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Duplicate chapter
I am really enjoying the story so far. This story has great potential, a really good combination of humor and moments of seriousness, keep up the updates please.
[img=update]True, maybe the attack names would sound better in Japanese
…okay I'll work on the name for that one.
One Piece: Bounty Hunter System
Anime & Comics · SantanaRV
Wouldn't it be much simpler easier to believe if you just have Hashirama pretend that it is his devil fruit ability. You are making up a rather convoluted story.[img=update]
"You can tell them that this Storage Capsule we have comes from a closed kingdom called the Uruk Kingdom. The Kingdom of Uruk is a small kingdom that is similar to the Kingdom of Wano Kuni in terms of climate, location, and geography. This kingdom was an empire that was very advanced in its technology but they preferred to keep themselves shut rather than participate in the affairs of the outside world. Regarding the items, you could say that we were lucky to save someone from this kingdom and were rewarded with some of his technology. Regarding the location, if they ask us the location of the Uruk Kingdom you can tell them that the location of this kingdom is in the New World ocean region. Locating the exact location, we don't know because the party we rescued didn't reveal the specific location and only said that their Kingdom was right in the New World and their status was almost the same as the Wano Kuni Kingdom. They are closed and do not accept visitors to visit their kingdom. You can use this story if they ask you about the origin of the Storage Capsule or the tools I will give you later."
..,.,.,
Anime & Comics · Ares_One_Piece
The grammar is rather poor, also the sentences are awkward and don't flow well which makes it a difficult read. I have too at times, pause to piece together what the author is conveying. Poor grammar and lack of brevity bogs down a novel with actual potential.
No offense, but a lot of your sentences are either repetitive or awkwardly worded.
"Just as Fleet Admiral Kong heard earlier. Our kingdom is a newly built empire. We currently need funds and also materials to build houses for residents and also build infrastructure. Our kingdom is a kingdom that has a natural product, namely wood. The wood produced by our kingdom is wood of very good quality. Although the quality is slightly worse than the wood from the adam tree. However, from a comparison of the quality scale. Our wood still has its quality. At least the value of our wood can reach 10 out of a scale of 12. While treasure wood from the adam tree has a rating of 12 out of 12. I'm sure as someone who has been in the military for a long time, Fleet Admiral Kong knows the quality of our wood."
..,.,.,
Anime & Comics · Ares_One_Piece
Hmm....How did he get the den den number to the Fleet Admiral?
"Hello, Fleet Admiral Kong. Introducing my name is Fortis Ars. I am the King of the Fortis Kingdom"
..,.,.,
Anime & Comics · Ares_One_Piece
Indeed, Will hired three bodyguards, all he had to do was have one shadowing him and the other two shadowing uncle Ben. Instead the author has them twiddling their thumbs off to the side somewhere so Will could leap in to guard Ben like some superhero or meat shield. This whole ordeal/plot device is just very poorly fleshed out.
How can such an incident even take place? Why was the security so lax? Why were the bodyguards not alert? The whole incident feels very suspicious and out of ordinary, and one can't help but question, is there something more in this incident then what we already know? Is there another chapter of this story we're not aware of?
My Hollywood System
Movies · DreamThree
* Luger P08
Nah l'd Win
Book&Literature · 4Eyes