Capítulo 1000: 14
013 - Pacifying the Taiga
Contrary to everyone else's expectations, I do manage to claim the kitchen in the evening. Some would say that flirting with a convalescent abuse victim until she faints out of sheer embarrassment is playing dirty…
"Nii-san, that was low even for you." Case in point, Haku is giving me a disappointed look with her arms crossed under her breasts. "Did you really want to win so badly that nothing is sacred anymore?"
"All's fair in love and war." I answer calmly while getting my prep area ready. "You're just mad you lost that bet."
"You weren't supposed to win, Nii-san!" She throws her arms up, which makes her apron shift to the side and gives me a delightful view of her left hip. "You ruined all my plans!"
"You shouldn't dish out what you can't take, little sister."
"I had it all figured out, you know?" She whines, pulling her apron down her legs and causing it to stretch dangerously over her chest area. "We'd all sit at the table to stare at your butt while Sakura ordered you around as her little submissive kitchen assistant, but now you ruined it!"
"... I'm not sure Sakura would've survived that any better than my teasing, though." I point out, making sure I have everything ready before I start pulling out ingredients. "Pass me the bags."
"Even better! Then we'd get our eye candy and you would've gotten the kitchen for yourself anyway!" She leans over the counter to reach the bags, giving me a perfect view of her bubble ass in the process. I have trouble holding back the urge to slap it and see how it jiggles. "Here you go."
"Thanks." Did we get too many bell peppers? No, that's a silly question, there's never too many bell peppers while cooking mexican, but I'm sure there'll be enough. "... Alright, I'll admit you had it well thought out."
"Right?"
"Counterargument, I got my cute little sister to wear a naked apron." I point out, shamelessly eyeing her up and down with a lecherous smile. "And I'm sure everyone will enjoy the view of your cute butt while we cook."
"I do have a nice butt…" She relents slowly, cocking her hips to the side and examining her reflection on the fridge door with a critical eye. "I still think you would've worn it better."
"Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't." I quip as I make a supreme effort of will to shift my focus from my almost-naked sister and onto the ingredients I'm supposed to be preparing. "We'll have to wait until I actually lose a bet to know for sure."
We continue bartering and teasing each other as we get dinner ready, trading amused looks every time we notice Ecchan's growing fluster.
What starts with a slight reddening of cheeks when she overhears the naked apron bet is soon followed by subtle side glances. That finally gives way to a strategic repositioning within her claimed seat to have a clearer view, which leaves her sitting in a blatantly awkward way only her could possibly believe subtle. From there, it's a simple matter of watching the height at which she holds her book in front of her face rise proportional to the intensity of the blush hidden underneath.
It's a fun game that unfortunately we can't keep up forever, but we'll definitely try again in the future. For now though, dinner is ready and Haku has to dress properly before Taiga arrives.
"Good evening, brats!" Said humanoid typhoon greets cheerfully as she slaps the entrance door open. "Where's the food?"
"Good evening, Fuji-nee." I greet her more calmly once she actually steps into the living room. "Dinner's ready to be served. I made mexican tonight."
"Oh! You managed to get the kitchen?" She asks worriedly, taking a look around and frowning slightly when she only sees Ecchan in the room with me. "Sakura must be feeling worse than I thought."
"Not really." I shake my head before putting on a carefree smile. "We just put our foot down and sent her to rest properly."
She throws me a doubtful look, but I stick to my guns. Like hell I'm going to admit what actually happened.
"Anyway, Haku is changing and I think she'll go get Sakura on her way back." I continue, switching to a safer topic. "Sit down and I'll start serving the food."
"Yes– Wait, no!" She's already by the table when she remembers the real business she has here tonight. "No so fast, brat! You still haven't introduced me to this famous 'Distant relative of Kiritsugu' of yours! Don't think you can distract me with food, I'm a responsible adult, damnit!"
I tsk loudly to play along with her antics before letting out a dramatic sigh and gesturing for Ecchan to get closer.
"Fuji-nee, this is Ekkusu Oruta, a distant relative of Kiritsugu from the States. We call her Ecchan." Eccham gives a small bow, barely a nod, and I can feel a vein pop in Taiga's forehead at the perceived snub. "Ecchan, this is Fujimura Taiga, our nominal tutor, alleged english teacher, token adult figure and all around pain in the ass."
"I get no respect around these parts." Taiga grumbles.
"I disagree, you get exactly the amount of respect you deserve." I retort without mercy or hesitation. "Anyway, Ecchan has some business here in Fuyuki, so the plan was for her to stay with us for a while."
"The plan 'was'?"
"Well… We've just discovered a termite infestation and will have to vacate the house while the exterminators work."
"First a stranger mooching off you, then Sakura gets sick and now termites?" Taiga lets out a long whistle. "Damn, when it rains it pours around here, huh? Will you be fine?"
"We've contacted the Ryuudou Temple and they are willing to host us for a week or two while this place gets inhabitable again." I appease her. "That should cover things properly."
"The Temple?" Taiga grumbles with her arms crossed and looking like she's bit a lemon. "I guess it's not a bad idea, much better than getting a hotel room like a damn tourist at least."
"You don't seem very happy about it."
"Why wouldn't I? It's not like Jii-chan's home isn't big enough to host some guests in an emergency or anything, right?" She retorts sarcastically, looking away with a pout. "It's not like you two are pretty much part of the family and I would've loved the excuse to stay some days with him myself too or anything."
"Raiga-jiji is the one who referred us to the Temple, Fuji-nee." I answer with an arched brow. "His home is a literal Yakuza mansion, remember?"
"Oh, yeah. Ehehehe~"
I let out a long sigh, wondering once more whether I could've survived growing up with Taiga as a parental figure without [Invictus]. It's moments like this that I truly appreciate the original Shirou's strength of character. What's having to fight a Church Executor to the death while your body is slowly turning into swords compared with that?
Fortunately, that's when Haku arrives accompanied by a slightly pale-looking Sakura and the topic is forgotten.
"Oh, Fuji-nee!" Haku chirps cheerfully. "Welcome home!"
"Fujimura-sensei, good evening." Sakura greets with a polite bow.
"Ah, Sakura!" Taiga's tone is as cheerful as Haku's, but she's eyeing Sakura like a hawk. "The brat called in sick for you, how are you feeling?"
"It's nothing." She shakes her head with a soft smile on her lips. "I still feel a bit faint, but I can move around just fine."
Taiga's eyes search mine, she's not buying Sakura's words and operation 'Coddle the Kouhai' will now begin. Knowing the options are to cooperate or be trampled by the Tiger train, I give her a small nod that she immediately answers with one of her own.
We all sit down and dinner begins without much fanfare. Taiga tries to interrogate Ecchan at first, but gives up when she fails to get anything beyond neutral monosyllabic answers from her and spends the rest of the time alternating between sending worried looks at Sakura and death glares at Ecchan.
Haku and I sit both sides of Sakura and make sure to satisfy every single small whim of hers before she can even acknowledge them. On the good side, some color returns to Sakura's cheeks from the VIP treatment. On the bad side, I want to tease her real bad, but I'm pretty sure she'll faint again if I start molesting her thighs under the table. Which is a real shame.
'That girl really needs some affection, doesn't she, Master?'
'You've read my mind, Princess' I agree easily with the voice in my head. 'Are you watching?'
'Indeed. Taiga-chan's charm is ready and I had nothing better to do.' She answers before her voice turns wistful. 'You make for an endearing group, it makes me wish I could join you.'
'Sorry about that. I really should've found an excuse to legitimately have you around so you wouldn't have to hide like a thief in your own house.'
'We talked about that, Master, don't worry.'' She hurries to appease my concerns. 'We had no way of knowing whether the original Artoria would be summoned and she cannot astralize. Two strangers arriving in less than a month would've been suspicious.'
'At least it won't be for much longer' I remind her. 'Tomorrow we move to the Temple and we can officially hit it off as fellow guests there.'
'I can hardly wait, Master.'
Our mental conversation gets interrupted by Taiga slamming the table with both hands.
"Alright, that's enough dancing around the problem!" She stands up, pointing at Ecchan, who seems as unnerved by the gesture as your average box of doughnuts would be. "I don't trust you! I don't know what to make of you and I don't like that! If you want me to approve of your stay here, you'll need to prove your mettle!"
"Mettle?" Ecchan tilts her head inquisitively, before reaching the right conclusion by some surreal twist of fate. "Sword duel?"
"Damn straight!" Taiga agrees without really registering how odd it is for a random foreigner to assume they'd be solving their problems by trying to beat each other up with sharp and pointy things. "Let's get to the dojo, I'll teach you a lesson you won't easily forget!"
I guess some things don't change.
There's a moment of silence as Sakura processes the bizarre situation, and she seems about to protest before I put my hand over her own and shake my head silently. Not only does this play in our favor, but we can't really do anything about it. There are no brakes on the Tiger train.
Instead, I offer her my arm to escort her into the dojo and catch up with Taiga, who of course has gone ahead, dragging Ecchan with her. By the time we arrive, they're already standing in front of each other, a shinai in their hands. Haku stands to the side with a sober expression on her face and a flag on each hand.
Looks like she'll be refereeing.
"Don't worry 'Ecchan', I'm just going to beat you halfway to death." Taiga taunts. "Impress me enough during the process and I'll even let you stay!"
Ecchan counters the taunt with a perfect deadpan stare, it's super effective! Taiga actually takes a step back before gaining a hold of herself and settling back into a ready stance.
"Are the contenders ready?" Haku asks, receiving a nod from each of them. "I want a clear fight, no killing intent, call your strikes. I'll stop the match if someone breaks the rules and you won't like it if I have to do that."
Taiga gulps nervously at Haku's tone, probably just remembering how seriously she takes these things. It's been a while since Taiga was around to watch Haku referee a match, after all. She suddenly doesn't look as confident as before, but she still squares her shoulders and leans slightly forward in a very aggressive stance that's pretty much her default.
On the other side of the field, Ecchan maintains a neutral face and a relaxed stance. One could say she's keeping her muscles nimble to make sure she'll be able to react to anything, or one could say she's too lazy to bother with anything beyond the very minimum when it comes to form.
Anyone's guess, really.
Haku's face hardens, and she gives the signal to begin the fight.
"Hajime!"
"Kote!"
Next thing anyone knows, Ecchan is standing inside Taiga's guard, and Taiga's bokken is flying towards the back of the dojo, where it sinks into the wall as if it had an actual edge. A deafening silence takes the hall as everyone tries to process what just happened in our own way.
Sakura and I alternate between looking at Taiga's empty hand and the slightly smoking shinai embedded in the wall, I idly wonder whether whoever pulls it out will be crowned King of England. Taiga herself stands frozen in place, lips still frozen in a plastic imitation of a confident smirk, a strangled keen coming from her throat. Ecchan herself simply walks back to her place and retakes her stance without a care in the world.
Haku remains more or less stoic, but there's a sharp smile on her face as she raises a flag to call the round. "Point for Ecchan!"
"Wha–" Clarity returns to Taiga's eyes immediately. As expected of Fuji-nee, what she can't cope with self-discipline is easily dealt with by her instinctive defiance towards any inconvenient rule. "That… that doesn't count!"
"She obeyed the rules, called the point, and didn't invest any killing intent on." Haku declares nonchalantly. "I say the point is valid."
"Haku-chan! You can't just–"
"Fuji-nee." Haku cuts her with a bright smile. I can feel the chill from where I'm sitting. "Who is the referee?"
"Well... You, but–"
"Indeed." She cuts sweetly, offering a new shinai to Taiga. "Now please get into position, unless you want to concede the match?"
"Whatever, I was just distracted." Taiga grumbles, getting back into position and taking her stance. "She won't catch me off-guard again."
I'm tempted to [Reinforce] my eyes so I can actually see what's going on, but that would detract from the magic of the moment. Plus I don't think I'll be able to live with myself if I still can't see her move even after going that far.
"Hajime!"
"Men!"
The second time is as fast as the first, but this time Ecchan slows down as she places a soft hit on Taiga's forehead before stepping past her, so we can at least see that.
"That's two points!" Haku announces. "Ecchan wins the duel!"
"No! How could this be!?" Taiga cries and rages at the verge of a tantrum. "I demand a rematch!"
"You can't just demand a rematch, Fuji-nee." I hurry to interfere. Ecchan has been playing nice so far, but she's starting to look annoyed and I'm not sure how much more her patience will last. She is evil-aligned after all. I'm a bit worried she'll end up splattering Taiga against a wall or something. "Ecchan has already proven herself, she doesn't have to do anything else."
"It's fine." She shrugs, taking a bite out of a chocolate bar she's produced from somewhere. "Just one more point though. I'm tired."
"Fufu… One point is all I need!" Taiga declares smugly, all her tears and rage suddenly nowhere to be found. "I knew something like this could happen, so I bought a trump card, just in case!"
A… Trump card? I suddenly have a very bad feeling. Wasn't Taiga disqualified from the professional kendo circuit for using a cursed blade in her matches? While I'm busy with foreboding thoughts, Taiga runs to her hand purse and pulls an impossibly long case from inside it.
Inside it lies an ominous shinai with a black handguard and a small tiger keychain. The whole weapon is wreathed in bloodlust thick enough to show up as a visible red sheen to my supernatural senses.
"Behold… Tora-shinai!"
The response to her grandstanding is surprisingly tame. Then again, everyone here is used to her antics. She hurries to retake her place, adopting a new stance that's disturbingly evocative of a tiger about to pounce on prey. Ecchan actually arches a brow at this, but ends up shrugging and sticking to her own relaxed stance.
This time, I do [Reinforce] my eyes. Whatever happens next, I don't want to miss it.
"Hajime!"
To my improved senses, Ecchan is still incredibly fast, but I'm at least capable of seeing her lunge forward in a burst of prana, weapon at the ready. At the same time, there's a furious yowl coming from the opposite side, Taiga charging ahead with glowing eyes and body filled by the same aura of bloodlust that seeped from her blade.
Unfortunately though...
"Do!"
… She's still way slower than Ecchan.
Taiga tries to block the strike, her lunge aborted midway as she frantically tries to avoid a clean hit, and it might've been enough to prolong the bout beyond the first strike if she'd opened with a more cautious stance but, as things stand, it's too little, too late.
Ecchan's shinai hits Taiga clean on the left side of her waist with enough force to knock her down and Haku calls the match. Taiga remains on the floor, staring at the ceiling while everyone gets close to congratulate Ecchan.
"Torashinai… lost?" She whispers at nobody.
She's not very responsive afterwards, after sourly declaring Ecchan's mettle up to the task, she barely acknowledges the world around her, remaining mostly quiet and answering our increasingly worried questions exclusively with dazed monosyllabic.
Her funk lasts exactly until I hand her a pile of lunchboxes with the dinner leftovers to take back home. She doesn't even notice the charm that Medea slips into her pocket as she's leaving.
Status de energia semanal
-- Ranking de
Poder 
-- Pedra de
Poder