บท 11: Like Sugar | Chapter Eleven
On Saturday evening Jared looked through the wardrobe for something to wear. His eyes kept scanning his jeans and dress pants, wondering if he would look stupid dressed up formally or underdressed if he wore casual clothes. Darnell had left earlier in the morning, saying he had to help Nathalie with something but would text him the details for the karaoke bar they were supposed to meet in.
Jared covered his mouth with his hand as he continued to look through his closet. Darnell had texted him the bar address about an hour ago, and he had about three hours to get to the bar.
"Shit," Jared cursed, reaching into his closet to pick the closest thing in sight. If he spent any more time looking through his closet, he wouldn't be ready on time. He got into the faded blue jeans and casual long-sleeved top before taking his keys and wallet along with him before leaving his bedroom. He locked up the house, leaving for his car and driving off. It was seven in the evening, but it looked a lot darker because it had rained earlier in the day.
Jared looked at himself in the driver's mirror when he had to stop at a red light. Combing his mess of hair with his fingers before looking back at the road. The bar wasn't far away. It was actually very close to where Darnell had performed drag the other day. As the light turned green and Jared removed his leg from the break, he wondered what Darnell's friend looked like. He did say he had been invited by a friend. Jared was starting to get a little nervous, wondering if it would just be the three of them or if it would a little group. It started to dawn on him that he would be the oldest and most awkward person there. Darnell's friend (or friends) had to be in their twenties or even late teens.
He shook his head, not trying to think too much about it as h's car approached the little bar tucked in between small business buildings and retail stores. The glowing signs and lights were already lighting up the street, and Jared made to drive in the parking lot of the store he had parked at during the drag show.
Jared took out his phone, noticing that Darnell had sent him a text.
Message from: Darnell.
Are you here yet? We could come and meet you at where you parked if you want.
SAT, 7:45 P.M.
Jared smiled, feeling his face warm up. He shook his head, wondering why Darnell just texting him had that effect on him. He opened the reply box, typing up a reply.
Message to: Darnell.
Yeah. I'm here. Yes, that would be nice. I'm parked at the same pace I did during your drag show.
SAT, 7:49 P.M.
Jared sent, resting back on the driver's seat as he waited for Darnell and his friend to come and get him. He hummed to himself, starting to feel a little nervous. It would be the first time he would be singing in public, and he just hoped he didn't make a fool out of himself.
There was a knock on the car's window. Jared turned, meeting Darnell grinning at him as he waved. Jared smiled, winding down before looking out. Standing behind Darnell was a man that looked about six feet two. He looked familiar, and Jared couldn't really place his thumb on why.
"Hey," the man said, smiling and waving Jared's way. Jared blinked, realizing that he had been staring for too long.
"Hello," Jared said, hoping that he hadn't come off as creepy. He wound the glass back up, switching the car off and getting out before using the central lock. Jared looked from Darnell to his friend, noticing how the man had moved closer to Darnell. He was sticking a little bit too close for Jared's comfort, but he tried to swallow the jealousy in his gut. Darnell wasn't his, and he should stop getting jealous over the littlest things. That was a friend. Darnell had told him that, so he shouldn't jump into conclusions because he was wary.
"This is Nyx," Darnell explained, gesturing to his friend who raised his hand to wave again. "He's the photographer at the bar I do drag in," Darnell explained, and Jared swallowed the spit in his mouth. He realized why he was so uneasy about Darnell's friend. It was the same man taking his pictures at the bar that night.
"Nyx, this is Jared, he helps me with my Math sometimes," Darnell said, and Jared gave Nyx a forced smile. Of course, Darnell wasn't going to go around telling people he slept with him for money, but Jared guessed he had wanted a more personal introduction. Stop it. He scolded himself. It's not like Darnell could call him his friend per se. He was a lot older than him, and it would be more than weird to suggest they just met randomly and hit it off.
The three walked in the dark towards the bar. Darnell spoke to Nyx about something Jared didn't know about, so he couldn't join the conversation. He felt left out, but he tried not to let it get to him. They got to the bar soon after, and the three slipped into the neon colored rooms that had bright screens where you could select the lyrics to a song to be shown.
"I'll go get something for us to eat," Darnell said when they settled down at one of the areas around a karaoke machine. He pressed the remote, putting a few songs on the queue before leaving Nyx and Jared by themselves. The man with bleach blond hair hummed when Darnell was out of sight. Jared turned to look at him, wondering why the man was looking him up and down with his deep green eyes like he was inspecting him. Jared looked away, feeling a little intimidated. Good looking people always made him feel a little off. It was as if they kept reminding him that he looked horrible no matter how hard he tried to dress up.
"I was wondering who Darnell was inviting over. I was a little worried, but I guess I have nothing to worry about," the man said, giving Jared a smile. It wasn't a nice one. It looked more like Nyx was mocking Jared, and it made the older man uncomfortable. "Come on, you must have known that when I asked Darnell to come over for karaoke, I thought of it as a date. It's a little rude for you to tag along just because he asked, don't you think?" the man continued as Jared started to understand what was going on. The older man opened his mouth, but he couldn't find the words to say so he looked away instead, staring down at the wooden coffee table in front of the sofa they were sitting on.
"You like him, don't you?" Nyx asked, making Jared look over at the younger man. Nyx smiled a bit. It came off as a sneer, and Jared didn't know how to react.
"I—"
"There's no need to explain yourself. It's Darnell. Everyone has a thing for Darnell," Nyx said, shrugging before looking over at the screen. "But you should have enough common sense to know you don't have a chance, right? I don't think helping Darnell out with his college work is enough for him to give you a pity date or have pity sex with you," Nyx said. Jared felt small. He wanted to disappear into the cream sofas. Suddenly he felt like he was trapped alone in the room with Nyx, even though small groups of people were on other ends singing and laughing.
Jared broke into a cold sweat.
"If you have a conscience, you would leave Darnell and me alone," Nyx continued to say. "Just get up during the karaoke and say you have somewhere to be. It's not that hard," Nyx insisted. Jared looked down at his lap, folding his hand into a fist as he tried to calm his breathing. Nyx was poking all the right spots. Jared was on the verge of losing his composure. He just hoped Darnell would come back soon.
"Be realistic," Nyx urged Jared. "If you were Darnell would you go for you?" Jared just stared at Nyx, not knowing what to say, but he didn't have to answer the question because the two were interrupted seconds later.
"Hey, are you two talking? That's great!" Darnell's voice made the two men look up at him. He had a tray of drinks. Two alcoholic drinks, and some sort of fruit punch for himself. There were also some small snacks at the side. Jared stared at Darnell, in awe of how good the man looked in casual clothing. He was still gorgeous when he wasn't even trying. Jared thought about Nyx's question. Would he? If he was Darnell and he had as many options as he did, would he give the older awkward man a chance?
"Are you two getting along?" Darnell asked, and Nyx immediately reached out to pull Jared into a hug by the shoulder.
"Of course," the man said like he hadn't been mocking Jared just seconds again. "Right, Jared?" the man asked, tightening his grip on the older man's shoulder.
"Y-yes," Jared muttered, pulling away from Nyx. Darnell smiled, squeezing himself between the two men on the sofa before picking up one of the microphones from the coffee table.
"Okay, let's sing this first," Darnell said in a bubbly voice, completely unaware of the tension in the room.
Jared tried to enjoy himself, he really did, but Nyx was making it hard. He would stare at him, chuckling a bit when Jared would mess up a verse due to his nerves, and the man seemed to be hugging Darnell to himself just because he knew it upset Jared. They were seven songs into the evening and Jared was already exhausted. He didn't want to be there anymore. He didn't want to just sit down while Nyx rubbed him flirting with Darnell in his face.
"Next one." Darnell's voice made Jared blink. Jared stared at Darnell as the younger man smiled brightly at him, attempting to hand him the microphone in his hand. Jared was about to take it, but he could feel Nyx's eye's boring holes into him. He pulled his hand away, shaking his head.
"I'll pass," he told Darnell and Jared watched as the younger man's face fell. Darnell's big doe eyes had gone dim, and his full lips were slightly parted in confusion.
"Oh," Darnell said, frowning a bit. "Are you okay?"
"To be honest, no," Jared slurred, giving Darnell a forced smile before looking away. "I have a bit of a headache. I think I should be going."
"I'll follow you—"
"Don't worry about it," Jared cut him off before he could offer. "I can drive myself back. I'm just a little tired, it's okay." He smiled at Darnell again, getting up from the couch before turning to face Darnell and Nyx. Nyx was giving him a pleased smile as his hand held on to Darnell's shoulder through the thin shirt the younger man had on. Jared could feel his heart break a little. He hated this. He hated every single thing about it.
Without another word, Jared left the karaoke bar. He walked under the small drizzle of rain that had started as he headed to the car park. He hoped to get to his car before he broke down and started sobbing. It was as if the evening was crying with him. The drizzle masked his wet face, and the sound of rain muffled the deep heaves that were coming out of his mouth as he walked as fast as possible towards his car. When he got to it, he jumped in without another word and started the engine.
Jared took in deep breaths, trying to convince himself what had just happened wasn't a big deal until a part of him shattered and gave in to the tears. "I'm so stupid," he muttered to himself, closing his eyes as he leaned back on the driver's seat. "So, so, stupid," he repeated running a hand through his hair as his body vibrated with dry sobs. Why did he think, deep down that maybe he had some sort of chance with Darnell? Like Nyx said; it's Darnell. There were bound to be a lot of people who were attracted to him and hoping to date him. Why did he think his ugly, old, inexperienced self would stand a chance? He didn't deserve a pretty boy. Darnell was out of his league, and the word was telling him to accept that.
With little deep breaths, Jared built enough of a composure to drive the car out of the parking lot. He kept his mouth shut, afraid that if he even opened it a little bit he would start sobbing again. He decided that he would go back home, take a shower, and sleep away the pain. Also, he didn't think he would call Darnell for a while. He needed space, and maybe Darnell needed space too but was afraid to say anything because of their contract.
That's right, Jared had to remind himself that Darnell was for the most part just fulfilling a fantasy for him. They weren't really dating. They weren't really in a relationship. For all he knew, Darnell could be ranting to his roommate about how much he was a shit lay anytime he got back home. Jared bit down on his bottom lip, letting out a sigh as his grip on the steering wheel tightened. His thoughts were eroding his confidence a lot more than he wanted to admit.
Jared's eyes were tearing up again, but he blinked back his tears, making sure he was able to drive back home in the dark streets as the drizzle turned to pouring rain. Life was unfair. Was it really his fault for loving someone? Was it so bad that he wanted those emotions to be reciprocated to some level? His questions just bounced around in his head. He knew he would never get an answer, and it pained Jared that he just had to live with the consequences of his circumstances.
"Be realistic." He cringed, remembering Nyx's words. They had sliced into him like knife blades. But he didn't want to be realistic. He didn't want to die alone because he was ugly and awkward. He wanted Darnell, and it hurt that he couldn't have him.
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