Capítulo 20: 20: Presentation!
Kara thought she knew what she was getting into.
"-And-! And-! He's such a bastard! A sexy, stupid, sexy, insufferable, sexy bastard!" Barbara raved. "He's made more work for me in a few months than Dick has all year! And you know what Dick is like! Don't even get me started on that Goddamn stupid sexy smirk of his!"
Kara thought wrong. She was almost at a loss for words. Something Barbara didn't even seem to notice, too caught up with how she was venting about this… Sean Caine. Kara wasn't given any chance to get a single word in edgewise, even if she did know what to say. Was this what it felt like to be stun-locked?
Since she met up with Barbara again, it had just been shot after shot. The first was seeing Barbara walking under her own power again. Kara had nearly squealed in excitement. She'd barely restrained that instinct but she hadn't been able to stop herself from hugging the stuffing out of Barbara.
That… almost ended in tragedy. For a moment, Kara forgot her strength. She hugged her friend so tightly that she was likely moments away from paralyzing her again. Thankfully, she didn't go that far.
She did, however, pick Barbara up and fly while spinning her friend in her arms. Barbara's giggles as she did were a balm to Kara's soul. It felt so good to hear her friend laugh again. It'd been so long. Too long.
The second shot came not long after the first. With Kara's embrace loosened so she didn't strangle the other girl, Barbara managed to squirm free of her grip. Kara gasped, preparing herself to catch Barbara. Only for that preparation to prove unnecessary.
Barbara had fallen, yes. But then she seemed to catch herself impossibly on thin air. It looked like it took great effort to do so and Barbara later said she was still learning but Kara was a bit busy gaping at her friend. Barbara could fly!
Only sort of, as it turned out. She explained it as a new form of martial arts she was learning. Kara wasn't very familiar with martial arts but that seemed amazing! And a bit impossible… Which transitioned the conversation to who Barbara was learning from. Sean Caine.
That's when the shots really started to come fast and furious. Sean ran a bar in Gotham. Not that strange. Sean's bar was a neutral ground for heroes, villains, and civilians to hang out. A bit odd but potentially a good idea. Sean regularly told stories there of other worlds. Now, Barbara was starting to lose Kara. Sean was the one who HEALED Barbara, he was essentially married to the personified concept of DEATH, and he'd killed the JOKER? What…?
And that wasn't even getting into Barbara's apparently complicated feelings toward Sean. If Kara didn't know any better — and she really didn't — she might think Barbara had a crush. Did she? The more Barbara named 'stupid sexy' qualities of Sean, the more Kara was starting to think it was so.
Kara hadn't been expecting ANY of this. She just thought Barbara was finally working through whatever was bothering her and contacted her to hang out like they used to. Only to come to Gotham and find out that Barbara was in a completely different place than she was expecting — both physically and mentally.
She was happy though. That much, Kara could tell just by listening to her speak so passionately. That was enough for Kara. Though she was becoming more and more interested in this Sean guy. Very interested…
"He can be so cool!" Barbara exclaimed. "But it's like every time he opens his mouth to tell a story, I'm resigned to writing a 40-page report on the subject!"
"So… you hate him…?" Kara asked curiously.
"Oh, God, no!" Barbara laughed, sounding surprised at the idea. "He gave me my life back, Kara. I don't think I could ever hate him. He's just a very frustrating man. Stupid sexy Sean…"
Kara tilted her head, "What's with the 'stupid sexy' thing anyway?"
"'Cause he's stupid…" Barbara grumbled. "And sexy… Nothing about him makes sense but he makes it work so well. I mean, he's teaching me how to fly with freaking bicycle kicks! It shouldn't work and I'm just so pissed that it does!"
"Does this mean we can go flying together soon?" Kara perked up with excitement.
"Probably not that far, farm-girl," Barbara chuckled. "It's more like floating with effort than actual flying. I'll never be able to get higher than I can physically jump and I can't maintain it forever."
Kara giggled, "Bruce is going to flip when he finds out, isn't he?"
Barbara nodded, "Oh, without a doubt. They all will. I'm almost counting on it. I think it'll make for a pretty good prank."
"How naughty, Babs~"
"Hey, I deserve a bit of mischief in my life after everything."
Kara fell silent for a moment before saying with consideration, "I think I'd like to meet him."
Barbara startled slightly. On the outside, she showed surprise at Kara's statement. On the inside, she was practically grinning. She was… well, scheming was such an ugly word. But she was being careful to get Kara interested in Sean.
She knew now more than ever that she'd need all the help she could get with him. Reinforcements from Kara would be more than welcome. They might even save her life if Harley and Ivy's stories were to be believed. Besides, Kara deserved pleasure and satisfaction just like Barbara did.
Barbara was confident Sean would be able to handle 120 pounds of wholesome, All-American farm-girl. A guy like him wouldn't be intimidated by sex with a Kryptonian. She snickered internally. All she had to do was get Kara interested and introduce them to each other. Sean would do the rest from there just by being himself.
She thought she would have been jealous of the idea. But now that she was here, it didn't bother her all that much. For one, her options were already limited when it came to romance. Kara's were even more limited.
For another, she quite liked Sean. In another life, it might have rankled for her to need help to keep up with a man. In this one, Barbara was being rather pragmatic, generous — and more than a little desperately thirsty after a three-year dry spell…
"That can probably be arranged. I can ask Bruce for the night off and we can go hang out at the Dead End," Barbara offered.
"Good," Kara nodded, adopting a firm, serious expression that looked out of place on her cute, sweet, girl-next-door features. "I need to make sure he's treating my friend right."
Barbara giggled, "You get your protective side from Clark, I see. And are you sure that's the only reason you want to meet him~?"
Kara blushed and sputtered, "It's, it's not like that! I just want to… Yeah! I just want to make sure he's good for you, Babs!"
"He's anything but good for me," Barbara said sarcastically. "Especially my blood pressure. But I like him anyway."
"Hmm…" Kara eyed her suspiciously. "When you say 'like' him… What do you mean by that?"
Barbara smirked, "It means I want him to teach me more than just 'martial' arts."
Kara cocked her head in confusion, "Huh?"
Still smirking, Barbara elaborated, "I want a crash course in the marital arts too."
The confusion in Kara's expression didn't dwindle at all, "I don't… understand."
"I want him to put my body through its paces," Barbara clarified with a roll of her eyes.
"Like a spar…?"
"Dammit, Kara!" Barbara finally snapped. "Sex! I want him to sex me up real good! I fucking want him to fuck me until I can't fucking walk or tell up from down!"
"EEP~!" Kara squeaked, blushing so much she was actually glowing. "You can't SAY something like that, Babs! I-It's not proper…!"
Barbara sighed, "Oh, you sweet, sweet summer child… Farm-girl, I'm going to spell it out clearly for even your pure innocent brain to understand. I haven't had sex in YEARS. I couldn't even pleasure myself until Sean healed me."
"P-PLEASURE YOURSELF~?!?!" Kara's blush went even more nuclear and her voice raised to octaves that could match a dog whistle. "You can, you can do that?!"
"Yes," Barbara said flatly. "Kara. I. Am. Horny. Just furiously horny and pent-up. Sean is the solution to my problem. Maybe not the easiest solution. But the best one. Especially since he's the Goddamn reason I can even feel my pussy again!"
"Barbara, please~?" Kara whined, sounding scandalized. "My ears aren't used to that kind of c-crass language!"
"Well, it's about time you get used to it," Barbara nodded firmly. "I think you're even more pent-up than me, Kara. Sean might be just the guy you need to finally lose your virginity."
Kara stuck her fingers in her ears, shaking her head in denial, "Lalalalala~! I'm not listening~! The things you're saying are wrong and inappropriate and… L-LEWD~!"
Barbara shook her head somberly, "Poor, poor farm-girl… You don't even know what you're missing out on."
"I'm… I'm missing out…?" Kara asked softly, unable to suppress her curiosity.
"Have you seriously never touched yourself, Kara? You know, 'down there'?"
"… Noooo…? Kal says that's how you go blind."
"And what does Ma Kent say?"
"… That masturbation is a healthy and natural outlet…" Kara admitted with a grumble. "But-! But it's so, so LEWD!"
The deadpan Barbara gave Kara could have killed the dead all over again, "Farm-girl. Listen to your Ma on this one. You REALLY don't know what you're missing out on. Kal is just being his usual overprotective self when it comes to you. Honestly, if Ma Kent heard him say that to you, she'd whoop his ass. In or out of costume."
Kara giggled at the mental image of Ma Kent spanking Superman, "She could totally do it too."
"Exactly. So you really shouldn't be listening to Kal on this one. He's just about the last person you should listen to when it comes to this. One, he's THE Boy Scout. Two — and this is important, Kara — he's MALE. He's a smart guy and I respect the Hell out of him but I'd go to BRUCE about feminine troubles before I went to Clark."
"He's usually pretty good about my time of the month…" Kara mumbled halfheartedly.
Barbara snorted, "Of course, he is. He was still raised by Ma Kent, after all. But have you ever talked to him about something like… shaving or something?"
"No, I guess I haven't. I can't even talk to Ma about shaving the more… sensitive spots."
"Oh, yeah, now that I'm thinking about it, how DO you shave, farm-girl?" Barbara asked, honestly curious.
Kara shuddered and got a far-off look in her eyes, "Heat vision. And mirrors. So. Many. Mirrors."
"Ah…" That was all Barbara could say in response to Kara's apparent shaving-related trauma.
After a moment of silence, Kara recovered enough to ask, "Is… m-masturbation… really that different between guys and girls…?"
"Yeah-… Well, kind of. The difference is something that Ma Kent clearly understands well though. She was telling you it's healthy because it is. It might not be necessary but it's a Hell of a lot healthier than the opposite. Honestly, I don't know how you deal with the stress of our jobs without a bit of self-pleasure."
"I've… managed so far. I, I don't think I need to resort to l-lewd stuff…"
"Trust me, farm-girl. You do. You really do. You don't know what you're missing out on. And if Sean lives up to what I think he can, he's one of the only good men who can blow your pure Kryptonian mind."
"… I can see how s-sex with a Kryptonian on Earth would be… problematic."
"That's putting it lightly," Barbara snorted.
"So… masturbation…" Kara said, obviously stalling and working herself up to ask something.
"Yes?" Barbara encouraged with amusement.
"Would you, would you teach me? How to be l-l-lewd…?" Kara finally asked, blushing an almost neon red color.
Barbara laughed, making Kara's blush even brighter, "Oh, Clark's going to kill me!"
"Babs! It's not funny!" Kara insisted, looking moments away from actually stomping her feet. "I wouldn't know where to start! And you know just asking was hard enough for me!"
Barbara waved to placate her friend, "Sorry, farm-girl. I get it. I really do. And I love you. But not like that. I'm perfectly willing to share the guy I like with you — Hell, I think it's necessary so both of us stand a chance of coming out of this alive…"
Kara fidgeted nervously, whining, "Do you have to make it sound so scary~?"
"With Sean? Yeah, probably," Barbara nodded. "Anyway, I love you but — no matter how much Harley is trying to convince me to come to the 'dark side' — I don't swing that way."
"O-Oh…" Kara deflated slightly.
The cuteness was enough to breach Barbara's refusal, "What I can do, however, is show you where to start. I'll send you some of my favorite, uh, 'research material'. I… kinda built up a stockpile during my time in the chair."
"Oh~?" Kara's mood reversed course, lighting up her face with sudden cheer. "Educational materials? That sounds perfect!"
Barbara paused but decided to let Kara figure out what she meant by 'research material' for herself, "… Yeah. It'll be good for you, farm-girl."
"Great~!" Kara was humming happily now. "I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do! And I can't wait to meet Sean!"
"The Dead End should be opening about now," Barbara said. A thought occurred to her somewhat randomly, "Hey, Kara? About your trouble shaving?"
"What about it?" Kara asked, squashing down on the familiar shudder.
"Can't you just have the Fortress of Solitude create a razor for you? It has to have something designed for female Kryptonians, right? Maybe something with a Kryponite blade for use under a yellow sun?"
Kara stopped in her tracks. Her mind seemed to stutter and buffer. Barbara's suggestion sunk into her mind. Then she uttered the foulest, most vile curse she'd ever said, "GOSH DARNIT!!"
IIIII
"Hey, Babs," Sean Caine said. "Mind introducing me to your friend?"
Kara looked at Sean. Really looked at him. Top to bottom, inside out. Quite literally, when her enhanced vision was taken into account. As far as she could tell — from microscopic to telescopic, infrared to X-ray vision — he was a normal human.
He should have been nothing special. But… he kinda was. Kara couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. He was certainly handsome. Kara could see where the 'sexy' part of Barbara's 'stupid sexy' catchphrase came from.
But there was also something about him… Something that even Kara's enhanced vision couldn't see. As if it was lurking right past the limits of her Kryptonian abilities. As if that something special was hidden even from her. Oh, and there was the 'stupid sexy smirk' she'd heard so much about.
"I'm sure you already know who she is, Sean," Barbara said flatly. "Just like you already knew who I was beneath the mask."
Kara's head whipped around to stare at her friend, "W-What…?!"
Barbara just rolled her eyes, "Oh, it's fine. Secret identities are safe in the Dead End. Magic fuckery, I suspect. Plus Sean here seems to know much, much more than he should."
Sean smiled a charming, silly sort of smile, "It's what I do. Nice to meet you, Kara. I'm a big fan."
"Oh…" Kara blushed ever so slightly. "Thank you. I've heard a lot about you from Barbara."
"Only good things, I hope," Sean joked.
"Well, not… quite?" Kara fidgeted a bit in her seat at the bar.
Sean just laughed, "Don't worry, I get it. Our mutual friend has complicated feelings toward me."
"Don't talk about me as if I'm not here," Barbara deadpanned.
"So desperate to be included already, Babs~?" He teased.
Barbara blushed and looked away, "I wouldn't say… desperate…"
"Really~? That descriptor seems about accurate to me~"
"Shut it, Sean!"
Kara watched their exchange with intense interest. It was a new thing for her to see her normally composed friend become flustered so easily. Something about Sean just seemed to get under Barbara's skin in the best of ways.
Kara could see that Barbara wasn't nearly as angry as she was acting. All the signs were there for her enhanced senses. She could hear Barbara's heart beating a giddy rhythm. She could see the heat pooling in Barbara's lower abdomen. She could smell a subtly strange, sort of tangy scent entering Barbara's perfume.
Kara didn't quite understand it. Not yet. But she could sense it. She had a feeling it was something to do with those l-l-lewd things she and Barbara talked about. Kara decided she really needed those 'research materials' sooner rather than later.
Perhaps they would mention something about the things she was sensing and the strange unfamiliar tingly sensation that made her feel like doing… something. She didn't know what though. It was as if her body wanted to move. Sideways? Did she want to fly right now? She'd never felt this sort of… desire… before. How strange.
Shaking the strangely exotic (Was that it? Or maybe one letter off?) thoughts from her head, Kara looked around the bar. They'd arrived rather early in the night. Business was still picking up as a result. Shouldn't Sean have been busy? How did that drink order get filled just now?
This place defied logic and common sense. Just like Barbara said it would. Kara's eyes were drawn to the wall behind the bar. A series of items she couldn't identify sat there like trophies, in front of a large wall-spanning mirror. She could see what was left of the Joker (the freaking JOKER!) just… existing. As in, he was currently trying to trip people's reflections when they walked through the door and sulking when all he got for his efforts was being thrown across his prison and ignored. It seemed that reflections in his mirror counted as 'unstoppable forces' AND 'immovable objects'.
A few villains — whom Kara knew Barbara tussled with on the regular — sat down at the bar. Riddler, Catwoman, Deathstroke, and was that Poison Ivy? Barbara told her about Ivy, Harley, and Sean but it was still a bit strange to see the legendary maneater Poison Ivy come from the back door of the bar and plant a brief peck on Sean's cheek before sitting down on the other side with the rest of them.
"Quiet night for Ivy's Ivy?" Sean asked Ivy.
Ivy chuckled, "Not as such, but Freeze and Nora have a handle on it for now. Just don't tell Harley I'm skipping out. She's stuck doing appointments and diagnoses."
"Boys. Selina," Sean greeted the others. "The usual?"
"Make it a double," Deathstroke grunted. "Someone tried to hire me to kill Superman again. Fucking idiots…"
They all fell silent for a long moment as they realized the Dead End had a new guest. Batgirl hadn't come alone. Kara just smiled awkwardly and waved, "Ah, Hello."
"Better make that double a triple, Mr. Barkeep," Deathstroke said. He turned back to Kara, "For the record, I didn't take the job. I'm not stupid."
"I… didn't think you were?"
Deathstroke nodded, "Good. Just making sure. The pay wasn't nearly good enough for me to take that risk. They weren't even willing to fork over my Kryptonite deposit."
"Kryptonite deposit?" Kara asked, suddenly as curious as she was worried.
"That's just what I call it. It can be used for a lot of different things. Technically, it's just a 'weakness' clause. For a Kryptonian, that would mean Kryptonite — where the name comes from — or magic-… I should probably stop talking."
"That's probably smart, yes," Riddler snarked.
Deathstroke just nodded and took a sip of his drink when Sean placed it in front of him. Kara stared for a moment before trying to shake the worry from her mind. It wasn't particularly new information — they knew Deathstroke could be much more dangerous than he seemed — but it was strange to hear it straight from the source.
Yes, Kara decided, the Dead End certainly was a strange place. But it was also very nice to see everyone getting along so well~!
"So, Kara," Sean said, turning his focus back onto her. "What brings you to Gotham?"
"Barbara!" Kara answered with a happy smile. "We haven't hung out in a while. So we're just catching up on everything that's happened. Which happens to be a lot of happening it seems." She finished with a giggle at her own wordplay.
Sean chuckled, "So it seems. I'm assuming Barbara told you all about the Dead End?"
Kara nodded, "Oh, yes. But it's something different to see it all for myself. I'm impressed with the peaceful and pleasant atmosphere you've cultivated here."
"We try," Sean said with a slight smile. "There have been some speed bumps in the road but we seem to be sailing smoothly now."
"Speed bumps? What do you mean?" Kara asked.
Sean pointedly DIDN'T look at the mirror behind him. He just maintained that small smile, "Oh, you know. The usual."
Barbara groaned, "Please, can we not get into THAT?!"
Sean's smile shifted into a smirk, "We can get into whatever you want, Babs~"
Barbara blushed and averted her eyes again, making a little "hmph~!" noise. Kara blushed as well but she didn't quite know why she did. She leaned over to whisper a question to her friend.
"That was l-lewd, right? Flirting?"
For some reason, Kara's action seemed to make Barbara's blush worse. Or maybe it was the way Sean's smirk widened as if he'd heard the whisper. Kara was a bit confused with all of this. She wanted to understand (she had the spirit!) but she wasn't very good with this teasing back-and-forth game Sean and Barbara seemed to have going.
"I'll explain later!" Barbara hissed to Kara out of the side of her mouth. To Sean, she said, "How about a new story, Sean? For Kara?"
As his smirk widened, Kara came to understand why Barbara called it 'stupid sexy' so often. Sean teased Barbara even more, "Why, Babs, it almost sounds like you're trying to change the subject~ Don't you want to talk about what we could ~get into~ together?"
"Sean~…" Barbara growled dangerously, only slightly diminished by the furious blush on her cheeks.
"Okay, okay," Sean chuckled. "New story, it is. We'll save the other conversation for when we have a bit more privacy."
"Maybe, uh…" Barbara cleared her throat. "Maybe only slightly more privacy…?"
She glanced at Kara as she said that for some reason. Kara couldn't really understand. Barbara said she would explain it later though. And she trusted her friend more than anything. So Kara just kept her expression to its usual simple happy smile.
Sean seemed to understand Barbara's strange hinting body language. His smirk twitched even farther up for a moment, "Hmm, interesting… Reinforcements, Babs~?"
"Shut up and tell a story, story-boy…" Barbara grumbled.
"Anyone else interested in a story?" Sean asked the others at the bar with them. Almost immediately, the audience seemed to triple.
Catwoman had the most amused look in her eye that Kara had ever seen. Like a cat with a toy. It was directed at Barbara, something that didn't seem to go unnoticed by Kara's friend. Barbara glared back at her as if daring the amused woman to say something.
"Oh, I think it's safe to say that all of us could go for a new story," With the twinkling amusement still in her eyes — and still directed at Barbara —, that was all Catwoman said.
Riddler broke the strange — Kara didn't understand it, at least — 'standoff' between Barbara and Catwoman, "Riddle me this… Are we going to hear something completely and utterly batshit insane this time? Or something that will yank our heartstrings out and hit entirely too close to home?"
"50-50?"
"Man, where's Two-Face with those damn coins of his when you need him?"
Sean chuckled, "Probably something that will hit a bit close to home for our newest guest, I think. Kara, I have just the story for your debut at the Dead End."
"Really~?" Kara asked, her voice vibrant with happy excitement. "I'm looking forward to the tale you have to tell, Sean! Barbara can't seem to stop talking about your stories."
"For good reason!" Barbara insisted. "They're always ridiculous!"
"I've lived a ridiculous few lives," Sean shot back.
"Will I have to mark this story down as a memetic hazard?" Barbara asked with a groan.
Sean shook his head, "No. Honestly, this story is pretty tame by my standards."
"Which — knowing you — could mean anything from giant dancing robots to talking fish," Barbara snarked.
Sean blinked, "That… was a surprisingly accurate guess."
"Which part?"
"Yes."
"Sean…!"
Laughing off Barbara's frustration, Sean turned back to the rest of his amused audience, "Alright! Let me tell you the story of… Megamind."
"Sounds like a half-decent villain name," Riddler commented.
Sean grinned, "The best villain! Not just a villain, but a super one!"
"What's the difference?" Kara asked curiously.
"I'm glad you asked, Kara!" Sean ignored Barbara's continued groans of exasperation. "The difference is… Presentation!"
As he said that, he spread his arms wide. Behind him, a scene came into existence. A blue alien face appeared above Sean's head. It seemed to be made up of a bunch of little 'somethings'. Robots, maybe? And on the face's stuck-out tongue, a blue alien — whose face matched the larger image — stood and mimicked Sean's pose.
Kara couldn't help but clap. It was quite the show. Barbara just buried her face in her hands for some reason. At least the villains seemed to be enjoying it with Kara. Catwoman was now chuckling into her hand at Barbara's long-suffering exasperation.
"Let me set the scene," Sean said as he dropped his pose for an amused grin. "This story starts on an alien planet, not far from Earth. One that was minutes away from destruction…"
Kara startled slightly at that, "W-What?!"
"Indeed," Sean nodded solemnly. "And on this planet, a pair of parents were trying to save the only thing they could. Their baby. He was only eight days old and still living with his parents. How sad, right?" His tone made it clear he was joking and it succeeded in pulling a giggle from Kara.
"The parents did what they could for their child. They gave him an escape pod to survive the planet's inevitable destruction, they gave him a binky, and even a small talking fish friend named Minion. Then they sent him off. Megamind escaped his planet's doom and came to land on Earth."
"This is sounding an awful lot like Superman's origins, Sean," Barbara said suspiciously.
Sean just smirked and continued, "As it turned out, there was another planet in the exact same situation as the first. They neighbored each other and were both about to be sucked into some kind of anomaly. It's not important what kind. What is important is that this second planet produced another baby that mirrored the first. A baby who would come to be known as Metro Man. Their rivalry was legendary!
"See, Megamind was smart. A genius. An inventor. And an all-around overly dramatic ham of a supervillain. Metro Man was the opposite. He was brawn where Megamind was brains. He could fly. He had heat vision. He was nearly invincible!"
"Yeah, that's just Superman," Barbara interrupted with a deadpan.
"Yes," Sean chuckled. "Yes, it is. Now, you see why I thought it was an appropriate first story for Kara to hear."
And it was. Kara was enthralled already. Both of the main characters had origins so similar to hers, to her cousin's. Yet… different at the same time. They mirrored each other, rivaled each other. And it sounded like one eventually became a villain and the other became a hero!
She desperately wanted to hear more, "And then what happened?!"
"Well, Metro Man's landing on Earth was a miracle. On Christmas, no less. He landed with the perfect family. Whole. Loving. And most importantly… rich as Hell!"
That got a chorus of laughing cheers from the audience, "Hear hear!"
Sean continued, "On the other hand, Megamind's landing left a lot to be desired. While his rival was swaddled in warmth on Christmas Day, Megamind landed in a prison. There, he was taken in and raised by the inmates. They did a pretty good job of it, all things considered. There were, however, certain… biases they imparted on him.
"Eventually, Megamind used his genius to stage a mass breakout. When he was inevitably caught, he was sent to school."
"Oh, thank God!" Kara breathed a sigh of relief, having been on the verge of horror from hearing about a baby being left in prison, even if it did turn out well for everyone.
Sean chuckled, "It was at this school that Megamind met Metro Man again. Metro Man was being raised in a much healthier environment. Perhaps too healthy. His power quickly went to his head. He wasn't an asshole or anything. Just a smug, egotistical kid with WAY too much power.
"Metro Man used his powers to impress the other kids at school. Megamind tried to copy him with inventions. But he was still just a kid and some of his inventions failed. When they did, Megamind was bullied terribly by the other kids. And how different he looked from the rest certainly didn't help."
"Oh no!" Kara was back to horror, her heart going out to little Megamind.
"Kids can be so cruel…" Catwoman shook her head sadly.
"I know," Barbara deadpanned. "I have to work with Robin every night."
Barbara's flatly delivered joke helped lighten the mood and Sean continued.
"Ostracized by his peers, Megamind returned to the one solution he was raised with. Crime," Sean shook his head with a chuckle. "He made blue-colored mustard gas in the classroom. No one was hurt but he obviously got sent back to prison after that."
Riddler laughed, "Oh, that little shit!"
"It was probably deserved," Deathstroke said seriously.
"Mustard gas seems like a BIT of an overreaction to bullying," Catwoman argued.
"It's not," Deathstroke stood firm on this point. "Fuck them kids."
Catwoman paused, blinked, and decided to move on, "… I'm not going to even TRY to address or unpack that. Mr. Barkeep? Please continue."
Sean chuckled, "If you insist. Now, we fast forward about 20 years. Megamind has officially become Megamind and Metro Man has officially become Metro Man. They've faced off numerous times, with Metro Man protecting the city of Metrocity and Megamind trying to be 'evil' — in a very vague and uniquely distinct definition of the word."
"What do you mean by that?" Kara asked, cocking her head to the side.
"Hmm, let me put it this way," Sean hummed. "If Megamind existed here… he'd be a Flash villain."
"Ah…" Kara made a little noise of realization. "Yes, that explains it quite succinctly."
"It does, doesn't it?" Sean chuckled. "Where was I? Ah, right, time skip. So Megamind and Minion escape the prison — which is basically his home at this point — and immediately set about causing their usual chaos."
Riddler nodded, "As you do."
Ivy nodded as well, "It's just natural."
"Quite," Sean's lips twitched with good humor. "Minion kidnaps Roxanne Ritchi. Think of her as… Lois Lane to Metro Man's Superman. She was a reporter who was quite close to Metro Man, though without the romantic undertone that Superman and Miss Lane share. Metro Man and Roxanne simply weren't like that, from what I can remember.
"She was still a wonderfully smart woman. Very human and not at all perfect. But those flaws just made her a better person. More real. She regularly found herself involved in the rivalry between the two capes. This time was no different."
An illusion appeared on the bartop. In it, a pretty, short-haired woman was restrained to a chair while the villain the audience was coming to know as Megamind threatened her. He tried everything from a menacing minigun to an intricately terrifying torture device. Nothing worked and Roxanne was left unphased and unimpressed.
"Of course, Roxanne was well used to Megamind's whole song and dance," Sean explained. "He wasn't the scariest villain after you got used to his antics. And honestly, he was pretty considerate of Roxanne every time he kidnapped her. Then he and Metro Man went through their little rivalry routine, Roxanne doxxed Megamind's location, and Metro Man came to save her. That's how things usually went. Only this time, it ended with a slightly different outcome.
"See, Megamind had set a trap in advance. He tricked Metro Man into a location he'd prepared beforehand, set a doomsday weapon on him, and resigned himself to failure. But in the end — due to 'coincidentally' discovering Metro Man's weakness was copper —, he succeeded. Metro Man was dead and Megamind was free to take over Metrocity. He proceeded to do just that."
"I'm seeing a lot of similarities between this Metro Man and Superman. Megamind is just Lex Luthor if he was an alien," Barbara observed suspiciously.
Kara couldn't help but agree. The similarities were undeniable. Metro Man even had a Kryptonian powerset, a motivation in the form of a spunky young reporter, and a weakness based on a mineral. Just like Kal and Lois. And Kryptonite. It wasn't very comfortable for Kara to hear about someone so similar to her and her cousin dying like this. Why, it was almost enough to make her frown.
"This whole story is something of a subversive take on Superman's story," Sean explained. "He's kind of popular outside this reality. Some other realities view him as the ideal image of a hero."
"He is?" Kara asked, slightly surprised by that information. "Am I?"
Sean nodded, "You all are. This whole universe is rather renowned. The others might recall what I said about Multiverse Theory. Coincidences or chance connections on an infinite scale lead to realities being known outside of their borders. Once they start gaining traction like that… well, interesting things can happen."
"Heh, we're popular," Catwoman smirked in satisfaction.
Barbara grumbled, "Don't tell Nightwing that. We'll never hear the end of it."
"It doesn't matter all that much since most people won't find a way to travel outside the boundaries of this reality," Sean shrugged. "Anyway, Megamind finally won. He quickly took over the city and had a blast doing 'evil' things. All victimless crimes. He was kind of bad at the whole 'being evil' thing."
Sean chuckled fondly, seeming to reminisce, "Yeah, not great at being evil. Still, Megamind quickly grew bored. He came to realize that what he was after was the struggle, the fight, the rivalry between him and Metro Man. Standing alone at the top wasn't fun to him. He needed someone to stand there with him.
"So after a bit of soul searching and some inspiration, he hatched a new plan. If he couldn't find a rival, he'd make one!"
"Did he ever consider… Oh, I don't know, therapy?" Riddler asked sardonically.
"Or a girlfriend?" Catwoman added.
"As luck would have it," Sean grinned. "He started going out with Roxanne around this time. It… wasn't the healthiest relationship. At least, to start. He was disguising himself as someone else and she didn't know who he really was. But he did genuinely come to like her and open up to her, even if the dates originally started as a diversion.
"But he didn't give up on his plan just yet. And this is where Hal Stewart enters the picture," Sean's expression grew grim. "I hated that guy. For good reason too. He was the sort of guy who felt entitled to a woman's attention because he was 'nice' to them. And he was creepy about it to boot. Really freaking creepy…"
"Ah, an incel," Riddler nodded sagely.
Kara didn't know what that was but it didn't sound like a compliment. It sounded… icky. She certainly wouldn't want to be around an 'incel'.
"Exactly," Sean nodded. "But by pure accident, Megamind's method of infusing powers into someone ended up with Hal. And he just… wasn't great. In any way. Megamind still pressed on with his plan, training Hal to be a rival. And the first thing Hal does with his new powers? He tries to coerce Roxanne into being with him."
Kara's face scrunched up in a grimace, "Ewww…"
"Yeah, it wasn't pretty. She rejected him and he immediately turned his powers to crime instead of heroism. Megamind and Roxanne were also going through some interpersonal drama at the same time. She broke up with him and in the aftermath, Megamind ended up fighting Hal.
"He thought everything was back on track, fooling himself into thinking he wasn't hurt by his troubles with Roxanne. Then Hal won their fight. Not even Megamind's contingency plan slowed him down. See, Hal had Metro Man's powers. And Metro Man was weak to copper. Following so far?"
At the nods from his audience, Sean continued, "Except he wasn't. So neither was Hal. And Megamind found he couldn't beat his new creation. He had to flee."
"Wait, what?" Kara's confusion at the twist was visible on her face.
Sean pressed on, "Hal — now going by Tighten — immediately took over Metrocity in Megamind's place."
Another illusion appeared on the bartop, this one of Tighten threatening a civilian, "More like… Under new management."
"Defeated and confused," Sean said. "Megamind sought out Roxanne for help. Together, they tried to figure out what was going on, especially with Metro Man. Their search took them to Metro Man's hideout, where they found… a cold glass of water."
The pieces began to fall into place, "Oh!"
"Metro Man had faked his death."
The realization and reaction to the reveal was audible, "Ah ha!"
"You know, I've been wondering something. Where were you during all of this, Mr. Barkeep?" One of the henchmen in the audience asked.
Sean smirked, "Me? I was Metro Man, of course."
"What?!"
"Sneaky," Deathstroke nodded approvingly.
"You're like me?!" Kara asked excitedly.
"Not anymore. But I was. It was during one of my first few lives," Sean explained with a chuckle. "When I was still figuring myself out. Honestly, I was a bit of a prick. What ultimate power does to a motherfucker. All of that. But I had my reasons for faking my death."
A third illusion appeared. This one depicted Metro Man and Megamind's final confrontation. A voice narrated Metro Man's thoughts at the time.
"It all started back at the observatory. Roxanne was kidnapped. I was going to stop you… My head wasn't in the game that day. We were kind of going through the motions. So, using my super speed, I decided to go clear my head."
The scene shifted, following Metro Man — Sean — through a seemingly paused world, "I realized… we've done this same silly charade our entire lives. I tried to get my mind off how I was feeling. But I just felt stuck. And I began to realize, despite all my powers, every citizen of Metrocity had something I didn't. A choice.
"Ever since I can remember, I've always had to be what the city wanted me to be. But what about what I wanted to do?"
The illusion trailed off and Sean elaborated a bit more, "That life was something of a metaphor for my existence at the time. I was just… going through the motions. Playing the hero, most of the time. Didn't matter if I wanted to be or not, I felt like I had a duty. Like I was the only one who could do it.
"I was getting stuck in the same mindset. Over and over again. And I knew something had to change. That was about when I started living for myself. When you live as many times as me… well, that's all I had for a while there," Sean said softly. His voice carried a certain weight of wisdom to it.
He seemed to be speaking directly to Kara at this point, "Sometimes, life puts us in situations where we can't choose, where we don't get the chance. Choice… I've long since discovered it's something about life that I value immensely. Duty is all well and good but it shouldn't come at the expense of our own happiness. In my opinion, at least.
"I won't say I made the right choice to give up my role as Metro Man. But I won't say I regret it either. In the end, it was MY decision. And that's what made it so important.
"In the grand scheme of things, this life — this story — was relatively tame by my standards. But it was quite significant in shaping my philosophy. It kept me going until I found another reason to keep living through each distinct life. And even then, I still hold the lesson I learned there dearly.
"As much as this story is about Megamind's subversion of the typical hero-villain trope, it's also about mine," Sean chuckled to himself. "I don't know, food for thought, I guess. Some of y'all might be ignoring the choices you have."
Kara turned Sean's words over in her mind. She could see the villains doing the same out of the corner of her eye. Deathstroke was unreadable. Riddler and Ivy looked introspective, almost sad and regretful. Catwoman thought for a moment before shaking her head with an amused snort. Kara didn't know why. And she wouldn't pry.
For herself, his words did strike a certain cord within her. Nothing major. At least, Kara didn't think so. But there was some truth there. She'd sort of been shoved into her role as a hero. Kal landed on Earth long before her. By the time Kara herself landed, he'd already made his debut as Superman. It was almost expected of Kara to follow in his footsteps at that point.
She didn't regret her path. She liked being a hero. She liked helping people. But there was that inkling of a worry in her mind. Was it her choice? Was she a hero of her own free will?
It didn't take very much brooding at all for Kara to decide that, yes, she was. Maybe not initially. But she'd been given chances to quit and do something else. She'd found her calling in using her powers for good. Besides, most of her friends were heroes and she wouldn't give up flying for anything!
A beautiful smile returned to Kara's face at that. She nodded acknowledgment at Sean. The short bit of introspection his story inspired in her was welcome. It felt good to examine herself and come out even more sure of her path.
Sean seemed to understand what was going through Kara's mind. He returned her nod and smile. Then the illusion started back up again. Just briefly. Just for one last parting line.
Metro Man gently grabbed Megamind by the shoulders, "You know, little buddy, there's a yin for every yang. If there's bad, good will rise up against it. It's taken me a long time to find my calling. Now… it's about time you found yours."
Kara's smile grew even wider as she watched. It perfectly capped the realization she'd come to through her brief moment of introspection. It was short, simple, and sweet. Especially that line about good and bad. Kara liked to think her calling was being that good that rose up against the bad.
The same could be said for almost all of the heroes she knew. All of her friends. Kara fondly nudged Barbara beside her, flashing her smile at her friend. Barbara rolled her eyes while smiling just as fondly and nudged her back.
Kara decided then that she approved of Barbara's crush. He was a good guy. Even when he was still 'young', dumb, and misguided. Even if that version of Sean couldn't be the hero, he made sure to push Megamind in the direction he should have gone from the beginning.
"Shit…" A henchman muttered in the background. "I should go back to school."
"More riddles," Riddler nodded to himself, seeming to reach that decision with satisfaction. "Everything can be solved with more riddles."
"Is it bad that my calling is stealing precious gems and artifacts?" Catwoman joked.
"Yes," Barbara deadpanned.
"You return a lot of what you steal to its rightful owner, don't you?" At Catwoman's nod, Sean smirked, "Then just think of it as cultural re-appropriation. Lord knows you're doing more good than the British Museum."
"Don't encourage the literal cat burglar, Sean," Barbara said with a sigh.
"Yes, Dear," Sean said, acting the part of the dutiful husband. His act only got a glare from Barbara and a giggle from Kara.
"So Sean," Ivy asked. "What happened with Metrocity?"
"Ah, you know, the usual," Sean waved dismissively. "Megamind saved the day, got the girl, and everyone lived happily ever after. Especially me now that I didn't have to be an egotistical prick acting as a superhero."
"You haven't said what your calling was yet," Riddler observed cannily.
Sean scratched his cheek sheepishly, chuckling, "Ah, I'm sure that's not all that important to the story."
"It kind of is," Barbara disagreed, a grin growing on her face as she smelled blood in the water. "C'mon, Sean~ Tell us what you did instead of being a hero~"
"… Music Man."
Kara blinked in surprise. So did the rest of Sean's audience, "Music… Man…?"
"So I could keep my Metro Man symbol…" Sean admitted, making himself busy with wiping the bar to avoid looking at anyone.
Barbara was the first to break the stunned silence as her laughter went straight to a cackle, "Oh, my God~! Music Man~! You're such a goofy idiot~!"
Sean was quiet for a moment before a smile pulled at his lips, "… Yeah, that's fair. I was young and stupid. Just don't tell Didi. I'd never hear the end of it."
"Tell me what, Dear?" A darkly beautiful woman asked, coming up to Sean for the first time since Sean started telling his story.
Not that she was a new sight. Kara had seen her in the background. She seemed to work the bar the same as Sean. She'd been busy while Sean told his story and only now came over to insert herself into the situation.
Sean's mind visibly stuttered, "Uhhhhh… Didi! Have you met Kara yet? I think the two of you will get along swimmingly! Please focus on her instead of my foolish youth!"
Kara didn't know what was going on but she smiled brightly anyway, "Hello! It's nice to meet you! I'm Kara. You're really pretty. I like your style."
Barbara just cackled even harder as Didi allowed herself to be distracted with a subtle smirk at Sean, "Hello, Kara. I'm Death of the Endless. But you can call me Didi. Everyone does."
"Oh, you're Death~? I've heard so much about you~!"
Didi blinked then smiled — just as beautifully as Kara's but slightly different. Where Kara's smile was the sun, Didi's smile was the moon, "That… is certainly an interesting reaction to my identity. I think Sean's right, Kara. We'll get along swimmingly."
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