บท 605: Did I Fail as Your Husband?
Jinde observed Leng Jin Yu's expression and frowned. "Just what are you thinking about? You're looking so … unhappy."
Leng Jin Yu sighed. "I guess I can't hide anything from you." He got up and walked over to the window, sighing. "It's just … I feel inadequate. I didn't notice before while we were staying here without any worries, just spending our days leisurely, maybe being interrupted by my Master every now and then and some tasks cropping up in the sect that I needed to attend to. But today …" He sighed again and turned back to look at Jinde. "If it concerns the gods, I know a little. If it concerns the dragons, then I know almost nothing. If it's about a matter like this, involving so many people and all the different races, then I'm helpless. There is nothing I can do for you while …" He stopped. Bringing up Xin Lan certainly wasn't the way to go. This person meant a lot to Jinde and he didn't want to get between them. Being jealous wasn't what he should do.
Jinde smiled. "I'm not feeling much different."
"Mn?"
"Back then …" He took a deep breath and got up, walking over to Leng Jin Yu and cupping his cheeks. "When Chun Yin and I were young I often imagined how life might be when we finally got together. The things I thought of weren't much different from the way we already lived. Just that … I thought we might be even closer."
"Your meaning is …?"
"We spent our youth training our magic and our sword arts, running around outside, hunting and doing some miscellaneous tasks. There was never a long stretch of time that we spent quietly at our Master's palace. And then … things happened and the following years were spent being king. Every day was me committing myself to my duty. I had almost no time to myself, not to speak of caring for someone close to me. Not that … It's as if I had a lover back then so it's not that strange."
Jinde tiptoed and kissed his husband. "It's different now. And sometimes I wonder if this is what you desire. This kind of life … am I doing it right?"
Leng Jin Yu's lips parted but he didn't know what to say. Jinde's requests each day were often ridiculous but he had never loathed even a single moment. Even if Jinde asked him to braid his hair a hundred times a day, he wouldn't deny him. He didn't mind what he did as long as it was with the person he loved. To think Jinde was unsure about this …
"I'm sorry. Not noticing you felt like this … I'm a bad husband."
Jinde smiled and wrapped his arms around Leng Jin Yu's neck. "Maybe I'm just a good liar. You know I'm afraid. Even Chun Yin left me, despite being a dragon and binding his soul to me. Now, you're a human. You can fall in love more than once. Maybe if I do things wrong, you'll grow tired of me one day and then leave me for somebody else."
"I wouldn't."
"You can't know that. But that's why I don't want to do anything wrong. I want to be with you. Not just today or tomorrow but forever. The longer I stay with you, the surer I am. So that's why … seeing you deep in thought but not understanding what it is that you think … It makes me uncomfortable. I can't help but worry in such moments."
Leng Jin Yu smiled and hugged Jinde's waist. "I'm jealous."
"Ah?"
"Jealous of Xin Lan. Because he spent so much time with you. Because he knows you so well. Because you worry about him. And … because he can do things for you that I can't. I want to be the person that can provide you all the answers, the one that can go out to inquire whatever you need to know, the one that can defeat whatever enemy you have. But I'm just an ascended deity, a young god. How could I compare?"
Jinde chuckled. "So you were moping before? Because I paid attention to another man?"
"It's not just any. It's someone … someone that might fit with you very well." He sighed. "I'm not a dragon. It's hard for me to understand how you're unable to fall in love again. Even though … I feel like I'm the same."
"I'm afraid there is nothing we can do but continue on. Just maybe … be a little more open? If there's something on your mind, you can tell me. Regardless of how ridiculous you feel it is. I don't mind."
"Mn."
"It's a pity I can't go out. Traveling through the human realms with you would have been fun. We could have experienced so many things."
Leng Jin Yu nodded and lifted one hand to brush Jinde's hair. "It's not said that we won't be able to do so later on. Maybe there'll be a day when you can go out again without worry."
"Mn. Maybe. If I can heal my soul." He looked at the pendant that Qiu Ling had put down and sighed. Xin Lan had said that he would find a way for him to heal his soul but Xin Lan also got burdened by other tasks again and again. Just finding out about that fallen god wouldn't be easy.
"It'll happen one day."
"Mn." Jinde nodded and leaned against Leng Jin Yu's chest, listening to his heartbeat. "One day … Until then, you'll have to cope with me trying to hold your favor."
Leng Jin Yu laughed. "You make it sound as if there were many people vying with you for it."
"Oh, I'm sure there are. My husband is so excellent. There should be a long queue of men and women alike who want to get into your bed."
"Even if they want, there's already someone lying in there." Leng Jin Yu leaned down and kissed Jinde's cheek. "Alright, should we go talk to Longjun? I'm afraid he'll go crazy if we still don't speak about his matters."
"My dear husband, I'm afraid your son has long been crazy. So there's no need to worry about that." He tiptoed and their lips met once again. Unfortunately, Jinde also understood that they wouldn't have much more time before Qiu Ling would demand their attention. Rather than being interrupted when it got to the good part, he'd rather talk to the troublesome child now and do everything else later.
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