Capítulo 1: FIRST CHAPTER
A mask; that is fake but, they think it is real.
Maybe, they didn't think that and decided not to do anything.
I can't deny that I have low self-esteem. That is something that I have known since I learned what self-esteem was. I have always hidden it behind the mask of an optimistic, confident and cheerful person but, sometimes I can't stop thinking that I have more negatives than positives. For example, I can be a great liar and handler as well as sarcastic. It's as if I'm always on the defensive, that is something instinctive or by inertia; many times, I have wanted that they asked me how I feel. I can indeed handle many things on my own. However, that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate a small hint of concern towards me; not because I'm mature does it mean that I'm left aside in that sense.
Maybe it is ridiculous but, the person is my soulmate so, it hurts more than anything in the world.
The words are the best poison to go to the death.
My current feeling may seem ridiculous but, it's what I sincerely feel from the bottom of my heart. Sometimes only by doing something wrong, people start bombarding me with more things that have nothing to do with the said mistake. Somehow with everything they say, they make me look like a person who does nothing; it's useless, too annoying, an inadequate person, and without any importance. It hurts a lot since those words come from someone who; I see as my soul mate. A significant person for whom I would give everything without any hesitation until my life. She talks most of the time, regardless of how I feel or will feel. No matter what I do, those words always leave a scar but, I have learned to live with it. I could say that over time I have known how to deal with those scars of yesterday, today, and probably tomorrow. However, that doesn't mean that they don't hurt badly. She says those words sometimes because she feels frustrated or maybe when she feels angry and wants to get everything out with everything present. Also, I'm a good target for her relief, I think. That's not fair, but I can't do anything. After all, that could light the flame more than reducing it because again, everything returns to normal as if she hadn't been saying those horrible words. However, the damage always remains, don't take importance if it's minimal. I wonder if at some point she will see why I keep things and I don't say what I think, will she one day see that why are her words? Maybe she won't and will attribute it to something else.
In the past, I used to want your approbation and, I tried to adapt me to your likes, now I think and do different activities counting on myself.
In the past, I tried to adapt to her tastes. To be like she wanted me to be from head to toe. To do what seemed best to her, from clothes to opinions. Although these last two years, I can proudly say that I have acted a little out of her mold. I still care what she thinks, though now, I also took the importance of my thoughts and feelings; I don't always have to agree with what she wants. That's what I have expressed this year in some situations in which I didn't agree at all. For that reason, I received disapproving and annoyed looks but, she still accepts it or at least tolerates it.
No all of the things are bad. Sometimes there is a rainbow in my usual dark sky.
Perhaps it seems that I want to paint that person hardly but, it isn't like that, it isn't always like that. Frankly, my dear soulmate has a great heart that many have taken advantage of overtime. It seemed that she didn't understand it because she kept allowing them to be taken advantage of her kindness, which left problems, big problems. I hate to see the sadness, despair, frustration, and helplessness that bathes her face every day deeply. It hurts me not to be able to do enough to be of help to her. But time after, I have noticed that she has opened her eyes a bit. Nevertheless, that doesn't diminish her goodness. In my opinion, it's good progress and; I hope it continues like this.
I'm not a martyr and, I don't want people to see me like that.
I don't complain; I only try to express my feelings that I usually keep deep in my heart.
I don't want to martyr myself or something like that; I'm just trying to express myself. I'm not looking for pity or sorrow but understanding because I know that I'm not the only person feeling that way at this moment or in the past.
Sometimes, the words which some take for complaints are real words of pain and reality; they aren't exaggerations or dramatizations as they think most of the time.
Sometimes, people believe that the body and money are the most important thing, but I consider that our emotional well-being is also relevant.
A common story
It isn't a fictitious story, out of another world with characters with big names. The truth is that I don't feel that their names represent them well, so I gave them titles or significant words in the life of a young woman. Today and the following days, you will read the story of a young woman with problems, achievements, insecurities, strengths, and dreams.
A young woman like any other; who wants to have heard but is afraid to express her feelings; despite the progress, she has made.
Questions and questions, our lives are full of questions; some are easy, some a little difficult.
She has many questions, but now we're going to focus on only one of them and, that is: I'm important to someone?
<font _mstmutation="1">How fascinating are the beginnings, I think. They have a lot of unknowns.</font>
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Nyx_Euterpe
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