"I remember," Furuya says, "I was laying down today and it suddenly popped up. All my memories from that night are clear now. We were on the floor, kissing, and then you asked me if I wanted to…you know. I said yes. You asked me again and I said yes."
A beat, and then Miyuki speaks.
"I know."
"What?"
"I know. I remembered it recently, too."
It struck Miyuki on his first day at work at Yeast Infection. An uncle came with his toddler niece and they were contemplating what dessert to get.
The niece eagerly pointed at the slice of chocolate peppermint cake. The uncle was worried that the flavors would overwhelm her palate. He asked her twice and she insisted, so he gave in.
Miyuki was standing nearby as Kasumi served them, almost dropping the stack of trays he was holding. He experienced an intense ringing in his ears as the memories resurfaced.
Furuya's disheveled figure on the karaoke room floor, lips red and swollen from kissing, desperately saying yes in response to Miyuki asking him for sex.
It was a blunt force shock to his system, but he opted to not tell Furuya. It was a test of trust. If, or when, the latter remembered and told him this crucial piece of information, that was when he'd know he could trust him.
Fully.
However, nothing is ever that easy.
"Exactly," Furuya says, "So you didn't rape me."
"That's not how it works," Miyuki contests.
"What are you talking about?"
"Did you forget? I forced you to drink against your will. I took advantage of you."
"But you were under the influence, as well. We both weren't in our right minds."
"Precisely. So you understand. You were too impaired to consent."
"I said yes, though…"
"Jeez, have you not learned this in class yet? Intoxicated people cannot consent. It doesn't matter if you explicitly agreed. Put it this way—if we were sober and I wasn't dating Eijun, would your answer have remained the same? Would you have willingly had sex with me? Would you have woken up and not regretted it?"
Furuya's lost in thought. He was well aware of the sensible answer Miyuki wanted to hear, but he wanted to be honest with himself for a second.
Every single bone in his body desired Miyuki. It began as fascination when he saw him on the field for the first time. Fast, flashy, and talented. It was nothing like he'd seen in Hokkaido and he wanted more. His shit-eating grin, his compassion, and the effortlessly cool manner in which he carried himself were enough for Furuya to develop feelings for him.
But that's not what he came to Seido for. He could not afford to relapse.
Or so he thought, until that fateful night at Masuda's Karaoke Bar. Albeit drunk at no fault of his own, he recalls feeling blissful as Miyuki slid inside him. He was relapsing, but it was a fleeting fear as he rejoiced in his greatest wish being fulfilled.
But Miyuki's question posed an interesting dilemma—if they were sober, would the same outcome have occurred? In retrospect, if he was informed that the catcher was dating Eijun, he would have surely maintained some tact and declined. Miyuki wouldn't willingly cheat on Eijun either, but then again, who truly knows what would have happened?
"I guess you're right," Furuya mumbles, "I was caught up in remembering that part that I wasn't thinking straight."
"There is no guessing that I'm right; I am right," Miyuki says as he props his elbow on the edge of the tub, leaning the side of his face on his knuckles, "Now that we've connected all the pieces of the puzzle from two mon—three months ago, actually, we can't deny that I harmed you.
"My dumb ass coerced you into drinking and sleeping with me, knowing full well I should've left you alone. I can't imagine how traumatized you must've been after discovering you were pregnant and that I was the father. Especially with how vehemently I denied you…I don't expect you to forgive me."
Furuya wades closer to Miyuki and places a hand on his shoulder gingerly, "But I do," he says firmly, "I forgive you."
"How can you forgive someone like me?!" Miyuki shoots him an aggrieved look, wrinkles forming around his eyes as his brows narrow, "How can you forgive a monster like me? How, Furuya? I can't understand it, I've been struggling to understand it."
'Because it would be unsettling having sexual thoughts about you if I was still disturbed by what happened.' "Because I don't want you to be known as the bad guy, senpai. I don't want you to be burdened by that weighty title. You found the confidence to embark on this journey with me. As long as you see this to the end with me, I'll forgive you. Okay? We can move past it."
"You can't just move past rape! It doesn't work like that!"
"Please, Miyuki-senpai. Stop calling it that. I'd rather address it as an…unfortunate circumstance. That's the first step to putting it behind us."
"So? You want us to forget it ever happened?"
"Not particularly forget, but rather focus our attention on what truly matters. We're going to have a child soon. You're the father. It does me no justice having hard feelings towards you, so bearing them is pointless. Don't you agree?"
"I…I don't think…"
Miyuki trails off as Furuya wraps his arms around his shoulders, loosely, in case his touch was unwelcome. Miyuki doesn't recoil, though, and sighs heavily into the crook of Furuya's neck.
'You're too nice.'
They remain like that for a while, wordlessly accepting the grounds of their crooked, newfound truth in a warm, wet embrace.
--
The Next Day - Monday - 2:47 AM
Miyuki can't sleep.
He neglected to take his sleeping pills and he didn't want to risk arousing Furuya by rustling about. At a loss, he stays on his side, eyes absentmindedly wandering to the pitcher's left ear.
There was no denying Masamune had told the truth. There they were, small holes perforating Furuya's lobule, tragus, and helix. Unless someone was specifically searching for them, they went by undetected.
'I wonder what kind of earrings he liked,' Miyuki thinks, 'Silver ones? Gold? Diamond? There are so many shapes and designs out there, too. I'm kinda curious now.'
BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
The catcher's curiosity is redirected to the incessant vibrating of Furuya's phone. It's on the bedside table next to him, repeatedly lighting up from the swarm of text messages he was receiving.
'Look who's popular at this time of night,' Miyuki thinks mischievously, reaching for it.
This wasn't an invasion of privacy. He was simply going to turn it off after seeing who so urgently demanded Furuya's attention.
Smiling at the lock screen photo of them and Naoto, he swipes up and to his surprise, there's no password. How careless.
There are twenty texts and two missed calls, and the messages keep pouring in.
From a person named, 'Don't Answer For Your Own Good.'
His interest piqued, Miyuki checks to see if Furuya is still sleeping. After confirming, he turns his back to him and swipes right on the stacked notifications.
[Messages - Don't Answer For Your Own Good]
Don't: Hey slut
Don't: You back in town?
Don't: I knew you'd be back. Missed me? Dudes at Seido not fucking you good enough?
Miyuki grits his teeth upon making the connection.
It's Masamune.
Don't: Still can't believe you ran away from me. We had somethin good, the two of us
Don't: Didn't I tell you to come see me whenever u came back??
Don't: Like tf?? You never listen to me
Don't: I still own you, slut. Don't get it fucked up
Don't: Your body is mine, your ass is mine, your mouth is mine. Why is that so hard for you to understand??
Don't: Did you forget how good it felt when we fucked for the first time?? You were finally satisfied and wanted to spend every single second with me
Don't: You were happy. Like really happy. I was happy too. We were perfect for each other
Don't: ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE I KNOW YOU'RE AWAKE
Don't: Hold up
Don't: Don't tell me you're banging that dude rn
Don't: That dude with the glasses from Seido. You brought him here didn't you???
Don't: ??????
Don't: Does your mom know about this?? You know damn well she would never let you be with another dude bc you were such a slut. How have you gotten away with this??
Don't: I swear if you're dating him I'm gonna lose my shit. Didn't think I'd find out about him huh?? I met him at the bakery and we went to play catch after. Had no idea he was more than a catcher to you. It was so fucking obvious
Don't: He got angry when I started talking about you. Like he got his feelings hurt knowing that I hit first. Jokes on him, fuck him and his feelings bozo
Don't: I know he doesn't fuck you good like I do
Don't: It's physically impossible, like is his dick bigger than mine or something?? What's the fucking deal?? It's LITERALLY impossible
Don't: It's fine. Just come over and lemme show you what you're missing. You'll surely come to your senses then
Don't: No one will ever love you like me and that's facts
Don't: Actually sike I lied bitch it's not fine
Don't: You think you can fucking get away with this shit and not have me do anything about it?? Like hellooo did you forget who I am??
Don't: I will hurt you
Don't: I will expose tf outta you. Ima let your lil Seido fuck buddies know that you lied about being a virgin
Don't: I'm so glad we were into recording ourselves
[Don't Answer For Your Own Good sent a video.]
Mid-scroll, Miyuki is caught off guard by the video that has appeared on the screen and accidentally clicks it.
His stomach drops.
It's of Furuya and Masamune in missionary. Furuya's muffled moans travel through the speakers as Masamune fucks him at an excruciatingly slow pace, palming his inner thigh.
"F-Faster," Furuya pleads, covering his face with his arm, "Please!"
"No!" Masamune grunts, giving him a sharp thrust, "I'll fuck you how I want to. I'll go faster when you start screaming for it."
The video plays on as they both moan in pleasure, but the sound drowns out as Miyuki retreats into himself.
He's seething.
'Fucking psychopath.'
This was blackmail of the highest degree, revenge porn. His eyes are glued to the screen, unblinking.
How old were they in this video? Through the darkness, he can distinguish Furuya's piercings, diamond studs and industrial bars. Various nonsensical and extraneous thoughts are racing through his head; he can't keep track of them.
But the absolute, utter worst of it all, the deities of biology have betrayed him.
He has a semi-hard-on.
"Pervert," Furuya whispers in his ear, "What are you watching so intently on my phone?"
Horrified and startled, Miyuki jerks back into reality and sends the phone flying. He uses that opportunity to quickly cover his lower body with a blanket.
"Nothing! I wasn't doing anything!" 'Shit, shit, shit. Human body, why? Why now? This is gross!'
Furuya's phone lands on the carpet in the middle of his room. He lethargically slides out of bed and walks over to where it is. Bending down to pick it up, his blood runs cold.
Masamune's messages are open and he catches a glimpse of the video before it vanishes, a mass of incoming texts pushing it out of view. The memories he's forced himself to banish from existence start flushing out, regaining their place, regaining color. He drops to the carpet.
"You…you know," he whispers, "You know. About me."
"My bad," Miyuki says apologetically, "I didn't mean to look through your phone. It just kept vibrating and—"
"Answer the question. So, you know about me?"
"Yes."
"How much do you know?"
"We don't have to do this if you don't want to—"
"Miyuki-senpai!" Furuya flashes him a tearful look, "Answer. The. Question."
Miyuki exhales harshly before speaking, regrettably, "Yesterday, I met that Hongō kid at the bakery, and we went to play catch. He told me everything. About your past, how you two dated, how you used to be. Every detail. I know everything."
"And you know that I wasn't a virgin before attending Seido?"
"That, too."
Furuya staggers to his feet and stands in front of Miyuki, clutching his chest.
"I'm sorry," he chokes out, "I didn't lie. It was a truth that I fabricated for myself. For months I sat in this room, brainwashing myself to believe that my past never happened and that I was innocent. I wanted to start a new life so badly. I overwrote my memories and became the Furuya Satoru you know now. Well, not anymore. Masamune-kun...I wish I never crossed paths with him. He's been nothing but a parasite since I slept with him, but…I was longing for satisfaction, so I stayed. I used to think it was love, but it wasn't.
"He used me, controlled me, berated me if I even locked eyes with another guy. I belonged to him and I couldn't escape until my mom finally intervened. It was my first time seeing her so…infuriated and disappointed in me. I knew I needed to transform after that. I removed my accessories and created a new identity: a virgin who was strictly devoted to baseball. Sex had never crossed my mind. And it worked…until now."
Miyuki shakes his head in confusion, "But why? How did this all begin?"
"Because baseball pained me. No one wanted to play with me because I was too powerful and they were frightened, so...I got bored. I needed something to fill the void, to replace the euphoria I felt from being on the mound."
Miyuki extends his hand and thumbs Furuya's tears away, "It's alright. I'm not here to judge you."
Furuya is mystified.
He thought Miyuki would be enraged, pushing and shoving him around. He thought he would be chastised for being a bold-faced liar, a sleazy teenage boy who paraded himself as an angel who's never even seen a naked body before. He thought and thought, but nothing was happening.
Miyuki was sitting there, clearing his face, caressing him.
"Why aren't you judging me?" Furuya asks, "Aren't you disgusted touching me? I'm dirty. I don't deserve your consolation. It doesn't feel real."
"Idiot," Miyuki says bluntly, "who do you think I am? When I found out, I told myself I wouldn't criticize you. I can't. It's your life, not mine. Besides, you accepted my family issues. It would be incredibly rude and unfair of me to not accept your past."
"They're not the same thing."
"Doesn't matter. This week was meant for us to bond and discover things about each other we didn't know before. We've done exactly that. The atrocious, ugliest, saddest parts; we've seen them all. Nothing else matters."
"I'm waiting for the punchline..."
"..."
"..."
Miyuki laughs, "Okay, fine! Jeez, Furuya, I'm surprised out of my goddamn mind! Holy crap, you're a great liar. You were really about that life, huh? Wow, you sure had me fooled. And you dated a psychopath? You're full of surprises."
"Ugh. Thanks."
Furuya slumps down. His head falls onto Miyuki's lap as he cries silently. A burden has been lifted off his shoulders and he was releasing all his frustrations. He was terrified that Miyuki would abandon him upon hearing his truth, but here he was, nestled in his warm, hard lap…wait.
Hard?
"Senpai," he says hesitantly, peeking up, "what's that?"
Miyuki's eyes widen. The blanket had shifted ever so slightly and there it was, saluting like a proud soldier.
He can't bullshit his way out of this one.
"Uh," he starts, scratching his temple, "Shit. Look, when Hongō was texting, I somehow managed to click that video he sent, and…my body reacted before my mind could. T-Trust me, it's not like I wanted to watch it or found it arousing! I am not a weirdo, I swear!"
Furuya slowly peels away, revolted, "Pervert. Way to ruin the mood. I'm having a mental breakdown, and meanwhile, you have an erection. I can't believe you. I feel like throwing up and not because I'm pregnant. I was thirteen in that video, you know. You're sick..."
"Stop twisting the knife in the wound, I'm already dead!" Miyuki pulls his shirt down as he scrambles to his feet, "Crucify me all you want. When nature calls, the body answers. Now that I've been placed in this humiliating position, I have to go take care of it."
"Pervert."
"You're cruel sometimes."
Furuya watches as Miyuki scurries to the bathroom. Thank goodness for walls and the limits of sound travel, else he would've been able to hear him moan Eijun's name as he handled his business.
Furuya looks at his phone. Masamune is still texting him rampantly, and he reads through the messages.
Don't: You're so fucked bitch
Don't: Don't make me pull up to your crib and teach you a lesson
Don't: Coward. You good for nothing coward
Don't: The thought of you banging that glasses dude is driving me insane
Don't: Him touching you, kissing you, grabbing you, spreading you wide open, like no. I'm supposed to be doin that. Only me wtf??
Don't: He doesn't deserve your body. He doesn't know how to use it properly
Don't: WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING?? I KNOW YOU'RE AWAKE
'You want an answer?' Furuya thinks, 'Fine.'
He types on his keyboard and sends two messages.
Furuya: Respectfully
Furuya: Fuck you.
Tell em, Furuya, tell em! Channeling my inner unhinged, salty ex-boyfriend was a lot easier than I thought...guess that says a lot lmao