Capítulo 3: How To Be A More Likeable Person - Simply & Without Trying
Ironically, most of us are so afraid of being alone that we actually end up isolating ourselves trying to prevent it.
We all want the world to like us.
We all want to be the best we can be.
This is a noble goal to have, but when we are so fearful that people won't like us, we begin to put effort towards something that is intrinsically effortless. We begin to relinquish or confidence and personality to a character manufactured out of fear and insecurity.
If you truly want others to enjoy being around you, you must first dedicate your effort to learning how to accept and enjoy YOURSELF. By caring less about how others feel about you, and more about how you feel about yourself, you often become a much more likable person.
Your presence will be honest and real.
It will be infectious.
People will see you, rather than through you.
People who try to make others like them more before they like themselves act only out of insecurity and fear and ultimately, all their attempts at real connection lead back to insecurity and fear. For example, in a conversation, often the harder you try, the less successful you are at maintaining fluidity and enjoyableness.
A person who simply seeks to be themselves will be both confident and comfortable.
If you are educated to any degree and have lived at all, you have a unique and valuable perspective of the world. If you embrace and trust in it, you do not have to work at being any character other than your own.
A combination of Socrates's philosophy, "Know Thyself," and Emerson's, "Trust Thyself," appear to solve many of the common social problems that humans face. Both quotes are based on "thyself," and this is no coincidence.
"Thyself" is the foundation to all personal experiences, even when they involve others.
One who tries to avoid inadequate social interactions will most certainly create them.
One who is concerned that they are not going to always say the right thing, will almost certainly say the wrong thing.
One who simply is, IS and will always be a happy and beautiful contributor to social exchange.
Do not let your imagination create social problems that do not exist. The only purpose for sociality is to learn, teach, connect, or have fun.
Conversations and relationships take on a life of their own and you must let them fulfill their purpose. When you cease to solely identify with you social interactions and, instead, let them identify with you, they will be vibrant and wondrous.
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