บท 15: Chapter: 15, Stay.

Esha's Point of View:

I've been feeling very well since this morning. I couldn't express how happy I was at that time. In the last four years, I had gone through so many hard times and barely felt that type of feeling. There was also a very special reason behind that to feel that way. Who would have ever thought that the end of the last four years of my unrequited love would be so beautiful?

But it would be wrong to interpret it as the end now. We still have a long way to go together. This is the main ordeal after getting involved in a relationship. Understanding each other, stay by the side of each other. Relationships are not always sweet. Huff, arrogance, anger, conflicts, quarrels, tears, waves of laughter are the common phases of every normal and healthy relationship. The ones who go through all these things together and those who can still hold onto each other till the end, those relationships are successful.

My brain and mind will never forget that wonderful, dreamy memory of yesterday. That moment has been spinning in my head since this morning, just as the tape recorder repeats itself over and over again. The moment still seems like a dream to me. As if, when you open your eyes and look carefully, the remnants of your dreams will go away. It will leave you confused like hell and thousands of questions will be starting to pop out in your head. It will leave you wondering as hell. Just like questioning yourself, 'Was the moment really a dream?'

Every time I think of those feelings, those moments, those touches of Neha, my heart starts to beat abnormally. I kept immersing myself in my wild imaginations again and again and kept going on giggling and blushing. Others might think I'm crazy! Others can think about what they want. They are even allowed to think about our relationship as weird or feel whatever pleases them. I don't care. I don't give a fu*k anymore. My happiness is the only mine. No one can feel that. No one can ever feel those true happy feelings inside me. So I let them get jealous of me and hate me as much as they want. When people feel insecure about their personal insecurities it leads them to feel jealous and hate others. So you should rather fight to achieve this happiness, than being jealous of others.

I will never be able to feel 'real happiness' and 'freedom' in life if I behave like cowards in fear of criticism, oppression, harsh words, etc. You only live once. You can't come back to this life even if you want so hard after your death. So when I am alive, I want to spend my life with honesty with myself. Then maybe one day I will be able to meet with the value of staying honest.

I couldn't find Neha at our morning class today. I searched for her everywhere but couldn't find a single trace of her. So, I kept on calling her on the phone, and her phone was kept ringing on but she didn't pick up. I texted her too on WhatsApp, but she didn't read the messages. As the last attempt, I voiced mailed her in hope that she might listen and reply back. I was extremely worried and anxious about her. What did the heck happen with her? My heart was beating unsteadily as the tension and anxiety kept getting on my nerves. I couldn't worry and stress less anymore. Fear and anxiety were devouring me.

At noon, I hardly dragged myself in the canteen to eat lunch with Mahdin, Tonmoy, and Sadia. I was too depressed to eat lunch and couldn't concentrate on anything as I was still paranoid about the love of my life. At that moment, Mahdin suddenly called me by my name and said, "Hey, Esha. When did the hell you just turned lesbian? I never thought in my whole life that you and Neha would ever be a thing!"

I saw Sadia's jaw dropped and she almost choked on her food as she started coughing severely. After some moment, when she became relaxed, she almost screamed in wonder, "What? What the fu*k are you talking about? I've always known her as a normal girl like us. How the fu*k did she just turned lesbian? Are you crazy?" Tonmoy also nodded his head in agreement followed by Sadia.

Mahdin was going to say something but I cut him off and snapped at all of 'em, "Can you guys please stop for a moment so that I can speak and explain? Most importantly, even if I am a LESBIAN is that a really funny thing to mock around, Mahdin? Also, Sadia and Tonmoy, yes I'm speaking to y'all. According to you guys, being a lesbian is abnormal, and being straight and heterosexual is normal and natural, is that so?"

Both Sadia and Tonmoy became agitated and confused at the same time and hesitantly said in unison, "Of course. Because it has been the norm."

This time, I looked in all of their eyes and said in a steady serene tone, "Then listen to this carefully. Yes, I am a lesbian woman. I have been loving my best friend for the last four years. That love was an unrequited love. But yesterday, I got to know for the first time that, Neha also loves me back. Our love is mutual. We both kissed for the first time in the last four years. That kiss was the end of our unrequited love. But that place was beside the pool in the backyard of Rokhsana ma'am's house. Mahdin saw us when we were kissing."

I stopped at that moment after finishing my speech. I took the bottle from the table and drank a sip of water. All of them remained quiet while I was drinking water, they kept silent until I started another round of speech. I then again started speaking, "I am lesbian before I even met with Neha. Yes, I'm attracted to girls and I have kept this a secret from all of you. Because I knew from the beginning that all of you are homophobic. None of you knew about this part of me until today yet the matter still existed inside me but all of you thought how normal and natural I was. The only difference is you didn't know that at that time, and now you just have known and everything changed? The time when you guys didn't know about this part of me, used to think how brilliant and creative I was, how a talented student I was! These potentials still exist in me but they don't specialize me anymore. The only reason behind that is I'm a lesbian that's why I'm abnormal and unnatural."

After saying these words, I got up and started walking away. Tears welled up in my eyes and were almost coming down. I still tried hard to hold my tears back when I was talking with them. For that reason, my eyes turned hellish red like scarlet and I couldn't stand its burning sensation anymore. Anyone who looked me in the eye would be terrified. Suddenly Mahdin came from behind and grabbed my arm and said, "Esha, wait. Please listen to me, friend."

I turned around and saw Mahdin and Tonmoy standing up next to me. Meanwhile, Sadia was still sitting at the table with a sullen face. Mahdin and Tonmoy said together, "Dude, no matter who you are, even if you are an alien, it doesn't matter to us. We love you so much dude. We want you to be happy in life. We have full support for you and Neha."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to Mahdin and Tonmoy. I could barely contain my unbelievable happiness anymore, I hugged Mahdin and Tonmoy. Then I asked, "So what is Sadia's opinion?"

Tonmoy and Mahdin hesitated and said, "Umm..."

Sadia didn't let them finish, she got up from the table and stood in front of me and said, "No matter what you say, what you and Neha are doing is unnatural. Think a little with scientific logic." Saying this, Neha looked at Tonmoy with hard eyes.

Tonmoy swallowed a gulp in fear and said, "Um, ah...but I think you should s-support them too."

I said with a light smile, "80% of the creatures in nature display homosexuality. And you're coming to talk about what is anti-nature and nature-friendly. Another thing is that logic does not work in the place of feelings, if it works, then the famous poets and writers would tell us to listen to the brain and not the heart when someone falls in love."

Mahdin and Tonmoy both laughed haha when they heard me. Sadia seemed a little irritated as she pretended to be upset. I silenced the two of them and said, "Now I can never change the way you think, even if I want to, unless you yourself ever want to. I gave my opinion. But I respect your opinion and will never dispute it because my real purpose is to maintain peace. Now please help me all to find Neha. I haven't seen her at university since morning. I'm already very stressed out and anxious. What could happen with her! She isn't even answering her phone. Sadia, you should also worry a little about your friend, even though you couldn't accept our relationship."

At that time, Mahdin suddenly shouted, "Hey, Look!! There's Neha. She looks very devastated."

I ran without waiting for a moment and hugged her.