บท 12: A Pirates Life for me Part 2: Shakespeare's worst fan (side story)
I woke up the next morning pleasantly surprised, getting up naturally was far superior to the dagger shaped alarm clock I had grown accustomed to.
Breakfast was provided in the bar area, It was oatmeal with a small amount of honey added.
I Started making my way to the city gate first passing by the guild and then the shop I received directions from. The gate was guarded by someone else this time, the individual appeared dedicated resolute and professional to an almost cringeworthy degree in short he had a stick up his ass.
"Papers!, show me your papers!"
I showed him my guild ID and some copies of the subjugation requests I had received from the guild
"you know, you should be more concerned with the people entering the city as opposed to those of us who are leaving"
I pointed a the long line of carts, horses and people that had just started to move, a few merchants within earshot glared at me while gritting their teeth as the guard hurried back and proceeded to give a very long interrogation to the unfortunate person at the front of the line
I was able to reach the mission site without difficulty, the sound of trees being felled could be heard in the distance along with some irritated squealing. the sound getting closer I opted for a more quiet approach.
Coming closer to the sound I saw a strange sight, A dark blue colored boar was bleeding profusely from its rear end chasing a brightly colored parrot destroying countless trees In the attempt the boar looked furious, its expression dark. The look on the blute boar's face mirrored that of a miser that had been tricked into buying a cheap trinket, or perhaps a fatty that had been awarded a gym membership for winning an eating competition.
"My beloved know that All the world 's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their..... entrances; And this one man in his time plays many parts."
'
The pig snorted and charged at the tree the parrot was in"
"Some are born great Like me, You will achieve greatness My beloved, If you let me thrust some of my greatness thrust upon you"
"My beloved know that, Jealousy is a green eyed monster, but take comfort in the fact that I will never leave you, for I wear my heart upon my sleeve "
The over sized pig squealed again barreling through a much smaller tree that the parrot was roosted in
the pigs momentum crushed the tree but it continued barreling forward at high speed
The parrot swooped down above the pig and attempted entry
The blute boar gave a heart rending squeal, sounding like a family of pigs getting slaughtered
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks"
This parrot continued butchering Shakespeare with complete disregard for the fine arts
Ding! the system has deemed the situation unfolding to be amusing, popcorn has been provided, Please consume at your earliest convenience
At this point the pig had started to go truly berserk throwing itself into any hard surface nearby It was either completely lost in its rage or trying to commit suicide.
the parrot sighed appearing wistful
"The course of true love never did run smooth."
popping rang out in the air, drawing the boars attention, and therefore its Ire.
The bird was also distracted by the sound flying smack into the trunk of a tree before falling to the ground
Ding!
New Mission received
A Pirates Life part 2
Type: Side Quest
clear condition: Save the parrot
failure condition: Parrot dies
Description: Parrots and Pirates are like family, the apple never falls far from the tree
reward: Flying scout type familiar, 500 essence
penalty: User will receive a spirit type debuff from the parrot: Haunted
Looking at the mission penalty I couldn't help but shudder
The bird spoke again seemingly in a daze
"To be or not to be, that is the question"
The blute boar stopped in its tracks, a look of contemplation on its face.
The boar sat down on its haunches apparently deep in thought, a few moments passed.
Over in the distance the parrot was still stumbling about drunkenly trying to woo some unseen romantic prospect
The boar suddenly squealed out as if having an epiphany
The boars eye then glazed over, as it's hair began to fall off. Following this it then began to vomit out large volumes of blood, this continued until it collapsed, a look a relief on it's face.
Ding!
Side quest complete: Hunting
please check inventory for rewards
Ding!
Side quest complete: A Pirates Life Part 2
please check inventory for rewards
"This feels wrong, It's Immoral"
In my inventory some new items had appeared
the first was an ivory colored sawn-off double barrel shotgun
Pig's Grief
Rank: C
Type: Double barrel shotgun (over/under)
Caliber: 12 gauge
Composition: Steel, blute boar tusk, blute boar bone, blute boar leather
Note: A weapon born form misfortune, it tells the story of a swine's romantic encounter in the forest that ended in tragedy
Effect/s
Let Loose The Hogs of War: This shotgun does more damage against sentient creatures on their home ground
Frailty Is thy Name Woman: Increased effectiveness on any creature that has suffered the misfortune of meeting a certain parrot in 'combat'
included were also 20 Milk white shotgun shells
Boar bone shells
Rank:D
Type: Reusable black (or smokeless) powder 12 gauge shells
Composition: blute boar bone, blute boar blood
note: due to the incredible density and durability of the blute boars' bones these shells are able to endure a great number of firings. The blute boars bloodline has also affected the shells as they are able to contain and preserve fire runes in place of a primer
Effect:
Love is Blind: When loaded with black powder the smoke produced is much greater, smokeless powders produce a brighter flash
Adaptive Shells: Shells change color depending on the rune engravings of the pellets contained within
the first was a Black syringe with chrome fittings covered with writhing red runes
Blood rune extraction tool
Rank: none
type: Misc
Effects: extracts the blood and refines it into essence using any waste product to refine corresponding blood runes
Composition: Greater daemon blood, Obsidian, Mithril
Note: A convenient tool for blood rouges and hemomancers alike it eliminates the need to study extraction methods for a myriad of beasts, just stick it in, do your business and pull out.
The parrot had yet to recover I walked over and grabbed it the parrot still dazed was blinking rapidly
The parrot squawked "What light through yonder window breaks, Is this Perhaps, True love"
I hastily pulled out a flintlock And fired, I wasant ready to experience 'Love' any time soon
The bird exploded in a puff of feathers and Gore
Ding!
the system has determined the parrot to be incapable of reform, no penalties will be applied, any follow up missions will be canceled.
I felt a little shiver run down my spine
"there were follow up missions"
Ding!
the system had determined that having followers human or otherwise would be necessary for the completion of the main mission
"and you opted to pick the low hanging fruit"
Ding!
the host assumption is correct
Ding!
flying scout will now be awarded and bound to the host!
Ding! host has been awarded with a Molted Cave Sparrow
Molted Cave Sparrow
Grade: D
Type: Scout (Avian)
Skills: Soul Communication (E), Shared Senses (C), Night vision (E), Natural camouflage (A) Insomniac (F)
Description: A very common small nocturnal species of bird the molted grey sparrow has surprisingly few natural predators Largely owing to its foul taste. This bird is entirely herbivorous, and lacks any offensive or defensive capabilities. The Molted cave sparrow can live in a wide range of climates, and Its feathers are a mixture of grays and blacks perfect for blending in with caves and the night sky. It is also worth noting that despite being nocturnal the molted cave sparrow only needs 3 hours of sleep a day to remain well rested.
Note: despite It's unpopularity the Molted Cave Sparrow can be trained in some ocular skills making them an unorthodox pick for familiars as ocular skills are incredibly rare and rarely have offensive capabilities on their own
Looking for more blute boars to fill the daily quota allowed I found several of them dead throughout the forest, all of them had similar 'puncture wounds' likely a result of a certain parrots 'romantic pursuits'
My mission completed I left the forest empty handed. Having determined that the condition of the dead boars would raise certain questions about my character, I decided to return to the city and retire to my room in the black clam.
As such the matter of the parrot went unreported, the reasons behind the complete 'Massacre' of the blute boar population of the forest near Muscheln forever remained a mystery.
every once in a while stories of a 'brave adventurer' would surface in taverns a 'Hardened Veteran' could 'defeat' any monster using only his 'wooden pole'
And Fathers would attempt to scare their daughters away from boys by telling them about the 'horrors' that had taken place out in the woods.
On a ship off the coast a certain poet was sobbing over a stack of papers "Why have you abandoned me Lord fifth"
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A_Clever_Monocle
A_Clever_Monocle This chapter started out as a standard hunting sort of chapter and things turned out like this after I realized that I just couldn't make a fight with this sort of beast interesting. the end result was a giant ISSTH reference. Im sticking to humanoids from now on, expect a skaven arc soon
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