Capítulo 12: THE FIRST APPOINTMENT
Zarah Fable
James, Kiki, and I stayed up talking, trying to figure out what to do. Kiki made a point that there is nothing we can do until we get more information. We need to know exactly how far along I am as well as all of our options. My mom had a friend growing up that is an OB. I gave her a call and filled her in on a little bit of what happened. Enough for her to agree to see me without letting my dad know. I met up with James and he drove us to the office. We have been sitting in the car for about 5 minutes now. We have to go in but….
"Z!"
"Sorry, guess I zoned out."
"I've been calling you for a little bit now. Are you okay?"
"No, I'm a senior in high school that got partially drunk at a party, had sex with by best friends brother, admited my love to him, and now pregnant with his kid so no I am not ok."
James took a deep breath and I did as well.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone that far."
"No you're right."
"Can you just do me one favor today?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"Can you not mention Cass today. I know that you are worried about her finding out and whatever you are going to tell her but every time you mention her it stresses me out because I have no clue what you are going to do."
"What do you mean you don't know what I am going to do?"
What did I mean by that? No, I can't let him make me question myself.
"I mean exactly that. I don't know if you are going to stay and help me through this and support both me and your child or if you will decide to ditch me, not tell your girlfriend what happened and be with her for the rest of your life."
His face looks angry, angrier than I have ever seen him. He took his right hand off of the steering wheel and grabbed my wrist tight and looked directly in my eyes.
"What in the hell makes you say something like that? I would NEVER just abandon you like that especially when you need me! But you need to stop blaming me for what happened! It takes two to create the situation that we are in, so excuse me if I mention Cass because I have no clue how to tell her what happened!"
I can't stop looking at him. I have never seen him so angry before nor has he ever yelled at me. I felt like crying but also like yelling back at him as well. But neither option is going to solve anything at this point. His grip on my wrist at this point is hurting. I use my other hand to push his arm so he lets go of my wrist. He lets go and I rub my wrist in an attempt to soothe the pain.I put my hands towards the truck door to open it.
"We should go in now."
I open the door, step out and slam the door behind me. I hear James do the same thing as I begin to walk up to the front door. We walk in and walk up to the front desk.
"Hello, how may I help you," She says so kindly.
"Hi, I'm here to see Dr.Reynolds. She should be expecting me."
"Sure, let me just call her in her office and let her know you're here."
The lady picks up the phone from her desk and dials a number. After what seems like a shocking exchange of words she hangs up the phone.
"Looks like she is ready for you."
The lady yells back to one of the nurses and tells her to take me to a private room and not the second waiting area. The nurse walks around to where James and I are standing and signals for us to follow her. I begin walking behind her and then James behind me. After a few turns we come to what seems like a private section of the office. The nurse opens the door for us and leads us inside.
"Dr.Reynolds should be in soon so just stay here."
I nodded and the nurse walked out. This seems a little weird but I trust her. I hop up on the table and wait.I hear a knock at the door and I say come in.
"You know I never thought you of all people would be contacting me for something like this," She says with a smile on her face.
"Hey Auntie G." I smile back at her as she puts her clipboard down and comes over wrapping me in a tight hug. She pulls away after a few seconds and turns to James.
"I'm guessing that makes you the baby daddy?"
"Haven't heard it out loud before but yeah I guess so."
"Okay."
I could tell James' response was not what she was looking for but right now it was all that she was going to get.
"So here is the plan, first I want to get some blood work done just to check over everything. Then we will get an ultrasound machine down here and check on the little bun, sounds good?"
I nod even though I can't stand needles. They always make me nervous. Gizelle goes to get one of the nurses to get the blood work while we continue to wait in the room.
A few pricks and numbing meds later, the nurse finally got all of the blood that she needed. A few knocks on the door and then it opens to reveal Gizelle with test results. It had been about 15 minutes and the waiting did not help my nerves.
"Hello all! I come bearing good news," she said excitedly. "It looks like you are definitely pregnant but all of your other counts are completely normal for being about 3 to 4 weeks along," she said with a smile. The ultrasound machine was brought down a few minutes before Gizelle came back into the room. She wheels it out from the corner and places it beside the bed.
"Ok, I just need you to lay flat on your back for me, pull your shirt up above your stomach."
I do exactly as she says and lay back and pull my shirt up. I take a deep breath. I don't think I've been so nervous before. Was it because James is here? Or was it seeing the baby for the first time?
"Ok, now I am going to tuck this towel into your pants so none of the gel gets on them and then put the cold jelly on."
I give her a slight nod so she sees that I understand.
As she begins to put the jelly on the wand and then place it on my stomach a shiver goes down my spine. Damn this is cold. She presses into my belly with the wand moving it around to get the right angle. She stops at a certain point and I watch as a smile grows on her face.
"There they are."
She points to a small dot on the screen that appears to be moving slightly. My heart begins to warm as I look. She's mine. Or he. Whoever they are, their mine, growing inside of me. I can feel my heart begin to race as I find that I can't take my eyes off of the screen.
"Would dad like to come up and take a look."
I glance towards Gizelle and then back at James. I can tell he is still annoyed after what happened in the car. He slowly gets up and emits a small groan, enough so that when I look back at Gizelle she seems annoyed at him. I look back at the screen not wanting to look away again. I hear James' footsteps stop right beside my head. I don't want to look away but I also want to see what James thinks. I look away and look at his face and I'm shocked. His eyes are glued to the screen. He has a face of pure awe and amazement. I look back at Gizelle and she begins to press a few buttons before the screen goes black.
"Looks like the baby is healthy from what I can see."
"So where do we go from here?" I ask as I take the towel out and wipe my stomach.
"Well I'm going to assume that you didn't come to me for nothing. Well one option is keeping the baby, however, that branch splits in two other options. You can keep the baby yourself and raise it together or on your own. Or you can also give the baby up for open or closed adoption."
"And what does that mean?"
James interrupts with his question. Gazelle tries to remain calm but I can see how much this is bothering her. This is partially making me laugh. Although not out loud.
"A close adoption means that all of the documents will not be able to be accessed by the parents aka the both of you would not be able to know who had your child nor where they are or what they are doing unless they come to you. While an open adoption would be the exact opposite. And the last option is… abortion. If this isn't something you are ready for or you can't handle then that would be your best option."
The room falls silent as I sit up trying to push through everything she just said.
"I will give you some time to discuss and then just come out in the hall and turn left. I will be down that hall so you can tell me then what you have decided."
Gizelle nods her head and then heads out of the door. I take a deep breath still trying to process.
"So, what do you want to do?"
I turn towards James and look up at his eyes. They seem to soften as I meet them.
"I don't know."
"Do you want to just get rid of it?"
"NO!"
I shouted but I didn't realize it until a second later. This was a lot to handle but the one thing I am sure of and that is I don't want an abortion.
"There isn't a good history of them in my family and," I stopped before finishing the sentence. Would he understand? I wrap my arms around my stomach and slowly move them so that only my hands are now touching. I look down, staring at my belly knowing what it would look like after a few months.
"I get it." James takes one of the chairs and pulls it closer to the bed and sits down. "You want to keep the baby. Not just the whole birth thing but forever, don't you?"
His question burns into my head. Is he right? No, I can't second guess myself. I know what I want and he is right.
"Yeah, I think that I do." I say as softly as possible. James takes a deep breath and then sighs.
"Then that is what we do."
I nod and then hop down off of the bed as James puts the chair back in its place. He opens the door and allows me to go out first. We follow Gizelle's instructions and turn to the left. We come within her gaze and tell her our decision. She sets up some bi-weekly appointments for me and then begins to write something. She hands me a list. I glance at it and it appears to be a list of vitamins to get. I reach out my hand to grab the list when James grabs the list from her instead.
"Thanks, I will make sure to get these."
I watch as James puts the list in his pocket. He puts his hand on my back slightly pushing so that I will move. We walk out the same way that we came in and get in the truck. James starts it up and then begins to pull out of the parking lot.
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