Capítulo 1: 1. Castration
I opened my eyes and became alert quickly, with my kunai out as I found myself in an unfamiliar situation.
'I have to hurry up or she will kill me,' that thought crossed my mind, making me nod.
Just as I stood up, a thought suddenly struck me. 'Who am I?' It made me stumble and fall face-first onto the wooden floor.
However, I didn't stand up. I was in mental turmoil. 'I am... okay, wait, what was my name again? Hmm, Yukio? Wait! That is my name, no it isn't. Wait, let me first decide. She is going to be mad that you are late. Today is a funeral ceremony. Did my nose break? How should I cheer Kakashi? I don't have any black clothes. My name is ___. She did say she would castrate me if I was late today. Miyuki will find a way to cheer him up. Maybe I can try to paint my white t-shirt by dragging it on the floor?'
I was having too many thoughts, so I took a deep breath, stood up, and swung my foot directly at the wall. As expected, "It hurts!" I held my foot, which was now red. 'Let the thoughts flow.'
"I don't mind getting castrated if she's the one doing it."
I heard something drop, instantly alerting me.
I summoned a kunai from my bracers and got into position. I saw Kakashi looking at me with a look of disbelief.
It was that obvious that, even with the mask on, I could tell. Before I could stop him, he body flickered away.
"Wait!" I weaved hand seals and my body flickered after him. However, soon, my stamina gave out after only five minutes.
"Damn! I really need to have a good movement technique. Body flicker is not for me."
"Indeed it is not for you, judging by your performance," a familiar voice said, prompting me to look toward the source.
"Oh, Miyuki, sup? You look good today," I said subconsciously, greeting her in the same manner I do every day.
"I don't think you should say that to someone going to a funeral but thank you. I wish I could say the same to you, but... I didn't know you had exhibitionist tendencies," Miyuki smirked, prompting me to look down and see only a pair of my boxers.
'Right, all my clothes went into the laundry.' However, I didn't let the embarrassment I felt show on my face. "Well, this feels much more liberating. It's like going through a tiring day and then going to a spa. You should try it, this way of—" Before I could finish my words, I ducked instinctively.
The tree behind me was cut in half, the other half falling toward me. I jumped forward, which was not a good idea since my attacker was in that direction. But I was feeling daring today, so I did a front flip, barely dodging the sword that grazed past my body.
"Hey, chill! I was just kidding. It's not like I'm interested in seeing you in your underwear," I said, trying to diffuse the situation. Miyuki just huffed and put her sword in her sheath. "Well, you got a bit too direct there. For a second, I thought you were asking me to strip you, you know," Miyuki said with a teasing tone.
"No, no, that was not my intention. But I don't mind if I get a chance to see you in such an outfit," I smirked, which was matched by Miyuki's smirk.
"Dream on."
"So, what are you doing here?"
"I was just wandering aimlessly. Didn't think I'd see you in your boxers."
"No need to point that out again and again."
"Is someone feeling embarrassed? Ara~ Ara~"
I pouted, pretending to be angry.
"You know, you don't really look cute like that, but I'll allow it."
"I've been told that. Many people are entranced by my pout, you know."
"Oh, you forgot to mention that people were entranced a few years ago when you were a kid."
"No need to mention small details. You talk like I'm an old man."
"Old man, the future is here"
"Old hag, your grave is here."
"You're a kid. Come up with a new argument instead of copying me."
"If it works, it works. I don't want to waste my already decreasing brain cells on you."
"I thought you didn't have any brain cells in the first place. So, I wasn't worried about you having zero brain cells. But maybe negative brain cells do exist, judging by your existence."
"How about we stop this pointless argument?"
"Don't want to. Are you scared? Just admit it. You don't have the balls to win against me in an argument."
"Hmm, the outline of my balls can be seen through my underwear." This prompted Miyuki to look at it.
"Ecchi," I said.
"What! No, I'm not a pervert. I am..." Miyuki's embarrassment turned into a defeated look, She lost in the argument.
"You're bleeding."
"No, your heart is bleeding. It's okay Miyuki, you can always try again next time, when you grow up a bit," I said. My comment for some reason made a tick mark appear on Miyuki's head. She walked toward me.
"Hey, we can solve our problems without resorting to violence, you know," I said while slowly backing down. However, Miyuki increased her pace. Before I could complete my hand-seals for my body flicker, I was pinned against the tree.
"I meant you—"
"Please be gentle."
"Wait, what?"
Before Miyuki could voice her confusion, we heard a twig snap, prompting us to look in that direction. We saw Kakashi, Asuma, and Kurenai looking at us with disbelief.
I mean, our position was a bit misleading to a third party as I was only in my underwear and Miyuki had me pinned against the wall. I also had blood flowing down from my chest, probably from Miyuki's earlier slash which I was unable to fully dodge.
I was so engrossed in talking with her that I hadn't noticed it. Then again, it is shallow. "Wait, this is a misun—" Miyuki was cut off for the nth time. "Miyuki, PLEASE don't CASTRATE HIM!" Kakashi shouted, making everyone present's eyes widen.
"I'm not castrating him."
"You don't need to deny it. If you're going to punish him, do it another way. He actually said out loud that he wouldn't mind getting castrated by you. He is a masochist."
"I'm a what?"
"He didn't know that Miyuki and Yukio had that kind of relationship," Kurenai said with her hand on her mouth.
"That's too kinky. I mean, we are considered barely adults, but this is still too much," Asuma said, his cigarette falling from his mouth.
"Wait! I think there's so—" I tried to explain.
"Kakashi, I don't think we should interfere in their personal affairs. It does seem that kind of personal," Kurenai said.
I now felt what Miyuki felt while continuously being interrupted. Is this karma? Wasn't its delivery a bit too fast? I thought data speed in this world was slower than in my previous world, but it seems reversed here.
Kakashi seemed hesitant, but he nodded, and the trio's body flickered away before the duo could say anything to them.
"What just happened?" She asked
"I have no clue."
"You don't mind getting castrated by me?"
"No, wait, yes I mind. Kakashi overheard only part of the original sentence. He misunderstood. That's why I was chasing him in my boxers."
I felt Miyuki's judging stare on me.
"Do I need to know what the original statement was and to whom you meant?"
"I think you're better off not knowing that, for your own sanity."
"I didn't know you cared about my sanity. Do I need to say thank you?"
"Nah, but maybe you can give me something else," I shamelessly said.
"Ohh, what do you want? Maybe I'll give it to you." Miyuki seductively smiled.
"Maybe, you can motivate me."
"Ara~ What type of motivation?"
"You know, that kind."
"O~ which kind?"
I leaned forward and whispered, "You know, the kind where you say words to motivate others." I winked.
Miyuki deadpanned.
"Sure, I will definitely 'motivate' you when you ask for it."
I smiled. "Thank you! Such good people are rare in this harsh world."
"Let's get back to the topic. So, Kakashi was the one you were unable to catch up with using body flicker initially, right? I thought so."
"Yes."
"Hmm, I thought you proposed something inappropriate to Kakashi. That's why he was running, not this."
"What do you mean 'inappropriate'?"
"You know, things like in the book Kakashi carries."
"Oh, please elaborate. Why would Kakashi run away, even if I discussed 'that' kind of thing with him?"
Miyuki leaned forward to whisper, just like I had done a few moments ago.
"Maybe you said something inappropriate, like things in yaoi."
My eyes widened, not expecting this.
"Kakashi reads yaoi?" I shouted.
"Wait, Kakashi reads yaoi?" Miyuki was baffled by my conclusion.
"My rival reads Yaoi? Such YOUTH! I'm gonna read all the yaois present in the whole Konoha. If I'm unable to do it, then I'll run a thousand rounds of Konoha on one hand while reading yaoi with the other hand, YOSH!" With that, Guy left, saying something about summer love.
I looked at Miyuki in alarm. Her face had drained, looking pale.
"What did I do?" She asked
"Something that shouldn't be done."
"Wait, how did he sneak up on us? Guy is not the silent type. Also, I'm not the only one at fault. You're equally responsible—hell, you're majorly at fault," Miyuki accused me.
"I won't take responsibility for this."
"You have to take responsibility for your actions."
"Don't say it out loud; people are gonna get the wrong idea," I said to her.
Miyuki blinked, then blinked again.
I weaved hand signs for the Body Flicker Technique quickly, just before I left my position. The tree behind me was cut into many pieces.
"Wait, I was just kidding, no need to get serious."
"Actually, why not take responsibility for your words by letting me cut you into pieces?"
"Please forgive me." I jumped onto a branch and my body flickered across the treetops. Behind me was Miyuki chasing me, cutting any trees in her way into thousands of pieces, clearly doing some deforestation.
Miyuki weaved hand seals. In the next instant, her body started releasing lightning. Her speed increased drastically. She jumped, landed on a tree, and then sped upward in a blue blur.
I had already started weaving hand signs when I saw blue. I jumped from the treetop upwards and then created a shadow clone. The clone was weaving the same hand signs as me. Just as Miyuki reached the top of the tree, it was too late.
"It was fun seeing you, Miyuki. I'm not taking any responsibility, see ya." With that, a water beam erupted from my mouth and aimed at my clone, who mimicked me. The one I used was weaker, such that it launched me more into the air and away from the forest, toward the urban area of Konoha.
This all happened in barely a few seconds.
"Damn you!" I think I heard Miyuki yelling, but that might have been the wind.
At the moment, I was high in the air, in the clouds. The wind was nice at this altitude. I guess I can understand why Shikaku-ossan likes clouds—or not doing work in general. Then again, every good thing has to end one day.
I was now heading toward the ground, my body gaining speed until it reached terminal velocity.
"Wind pressure is too much," I said out loud while protecting my eyes with chakra.
I weaved hand signs and then waited.
When I was just a few meters away from the ground, I released the jutsu, the impulsive force killing my momentum.
With that, I silently landed in an alley.
I walked into the streets, wondering whether to head home or maybe go to Ichiraku. The name of the ramen place made me remember two faces in my mind.
'Maybe, I should just have some barbecue instead.' I changed my destination quickly.
For some reason, people were gawking at me and looking at me unkindly.
'I'm not even the jinchūriki, so why the hell are they looking at me like that?' The word jinchūriki put me in a bad mood again.
I hastened my steps, not wanting to do something that I would regret later on.
"Mommy, that guy—" the young girl began.
"Don't look," the girl's mother said.
'I don't think I look that ba—' My eyes widened, and I looked down. I hurriedly weaved hand signs for the Body Flicker Technique.
'Damn it, I shouldn't have put all my clothes in the laundry. I should have kept some in storage seals on me.'
***
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