It's mainly about missing commas and repeating words, but this may also be simply your writing style. I'd suggest using Grammarly, but probably you are already using it. The last chapter was almost perfect, but the first ones had a few problem with the flow of the story, it was not as smooth as it could be. Obviously these are just nuances, so don't take my review as a critique.
"your" again...
"Doesn't matter does it? Your not going to be alive much longer anyways" Lucifer said with a dark grin.
Travels of the Daughter of God
Movies · ArtoriaPendragon_
since you asked to point out mistakes, it's not "bare with me" but "bear with me". Bare means many other things and one of the meanings is "expose/strip". Every time I read bare with me I think someone is asking me to strip
Things will really begin to change towards episode 3-4. So far now, bare with me, as it will be somewhat similar to canon for a little while.
Unique Gamers Travels
TV · ArtoriaPendragon_
I don't want to nitpick, but *please* don't use your instead of you're. It is just so wrong
Talia smirked "Seems your happy that I have classes with you"
Unique Gamers Travels
TV · ArtoriaPendragon_
1
Este livro foi excluído.
A/N: So a bunch of us got arrested due to investigations into the riots, thankfully your boi here was innocent (I deleted my group chat), so yea free again. Let's hope it stays that way, this week has been weird to say the least. Damn.
GOTO (Migration In Progress...)
Movies · God_Of_Brutality
Gamora's heart palpitated at a speed that it seemed it'd leap out of her mouth, "Maww" She cried, "Uncle Maw!!"
Marvel: I Need A New Body
Anime & Comics · Marveller
"You've got the full package boss. You look good, you have a bod like a god, and you've got that gentleman's aura that is mysterious and aloof. I'm actually jealous, kuu!" Masaomi explained.
DxD: The King of Dragons
Anime & Comics · Khay_Cee_Padua
I'm glad you appreciated my review, I hope your passion will continue to bring enjoyment both to you and us ! And congratulations for topping the popular ranking.
Twilight: Rebirth
Movies · DumbedDown