บท 34: The Morning After

'What have I done?' Sitting alone in the living room which lights had already been switched off by Joann before she retired to her bedroom, this thought circulated around Mrs. Xiu's mind like a stubborn fly that refused to leave.

"Mom! I am sorry…" When Xiu Ling's apology drifted into her ears through the closed door, it was like a knife had stuck deep into her heart. Her mind went blank and only one question remained, 'What have I done?'

'I am supposed to be here to help Xiu Ling. Will Lin Kang punish Xiu Ling on the account of my impudence? Will that horrible mother-in-law of hers bully her now that I am not there to shoulder some of the fire? Will Xiu Ling be punished due to my transgression? What will Xiu Ling do being left all alone, helpless and friendless in that cold and cruel household? Who will look after her and be her ally?'

'Of course, they will have no qualm tossing Xiu Ling out alongside with me but will Lin family allow Lin Xi to follow her?' The answer to that question was clear as day in Mrs. Xiu's mind, 'Of course not.'

'Xiu Ling has sacrificed herself to stay at Lin family for the sake of Lin Xi and now I have practically maneuvered her into the harsh position of picking between her mother and her son… Why did I lose my cool? What have I done?'

A pervading sense of guilt pressed down on Mrs. Xiu and it made her lose sight of the fact that all she ever did was to save Xiu Ling, technically she had done nothing wrong. Perhaps this was a common problem to all single parent, the sense of guilt that could not be shaken for bringing their child into an incomplete family. It would resurface at times to colour their perspective on life as well as distort their perception of cause and effect for certain incidents.

On top of the shock from being chased out of the house, this was the reason why Xu Jing and Joann found Mrs. Xiu in that soulless state when they went to fetch her, she was too embroiled in her regret and guilt.

After a sleepless night with many questions crowding her mind, Mrs. Xiu finally came to a decision when the sun climbed up the horizon the next morning. She hauled all her luggage and left a note on the living room coffee table before leaving the house and went on her way.

…

Xiu Ling's negotiation with Lin Kang that morning at the breakfast table went better than she expected. She had just brought up the topic of visiting Joann when the man gave her the permission directly. She did not even have to launch into the spiel that she had prepared for the occasion.

Lin Kang noted how cautious and touchy Xiu Ling was at the breakfast table and he felt weirdly agitated. When he heard her request, he approved it easily simply because he wanted to get her out of his sight.

After a hurried breakfast, he left the table to see Lin Xi who was still asleep in his room before leaving the house for work. It felt like he could not wait to get away from the house and the people in it. Neither Lin Kang nor Xiu Ling had brought up the incident from yesterday night. Since her husband did not raise a point about it, Xiu Ling decided to let sleeping dog lie.

After breakfast, Xiu Ling stood up and wandered to Lin Xi's bedroom.

Xiu Ling looked at her bundle of joy who was sleeping soundly in his crib, completely oblivious to the storm that was raging around him. He giggled to himself as if he was experiencing a happy dream and Xiu Ling could not help but smile along. Looking at her sweet son, Xiu Ling wished she could be as carefree as he was. Alas the world of an adult and a child was different. In the end, Xiu Ling altered her wish and prayed that Lin Xi would not grow up to have to face as much troubles as she did. She wished for the boy a life of ease and happiness, a life of good health and serenity.

With Mrs. Xiu gone from the house, Xiu Ling had practical concerns she had to deal. Since Lin Xi slept in his own room, it meant that previous to this, it was Xiu Ling and Mrs. Xiu who took turns waking up throughout the night to check up on him, a task which they took to with relish.

Therefore, Mrs. Xiu's departure meant that things would have to change. Either Lin Xi had to move into the main bedroom with Lin Kang and Xiu Ling, or Xiu Ling had to move out of the main bedroom into Lin Xi's bedroom. While Xiu Ling was okay with either arrangement, she doubted her husband would approve of it. The last resort was to hire a full-time nanny but Xiu Ling wanted to spend as much time as she could with her child, and on top of that, she did not think her mother-in-law would be too keen on that particular idea.

In any case, this was something she needed to discuss further with Lin Kang when he returned.

Xiu Ling leaned into the crib to give Lin Xi a kiss on his forehead before straightening herself and left his bedroom.

She returned to the main bedroom to change into a more comfortable and presentable outfit before leaving the house.

When she passed the living room, Mrs. Lin was sitting on the couch, watching the television.

Due to the incident from the night before, Xiu Ling did not feel like she was ready to face her mother-in-law yet so she decided to sneak behind her as she headed for the front door.

However, when her palm circled around the door knob, Xiu Ling heard a cough coming from behind her.