Sure, just let me know. And you're amazing! Keep up!!
My reading experience may be different, super different - but it's important to note that I don't speak for someone else's experience. In addition to the feedback I provided in my Google Document and in-line comments, I'd like to share some additional thoughts here. I admire the author's willingness to learn and their openness to criticism. Yep, they are keen and responsive. The story itself holds a lot of potential. In my own perspective, I believe it could be further enhanced with a more developed and concise story structure. Unpopular opinion, a shorter prelude would be more effective. However, it's super important to acknowledge that creative direction is ultimately the author's right. Grammar-wise, I can see that the author is making a genuine effort, and I'm super happy to observe improvements with each chapter. What's needed now is to focus on the narrative with emotional depth, ensure a proper sentence structure, and seamlessly connect thoughts. Sadly, I had to drop this story - okay, this isn't bad. But hear me out first. I just found it increasingly difficult to maintain interest due to the prolonged drama. However, this is purely a reflection of my personal reading experience. Nevertheless, it was still a nice reading journey.
I understand that - but I think it can be condensed more. I think we are really moving away from the theme itself, and we can always have those hatred elements incorporated without dragging that much. But that's a personal preference. It's just that the author needs to consider the level of interest of each chapter.
Divorce, honey. If they are too much, divorce 🙄
"Why isn't there a single day without a problem? Now he went and caused another problem that even shook the nation? This humiliation and embarrassment, how do you think will look on my spotless career? You two...can't you just leave me alone? I've been feeding and clothing a walking garbage that turned now into an immobile garbage and now I have to pay from my pocket for the problems he caused."
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
💯💯
She took her seat and arranged her books, notebooks, and pencils. She tried not to make eye contact with anyone. However, without looking she could feel some of them were hesitating to come forward. To end the awkwardness, the teacher came in and started giving lessons as if nothing happened.
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
The drama is too dragging. I’m not sure if I’m reading something from a telenovela or what. Since this is just the prelude, I understand. But we’re straying away from the main theme. I hope we get the chance to discover more.
I just want them to face the consequences. Really can’t wait for that.
She took her seat and arranged her books, notebooks, and pencils. She tried not to make eye contact with anyone. However, without looking she could feel some of them were hesitating to come forward. To end the awkwardness, the teacher came in and started giving lessons as if nothing happened.
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
I mean there are other ways for her to move forward. She needs therapy, not another session of trauma.
"And that's what they want you to think. You can run away to another school but what if there are bullies worse than this? If you don't find the courage to fight back, you may never lead a normal life again."
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
‘Attraction’ i mean…
"What is this?" she smiled again, "Am I going insane now?" Was it an overwhelming opposite attraction? This never happened to her before.
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
The mystery enveloping Kaesu's story in pursuit of answers about her grandfather's death is enough to rouse curiosity. Although there are numerous aspects that need improvement, I can see potential for this to evolve into a beguiling novel. Furthermore, the author has shown remarkable improvement with their writing and storytelling - kudos to that! Regardless of the score I've given, I can envision this becoming a piece in its own right. Well done, author!
SHE'S THAT UNFATHOMABLE
Teen · YennuiXiel