The changes in perspective between third and first person really make me want to flip the table. Author, as a writer writing about an author, you should at least be able to get the basics right, right? Professionalism and all that, you know? I don't know if I can keep reading. Maybe my brain will become more flexible with this kind of perspective flipping exercise? Maybe if I look at it from a brain training perspective, I can keep moving forwards.
😅😂🤣
Hey, someone's written the story of my and my aunt's life right here. Does someone know us?
Epic battle / escape, coming right up. Unless Sunny cheats... hmm... nothing unusual there.
It feels like a weird translation
Neph's POV. Nice 👍👍👍👍👍
So exciting
At first, I thought the exchanging of 'Am' for 'I am/ I'm' was just the MC's quirk. It turns out to be most of this story world's quirk. So was it done on purpose by the author or is it the author's personal language quirk? It just took me by surprise. It lends a certain interesting flavour to the story, so it can be left in. It'd be more interesting if say only the humans spoke like that or only the aliens spoke like that. Anyway, it doesn't really matter either way. The main thing that needs correcting is dialogue grammar. Please note the following example: "Something was said," she said. "Why would she say that?" he asked. "Because!" she replied. "What if she started something," he mused, pausing to think and then continued, "but just didn't get to finish the sentence?" "She just wanted to get away," she rolled her eyes. "It doesn't matter if she just wanted to get the story out, but good grammar is important for marketing your own writing and showcasing your abilities." With that, she flapped a tired arm at him, telling him she was done with this matter. "Go, go. I'm busy here. Whatever she wanted to do is her own business. Nothing to do with us." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Good writers have always been a rare breed. Don't give up on her. As long as she works hard and isn't set back by negative comments, she'll go far," he sighed again and turned to leave. "Wait," she called from her desk. "What?" he half turned back, looking over his shoulder at her. "What if 'she' is a 'he'?" she asked. "Then maybe we are wrong," he replied, raising a hand to leave without looking back. "After all, language has changed and evolved over time. Who knows if today's spelling and grammar will be as incorrect as those of the 1600s in another few year's time?" When a person has a really long speech, you can break it up by inserting a sentence or paragraph on actions or descriptions. There are debates on how many sentences can and should be tacked onto the end of a dialogue describing what happened while the person was speaking or denoting actions after the dialogue. Essentially, anything that has nothing to do with the dialogue should be put in a paragraph of its own. If it gets too long, put it in another paragraph. Hope this short piece of dialogue will help you in knowing where the commas and full stops should go when writing dialogue.
Este livro foi excluído.
This story has great potential. Although characters are still finding their voice, there are incomplete sentences, it is rife with info dumps, as well as spelling and grammatical errors, the general logical flow and ideas are pretty good. Some of the descriptions are excellent, but there is still a sense of disconnect at times. The added descriptors as to the original (modern) character versus the in-novel (fantasy) character were very helpful in telling me what was going on without requiring too much beating around the bush. However, such 'telling' truly needs to be kept to a minimum, so that the actual story doesn't come to a standstill and can still shine. My main qualms are the info dumps and incomplete sentences. If the author could find a way to integrate the passing of factual information into the actions and story telling, and perhaps find someone who can assist in editing, the quality of the story would go up a few notches. Initially, I thought the Author was going to use the difficult but clever technique of having the original novel story being told in parallel to the MC's experiences, but it seems not. I was wrong and got excited over nothing. I was a bit disappointed, as the use of such a technique is extremely difficult. First, the other story has to be told in a completely different writing style with a completely different tone of voice and be written in such a way that it flows on its own, and yet still matches with the current progression of events which needs to be able to also flow as a standalone but is greatly enhanced by the two being read in conjunction together. It requires a great deal of planning and revision. Unfortunately despite my efforts, I have yet to master such an amazing technique, despite trying over and over again. I was hoping I could meet such a wondrous word crafter and get tips from them to improve myself. Maybe I still will, some time in the future. The use of the italicised paragraphs can help with driving the plot forwards, if the use is adjusted and the rules and reason for the italicised paragraphs are more clearly defined (in the author's planning). In short, it's a good idea, but how you doing this needs to be further refined. Author, be strict with your writing rules, world building rules and stick to them. Don't bend them. It makes things more believable. It's an excellent idea you have and although the high quality the usage is although slightly complex, don't be discouraged, keep working hard, or your novel will fall into the ranks of the mediocre. Don't take the easy way out and don't be lazy with your writing. In conclusion, a story with great potential, worthy of being read and kept an eye on. Don't miss out. I look forward to reading future developments (and the revised version after it has been edited).
Philosophy... hehhh
Shadow Slave
Fantasy · Guiltythree