Lunch was another quiet hunch in the impressive cafeteria followed by a slow, slumping return across the Yard toward the library and more torture. I was recognizing faces at least. Yeah, sure was. Only because those faces glared at me like I was some kind of freak who'd ruined everything.
The really crappy part in all of this was how so very far I'd really come. I wasn't the complaining, poor-me girl who wanted to be normal anymore. I really felt like I'd grown up a lot in the last two years, learned things about myself, who I was and, more importantly, who I could be some day. And I'd embraced my future, or at least told myself I had.
Why then was it back to the same old, same old with me retreating all over again, afraid, willing to not be me just for a chance to fit in? Nothing about how I was feeling seemed right or natural anymore. Sucked how easy it was to backslide into old habits.