บท 744: I’ve Let You down
Jing Yi felt that Qiu Ling wasn't quite acting like himself but he didn't think any further about it. He just thought that it might be because he was still shaken up from how he had vanished right in front of his eyes and been held captive for such a long time. That was natural, wasn't it? After all, Qiu Ling had always been very worried about him. Right, thinking of that …
Jing Yi grabbed Qiu Ling's hand and gave him a wry smile. "Qiu Ling … Back then, we didn't have much time. I still wanted to apologize to you. After I saw the things in the secret realm …" He shook his head and sighed. "I made so much trouble for you. Just because I thought there was somebody else in my past life, I pushed you away. I even lied about it because I thought that the person I loved was a demon. And thinking about what you previously said about the family of your mother and what you think about the demons, I was afraid. I didn't feel good about it but in comparison giving up on that person seemed even harder than giving up on you. So I did all that. I'm sorry. I'm afraid I acted very immature."
Qiu Ling glanced at that face and immediately looked away again. What Jing Yi had seen before was his life as Jing He. That was the time when they had fallen in love. "It's alright." He barely pressed these words out before he fell silent. He really didn't want to talk right now. He just couldn't take it. That time, this time … Why did it have to be so complicated? Why couldn't there be just one person? One soul, one body, one experience? Why did there have to be two lives?
He wondered if maybe he should speak up. Right now, Jing Yi had already brought it up. If he said it now, if he explained … Then maybe they could find a way to deal with this.
In the end, he didn't do it though. Even if he brought it up, what would that change? This person right here was Jing Yi. Naturally, he wouldn't want to give up his life just for some life he barely remembered because of some herbs that he took. Who would want to die? So naturally, he would want to live.
But then, he would be letting Jing He down. It was still the very same dilemma. If not for Jing Yi willingly giving up his life, there was no way to solve this. And he just couldn't imagine that Jing Yi would do so. After all, he had already lived this life for quite some time. He had grown up and made friends in this life, found a home in the capital and then again later in the Yun Zou Sect. His mother was still around, as well as Shao Hai and Xiao Dong. He still wanted to cultivate too. That kind of life … How could it be casually given up?
Jing Yi reached up and cupped his cheeks. "Are you mad at me?"
With Jing Yi being this close, there was no way for Qiu Ling to ignore him. He had to look at him and answer. "I … Of course not." He still couldn't tell them what was going through his head though.
Ah, Jing He would never have been so direct. If it was him, then he probably would've stolen glances at him, not daring to look him straight in the eye or speak about it. If anything, he might try to carefully sound him out. He would think about what he might have done wrong and would bring these things up, testing the waters bit by bit, trying to see if there was some change in his expression or the way he talked. If he still didn't have an answer in the end, he would worry and think that it must've been something major. He would only calm down when he explained to him.
Looking at Jing Yi, it seemed his reincarnation was much more simple in that regard. Jing Yi was still smiling that cute smile of his. He didn't ask any more and just leaned in, hugging him.
"I missed you. I couldn't help but think of you all the time. How much trouble I made for you, how much I regretted all these things. But also … I think I've learned some valuable things. From now on, I'll do better. You'll see, I'll devote all my attention to cultivation. And when I've reached the highest level and ascend, then we can go to your realm. You don't have to worry."
Qiu Ling nodded and hugged Jing Yi back, lowering his head and burying it in the crook Jing Yi's neck. He couldn't decide for now. He didn't know how to change that so he could only let things proceed. When Jing He asked in the future, he could explain to him. In the end, wasn't that also for his trial? Maybe he wouldn't mind. If he found the right words, then it might not be a problem.
This was what he should do. He should just let things continue and go with the flow. That way, he shouldn't go wrong, should he? No, it should be alright. It had to be. Because the decision he would have to make otherwise … It was possible to make.
Qiu Ling forced himself to smile. "Well, it would probably still take some time for you to get far enough for ascension. You … Maybe you should really dedicate all your time to cultivation. I don't know too much about that since it works differently for us dragons. I'll just leave it to you."
Jing Yi nodded. "I will. I'll try to find a way to do this as fast as possible. Maybe I should ask around. That … Senior martial brother Yu isn't really a disciple of the Yun Zou Sect, is he? Maybe he would be willing to help? He could give me some tips."
Qiu Ling pressed his eyes closed and nodded. "You should ask him."
"Then do you think we could go over right now? I'd like to start as early as possible. The sooner we get this done, the better."
Qiu Ling nodded. "Of course. Let's go then." He let go of Jing Yi and stood up, taking his hand without looking and leaving the bamboo house. Ah, if Jing Yi was preoccupied with cultivation, then even if he wasn't able to prevent him from ascending, it might make things a little easier. Because right now, he really couldn't imagine interacting with him. Just looking into his eyes was impossible without thinking of Jing He.
Ah, Jing He, my beloved, I'm sorry. Even though I didn't mean to, I've let you down. I'm just not strong enough. Maybe even after spending ten years to woo you, I actually don't deserve you at all. Otherwise, wouldn't I be able to kill this person to make sure that you can come back to me?
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