Capítulo 35: Chapter 35: A Heartbreaking Conversation with Death

"I couldn't sleep", I explained in a whisper. It wasn't even a lie. He came closer, looked down at me. He was wearing a suit, but his jacket was open and his hair lay unruly. Had he been working again? Silence. "Have you been crying?" He seemed so majestic in contrast to me. Even now. "No." I couldn't look him in the eye, he shouldn't see me in this situation. Silence. He bent down to me and examined me: "Is it because of Raingency?" He grabbed the back of his neck and spoke more to himself: "I should have known it was bothering you. I'm such an idiot, I'm sorry." Awkwardly, he took my hand. My eyes filled with tears again at his tender touch, I could only see in a blur. Then they followed again the black streaks. "Please, don't cry, it makes it even harder for me", he was overwhelmed by the situation. "I, I can't.", I withdrew from his tenderness and hid my face in my hands. Sobs. Silence. Suddenly it became warm around me and I felt the buttons of Nicolas Gilette. "I can't go on, Nicolas, I can't go on like this", I sobbed. I had deliberately phrased it ambiguously. He held me, didn't leave me alone, all without words... He said nothing, he was just there for me and by my side. I continued to cry quietly, I noticed how he stroked my head. This gesture warmed my heart. It felt so good not to be alone. I don't know how long I sat like that on the floor with him. I looked into his green eyes, still clutching his jacket with my fingers. "Belle, please don't do this to me, I won't take advantage of you now.", he replied firmly. "Please.", I whispered longingly. I closed my eyes and felt his lips on me expectantly. We kissed and he stroked my hair, probably another strand that didn't want to stay where it was. He let go of me: "I can't do this to you in your condition, it wouldn't be right. "Nothing is right or wrong in the here and now." He took my face in his hands and gently brushed away a tear. Silence. "You are so beautiful Belle, even in the moonlight." His eyes reflected a small blur of Belle, which was ironic. Because at that moment I felt inferior and fragile. The next moment we were kissing again. My heartbeat was faster and that pleasant tingle ran through me again. Then I remembered my resolutions, I had to get out of here. I was bad for him, he deserved a better woman. I broke away from him: "We can't." I whispered. He looked me in the eye: "Belle, have I done something wrong?" He looked at me hurt. This time I had gone too far, I had rejected him too many times. I wanted to approach him, but he avoided me. "Nico...?", I wanted to say something, but he stood up and smoothed out his clothes. "I can't do this anymore, either you finally make up your mind or I'm leaving. I am not Prince of Little England for pleasure. I have a job to do and I cannot rely on you to be the wife by my side. What if you suddenly stand at the altar with me and throw it all away? No, I can't go on like this. I'm not your plaything anymore!" His words cut into my flesh. He looked at me, I knew he was expecting an answer, but the one I would give him, I didn't want to give. His hands hung limp: "I understand." My silence seemed clear to him. He turned and strode away. I stayed behind, alone and abandoned. My reflection looked me in the face. I doubled over and shed bitter tears. I was an idiot.