บท 2170: An Insurmountable Distance
Ignoring Nezha's remark in its entirety, Wu ended up staring at Riolu for several seconds before turning to Vahn and asking, "Where's mine?"
Having already anticipated such a question, Vahn met Wu's gaze without fear as he unhesitantly replied, "As I said previously, I'm not giving them away. I entrusted Riolu to Nezha so they could grow alongside each other. You have a mountain of monkies and other magical creatures at your beck and call. You don't need a Pokemon."
Clicking her tongue, Wu left Vahn at a loss for words as she snapped her fingers and spontaneously changed from her predominately white, martial arts garb to a more modern but exponentially more revealing outfit. Her previous attire hadn't left much to the imagination but it had, at the very least, covered all the important parts. This one consisted of a pair of fur-lined short-shorts that hung low on her hips, a pair of blue and white stockings, a loose top that was essentially just a piece of cloth barely concealing her breasts, and fur-lined parka that primarily covered her shoulders and arms.
"We can talk about that later. For now, let's find a place to unwind and cut loose. I still owe you a gourd of Monkey Wine."
Without waiting for Vahn's response, Wu pounced towards in without any consideration for her current attire. As a result, the cloth covering her chest lagged behind her initial movement, a flash of peach set within hills of fair white appearing for a brief moment before she grabbed his arm and asked, "Did you see~?" in a mischievous tone.
Deciding to ignore the baited question, Vahn met Nezha's gaze, asking, "What do you want to do? I don't mind playing host for a few hours. I have a functionally infinite library of movies, and, if you're interested, there are a few anime I could recommend."
Since Nezha and now Wu had appeared in relatively modern clothing, Vahn correctly assumed they had an interest in societies outside the Jade Palace/Heavenly Domain. They simply weren't allowed to leave as Wu was essentially the final weapon of the Jade Palace while Nezha's destructive nature prevented her from stepping outside the Jade Palace without an escort.
Unsurprisingly, it only took a moment for Nezha to nod her head. Unfortunately, she also elected to say, "Sure. Just don't get any strange ideas. I don't mind a bit of over-the-clothes touching but the moment your hand disappears, so do I."
Resisting the urge to palm his head, Vahn's relaxed smile turned into a notably exasperated grimace as he asked, "How many times do I need to repeat the same thing? I'm not going to take advantage of you..."
Shrugging her shoulders, Nezha's expression remained unchanged as she rebutted, "Yeah, you say that, but you're still a guy. Who knows how you'll behave once you get a few drinks in your system? I've seen two-faced monks go from acting all benevolent and righteous to behaving like lechers the moment some bit-tittied harlot enters the room. Words mean jack shit."
Exhaling a sigh, Vahn was about to say something to try and defend himself when Wu interrupted by spontaneously reaching towards his crotch. He caught the movement the moment her muscles twitched, so, the moment her fingers made contact with the fabric of his loose-fitting trousers, she ended up slipping through his body.
Restoring her balance by performing a sommersault, Wu's face contorted into one of disapproval as she remarked, "What gives? I was just checking the goods to see what you're packing. Who knows, I might even give you a present if you can satisfy my curiosity. I might be a virgin but I know my way around bananas, peaches, and plums..."
With a playfully seductive expression on her face, Wu traced her index finger along her bottom lip in an effort to get a rise out of Vahn. Instead, he just shook his head before saying, "You should go. I don't actually mind a bit of skinship but your behavior is just toxic. Thinking you can do whatever you please and then reacting with hostility the moment your target takes the bait is as hypocritical as it is egotistical. If you want to fight, just come out and say it."
Though she hadn't expected Vahn to expose her intentions, a toothy grin developed across Wu's face as she asked, "Are you sure~? I was actually planning to let you get away with a bit of touching since you were nice to Nezha. If we end up fighting, we might not be able to remain friends. I do my best to hold back but everyone I fight ends up beaten and bloodied. Some even fall into comas for weeks on end...."
Rolling his eyes, Vahn succeeded in legitimately angering the petite monkey girl by answering, "If I got serious, you wouldn't even last a single exchange."
With the fur on her tail bristling violently, the smile on Wu's face became even more vicious as she exclaimed, "Ha! And people have the audacity to call me shameless! Okay, big boy! Let's see what you got! If the skin on your body is half as thick as your face, I may actually have to try...!"
Without bothering to change back into her combat attire, Wu threw a punch towards Vahn's face that caused time, at least from his perspective, to stagnate. Then, similar to when he fought against people like Scathach or Musashi, her fist actually managed to connect with his face the moment he registered the fact she had punched forward.
("Well, I suppose it would be more outlandish if she couldn't use the Power of Law...")
As that thought crossed his mind, Vahn was preparing to counterattack with a similar attack. To his surprise, however, Wu's fist actually managed to indent his cheek and force his head to turn to the side. This was in spite of the fact he had made himself both immovable and indestructible.
("Self-Actualizing Authority and extraordinary Willpower...not bad at all...")
After taking a step back to find his footing, it was Vahn's turn to mete out surprises as he stepped into Wu's range before planting a fist into her exposed abdomen. She had been taken aback by his ability to take her punch without being sent flying, so, when he stepped in to return the favor, she was a little slow to react.
Under normal circumstances, Wu didn't need to take her opponents seriously. Even those who were stronger or faster than her would eventually find themselves lamenting her indestructibility. She just needed to endure their blows until they had tired themselves out. After that, they were putty in her hands.
Unfortunately, even though she possessed one of the most unbreakable forms of indestructibility in existence, Wu suffered from a weakness reminiscent of Karin. Her body didn't retain injuries but she still felt the pain from her opponent's blows. As a result, the moment Vahn's fist made contact with her abdomen, an explosive force, unlike anything she had ever experienced, radiated through Wu's body without dissipating. At the same time, a deep, incomprehensible pain seemed to penetrate to the very core of her body as she folded over his fist and unleashed a ridiculous quantity of partially digested food from the black hole that was her stomach.
Trusting in Wu's indestructibility, the only thing Vahn held back was his intent to kill. As a result, he had no idea how much force was packed into the relatively simple-looking punch. His instincts told him it would have allowed him to punch a hole through a star. Against Wu, it was enough to force her to cling to his arm for support, her expression reminiscent of Cell the moment SSJ2 Gohan gave him a punch to the gut.
"Had enough...?"
Unable to speak, Wu responded by tightening her grip around Vahn's forearm. There were very few things she couldn't crush, but, due to the spasming of her core and the feeling of numbness in her legs, most of her strength had been sealed. In spite of this, she managed to raise her head, a vicious smile on her face as she weakly groaned, "You're...so fucked..."
The moment Wu finished speaking, all of the tiny golden hairs she had sneakily scattered during her time in the kitchen burst into an identical, uninjured clone. Then, like victorious baseball players at the end of a World Series event, they dogpiled onto Vahn with the intent of burying and beating the living daylights out of him.
Like an immovable mountain, Vahn managed to remain upright even as more than a dozen half-naked Wu(s) piled atop his body. If not for the fact one had taken the liberty of straddling his face in a foolish attempt to suffocate him, the original would have been able to see him smile even as several of her clones attempted to strangle him with their tails. As for the reason? Well, so long as he didn't acknowledge their existence, Wu's clones might as well be empty space. He could even see through them as if they were phantoms or illusions, their attacks having no effect on him as he grabbed the back of Wu's parka before flinging her towards the wall with a normal, and therefore powerless throw.
With her body refusing to obey her, Wu ended up slamming into the wall before dropping to the ground with a pouty expression on her face. She could tell Vahn had held back so she was about to give him an earful until he preempted her, saying, "As someone who enjoys pranks, you should get a real kick out of this. I've made it so that the space surrounding you expands and flows around you in the direction of your movement. Unless you're able to break free, you can no longer move from that spot."
Unlike Vahn, both Wu and Nezha were fully cognizant of the former's clones. As a result, Vahn's words had come across as slightly muffled as a result of a very determined clone wrapping her body around his head like a vice. It was a very strange sight, one made even stranger when Vahn began walking forward despite an ever-growing number of clones weighing him down...
Noticing the strange looks on the duo's face, Vahn made his body immaterial so that the clones sticking to his body no longer had anything to hold onto. Then, after extricating himself from the translucent pile, he repeated, "You won't be able to move from that spot..." in a marginally more awkward tone.
Snorting through her nose, Wu forced herself to stand before channeling Qi into her thighs and calves. This caused them to bulge ever so slightly, but, more importantly, it allowed her to spring forward as she shouted, "Monkey Bounds Across the Heavens...!"
As the name implied, Monkey Bounds Across the Heavens was an ability that, quite literally, allowed Wu to leap across any imaginable distance. Long ago, she had used it to leap from the center of the Jade Palace to the furthest reaches of the near-infinite space occupied by the Heavenly Domain.
At the time, Wu had been attempting to escape from the Buddha after making a bet with the latter to escape his palm. Unfortunately, even after reaching what she believed to be the furthest reaches of the Heavenly Domain, she found herself between five rune-covered pillars. She ended up signing her name on one and peeing on another only to discover that said pillars were actually the fingers of the Buddha...
Similar to that time, Wu found herself unable to escape from the meter-wide spatial prison Vahn had trapped her in. She could feel herself moving forward at an ever-increasing speed, but, even as her body gained a golden luminescence reminiscent of a star going supernova, the space in front of her expanded and flowed around her faster than she could move forward. Her attempts to change direction also ended in failure, so, after several minutes of futile effort, her body gradually returned to normal as she said, "You suck." before puffing out her cheeks like an ill-tempered child.
...
..
.
(A/N: Alternate Titles: 'Vahn can't win with Nezha x_x...','I would wear that mask...','I hope he washed his hands...')
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