kyle said, closing the fridge door before getting up. "We still have some pancake mix from last week—"
"Otis just had ice cream. We're not making him pancakes," Chaska said in a firm tone, cutting Kyle off. The man frowned, watching as Chaska turned to look at him.
Kyle sighed. "He's a kid."
"Yes, kids shouldn't have to eat so much processed food," Chaska said, walking towards Kyle before opening the cupboard just beside him. "We'll boil potatoes or something."
"But he hates potatoes."
"Well, he's not going to like them if we don't make him eat them," Chaska said, taking down a steel pot from the cupboard. Cooking didn't use to be an issue when he did most of it, but since Kyle started helping him prepare stuff, petty arguments did happen from time to time.
Kyle didn't say anything for a bit, and Chaska felt that the conversation was over, so he let his guard down, but his guess was wrong. Kyle was soon trailing off about what Otis wanted to eat again.
"He's just a child. What's wrong with giving him stuff he likes from time to time?"
"Kyle, you're spoiling him." Chaska's voice was firm. He has dropped the pot off on the kitchen counter before folding his hands over his chest. "I know that you haven't been active in his life for a while, and you get the urge to let him have what he wants because of it, but part of being a parent is putting your foot down sometimes and making decisions for your child."
Chaska started to shake, but he tried to mask it by squeezing his arms with his hands as he stared at the floor. He didn't like arguments. He was never good at standing his ground in them, and he always felt stupid talking to the men older than him. He knew Kyle wouldn't try to berate him for being young, but a part of him was already putting up defenses for what he expected from arguments like this.
Kyle was still stubborn. "Well, I understand that, but just this once—"
"Otis is my kid too now, you know." Chaska's words were firm, asking Kyle to consider things on equal footing. Yes, he wasn't the boy's biological father, but he was raising him with Kyle. "If we're going to live together, we're going to raise him together. You asked for my help with taking care of him. I'm not sure why you're pressing me on small things like this."
Kyle held Chaska's gaze. He was a bit perplexed at how worked up the younger man had gotten over the small argument. "I understand that, and I understand that you're probably right, but I didn't think it was a bad idea to let—"
"Are you going to hit me over pancakes?"
Kyle stopped talking, taken aback by Chaska's words. His eyes went wide, and his mouth hung open from sheer shock at the younger man's words.
"No!" Kyle's voice was loud enough to attract the attention of Otis and the cats. "No..." He trailed in a softer voice, moving closer to Chaska could hear what he was saying without him raising his voice.
"Why would I do that? Why would you say that?" Kyle's brows were bent in a frown, and his chest felt stuffed as he tried to figure out what had just happened.
Hit him? Why would Chaska even go there? He was partly hurt, and partly worried about the younger man's words.
Chaska had grown quiet. He had his eyes on the tiled floor. His eyes were wide, and his lips were parted to let him take the deep breaths with his mouth that he was having trouble taking normally.
"Are you crying?" Kyle asked when he bent his head to have a better look at Chaska. "You're crying," he said in a matter of fact tone before reaching out his hand to raise the man's face by his chin.
Kyle felt a lump form in his throat at the sight of the younger man blinking back his tears. "Chaska..." he trailed, pulling the man into a hug. The two of them remained quiet for a bit, and Otis played in the background, unaware of what was going on.
"I panicked. I'm sorry," Chaska muttered into Kyle's shoulder as the older man rubbed circles on his back. Kyle couldn't help thinking about how things had changed. When they had first met Chaska had been reserved and cold, but since he had opened up a bit, he was more vulnerable around the older man.
"Did someone use to hit you?" Kyle asked.
There was no answer from Chaska—his typical silent yes.
Kyle swallowed the rage building up inside him at the mere thought of someone doing that to the dark-haired man.
"I would never do that to you," Kyle said in a choked voice as he tightened his grip around Chaska. He was angry at whoever it was that hurt Chaska, but he was also hurt that he has made Chaska feel the need to say that. "It was a dumb argument. Otis can eat potatoes," he added, closing his eyes as he listened to Chaska's breathing.
When the two had calmed down they pulled apart and worked on dinner together. Otis complained about the boiled potatoes, but Chaska got him to eat, telling him that he would get to go to bed with them.
Although Chaska seemed fine throughout dinner and even smiled, there was tiredness mixed with a bit of shakiness that hadn't gone away. When the three were in bed, and Otis had drifted off the sleep, Kyle stared at Chaska, wondering if the man would say anything to him.
"I'm sorry for freaking out on you," Chaska mumbled, shifting under the covers. "I just—old habits die hard," he said, scooting closer to Kyle who had Otis pressed up against him.
"It's okay," Kyle said, reaching out to touch the man's face. "I should have let it go when you told me it was a bad idea," he said, referring to their argument.
"When I was dating when I was twenty, I got together with his man that would slap or hit me over the most absurd things..." Chaska said, letting out an awkward laugh. "I guess I haven't gotten over it."
There was no response from Kyle aside from a hand that reached out to Squeeze Chaska's. The dark-haired man looked down at their joined hands, feeling himself shake a bit.
"K-Kyle..." Chaska's voice shook a bit, and the man tried to cover it up with a sigh. "Sometimes I get scared that you'll leave me when you figure out all the stuff that gets me in a twist—" he paused, biting down on his lower lip. "I don't know if all that's part of the person you fell in love with," he continued adjusting the pillow under his head.
"It is," Kyle said. "Take your time coming out of your shell," he added with a smile. "I'll always be here, waiting."
Chaska found himself smiling back. He scooted closer, hugging both Kyle and the little boy to himself. His heartbeat sped up when Kyle hugged him back, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he adjusted both their positions under the covers.
The older man yawned, using his fingers to pull Chaska's lids shut. "You should sleep too."
Chaska smiled, doing as he was told. Patience really was one of the best things about Kyle.
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