Capítulo 36: Empathizing With an Addict

"What in the world are you doing smoking in the kitchen's corner, Levi?!"

How could he not have put the lights on when he was using the room, really? He faced the corner of the tiny section in between our rooms and looked a lot like a beat zombie.

"Lizzie, turn the lights off please! It's too early for my eyes I just can't take the light I barely have enough sleep in my system." Levi complained yet again.

My hands fumbled towards the switches and turned the lights off the room.

Once again, the tiny area was enveloped in darkness and I had to squint my eyes until they were well adjusted to the darkness. Only the tip of Levi's cigarette lit the corner he was at and I couldn't see well his face in the dark.

"Umm… so, why are you smoking so early when you haven't gotten much sleep, Levi?" I asked him.

He took a long drag at his cigarette and blew some smoke before he answered.

"Actually, I really don't know Lizzie. I have been trying to quit for many months now. But I just can't seem to get rid of the familiarity when the nicotine hits." He replied with a great huff.

"You do know it's bad for your health, right?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am well aware of the risks it brings. Bad breath, dark lips, yellow teeth, respiratory illnesses, worse yet, even cancer." He enumerated.

I raised a brow of disbelief even if I knew he wouldn't have been able to see it.

"Did you just raise an eyebrow at me?" he asked out of the blue. Levi put out the fire of the cigarette in his hand and set the ashtray on top of the counter next to him. "I know lots of people do."

Levi, if I had to be honest, I would definitely agree one hundred percent with those other people you are talking about.

"Sorry, actually I did." I apologized. "But why do you still continue despite the health risks?"

The big redhead shuffled and then leaned onto the wall as he faced me.

There wasn't much to see due to the dark room but the blinds beside him had bits of light leaking from the corners and slits. It created a beautiful shadow that seemed to fit the mood.

"Have you ever been addicted to something, Lizzie? Like, it could be anything really. It could be someone, or maybe an experience that you just can't get enough of. Perhaps a thought that got you hooked and can't get out of your head." He started.

"Well, there is something in my mind for some time now. And I would definitely do anything to get it." I answered him with carefully selected words.

I could sense that Levi was opening up to me something really intimate about him, and I didn't want to make bland replies. If I was to talk to him, it would be great to make him feel some sense of empathy from my words.

"Well then, hold on to that thought. Imagine that it had been in your mind for years now. Would you be able to let it go easily?" he asked such a hard question.

Of course, it would be hard to let go.

Seeking revenge was something that had been embedded in my mind from the last moments of my miserable colonial life. Reborn into this new life with the man that betrayed me didn't do anything to appease that sense of want.

"I have to agree it is quite difficult to let go." I told him.

But I would then need to make my heart colder and harder to exact that revenge. How should I do it in the first place without my feelings getting in the way? The love and hate colliding is not a perfect combination.

"This is how smoking is for me. The addiction comes from the elation of the chemicals that one small stick contains. I know it's bad, but, I just can't."

He groaned in exasperation and I had to tiptoe closer to pat him. We were very similar in such perspective, but at least his didn't involve some other person but just himself.

Being in close proximity with him made me get a whiff of his smoke and it burned my nostrils and my throat felt like it was on fire. I wonder how he could manage to breathe all of this over and over again.

It wasn't pretty at all.

Very bad choice of addiction really. But then again, who am I to blame Levi? Revenge in itself wasn't a pretty thing to be addicted too. I have heard countless tales of revenge and how it doesn't end well for both sides.

But I just can't get it off my mind.

"Did you know that other people see smokers as criminals? Especially paired with some tattoos and not to mention my built and voice."

"Isn't that just plain ignorance? I mean, who are they to judge you before they even know who you are or where you came from? Especially the things that you have gone through." I said, angered by the thought that even up to this day, prejudice was still inherent.

"Yeah, most are just that."

"How did you come into smoking, Levi? If it wouldn't be much to ask." I said as I made my way around the mini kitchen and back towards the refrigerator.

The open door from our side of the room permitted a bit of light in and I could tell that the dawn has finally broken. I looked back to where Levi had leaned in the corner and there was nothing but silence that came out of his mouth.

I waited for a bit longer, thinking that perhaps he was just organizing his thoughts. But then it became apparent that Levi was avoiding the question with the way he fidgeted and then grabbed another stick of cigarette to light up.

"Okay, you don't have to answer it. It's fine. I do respect your privacy." I said as I sensed that the topic had gone a bit cold. "Well then, I guess I'll just go back to our side of the room then. See you later Levi. It was nice talking to you."

He nodded and I waved at him goodbye.

I closed and then locked the connecting door, and then as I entered the girl's room, I saw the most wonderful sunrise for the very first time since I arrived in this century.

"God! Who pulled the bloody curtains and permitted light before 8am?"

Oh no.

I didn't think of covering the glass walls with curtains last night.