Capítulo 1044: 58
058 - For the greatest cause.
Emiya Haku
As I watch Nii-san disappear after Rin, I feel my appetite shrivel up and die. I also notice how Sakura is toying with her own food with a wistful expression and wonder if she's going through the same sort of complicated feelings I'm feeling myself.
She seems to notice my eyes on her and turns her head to face me, so I give her a shrug and a smile and gestured towards the outside with my head. Soon enough, we're both walking around the courtyard, enjoying the soft evening breeze.
There's many ways I could start a conversation but, somehow, I don't think bringing Tohsaka up will be a good ice breaker. Also, there's something I kind of need Sakura's help with. This chance is as good as any to have a word in private. I should probably open with that.
"I love Nii-san." Such a simple, yet fundamental truth. "I love Nii-san with every fiber of my being."
Sakura doesn't answer, there's a soft smile on her face that doesn't really reveal anything of her thoughts. She loves Nii-san too, I know that for sure, but how does she feel about me? Jealous I'm so devoted to him? Towards me? Towards him? Does she agree with how I feel or would she rather I forgot Nii-chan and looked at her alone?
There's no way for me to tell, Sakura is too good at hiding her feelings. I guess that's at least one perk that comes from her shitty home life.
"This isn't just because of how he saved me when I was empty and lost, all those years ago." I give up trying to read her and simply continue talking. "But also because of who he is, of who he keeps on being. He's the perfect brother, the perfect lover and extremely good at… well, everything."
Sakura simply hums along, I guess she has no trouble agreeing with that, at least.
"But he's not actually perfect."
That gets a reaction out of Sakura, making her turn to face me with a wide-eyed stare and her lips parted in the most adorable of 'o' faces.
"Oh, don't look at me like that." I reply with a cheeky grin. "I know him better than anyone, so of course I can see his bad traits better than anyone too."
He overrelies in his foreknowledge, has trouble factoring everything in his plans, gets tunnel vision easily and runs in half-cocked far too often. His philosophy, his way of looking at life, is one of symbols before rules, or meaning before methodology. This is part of what makes his magecraft strong and unpredictable, capable of hitting way above his weight class.
But his foundation is unsteady. His power leans on hastily-built pillars. A good hit on the right place, the wrong person holding the right tool and it'll all come crashing down. And the enemy we are fighting against is uncomfortably good at this 'having the right tool' business.
"You are worried for him." Sakura concludes.
"If I'm not, who will?" I nod easily. "He's devoted too much energy into building that image of unshakeable reliability. And he's as infuriatingly good as selling the lie as he is at everything else he sets his mind to."
"You got scolded for acting behind his back once already."
"That I did. He's right that I shouldn't work behind his back when we're all trying to achieve the same goal but…" We reach the Temple Gate and, for a moment, I'm tempted to step outside the grounds and get some real fresh air, but that's kind of stupid at the moment, so I continue walking alongside the edge of the courtyard. "At the same time, there are things I cannot tell him because our goals aren't exactly the same."
"He'd die for us if it came down to it." Sakura is a smart girl, I knew she'd figure it out. "And you…"
"And I'd sooner die than cause his death." I nod again. A small, self-deprecating smile on my lips. Nii-san would be so disappointed if he heard me say this. "Nii-san doesn't deserve any less."
"He'd be… sad if that happens." Sakura points out softly. "I'd be sad too."
I can't help but wince at that. I'm being particularly cruel tonight, going to Sakura of all people and bringing this up to her. If there's anyone here who would understand self-sacrifice, it's her. But, at the same time…
"I don't intend to get myself killed willy-nilly. But if it ever comes between Nii-san and myself…"
… But at the same time I'm forcing her to make a painful choice.
Nii-san or myself, who does she love the most? Who would she rather sacrifice to save the other? We walk in silence for a long while while Sakura considers her answer. I find myself wondering whether I've miscalculated. Whether Sakura will choose to stand against me after all, to try and save me at the cost of Nii-san.
I can still work with that, if I absolutely must. But Nii-san will hate me even more if I have to go with plan B.
"Last resort." She finally speaks out, causing me to sag in relief. "You promise?"
What can I do but agree? It's not like I want to die. I know perfectly well that Nii-san will be inconsolable if I die in this war, but… Better me than him and, unless I make my own plans, there's a good chance he'll never survive the following days.
We continue walking shoulder to shoulder, silently circling the huge Temple courtyard. I can only assume Sakura herself is as lost in her thoughts as I am in mine.
I have allowed Nii-san to make… certain assumptions. Assumptions that'll come handy if the day ever comes when I have to do something he would try to keep me from doing. It's only because of what he doesn't know that I'm confident I'd be able to pull it off.
My Origin may be [Sword], but that's never been my Element. According to Nii-san, the Fire erased my original Element, leaving me empty for [Avalon] to mold into something else. But that's just his foreknowledge bias keeping him from noticing how much I am not Shirou Emiya. How much his presence changed fate, how little that legendary artifact inside me actually matters, for it found no emptiness to shape within me.
I was already a sheath for Nii-san's sword by the time [Avalon] got in there.
The Nii-san that searched for me in the fire, who found me and hugged me and told me that everything would be fine. The Nii-san who claimed me as his own. The Nii-san who stood beside me while I recovered from the harrowing experience.
The Nii-san who held my hand when dad passed away and told me the fantastic story about other worlds beyond even the Kaleidoscope, for whom this whole body was but a fairytale, a mere fantasy to dream about. That's what I am for him, a dream come true. A small truth that gives me warmth and comfort, the core of my being that fuels my actions and motivates my goals.
Yes, [Sword] might be my Origin, but my Element is [Dream].
A dream is not a sword, swords can dull and shatter, but they're made to last. Dreams, on the other hand, are ephemeral by nature. No dream is forever and it should never be, but within a dream everything is possible.
A dream sword can be sharper than any blade of steel, because it follows different rules. And a candle burns the brightest right before it goes out.
Medea walks past us at some point, crossing the courtyard on her way towards her workshop, but we don't bother each other beyond a nod of acknowledgement.
"I know of… something." I finally speak out after goodness knows how long. "Something that can protect Nii-san even against that golden hero. Especially against that golden hero."
Sakura doesn't speak out loud, but she follows without protest when I guide her away from the courtyard and into somewhere a bit more… secluded.
Matou Sakura.
I walk behind the girl who saved me, who pulled me from the dark and gloom to take me into the sun. I follow her as she guides me somewhere else, to show me how, exactly, she plans to commit suicide in the name of saving Senpai.
To say my feelings are mixed is an understatement but, at the same time, it's perfectly obvious why she's chosen me as her accomplice. I mean, I'm sure I'm key to whatever plan she has in mind or she wouldn't have bothered telling me about it at all. But at the same time… I would give anything to save Senpai too.
…
….
I never knew when I first met her but Haku… Haku is just like me. Someone who was emptied out by a cruel fate and whose spirit has been ground into nothing. It was Grandfather for me, it was the Fire for her. And yet, the results are so different…
It gives me hope that I'll recover someday, that I'll be capable of smiling like her and maybe, just maybe, my turn will come to extend my hand and save another lost soul myself.
"Alright, we're as secure as we can be." Haku-senpai declares after guiding me into a small room I've never seen before. "Which means Caster will have no trouble peeking on us if she really wants to, but there's nothing we can do about it."
I can help a giggle at the way she shrugs comically.
"Right, hopefully she'll be too busy toying with Ayako's power armor." She continues. "Better be quick, just in case. Here goes nothing… Watch, and learn."
With a face of absolute concentration, Haku-senpai cups her hands together and manifests… something on them. A bone-white mask, circular and very ornate, with two perfectly round holes for eyes. I can't tell whether it's made out of wood or bone, or something in-between and there's an unsettling feeling about the object. An ominous power I can't really comprehend, something not of this world.
"It's not complete though." Haku continues, obviously short of breath after the exertion of manifesting this… thing. "For that, I need your help."
As I listen to her plan, I can't help a feeling of rueful vindication. It was indeed me in particular that Haku-senpai needed for her plan and, in hindsight, it was obvious why. It's not something I feel particularly happy about, but it will allow something good to come from this craving wretch, at least once.
Medea of Colchis
How have things come to this? So much to do, so little time!
As I run my hands all over my work table, attention pulled in too many directions, I have nobody but myself to blame for my current predicament. I should've taken things more seriously from the start instead of letting Master sweet-talk me into playing house with war on the horizon!
Now, if Master's fears prove right, Gilgamesh will strike tomorrow and there's far too much on my plate.
Ayako-chan's suit needs to reach an at least functional level before the attack or the girl will be less than useless. I need her durable enough to survive the collateral damage, preferably capable of actively avoiding stray shots.
… She's screwed if the King of Heroes decides to use her as target practice, but that's simply beyond my abilities to work around at the moment.
There's also the need to keep a constant eye on the Greater Grail. The Apocrypha failsafe is disabled, but the problem with a malicious awareness working against you is that simply disabling something is not guarantee it will remain disabled.
I would be less worried if I could move the pool of energy emergency set aside to summon the second set of heroes away from the Greater Grail, but I have literally nowhere else to put so much energy safely and I'm loath to simply throw it away when it could prove vital in an emergency.
So yes, as much as I would've liked to turn the switch off and remove the batteries, I have to satisfy myself with taking half-measures and keeping an eye out for foul play.
I'd also like to devise some contingencies before calling it a day, just in case Illya-chan needs an emergency intervention after Gilgamesh is defeated. Master says the golden king counts as three normal Servants when it comes to filling the Grail, so I'm worried the sudden strain might harm the poor girl.
Even the projects I have finished already can't simply be forgotten and set aside. Gilgamesh can counter anything I deploy against him, but that doesn't mean I can't make him sweat for every inch of ground he takes. The defenses can always use more maintenance, further updating and a finer tuning. Making the traps as sophisticated as possible is a work that's never done and will take all the time I can devote to it, after all.
As I replace the karmic backlash reverberation perimeter with a 5% more energy-effective configuration, I throw a wistful glance at the glass tube containing that Irish girl Master rescued from the church. I'd wanted to investigate her sorcery trait more closely, maybe see how it interacts with Master's magecraft and my little reversal project. It would've been preferable to groping in the dark or having to resort to unpalatable measures.
That night, for the first time in a month, my dreams are not pleasant.
The things I do for our suicidally brave Head Wife, she's lucky she's so cute.
Status de energia semanal
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