Capítulo 7: The dark part of my soul
Dark Raphael had been standing in the shadows the entire time, his eerie smile never leaving his face as he observed every event unfold. The young Raphael could feel his presence, like a cold pressure that had gripped him ever since his first bout of headaches.
— What are you? — the young Raphael asked quietly but firmly, feeling the cold fingers of fear tightening around his heart.
— I am you, obviously, — Dark Raphael replied mockingly, stepping closer. His voice sounded as if every whisper broke through the walls of Raphael's consciousness. — I am what was born in your mind after Erin's death. What emerged the moment you decided to forsake your humanity and take up the 'Fallen Blade.'
— Or did you think you could escape it unscathed?
Raphael clenched his fists, trying to stay on his feet and keep his mind clear. He couldn't afford to show weakness, not even in front of himself. Not now, when he had finally resolved to move forward and stop wasting time.
— You... You can't be me, — Raphael retorted, feeling a storm of emotions rising inside him.
Dark Raphael leaned in closer, his icy breath brushing against Raphael's ear, and his hand caressed Raphael's cheek.
The cold armor touching his skin filled him with unbearable disgust. The young Raphael felt as though he might vomit at any moment.
— I can't be you? — Dark Raphael smirked, his voice dripping with sarcasm, as if he knew something Raphael didn't want to admit. — Then who am I, in your opinion? An illusion? A spawn of dark forces? Or just another trap set by your brothers?
Raphael closed his eyes, trying to push these thoughts away, but they dug into his consciousness, leaving painful marks.
— Stop lying to yourself. Stop blaming everyone else for your misfortunes! — Dark Raphael suddenly shouted. — You created me! Why? Because you were weak! Instead of taking action for nineteen years, all you did was avoid difficulties!
Each word hit Raphael with renewed force. He wanted to deny it, to shout and drive Dark Raphael away, but he didn't know what to say.
— Does it hurt? — Dark Raphael pressed on. — Do you think it didn't hurt Erin when her esteemed lord was ridiculed by everyone? Do you think Alice enjoyed family dinners when they turned into a session of tearing her beloved brother apart? You're worthless, just as they called you. Don't you dare blame anyone else for your problems. It's all your fault; you're just weak.
— I didn't want it to happen like this... — Raphael mumbled, still standing with his head bowed. — I thought if I stayed out of the family's affairs, they wouldn't bother us...
— Who the fuck cares now? — Dark Raphael asked incredulously. — The fact remains: you died, and with you, Erin died too, and who knows what happened to Alice. This isn't a court where we can debate who's at fault. The only thing we can be sure of is that if you had the strength, even in the worst case, you could have escaped with them and hidden away. You could have run to the Sawyers and become a traitor, but at least you would've been alive with those you care about. And what do we have now? — Dark Raphael continued, his tone weary as he sat down in the chair by the desk.
Raphael didn't want to admit it, but he had no other choice.
— You're right... I killed them... — Raphael said, his voice filled with disappointment. — It wasn't Theo who killed them—it was me. If I had been stronger...
— Exactly. Stop blaming everyone else. If you want to blame someone for your weakness, blame yourself.
— ...But that doesn't mean someone like you has the right to reproach me! — Raphael suddenly shifted from a calm tone to an aggressive one.
— ...
— You yourself said that you are me! So you're just as guilty as I am!
— Ha, blaming others again?
— I chose to become the Fallen Paladin because I believed your power would help me! But you lost the moment I relied on you!
— Watch your mouth, bastard. It all happened because you wanted to keep your sanity! — Dark Raphael snapped. — If you had fully surrendered your body to me, that wouldn't have happened!
— Shut the hell up! Everything you did was an obvious attempt to make me 'fall' completely.
Dark Raphael listened silently, sitting in the chair.
— This leads me to certain conclusions. You can't take over my body, can you? — Raphael asked with a sly smile.
— ...Suppose so. But what difference does it make? Was anything I said untrue?
As Dark Raphael had said, "the fact remains." No matter what anyone said or how they tried to comfort Raphael, he still knew one simple truth. The weak grovel while the strong reap the rewards. Absolute power solves nearly all problems. No one would have dared to touch Raphael and his loved ones if he had enough strength.
"There's no point in dwelling on this now. Either way, I've been given a second chance," Raphael thought.
"But something's bothering me."
— You're right, it changes nothing. Your words are true. I'm the only one to blame for my weakness, and no one else. But tell me one thing.
— And what's that?
— Why do you exist? Even if I created you in my past life, isn't this a new life for me?
— I have no idea. Don't think of me as some dark spirit or anything like that. As I said before, I am you, just in a different interpretation.
— Then why do you want my body? Shouldn't you be trying to preserve my sanity so you don't die yourself? If I die, you disappear too.
— Does one need a reason to want to be alive and have their own body? I simply want to be whole, not just a part of your schizophrenia.
— So, by yourself, all you can do is get on my nerves? You can't pose any real physical threat?
Agh!!!
Suddenly, Raphael was struck by a severe headache, and his mind clouded, causing him to collapse to the floor.
— Yes, I can't inflict direct physical pain on you. But your mental state is a different matter, — Dark Raphael said deviously.
— Damn you! If you think you can force me to surrender my body like this, you're gravely mistaken!
— ...
Gradually, the headache subsided, and Raphael managed to get back on his feet.
— I don't need to force you to give up your body. It was interesting to try, but eventually, you'll give it up on your own.
— What the fuck did you just say? — Raphael asked, his voice filled with rage.
— It's only a matter of time. Do you think you'll become all-powerful just by starting to train right now? That you'll overcome all obstacles through sheer effort and become the strongest in the world? And what, a happy ending will be waiting for you, like in a fairy tale?
— ...What?
— Wake up, idiot. You lived like a parasite for nineteen years, as ironic as that sounds coming from me. Do you think you can change just like that while the world waits for your progress? — Dark Raphael asked sarcastically. — Be realistic. You won't be able to handle such a burden, even with a second chance.
— ...
— And when you find yourself on the brink again, you'll turn to me. And at that moment...
— Damn it! Shut your mouth!
Unexpectedly, Raphael screamed at the top of his lungs. Everything his alter ego had said had infuriated him all this time. No matter how truthful his words were, it still irritated Raphael to his core.
— I've been thinking about something...
— ...
— When I was hit by the severe headaches, you disappeared, — Raphael continued in a calm voice. — Does that mean you'll vanish if I experience intense physical pain?
— Oh, so that's what you've been planning.
Raphael glanced around and rushed to the desk, grabbing the letter opener from it. Dark Raphael watched him with a slight smile.
— I'll be waiting for your call, — Dark Raphael muttered cunningly.
— Don't get your hopes up, you bastard.
In that instant, Raphael slashed his left arm with the knife.
Dark Raphael vanished without a trace. Raphael's theory proved correct. Exhausted from the overwhelming events, the boy collapsed to the floor.
— Hah... What is all of this? — Raphael muttered as he drifted off to sleep.
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