บท 127: Cruel Silence (II)
November quickly became December before Chang knew it.
As time passed, it felt like she was stuck in an hourglass, watching as the last of the sand was pouring over her head, slowly smothering her.
Everyday she went through the motions of living, wearing a mask through the day until she reached the night, then she would cry in her pillow quietly until she slept.
Though sleep always only came in small bursts. Nightmares featuring Liang Ju-Long and her kidnappers plagued her constantly. Nightmares involving Jian, cold and unmoving, a forgotten body in a field of bodies. Things she had thought she had overcome rose back over her, as if sensing the weakness inside her. Only now there was no Jian to comfort her, to hold her through the night. There was no longer the strong pair of arms that held her securely or the steady heartbeat that lulled her gently. Slowly she learned to cope, taking her sleep in the small bits she could, clutching a pillow to her chest.
Li Hua was sitting behind her, in her cushioned electric wheelchair, watching as Chang decorated their Christmas tree, a sad look in her eyes.
It had always been their tradition to style it up together, and hang the bright cheery lights as a family, but now there was only Chang to do it. Li Hua could only spectate now, and Hénri was gone.
The silence as she worked felt a little stifling, at one time the house had been a place of warm joy, filled with the sounds of laughter and music. Now it was cold and silent most of the time.
Chang was unaware of this, trying to lose herself in the monotonous task and bring a little Christmas joy to their house for her mom's last one. She pulled out every box that her father had labeled, decorating every inch of the house and especially adorning the tree.
"Xiao, Xie, will you put on a song please." Li Hua was unable to bear the silence any more, and asked for some music. She was glad Chang could still understand her words as it had sounded more like "Hao Hie, whill yhew pud ahn sohng puhlee" with her deteriorating speech.
"Of course mom, do you want some Christmas music from the radio or one of the records?" Chang got down from the ladder, and turned with a radiant smile on her face.
"Will you put on one of the records please, some Al Green, he was always one of your father's favorites."
Chang's smile faltered for only a moment before it came back in full force. "Of course, give me a moment."
Chang rifled through the alphabetical collection of records her father had collected and grabbed the first with the desired name. There were several baskets, as her father had loved music and to dance.
Every Friday night Chang from as young as she could remember she could remember her father and mother putting on records and dancing together. Late into the night, the two would dance, holding each other close as her father would whisper in her mother's ear. When she was a little girl she had dreamed about finding a man like that. One who would hold her close, tightly yet gently, and dance through the night with her.
As Chang walked back in she vaguely heard the song that came on.
"Call me.
"Oh.
"Call me.
"Oh what a beautiful time
"We had together.
"Now it's getting late and we must
"Leave each other.
"Just remember that time we had.. "
Chang stumbled as the words hit her, and fell down to her knees. Li Hua came into the room hearing the commotion to see Chang kneeling there, her eyes wide as her tears fell like large pearls from her eyes. Like the tears words began to tumble from Chang's mouth.
"Even though he was always so busy, and we didn't really know each other at first, he always made time for me. I told him once about how you and dad used to dance through the night. The next night he set up some music and danced with me, even though I'm not really good.
"I stepped on his toes tons of times, but he didn't care, he still danced with me and held me close.
"I've been trying to tell myself I don't miss him but I really do. Everday. I can't stop."
"You don't have to, this is normal, just don't lose hope Xiao Xie."
"I'm trying mom, I'm trying. It's just so hard, I'll try harder though." Chang wiped the tears away with the back of her hand trying to banish her moment of weakness. She tried to put a smile on her face as she turned back to look at her mom.
Lihua had a strange look on her face, almost kind of vacant as her mouth opened and closed soundlessly. Chang instantly knew something was horribly wrong and called the paramedics. As they waited Chang held her warm hands and tried to get a response from her. But there was nothing.
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