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9.09% Endless Path : Infinite Cosmos / Chapter 210: Desires (1/2)

บท 210: Desires (1/2)

After Vahn finished wiping down his body, he noticed an itchy feeling coming from his shoulder that drew his attention. Since he had read about the ecology and attributes of all the races, Vahn knew that Cat People secreted an enzyme from their mouth when excited which would cause a wound to close quickly but prevent it from healing fully. This was how they 'marking' ceremony usually worked when the female would bite their partner. It was supposed to ward off other girls by showing them that the male was 'claimed'.

Since Vahn's body could naturally filter stuff like toxins, it had the same effect when it came to the enzymes generated by Chloe. If left as is, his body would probably naturally recover and the scar would be gone in a few hours. While he was thinking about a solution, Sis said, (*You don't need to worry about it as long as you want the mark to stay.*)

Vahn was surprised that she spoke out since Sis usually kept silent when he was interacting with others. Before he could ask, she continued, (*Remember that your body is comprised of Source Energy and your form adapts to the ideals and desires you have. As long as you want the wound to stay, it will not heal fully.*) Her words shocked Vahn because, if his deduction was correct, that would also mean that his body didn't change unless he chose...

Answering his question before he could answer it, Sis explained, (*That is indeed the case, Vahn. Though you still age, your body doesn't mature naturally in the same way as a normal person. Your constitution is closer to the gods of this world and, if you so desired, you wouldn't physically age at all.*)

Vahn remembered that, when he first came to this world, Sis had informed him that his body was always his 'ideal', but he never really considered what that meant. He initially thought she was referring to his body when he first arrived in this world and never considered that it might be the case indefinitely. That would mean that the only reason he changed at all would be because the way he saw himself changed. The reason for his inexplicable growth spurt and the physical maturation of his body was because he wanted to appear more reliable to the people around him.

As if to confirm something, Vahn asked in his mind, ("Does that mean...I can change my body however I want?") After his question fell, he could hear Sis laughing in his mind for a few seconds before she said, (*It has to be how you truly see yourself or what you genuinely wish to become. Unless your desire to change is strong enough, you wouldn't be able to change form quickly.*)

Vahn released a relieved sigh because, if he truly could change however and whenever he wanted, he was afraid that he would lose his sense of self over time. It would be easy to get caught up in being what other people wanted him to be and it would cause his relationships to develop in a strange manner. It did give him a bit of hope about the future though since he had actually been someone concerned about his own penis size. If he learned to change his own mental image, he should be able to make it 'easier' for some of his future partners to deal with.

As the thought passed through his mind, Vahn could hear Sis's bell-like laughter in his head. He had never heard her act so unreserved before and he was about to ask if anything had changed. Expecting his question, Sis responded in a 'cheerful' sounding voice, (*Other than your Soul Tier increasing, nothing much has changed with myself or the functions I have access to. I was just laughing because your concerns were very cute.*)

Vahn tried processing what she had just said and wanted to retort that there had been some kind of change given how she was acting. She just assured him that it was a result of his own mental development so Vahn eventually accepted her explanation before turning his attention back to Chloe. Though it might have seemed like a lot of time had passed, he had been conversing with Sis for the few minutes when Chloe was trying to regain her breathing and organize her thoughts.

After he had gotten the notification for the quest completing earlier, Vahn noticed that Chloe's gaze toward him had changed in a very subtle but impactful way. Even when she had 99 affection for him, it had always been something like [Trust], but now it had actually converted itself to [Love] when she reached 100. Though it was only a single point difference, it had a much more powerful implication with the inclusion of that word.

Once she had finally stabilized her breathing, Vahn helped wipe down the sweat off her body and the two eventually ended up cuddling together. For the first time, Vahn got to experience what it was like to genuinely hold a woman in his arms as Chloe entrusted her back to him while he embraced her from behind while they were both on their sides. Even though they were similar in height, Vahn felt like Chloe was much smaller than he expected since her figure was thin and lithe. When they both laid on their sides, other than her hips, which drew a captivating curve, Vahn felt like he was much 'wider' than she was. It made him feel a strange emotion like he was 'protecting' her, which was a notion also shared by Chloe who had quickly fallen asleep after she wrapped her tail around Vahn's leg.

When she had done so, Vahn suddenly felt like he was stuck in this position for the rest of the night, almost like she was preventing him from running away. He laughed a bit on the inside as he rested his forehead against the back of her hair and enjoyed her scent without directly inhaling it. Since they had both been topless, Vahn enjoyed the warmth coming from Chloe's back and the fact that they were able to hold hands while he embraced her from behind.

Because of the length of the story and how late Chloe had arrived, it was already slightly after the time when Vahn was supposed to enter the orb, but he believed Eva would understand the situation after a bit of coaxing. After waiting for Chloe's breathing to transition into a deep slumber, Vahn removed the orb and held it in his right hand has he immersed his consciousness into it.

Eva had been waiting for his arrival, but she wasn't mad at all since she knew about the things that had been going on around Vahn in the real world. Though she felt a bit exasperated when she found out the matter concerned a woman, Eva didn't complain and just got Vahn to treat her with increased affection for the three day period. They spent a lot of time relaxing in the pond she had created within the castle's boundaries and Vahn promised to find a way to bring in some live animals to populate it in the future if he could.

During this three day period, Vahn spent the majority of his time forging as normal, but there was also something else he had decided to do since the opportunity presented itself. Before he returned to the castle to clean up and tend to Eva, Vahn pulled out two small marble-like orbs into his hand and entered a period of silent contemplation. The dark blue orb with a yellow light belonged to Chloe, while the crimson orb with purple light belonged to Loki. They were each of the girls [Hearts Desire]'s and Vahn intended to use his time in the orb to use them both.

The only reason he hesitated was that, even after having a form of reconciliation with Loki, Vahn was still somewhat unnerved about her heart's desire. Since he got to experience a bit of their past from their perspective, Vahn was somewhat afraid of what he would see within the small orb. He feared that, if things were twisted to a degree he couldn't tolerate, he might not be able to approach Loki in the future even though he empathized with her.

His concerns about Loki's desire also made him hesitate about using Chloe's since it almost seemed unfair to skip over one woman and move on to another. After a bit of hesitation, Vahn shook his head after remembering everything Loki had been trying to do for him lately. She had made vows for him, lead the negotiations with Ouranos, and even promised to change her relationship with Hestia for the better. He couldn't ignore her efforts, especially after she had explained the way Divinity works and had even allowed him to bind her with [Enkidu] just to prove herself to him.

Crushing the tiny orb in his hands, Vahn felt the air stagnate as time slowed to a crawl. Visions began entering his mind and Vahn saw a sight that would fundamentally change his perspective about many things...

Vahn, as Loki, was standing in a great stone pantheon surrounded by gods and goddesses with blurred facial expressions. All the normal colors and vibrancy of the world seemed dull and monotonous as she continued playing a never-ending game with all of the unchanging and egotistical gods around her. No matter how much time passed, even though they underwent various experiences, none of the gods and goddesses around her ever seemed to change. She too, suffered from the same curse, since she was always compelled to continue going about her day to day life creating new schemes and causing chaos in the godly community.

Though there were many people that she pretended to get along with, Loki hated every other god and goddess while feeling disgusted about her own existence. She felt like a slave that was bound to fulfill a purpose she had no interest in, but no matter how much she tried to change it and resist, she always gave in after the fear of death encroached on her mind. She didn't want to disappear, because the thought of non-existence terrified her ceaselessly.

Millenia turned into eons as the monotony continued while she played the role fate had assigned her. She had various enemies and allies, but no matter how interesting things became, she would always be compelled to cause chaos and drive a wedge between the relationships she had without everyone around her. If not for her ability to exploit the Divinity of the others, Loki would have little to no interactions with other gods and goddesses.

As time passed, her hatred for her own existence and the existence of other gods grew to a level where it felt like she would be driven mad. She especially hates gods that didn't seem to be influenced much by their Divinity and those whose Divinity brought them happiness. However, the more her hatred grew and the longer she lived, so too grew her fear of ceasing to exist. She didn't want her life to be a waste where she had no accomplishments other than serving her 'purpose' in the grand prison of Heaven which was thought of as a paradise by the ignorant mortals.

If not for the fact that taking action would result in her destruction, Loki would have done everything in her power to forcibly change the monotony of her life. She desperately wanted to kill the other gods and create chaos in heaven. If she could, she even wanted the chaos to spread to the mortal world since she had long grown jealous of the 'freedom' possessed by mortals. If not for the fact they were the only interesting thing she had seen in her tireless existence, she would have tried to reign down judgment on them.

Eventually, a time came when one of the gods had discovered a way for gods to descend from Heaven and seal away some of the constraints of their own Divinity. Though she would lose the majority of her power, Loki was one of the goddesses that descended in the early batches so that she could experience life among mortals and finally escape her prison.

However, even though it was far more interesting associating with humans and she got the opportunity to experience a variety of unique forms of stimuli, Loki was still unhappy. She was still a slave to her own Divinity and it even influenced some of the children she had taken a liking to and forced them along a difficult path. If not for her desire to eliminate all the things that restricted her entertainment, Loki would have wanted them to lead a better life without being bound by her influence. Just as she was a slave to her own Divinity, so too were her children a slave to her whims, schemes, plots, and selfishness.

With her eyes turned toward the sky, Loki imagined what it would be like if she had enough power to destroy everything and reset the entire world. She wanted to destroy it all, the laws, the aspects of Divinity, the Gods, and even the Heavens themselves. The only thing she would spare would be the mortals of the world who put in so much effort to create meaning in their short lives. Even though they only lived for a fraction of her continued eternity, each moment of their life felt more real, more impactful, than anything she experienced even when living among them.

Loki hated the unchanging nature of the world, herself, her fellow gods, and the prison of eternity that threated any happiness she might seek out with absolute destruction. She wanted to escape from it all and find some way to break free from the endless cycle...

Eventually, as she was continuing the eternal cycle of her existence, Loki came across something new, something she had never expected to find. Even in all of the years she had lived in Heaven and amongst mortals, Loki hadn't even considered the possibility of such an anomaly existing. Though she only thought he was a marginally more unique demigod at first, Loki quickly discovered that the boy, Vahn Mason, was something far more than her expectations had led her to believe.

After a serious of investigations and interactions with other gods and goddesses, she slowly obtained more information about the boy by using her own Familia as leverage to get access into his life. She was eventually able to strike a deal where she would be able to directly influence the boy, but that led to a result, a revelation, that she had never expected. After attending a meeting with some of the girls, women, and goddesses that sought out the boy, Loki learned about the boy's origins and the existence of an item that transcended all logic. If the words she heard were true, she would be able to have a child with the boy she had taken an interest in and finally experience a truly dynamic change outside of her own influence and expectations.

Even if she had to change everything about herself on a fundamental level, Loki couldn't pass up such a unique opportunity. For the first time in her eternity, she believed she may have found a way to escape from the endless cycle. She could finally see an end to the monotony, the games, the schemes, and the cycle of hatred that defined her life. If she could be with the boy, Loki would finally be able to experience a life, a sequence of events, outside her expectations and control. She immediately set out to guarantee this would come to fruition and hoped that the boy wouldn't force her to do something drastic...

(A/N: I know some people might be a bit confused about this chapter, and you have to understand that Loki's life and mental state are actually intentionally chaotic. An easy way to summarize her desires is: She wants to be free from the prison of her own Divinity. If she can't be free, she wants to destroy everything and spare the mortals since they, though bound by their own mortality, live truly free lives only restricted by themselves and others.)

(A/N: Alternate Titles: 'Be Yourself','Loki's Desire: Hatred, Destruction, Freedom','Vahn opens Pandora's Box')

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Einlion Einlion

Level 1 Vahn: https://imgur.com/a/zFOLFrT

Courtesy of https://www.deviantart.com/robusta-mania

บท 211: Desires (2/2)

After seeing Loki's heart's desire, Vahn sat in silence for more than an hour as he processed everything he had witnessed. Whenever he used a [Hearts Desire], it not only showed him the memories of the person but also allowed him to experience some of their thoughts and emotions as well. Even when he had used Hephaestus's in the past, he wasn't able to recover immediately since he had to process the 'loneliness' of millions of years of existence.

Though he had expected Loki to have suffered to an extent, Vahn was completely unprepared for his visions regarding her life. Hephaestus had disliked forging, but most of her trauma was related to her deformity and desire to find a worthy companion. Loki, however, seemed to suffer for simply existing since her Divinity required her to always scheme and cause chaos. She couldn't trust anyone, not even herself, and she genuinely hated existence itself. If not for her powerful fear of disappearing and desire to break free from the shackles of her own Divinity, Loki would have likely ceased to exist long ago.

Just as he had experienced with Hephaestus, Vahn couldn't even begin to comprehend how difficult it would have been to live such an existence. He had spent a mere fourteen years as a prisoner with no hope of escape, not even death. Loki, however, had spent millions of years as a prisoner and was forced to act in a way that increased her suffering. She couldn't make any real friends and was required to manipulate those that got close to her. Though it was a strange thing to empathize with, Vahn actually somewhat understood why Loki disliked Hestia.

Because Hestia's Divinities pertained to the Hearth, Architecture, and the Home, it was almost guaranteed that any suffering or loneliness she experienced would be mitigated. All she had to do was act as the role of an observer that offered advice and support while other people did the majority of the work. Vahn even began to realize why Hestia was treated like a Goddess of Laziness after making that realization. He imagined what it would be like from Loki's perspective when she realized he would be joining the Hestia Familia in the future...it made sense why she would be angry.

This didn't mean that Vahn would treat Hestia any differently, however, since her personality aligned with what Vahn considered to be ideal. He remembered that Hestia always worked hard and put her best efforts into supporting those she cared about, at least in the mortal world. Vahn wanted to bring the two of them closer in the future since, if he could get Hestia to empathize with Loki, she might actually experience what its like to have a genuine friend. Vahn also hoped that, by the time Loki had a child, he would have discovered a way to divert the focus of her Divinity and channel it into something tamer than Trickery, Mischief, and Chaos.

After calming his mind a bit, Vahn looked at the dark blue orb in his hand before promptly crushing it as well. The same feeling of time freezing occurred and, for the second time in a single day, Vahn entered into the visions of a [Hearts Desire], this time for Chloe.

---

When Vahn awoke in the visionary space, he realized it was similar to the time he had met with Nanu, except for the fact that he couldn't see Chloe anywhere in sight. He turned his head and inspected the shards and images floating through space and realized many of the scenes contained within were similar events to what Chloe had described earlier. He could see versions of her at varying ages and watched her go through the process of being molded into an assassin.

Though there were no sounds, Vahn did get to see an image of the goddess of Chloe's former Familia. She was a tall goddess with short red hair and completely black eyes that seemed to absorb light. Her attire consisted of leather clothing with various straps and pockets, and she had more than ten daggers just based on what Vahn could see. Though her eyes looked completely devoid of emotions, it was her smile that unsettled Vahn the most.

The way she looked at the young Chloe was very similar to how Dr. Keenly had always looked at him in the past. Though it appeared amiable on the surface, it was the smile of someone that had a complete grasp of the situation and had grown accustomed to exploiting others. If not for the fact Vahn knew her behavior was related to her Divinity, he would have made a personal vow to oppose the cruel looking goddess in the future. Unless Chloe specifically asked him, Vahn wanted to let her memories of that time fade from existence entirely...

After spending a great deal of time within the black space which seemed to ripple with every step he took, Vahn began to feel a bit worried and confused about what he was supposed to be doing. He had watched several of the images of Chloe's past, but no matter how much time passed, Vahn never saw the avatar of Chloe anywhere. It wasn't until he stopped browsing the images and sat down on the watery surface to ruminate over his thoughts that things began to change.

Though he hadn't noticed at first, it wasn't long before Vahn saw the images within the space begin to break down and deteriorate and Vahn felt like it was similar to the time when he had watched his own memories fade after his first death. The more attention he paid the images, the longer they remained but, the moment he turned away, they would begin to break down into particles of light.

Vahn began to worry a little because he didn't know what would happen if all the images faded and he was unable to find Chloe. If not for the fact that he had seen Nanu's images break down previously, he likely would have been experiencing a great deal of panic. He had talked to the young chienthrope after the matter and she seemed to be able to recall her past easily, so Vahn assumed the visions he was currently seeing had more to do with 'The Path' than the actual persons themselves.

After a period of what felt like several days, most of the images had ceased to exist when Vahn stopped focusing on them. By the time things had stabilized, there were only a few images in the space which Vahn hadn't noticed previously. Curious, he began to browse through them since they didn't seem to be deteriorating like the memories from before.

Though he didn't recognize everyone in the images, Vahn saw several of the girls from the Hostess of Fertility interacting with a cheerful looking Chloe. Unlike the sad and lonely memories of the past, all of the remaining images seemed to be of more happy times. Even though there were still occasions where Chloe took on missions, Vahn noticed she had always been doing so to help others. He even saw her playing with children outside an orphanage while being accompanied by Syr.

As he moved further ahead in the images, Vahn even came to the point when he had first met Chloe when he visited the Hostess of Fertility of the first time. Unlike the earlier happier images, that had white or blue glows to them, the images with himself had warmer colors likes yellows and oranges. He eventually even found the memory of their first date and got to experience first hand how awkward his behavior was from the perspective of another. His former self, though still handsome, looked like a homeless person that hadn't practiced proper hygiene. When he saw himself in new clothes and with a haircut, Vahn saw that the images had taken on a somewhat rosy color for a brief moment.

The rest of the images after that were Chloe's interactions with the people she cared about while he made brief appearances in many of them. Though he couldn't explain why, Vahn felt happy as he watched the scenes play out, almost as if he was experiencing the emotions of Chloe at the time. Eventually, some of the images became tinged with pink and they were often the scenes where he had been spoiling her after awakening from his coma. He felt a giddy feeling as he watched them and he was able to understand that Chloe had been genuinely happy at those moments.

Her love for young boys and the thought of being spoiled by them was quite powerful and Vahn had the peculiar experience of looking up at his own face from the perspective of Chloe. It was strange because he seemed to be a lot more handsome than he remembered and his own eyes seemed to be like deep pools full of care, concern, and affection that made him feel slightly unnerved by the sight.

Finally, Vahn arrived at the night when Chloe was recounting her tale and recalling her past while being cradled in his arms. Though the scene was somewhat bluish in color, it was also interspersed with yellows and pinks which became more prominent as the scene played out. Vahn could feel all of the emotions experienced by Chloe at the time and also had the strange opportunity to experience the 'warmth' of his own caress against her back.

Suddenly, as he was focusing on the sensation, Vahn realized the caress wasn't coming from the image at all as he turned and saw the nude figure of Chloe standing slightly behind him with a mischevious smile on her face. Though his eyes were temporarily drawn to her body for a brief moment, he eventually made eye contact with her as she began laughing in a playful manner. Without saying anything, she pointed toward the memory Vahn had been experiencing so he turned his head to continue watching.

After he had done so, the avatar of Chloe put her hands around his body and hugged him from behind. She rested her head against his back as he watched the scene continue and began to whisper in a low voice, "I don't care about the past anymore...as long as I can enjoy this warmth. I want to see it...the future illuminated by your light."

Vahn was listening to her words in silence as he watched the scene progress to the point where Chloe had mounted him after their misunderstanding. At this point, the scene had turned into a rosy red color with pink and yellow hues and Vahn could feel a happiness, unlike anything he had ever personally experienced. The version of himself in her memory seemed to brightly illuminate the dark room as Chloe leaned against his body.

When the Chloe in the image bit into the Vahn within, the avatar of Chloe hugging his back did the same in the black space. Unlike the painful sensation that he experience in the real world, Vahn could only feel the overwhelming happiness of the Chloe in front of him as well as the one behind him. Things continued all the way until the point where Chloe had collapsed onto the bed after their passionate embrace. Vahn noticed that, for a very brief moment, the luminance of the image had turned to a chaotic purple before he could hear the shattering of glass in the space around him.

The chaotic purple aura vanished and was replaced by a vibrant golden color that radiated pinks and yellows that made the overwhelming sense of happiness he had experience earlier pale in comparison. Vahn realized that the lights in the image were coming from his own body within Chloe's memory and it brought him a powerful feeling of security. He could feel the avatar of Chloe hugging him tightly all the way up until the point where he hugged her in the memory.

The empty black space began to break down at a visible rate, but Vahn didn't feel worried or concerned at all as he felt the comfort of both the Chloe in the memory being held by him, as well as the comfort he could feel right now as the avatar of Chloe cradled him in the same manner. The avatar of Chloe whispered in a cheerful tone, "You can feel it...we comfort each other and experience the same happiness. The light inside you drives away the darkness inside of me...so make sure to hold me close so I don't get lost."

As her words tickled his ear, Vahn opened his eyes and was once again in his workshop within the orb. He heard a notification sound within his mind, but he ignored it for the time being as he just dazedly ruminated over everything he had just experienced. After nearly half an hour, his emotions began to stabilize and Vahn looked within the system to confirm his suspicions. He felt like that black space full of memories was something that appeared when he already completed the [Hearts Desire] of a person and was able to confirm it when he saw the earlier notification.

//[Hearts Desire: Chloe Lolo] fulfilled. Extra parameter 'Love' unlocked.//

[Chloe Lolo]: Love 148(Devoted)

//Bond established with [Chloe Lolo]//

//Optional Quest Triggered//

[Quest: A Man's Responsibility, Repeatable]

Rank: B-SS

Objective: Impregnate Chloe Lolo (0). Ensure a safe delivery; Current Children(0)

Rewards: 100,000 OP, 1x [Guardian:(Nameless)]

Failure Condition(s): Death, Chloe Lolo's Death, (Nameless) Child's Death

Penalty: 200 Karma (0)

(A/N: Alternate Titles: 'Vahn, Godly Stalker', 'Chloe's Hope','The Optional Quest of Destiny')

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=14397149

I am currently at $721/1200 of my new goal~! If I can reach this amount, I intend to start having character profiles and images of all the characters created so I can update the information to a wiki~! Though the Wiki will be accessible by anyone, only Patrons will receive the high-res versions of the images <3


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