Capítulo 6: Chapter 6
"I forgot to tell you Mimami returned?!"
Scratching my neck, "Yeah! I was so surprised to see her earlier."
"Ahaha! Well no hard feelings now! Just call it a surprise from us, yeah?"
I couldn't help but give dad an amused sigh. He's always kept this childish charm of his, much to my mom's embarassment.
I know it hasn't been more than a few months since I was last here but...I missed them.
Mom's warm smile, Dad's reassuring gestures, the old but comfortable house...
As I thought about these things, tears started rolling down my face. Using my arm, I cover my eyes as I excuse myself.
Rushing upstairs, I open my room only to see Minami on my old bed.
"Heya there, Kazuya... You okay?"
After recollecting myself, I reply, "Yeah, just...just got a little homesick is all."
"...I heard from your mom, you know. I know how special she was to you..."
Gritting my teeth, I hold back the tears swelling up in me. Now that the initial adrenaline's gone, my feelings have settled down.
I only felt pricks in my heart as I took in deep breaths. I'm really dumb, haha. I was the one that broke up with her yet I'm sad about it, what a pathetic person I am.
Grabbing my hand, Minami pulled me onto her and started stroking my head.
"It's okay, I still love you..." she said.
And in that moment, I saw a silhouette of my sister in her, and I just couldn't hold it in anymore. Letting the dam break, I bury my face into her shirt as I cried my heart out.
All the guilt, all the sadness, all the pain I felt, I let it all out in that moment. For the first time in a while, I felt vulnerable.
Having seen my girlfriend cheat, I had kept my guard up constantly, trying to keep myself from getting hurt. But now, now that didn't matter at all.
Anything related to Amiya no longer mattered.
For minutes, she just kept stroking my head as I stained her shirt with my tears.
Until finally, I calmed down. The bottom part of her shirt was practically covered in sweat but she didn't seem to mind.
Looking at her, she seemed sympathetic. Her expression was full of worry.
"Haha, sorry, Minami," I said as I wiped my tears off. "Could we talk tomorrow instead? I wanna...just be alone for tonight."
All she did was nod as she left my room.
Diving into my bed, I begin to contemplate my decisions. I've calmed down now but every emotion I feel is amplified right now. Every happy moment, every sad moment, they all felt so strong.
"Ha... Breaking up's made me a mess, huh?"
Even now, I could still feel lingering feelings for Amiya. I knew that what she did was awful, but somewhere in my heart, there's a part of me that wanted to forgive her for it... It's messed up. Emotions are so odd, huh? You get hurt, you still love them and you still blame yourself.
At this point, I wasn't really thinking about anything correctly. Mostly just blaberring on in my head. Even now, the reasons for why she cheated on me reverberated in my head. Was I to blame? Could I have changed something about myself?
I wanted those thoughts gone, I didn't want to think about Amiya anymore but they just couldn't leave my head.
I did the right thing, I repeated in my head over and over again. I tried suppressing these feelings I had, no matter how much it clawed at my mind. It just isn't right. Why am I still hurting? I hate this feeling.
The feeling of subconciously blaming yourself despite knowing you were in the right. I gave myself every reason to be happy, I broke up with her, I visited my parents again, I even met an old friend! So why am I still so sad despite all this?
And after a moment, that's when it finally clicked.
No matter what happens, I know for a fact that I still truly loved Amiya...
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