Capítulo 35: Chapter 35

Chen Yan reached her home as she stood at the entrance nervously before she rang the bell. She heard the sound of her mother coming as she opened the door as Yan saw her mother look at her.

"Yan." Yan's mother said with a smile when she saw her daughter.

"Hey mom." Yan said as she hugged her mother.

"Your father has gone for his job. How... was it?" Her mother asked her carefully as she tried to keep her voice in check.

"It went good I guess." Yan said as she remembered what her brother had told her.

"I see. I'm sorry for not coming, but... after..." Her mother said with a guilty tone as she looked away.

"It's fine mom. I understand." Yan said as she closed the door.

"Right. Do you want anything to eat?" Her mother asked as she gestured to the kitchen.

"No. I'll be going to my room now." Yan said to her as she quickly made her way to her room.

Yan's mother watched her go as she sighed and looked at a picture of Wen which has incense in front of it as she tore her eyes away from it and went to the kitchen and busied herself with work.

Yan reached her room and laid on her bed as she buried her face in the pillow as she cried a bit as tears left her eyes. She had looked at the photo of her brother and remembered when they had put it as the emotions came back. She knew that he is now alive, but even then it wasn't enough to stifle the emotions as they came back full force.

She remembered being informed about his death and how he had died. She remembered the shock that went through her body when she heard that and she remembered how her parents broke down when they heard that. She remembered how she had frozen up at the information and how her hot tears were in her eyes as she processed the information.

And when she finally saw his dead body in a casket, she finally realised that she had lost her big brother. The person who had stayed by her side since she was little. When she lost him, she came to realise how much he had meant to her. Not only was he there for her in her times of need, but he was always ready to help her whenever she was in trouble.

Due to all the praise, her pride, and his constant presence beside her, his importance to her had lessened, in the end, she took him for granted and thought nothing of him, despite how much he was there for her. And when he had fully left her, she felt the void in her heart as she realised how much he had meant for her.

At the funeral she could only look at his coffin as tears streamed down her eyes as she watched the few people who came to see him. Not too many, but not too few as well, acquaintances of her family and her brother's ex-wife. She didn't try to talk to her and the woman also didn't try to talk to her or her family either so they parted without talking.

The next days were spent in her room where she would hug the framed photo of her and her brother as she would cry there as she would leave the room to eat. She felt a hole in her heart and the memories of her brother was brought to her forefront and she was laid bare to how she had treated him.

She felt horrible when she realised how she had treated him like he was less than her, even though he had been beside her every step of the way. And she also remembered the last conversation she had with him, of him asking her for help and her admonishing him and telling him to die.

She wanted to take those words back. She had wanted to go back in time and strangle her past self for how selfish and callous she had been, putting herself over her brother and not caring for him. Which was the reason why she had become alone in the first place.

After that she wasn't the same, the guilt of pushing her brother to suicide gnawed at her and her pride had all but gone as it was this pride that caused her to lose her brother. The same brother who loved her so much.

It also had the effect to lifting a veil over herself as it allowed her to see the actions of those around her more clearly. She realised that the praises that she had been getting from those around her were more shallow and they were flocking around her due to her status and beauty.

Her brothers death helping her to see the things that her pride had blinded her to as she. Over the course of the year she tried to better her personality so that she wouldn't end up making the same mistake, as she tried to not let her pride surge like before. But the guilt and sadness of it all was still in her mind.

And then, by some miracle, she saw her brother, alive and breathing, in front of her and she has talked to him. She felt very happy when she realised that, and though a part of her was sad that she couldn't tell her parents about it, she didn't want to betray the promise she had made to him.

"I'm sorry brother. But I will make sure to earn your forgiveness, no matter what." Yan said to herself as she lay on the bed.

She took the framed photo of the two of them and hugged it close to her chest as she whimpered a bit as she laid in a fetal position as she sniffed and tried to get some sleep. Hoping that this time, she will be able to see a beautiful dream instead of nightmares of her failures.