Capítulo 59: Chapter 56
"Fallon, you're next" Joy said as she left the room and met with her friends. For some reasons, the interviewer seemed weird because her aura was too strong, and she asked her about Light many times- who seemed to have piqued her interest. She can't be blamed, and Joy understood that for she knew Light and she was well-aware that he seemed to be so capable to do anything and his presence was enough for anyone to feel coldness and terrible intimidation. She wasn't able to help herself but to think that Light was too special, and many people believes in him. However, the person she was thinking about was no longer beside her friends who sat on the chairs neatly arranged on the hallway. He approached them and sat on the empty chair.
"Hey, Where's Light?" at that time, Fallon had already gone to see the interviewer and Nathan prepared because he was the last one to be interviewed. Mari, who was sitting beside her looked at her and smiled.
"His tummy went grumbling a while ago and he said that his stomach was bad and he rushed home." Mari answered and arranged herself comfortably on her chair.
"He was funny I couldn't contain my laughter" Nick said and giggled as he recalled exactly how Light's face looked like.
"I wish I could have seen him like that, which reminds me- did he say that he will come back?" Joy asked them, hoping to hear a solid yes.
"He didn't, unfortunately." Mari said. "Hey Nathan, you must be very nervous to attend the interview that you seem like you are shaking badly."
Nathan flinched and he reluctantly looked at Mari knowing that he will also see Joy. He tried not to see her on his peripheral vision and he rubbed his cheek as he answered "I.. I just can't mess this opportunity. To be able to get one of the highest scores in their exams is very unlikely and I need to answer her questions properly if I want to enter their school."
"You don't have anything to worry about because with what I am seeing so far, think you are doing great." Joy said and smiled again. Nathan seemed to have blown a fuse as his face went all red and he sat there frozen looking at Joy.
"You're next" Fallon said and left them to go study at the class. Nathan seemed to have cheered up greatly because of what Joy have said and bravely entered the room.
"Good luck!" The three of them told him and smiled.
"I have a strength of a thousand men!"
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"Haven't you had enough of this world?" Erika asked Light as they sat on the seashore. "Everyday, I'm facing a battle whether I should carry on or not- whether I should get up from my bed and live."
"I guess I am getting tired of this world and sometimes," Light looked at the captivating clear beach "I want to end everything and start questioning why was I brought up to this world- but I have people who I hold on to tight and I just don't want to leave them so I keep fighting even if it's hard because I am not only fighting for them- I am fighting for myself as well to buy time so I could be with them for a longer period of time."
Erika looked at him and studied his unusual appearance. "Everyone's time is limited- I completely understand simple logic like that. However, I did not choose to be here. I did not choose to be born in a world where everyday I have to decide whether or not I should kill myself." Light looked at her but she averted her gaze to try not to make Light feel the way everyone feels whenever they saw her. "It's getting tedious fighting to keep myself alive; ya know?"
"But you have been constantly fighting, and you did a great job because you are here, talking to me." Light told her and looked at her clean arms. 'No cuts…'
"Maybe I did well" she said and patted her own shoulder as the wind caressed her cheeks. "I love the ocean. It gives me a peace of mind and I can remember my grandmother, whom I love so much."
"You can tell me about her. I am a safe place" Light told her as her hair that looked like overgrown bangs hid her face- but Light saw him crying. Tears were streaming her cheeks but she was evidently trying not to sob.
"Thank you Light. No one has ever asked me why I became like this though I am always prepared for an answer" Erika said and played with the sand. "I had a terrible childhood I am not ready to talk about. When I say terrible, it literally means terrible. I have always been compared to people far better than me. I was always the good-for-nothing child. I was always the out-of-place introverted person who cannot interact with other people. I was always me and that was the most frustrating thing of all.
"Sometimes I want to die but I want to live long. However, my desire of dying is more powerful than my will to live and it's driving me insane like I can no longer breathe or look at myself.
"However, knowing that I am useless, I tried so hard to become someone my parents would be proud of. Whenever someone brags to them about their children, they stayed silent because they can't say anything that can boost their morale of leave the other person feel defeated.
"So I tried to change myself and kill the past timid, passive, and useless Erika. I did everything to make them proud. I collected medals and certificates and I joined various competitions. I almost never sleep just to give them what they want- a useless piece of paper containing the even more useless numbers that will serve as the evidence of how I abused myself.
"One time, I joined an oratorical competition and lost. I can still remember how it feels back then. Out of 5 people who competed, I was fourth. I am really bad at memorizing things, but my teacher begged me for it because there was no one who wants to join. That teacher, being the one who taught me math for entrance tests was someone I cannot refuse. Losing was very painful and embarrassing.
"But you know what's the most painful?" Erika said and cried more as she lowered her head and hugged herself. "My mama…. My mama….. she was… she was… was… angry at me and she did not talk to me. She told me 'you did not even place on top 3'.
"I already feel terrible but that broke my heart, seeing my mother, the love of my life dissatisfied with me. And when I failed all the entrance exams I took, they looked at me like a trash not belonging anywhere."
She looked at Light thoroughly and her gaze got his attention.
"Can you feel my pain? Light?"
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