Capítulo 87: This chapter is for Veteran writers only.
Me and my buddy Rick were just swagging along and wandering through the Endless Grasslands. Because what else should we do? A guy carrying a skull surrounded by lots of grass─that just screamed creative freedom and imaginative narration elements.
But yes, since this honourable gentleman just had to sign a binding contract in his sleep, I was now obliged to provide everyone with a dose of the finest entertainment.
Thank you for that Past Me, as always your decision-making was flawless.
Nevertheless, I have to admit that this version of myself was right about one thing. Dreaming was much more pleasant than the reality that was about to unfold before my eyes.
Because what could define a good story more than a character that absolutely everyone liked because he was such a really, really great person? Then he also appeared...the hero of the hour, the man of the day, the author of all authors─and crawled out from a hole that no one had seen before.
Wearing the finest sweater, sewn by his Mom, he stood before me with a big grin plastered on his face.
"Salutations, fellow author-domo. This lowly one has come to your humble abode to gather more expertise from a veteran in the field of WN story-writing"
What a truly normal introduction. One really wanted to help such a person by sacrificing a pure-blooded virgin in their name. Aspiring authors such as him needed any kind of support.
"I, the great Kaiser Enormous Schlongus the First, seek enlightenment from only the finest authors this site has to offer. Dearest Sir, do might you take offence at me inquiring about thine pen-name?" spoke the very enthusiastic, totally not slimy, author with his humble name.
How could I not give this man advice? Did you not hear the way he nicely asked me?
Anyone that sounded like a registered sex offender could only be a master of his writing craftsmanship. An exchange of knowledge would someday enable me to write a creepy character just like him; why would I not give him my pen name?
"Fearmongering, that is my name"
Oh boy! Fellow authors helping each other out to become even better. Could there be anything more beautiful on this whole planet than such a nice collaboration?
My fellow author looked at this phone and mumbled something "86 chapters,
104,185 words with 25.5K views and 110 collections...yup, why do I even bother with this waste of space. This entire thing is just a waste of my time."
Huh?
"Look..., you, Peasant, simply do not understand it. "Your so-called 'successful novel' amounts to a mere 108 collections. My most prestigious work "My Robin Wood System" has a total of 1600 collections. That means my life is 18 times more important than yours."
Right at this moment, he looked at me with his face filled to the brim with absolute disgust. As if he stepped into dog Poo or how others in the real world tend to eye him.
This had to be a mistake, clearly, this author was just playing a cruel joke on me. Because who in their right mind would actually believe that the quality of a story could be seen by its collection count?
"You, vermin, could never even comprehend the novelty of my Robin Wood System. For you see, I use Caps Lock and sound effects to provide my author with the most authentic reading experience. Words like "CLOSED" and "SALES ARE OPEN" were most important to understand my Magnum Opus"
How silly of me! Blink! Huff! Huff! Huff! Huff! Huff! Huff! Lupp dubb! Huff! Huff! Huff! Ff! Ff! ffff... Crack! Those were always used by the elitist writers to provide their readers with top quality writing.
Yes, how could my tiny brain not see the glory hiding behind these creative word combinations? Of course, this fellow here would call them onomatopoeia and be proud of it, despite not even knowing the meaning of the word.
"This 'crudely written, amateurish' work of mine could only truly be understood by writers that had at the very least 5000 collections. Else, one could never fathom the peerless genius behind it.
Despite me not moving a muscle or saying a single thing, he continued his monologue. Motivated by the sound of his own voice, he would continue to talk for many hours to come. BUT, our dear God Emperor of writing did seem insulted for having exchanged words with a bug.
In one swift motion, he used his thin legs and drove it into my no-no area without a hint of mercy.
A pain, far worse than the one I felt when reading his novel, caused me to writhe on the floor and nearly cry. A cruel glint flashed across his eyes, as he inched closer
"This is the difference in our status. I am a Kaiser, that's German for Emperor, while you are nothing more than a worm. You should feel elated; Being graced by my presence." He lifted his sandals in front of my face and nudged them in my mouth─insistent on me licking them.
I should know my place; how dare an author with so few collections open his mouth!
"Rejoice, not long ago a creature like you would have been killed on the spot. This time I can merely suggest for you do the world a favour and end it out of your own volition. But, I highly question whether an author with 110 collections is even smart enough to accomplish such a thing."
"Now work that tongue. My dirty, little author, you...."
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Pause, pause, pause. We interrupt this sudden BL story to announce that this situation is merely highly exaggerated. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. We do not support the author and his unhygienic humiliation fetish
Despite the problematic source material, we swore to never change it to better reflect the zeitgeist behind it.
Furthermore, the team of "System for Dummies" would like to clarify that our dear Author did not have sexual relations with Rick. Any feelings of romantic tension in the air were purely hypothetical
Now, we wish you, the reader, to find as much enjoyment in this intense foreplay as we did.
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"Cut, the scene has been ruined" screamed the director into the endless Grasslands causing the entire team to curse loudly... this had been the 9th take to film this BL scene.
Yup, to earn the funds for the "UPAY-WeDIG" company I had been cast for the "Uke" role in a BL short film. The economy was rough, ya know? Swallowing my pride─hopefully only that─was the least I could do.
Yes, for whatever reason I was selected as a bottom, the submissive type.
As long as it paid the bills; though it did hurt my pride quite a bit. My ego was shattered after having to lick someone's shoes more than 9 times already. Besides, who even wrote this script?
Which 14-year-old girl wanted to make a movie out of her very first fanfiction?
And making the "Uke", the top, a haughty nerd, really? Did we not establish that topless hunks with abs as hard as recovering your credit score was, were the way to go? You'd never find success with such a mediocre story.
Come on, all those horny teenagers would question the likelihood of such a script. Even in a world that ran on porn logic something like this would never happen.
Well, in the end, I could not complain. Someone paid good money to see me humiliated and for that kind of cash, I shall gladly lick these shoes clean.
This story might not get any anime adaption or a 10k prize for its ingenious writing,... there were no buts here. Just bills that needed to be paid and an author, who has given up on his pride and dignity.
And, if that meant taking part in this homo-erotic ridden smut then so be it.
I might come to regret this decision sooner or later, but that was Future Me's problem. No time to question one's morals─It was time to suckle on some shoes.
One small lick for me, one big lick for my Readers!!!! I had to do this to give them the content they desperately craved for. Make them Readers proud Fear-domo...make them PROUD!!!!
Status de energia semanal
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