Capítulo 2: 2
The night wind had begun to howl in an aggressive manner as it sent the window panes shuddering and the tree branches just outside her window, dancing in tandem with its tune. The moon seemed to have disappeared now and while Xing Fei wished it still lingered in the skies, she felt glad to some extent that there was one less thing about to witness the events which were about to follow.
"You have one job, Xing Fei", Linghan began by saying. "You have just one job!"
Her voice grew louder and bore some verve in it as well. The woman stood akimbo, seemingly gathering her thoughts and words before he would lash out accordingly. Xing Fei was no stranger to that particular moment; she had been there before and while she had lost on a few occasions, she wasn't about to allow herself to lose ther time around.
Linghan slowly trudged through the litters on the floor, walked over to the window and ran her thumb across the window with a look of dissatisfaction in her eyes.
"What more do you need?" Linghan asked. "What more do you need to get things done in the appropriate manner!?"
Xing Fei looked around and amassed the sight of her failings as well. Unnoticed to her, the room had turned into an eyesore while she struggled to find her light. Her bedroom was a mess, her studio, which was adjoined to her bedroom to grant her ease of work, was no different. Worse of all, she had nothing positive to show for it.
Xing Fei turned to her mother with rather guilty eyes. "I got carried away, but i… ".
The young woman paused and bit her lips without really knowing what to say. Considering the night had turned out horribly, her mother coming to her room and workspace wasn't what she had envisaged or even wanted. It made things feel sour and caused her belly to churn with discomfort as well. She needed a way out, but nothing came to mind yet.
"Maybe she would leave", Xing Fei thought to herself in a naïve manner.
Staring at the towering figure just some feet before her, taking her time to amass the disturbing sight in which the room was, Xing Fei prayed within and almost heard herself wherper the words out. Their last episode was some weeks back and it had not gone down too well. Things had just begun to smoothen over within the past week, but she sensed they were about to get worse.
The older woman in the room dropped her head and slowly turned to look at Xing Fei. "Do you care to explain?"
Xing Fei wondered what there was to explain; she obviously tried to paint and didn't get what she wanted through. She shifted from where she stood, walked over to some wraps of canvasses discarded close to her reading table, and began to pick them up without answering her mother.
"Get back here and answer me when I am speaking with you, girl!" the woman raged out. "What on earth is going on here!?"
Xing Fei gulped down a hot sob of shame and unease as she slowly got back up and turned to look at her mother. "I was trying to paint and after many trials, I didn't get what I needed".
It was the easiest explanation she could give considering the circumstances. Yet, she perceived there was more being needed from her. Asides the troubling sight of her scattered and rather unkempt room, the drably painted work she had just discarded was bare for her mother to see. The woman only needed to bend a knee to pick it up but she stood there, glancing at the aspect of the canvass which she could see.
"I can explain", Xing Fei sought to defend herself and offer some form of explanation to shelter her actions.
Linghan scoffed and did so in a derisive manner while she shook her head. "It is just what I was waiting to hear. You always seem to have an explanation for failing and I cannot wait to learn what you have to offer this time around".
Xing Fei cringed for a moment, parted her lips to speak but words wouldn't come through. She sucked in ample breath and hoped for strength to reply but found herself on the verge of stuttering.
"I… the canvass… ", she stuttered, hoping to cast blames on the quality of the canvass she was attempting to paint with.
The move was fallible and she had walked right into Linghan trap. Her mother had ordered every single utensil and painting instrument she had in that room from one of the finest art shops in Japan. She had done so with much enthusiasm and belief in getting her daughter the best and Xing Fei could not dispute the sight of happiness and joy in the woman's eyes when they had them delivered
"I will not be treated like a fool", Linghan muttered. "You want to blame the canvass? You seriously want to cast whatever blame you rightly deserve for doing things the wrong way, on the canvass?"
"But Mom, i… ", Xing Fei stepped forward to defend herself before falling short of words as her mother raised up her right hand to halt her from speaking.
Linghan walked over to one of the crumbled canvasses on the ground and picked it up. "Do you have any idea how expensive this is? Have you the slightest idea how much we put into your failures over the years, while all we ask is that you make one progress! Just one progress!"
Her voice grew louder while she gesticulated with both arms, before holding up one of the wasted canvasses before Xing Fei's face.
"You are my daughter! Act like one!" her mother continued to rage. 'We don't quit! We don't fail this much and when we fail, we bounce right back and not act like… like… ".
Xing Fei found an opportunity as her mom stuttered for more condescending words. "Like what? Call me what you truly want to call me! I need you to call the word! Failure! Grand failure! Epic failure!"
While the words were harsh and somewhat disturbing to attest with, they were what she had heard the woman use on her before. It didn't take long for the older woman to flare up and lash out when she saw her daughter underperform. Her high expectations had always been a source of bother and a trigger point for the duo and on ther particular night, Xing Fei wasn't expecting anything else.
"How can you call yourself a supporting mother when all you do at the slightest point of me failing is castigate the hell out of me!?" Xing Fei yelled, caring less about how far her voice would travel in the dead of the night.
Linghan snorted and shook her head. "How many more do we have to take from you? How many chances would you be given before you finally become productive? Do you have any idea how many times you've quit things because you weren't comfortable with them?"
Xing Fei turned her back on the woman immediately, hoping to find solace in the dead night outside her window and with the hopes that the underlying darkness would soothe her pain.
"Look at me when I'm speaking with you, girl!' Linghan demanded.
Xing Fei turned around out of respect but stood with folded arms across her chest.
"Let's pretend I'm interested in whatever excuse you have to give", Linghan cleared her throat and slowly walked over to a stool and planted herself into it.
Her theatrics weren't new to Xing Fei but the level of cam the woman suddenly seemed to attain as she sat on the stool, legs crossed and eyes fixated on Xing Fei was somewhat troubling. Xing Fei gulped down hard and felt her throat begin to clump shut. Lumps of worry mixed with anxiety slowly formed along her trachea and regardless of how much she told herself she could weather the storm, they just wouldn't leave.
"Talk to me, Xing Fei'', her mother demanded. 'What exactly happened here and why are there so many canvasses littered across your floor? We will get to the shitty state of your room afterwards".
Everything within Xing Fei seemed to warn her against replying. Her nerves twitched and she could barely move her lips accordingly as she sought a place to sit and engage her mother from. Linghan, a woman revered for her mental toughness and pride, was no match for feeble-minded and young Xing Fei, but the latter wasn't about to let herself get intimidated.
Considering how well she had given her best to her current craft, she just wasn't about to get washed off with demeaning words.
"It isn't the canvass, but painting just hasn't been… ', Xing Fei tried to explain. "I have not felt the inspiration yet. I give it my best though, but… '.
The young woman continued to halt and swallow words she intended to air out. The wall clock chimed and indicated midnight was upon them as Linghan looked away from her daughter for a moment and back at him after acknowledging the time.
"But your best just hasn't been good enough", Linghan sought to complete the sentence her daughter didn't. "Your best has been no different from what you put into every single activity you partake in since I've known you".
Xing Fei upped herself from her seat and responded. "Don't do this tonight, please!"
Linghan followed suit and upped herself from her seat as well. "Don't do what exactly? You don't like being reprimanded when you obviously need it. Yet, you don't give in as much effort as you do in your video games to real life events that will shape your future!"
Linghan marched over to Xing Fei's video game collection, kicked against the console and sent it flying across the room. Xing Fei stared at the woman with reddened eyes and watched her hold up some game CDs, before flinging them out of the room through the window.
"Hours after hours! You play that crazy game every single day and nothing good comes from other aspects of your life!' her mother continued.
Feeling belittled, ashamed and angered all at once, Xing Fei dropped her head as the barrage of insults came flying at her without restraints. Her heartbeat flat lined for a split second and her fists folded into angry balls on either side of her body.
"Why!" she screamed without holding back.
Linghan paused and slowly stepped away from her daughter out of reflex.
"I give my best to everything I do but when they don't click or when you don't get the desired result, you constantly feel the need to berate me and compare me to others, so tell me why you do it!?" she asked in a more versed manner than earlier.
Linghan replied staunchly, "Because you give up too easily without even learning how to get things done accordingly!'
The air in the room thinned and the two stood within feet of each other.
"Look at this horrible painting and tell me you didn't attempt to go about this the wrong way? Did you or did you not opt for a rather crude and shorter method?" she asked her daughter.
Xing Fei didn't need to look at the canvas or the failed painting again to realize she had actually taken the shortcut and ended up with a crude result. Yet, it was what she felt most comfortable with. it was what she felt would give her the best result in the shortest time and it obviously worked for others whom she had come across in her painting classes.
"Just because it isn't what you approve of, does not make it any less functional", Xing Fei replied.
She watched her mother give off a sarcastic laugh before running her fingers through her thick brown hair.
"Are we going to talk about everything else outside the painting? Besides the obvious mess with these paint splashes, what else haven't you made a mess of?" Linghan asked in a rhetorical tone.
Xing Fei knew exactly what was coming and she had no way of stopping it.
"There was medical school, which you ran away from for whatever reasons you concocted in your darn head!" Linghan continued. "We also had law school after that, but you failed to make something of yourself there and here we are with painting and it still isn't going well at all!"
Xing Fei believed she had had enough of the woman's condescension. She was sick and tired of being berated without an ounce of sympathy and respect and she rushed over to her wardrobe to pick up her jacket.
"You know what? You can enjoy yourself and keep on with your criticism as always! You have never been supporting and you never cared enough to understand what I go through!' Xing Fei yelled. "So, when you feel the need to act like a mother, I will sit and speak with you, but not in ther current state!"
Xing Fei marched to the door while she could hear her mother vehemently ask her to turn around and not walk out on her. She was losing the battle already but she wasn't about to lose the war. She headed down the staircase and watched her father step out of the kitchen with a glass of water in hand and a bewildered look on his face.
"Xing Fei?" he called out, somewhat shocked 'Why are you up at this hour and where are you going to all dressed up?"
Xing Fei had no doubt the man had not heard the ruckus going on in the house. Having taken some valium every night to assist his sleep, he was quite the deep sleeper except something really gets him to wake up.
"Nothing", she replied staunchly and walked past her bewildered looking father.
She would rather be out there in the dead of the night than allow her mother continue to disregard her. It wasn't the first time and it wasn't going to be the last either. For the younger woman, life as a perfect daughter was hard as nails and so far so well, she had not been doing enough to match up with the huge expectations that came with the family's name.
It was a high expectation from the world that citizens of China are good at everything, especially her area, Beijing, where all the rich, intelligent, celebrities live. And to add on top she is born in the high reputed Xing family.
It felt even worse with her mother watching her every move.
"You can have your bloody house for all I care", Xing Fei muttered to herself before unlocking her car door.
A knock on her car window caught her attention as she turned to face the person. A handsome man hovered over car window and gestured to roll down so his voice can reach her. Xing Fei obeyed and shrugged her shoulders. "What is it, Da Wei?"
Da Wei gave his charishmatic smile, "Where are you going, My would be wife?"
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