Capítulo 313: Chapter 313: Only Possibility 1 (Modern Parody)
I originally thought I was playing a romance simulation game with multiple character routes, only to realize that there's only one possible ending.
— Excerpt from "A Failed Mission Report" by Xue Meng
Xue Meng was savoring the second-to-last slice of coconut milk red bean cake on his plate.
He had to be meticulous. With a plastic spoon, he gently cut along the edge of the dessert, his movements precise and steady. He aimed to preserve its integrity as much as possible, but alas, half of it had already been tainted by the mango mousse sharing the same dish.
He despised mangoes just as he loathed his job at the cultivation world protection agency.
Unfortunately, he had no choice. It was the 21st century, and even the silly son of a Taoist master had to work to support himself.
"A mission report, Mr. Xue," a dry, robotic female voice echoed through his earpiece.
Xue Meng rolled his eyes. Ever since Director Jiang joined the Time and Space Protection Agency, daily mission reports had become an inevitable part of his life.
"Cough, I arrived at the office at eight twenty today, right on time. I had Li Master's pan-fried buns for breakfast – they were quite delicious. I highly recommend all my colleagues try them when you have the chance. The key is that the elderly man selling the buns is so kind and complimentary; he calls a sixty-year-old auntie 'little sister' without any change in his expression."
This was precisely why Xue Meng despised his job.
Yes, stamping documents.
The story behind it was a long one, and ultimately, the blame could be laid at his father's feet. Xue Meng's dad, Xue Zhengyong, served as the director of the International cultivation administration. As the only beloved son of the director, Xue Meng had grown up with everyone fawning over him, no one daring to offend him. Everything he ate and used was specially supplied by the cultivation administration, even his diapers were woven by the deep-sea merfolk, ensuring a smooth, breathable, and rash-free experience. His parents wouldn't even consider brands like Pampers or Merries.
Living as such a young noble in the cultivation world, his life had been smooth sailing. Upon graduation, he directly entered the cultivation world protection agency, and on his first day, he was personally greeted by the director.
Back then, the director was named Nan Gongliu, a plump, middle-aged man who would break into a sweat climbing just two flights of stairs.
Nan Gongliu warmly shook Comrade Xiao Xue's hand, his jiggling cheeks testament to his joviality. "Oh, you must be Xue Meng? You resemble your father so much, definitely his biological son. Handsome!"
Xue Meng replied, "Thank you, Uncle, for the compliment."
Nan Gongliu chuckled. "I've known your father for a long time, so let's skip the small talk. Come, let me first explain the tasks you'll be handling."
Fresh graduate Student Xue Meng was still brimming with ambition, determined to contribute his humble efforts to building a harmonious new cultivation world. He promptly said, "Please go ahead, I'll make sure to complete any task assigned to me diligently."
Look at him, not a hint of a privileged second-generation cultivator, such an excellent child!
Director Nan Gongliu gave him a deep look and sobered up, saying, "Xiao Xue, the organization has taken into account your background as a descendant of a cultivation family and your outstanding qualities. Hence, despite being the apple of Chairman Xue's eye, we have decided to entrust you with the most challenging and arduous tasks."
Upon hearing this, Xue Meng perked up immediately. "I've always loved adventurous pursuits since I was young. Everyone used to hold back because of my father's reputation, not allowing me to do this or that." His eyes sparkled. "Finally, my time has come."
Director Nan Gongliu patted his shoulder and gave him a thumbs up. "Ambitious."
Xue Meng asked, "So, what do I need to do?"
"Cough, cough." Nan Gongliu cleared his throat. "In a nutshell, this is a high-stakes task that no one in our bureau can handle. It requires extraordinary patience, precise judgment, and decisive decision-making. Every choice you make will determine the fate of countless lives—countless lives will be saved because of you, but there will also be many creatures who will bleed due to your decisions."
His expression turned grave, his eyes shining brightly, as if a holy light was rising behind him.
"This is a front-line assignment. When you applied to work at the Temporal Bureau, your father repeatedly exhorted me to find you a comfortable and safe position. However, after reviewing your resume, I realized that you're an ambitious and promising youngster. I couldn't let down the passion of a young person, so after careful consideration, I assigned this task to you."
As the director spoke, he extended a hand and tapped Xue Meng's chest.
"You must live up to those millions of lives."
Xue Meng's eyes instantly welled with tears of gratitude and respect. "Director, thank you for entrusting me with this significant task despite my father's objections! I will work diligently and live up to your expectations!"
Director Nan Gongliu gave him an approving glance and encouraged, "Carry on with excellence!" Then, he swept away, leaving behind a legacy of accomplishments and anonymity.
On that day, Young Master Xiao Xue returned home unable to contain his excitement. Concealing his true feelings from his parents, he secretly placed an order on Tao Pao Web's Night Owl Cultivation Mall for a variety of items, which included:
Vicious DPS Fragile Fried Chicken (produced by Hanlin Pharmaceutical Factory): Upon consumption, grants ten times your magical power for two hours, but cannot be used during combat.
Second Dog Life-Prolonging Pill (produced by Yu Heng Pharmaceutical Factory): Ineffective if consumed after death.
Radiant Head Pill (produced by the Buddha Medicine Factory of No-Sorrow Temple): Causes one's head to emit a resplendent glow, guiding companions through darkness.
Limitless White Madness Pill (crafted by Heaven-Stepping Lord's Pharmaceutical Works): Dispels confusion states.
Hereditary Thousand-Year Jujube Pills (manufactured by Greedy Wolf Pharmaceutical Co.): For use exclusively against foes.
Thus, young Xue Meng made meticulous preparations, even dreaming at night that he was transported to the Second World cultivation war, where he valiantly sacrificed himself to resist the onslaught of dark magic sweeping across the European battlefield. Amidst a piercing cry of "Avada Kedavra!", he fell beneath a mysterious green light...
Yet, the next day, when Xue Meng arrived at the office with high aspirations, he was utterly stunned.
"This is... my job???!!!"
The lovely secretary with her sweet long legs and ample bosom poured him a cup of fragrant tea, saying gently, "Yes, Mr. Xue, this is your work."
Xue Meng approached his desk in disbelief, staring at the mountainous pile of approval reports regarding the cultivation world projects. His mouth gradually formed an O shape.
He reached out tremblingly to grab the top stack of reports and glanced through them roughly. A bold red title caught his eye, a rather convoluted one that ordinary people might not understand on first read: "Accountability Measures for Illegally Using Solitary Moon Night Immortal Pig Feed in Lin Yi's Shandong Pork Farm."
What kind of measures were these?
Xue Meng was overcome by a bout of dizziness.
Yet, he gritted his teeth and continued reading.
"Recently, the Medicine Inspection Squad has received a report alleging that an cultivator illicitly sold expired Immortal Pig Feed, produced by Solitary Moon Night, through illegal channels to mortal merchants. This resulted in over eight thousand bags of expired feed entering the market. To date, three pig farms have fed their pigs with this tainted feed, and the number of pigs affected has reached four hundred, posing a critical situation."
Xue Meng: "..."
Flipping the page once more.
Opinion from the Immortal World's Livestock Medicine Commission: Send people to retrieve the contaminated pork and destroy it entirely.
Opinion from the Immortal World's Mortal Affairs Committee: Seconded, with the addition of apprehending and interrogating the involved cultivators.
Opinion from the Immortal World's Publicity Commission: Seconded, requesting the 'News Broadcast' program team for subsequent public relations handling.
Chairperson's Opinion from the Immortal World Protection Bureau's General Case Committee: (Blank)
Xue Meng looked up in confusion. He prodded the "blank" with one hand and asked the smiling girl beside him, "Why is there no opinion written here?"
The girl smiled and patiently explained, "We're waiting for you to stamp your approval."
"But I'm not…" He lowered his head to read the report, "the Chairperson of the General Case Committee at the Immortal Protection Bureau."
However, when he looked up again and met the secretary's affectionate gaze, he couldn't help but hesitate and wonder, "...Am I?"
As if by magic, the girl pulled out a lapel badge from behind her back. On it was printed "Chairperson of the General Case Committee, Xue Meng," accompanied by an unflattering headshot of Xue Meng himself.
She placed it on Xue Meng and said with a smile, "Now, you are the esteemed Chairperson. Congratulations!"
She handed over two stamps, one with a circle and the other with a cross.
"The circle stamp signifies approval for case registration, while the cross means denial," the young lady explained with a smile. "Let's begin your work."
Xue Meng's mouth opened and closed repeatedly. He had many things he wanted to say and even more curses he wanted to unleash, but in the end, he swallowed his saliva and struggled to ask, "Can I not choose either?"
The young lady's eyes curved into a warm smile. "Of course, you can stamp both."
"…" Xue Meng felt as if his breath was fading away. "What will happen if I don't choose either?"
"It'll be passed on to the director's secretary for handling."
Xue Meng grew even weaker. "Then what do I need to do here?"
The young lady spoke kindly, "Well, in that case, my personal advice would be to only use one stamp at a time."
Xue Meng: "......"
As days went by, Xue Meng truly grasped the art of communication that Nan Gongliu had used back then. This damned job made him feel like a pile driver, stamping circles or crosses on various reports every day. It indeed required superhuman patience.
Of course, this patience wasn't just about enduring tedious tasks without resentment. A greater patience was required to restrain himself every day, convincing himself not to storm into Nan Gongliu's office and strangle the director's reproductive organs!
Director Nan Gongliu hadn't lied; he truly held the fate of thousands in his hands.
One glance at these reports was enough to tell:
- Application for Approval: Establishment of Exclusive Chicken Farm for Violent DPS Fowl
- Special Approval Report: Post-Revolutionary Era Permission for the Seven Baby Warriors to Become Enchanted
- Special Approval Report: Post-Revolutionary Era Permission for Black Cat Chief Inspector to Become Enchanted
- Solitary Moon Night, Retired Sect Leader's Application for Elder Status: I Really Want to Live Another Five Hundred Years
- Research Group on Butterfly-Bone Beauty Couch: Proposal to Urge cultivators with the Beauty Couch Gene to Donate Sperm for Demon-Human Genetic Engineering
Certainly, it was a position dealing with the lives of millions every minute.
Xue Meng picked up his little red pen with a menacing expression and slammed it down on the "Sperm Donation Proposal." A sense of righteousness swelled in his heart, as if he had saved countless tiny lives. He coldly annotated, "No one wants to end up frozen in a cup. Rejected."
He admitted that he was venting his frustration, but he hoped that this nonsense would push the Director to his limits, preferably transferring him to the frontlines – dealing with demons and monsters in the mortal world.
Unfortunately, the Director remained as steady as a rock, not reprimanding Commissioner Xiao Xue at all. Instead, during a gathering, Xue Meng heard that the Director's secretary, Miss Ye Wangxi, had to work overtime until late into the night due to these pranks.
"If you keep making my daughter-in-law work overtime, I'll resign tomorrow!!"
The Director's son, Nan Gongsi, could be heard slamming his fists on the table from halfway down the corridor.
Xue Meng guiltily shrank back, but after a brief moment of contemplation, he decided to approach these reports more seriously.
Months went by like this. As his stamping speed increased, almost erasing the aspirations he had when he first graduated, Nan Gongliu was suspended for accepting bribes from demons, losing his secure job.
A new Director arrived.
Director Jiang Xi was efficient and swift, quickly getting a handle on any situation. Except for Xue Meng's position, which took him an hour to understand its purpose.
It wasn't that Director Jiang lacked intelligence; rather, Nan Gongliu had packaged Xue Meng's role so impressively that it took Director Jiang a while to peel back the layers before realizing it was all hot air.
In short, Xue Meng's role was meaningless, less significant even than Li Zi's lazy shortcuts in washing vegetables in the canteen.
Director Jiang couldn't tolerate such an idle position. He decided to abolish the "General Director" role and find something else for Xue Meng to do.
After about a week of observation and contemplation, he made a decision, resulting in the scene at the beginning:
"Task report, Mr. Xue."
"Cough, I arrived at the office at 8:20 AM today, not a minute late. I had a breakfast of Master Li's pan-fried dumplings, which I highly recommend to all my colleagues. The old grandpa selling them is so kind-hearted and complimentary; he can call a sixty-year-old auntie 'little sister' without blinking an eye. After the dumplings, I started stamping documents..."
Suddenly, static crackled through the earpiece.
Then, Jiang Xi's channel cut in, replacing the cold AI voice with the even more impersonal tone of Director Jiang himself.
"You won't be stamping documents anymore from today. Finish up early and take a rest today. Come to my office tomorrow; I have an important task for you." Jiang Xi paused before adding matter-of-factly, "Remember to bring me a serving of Master Li's dumplings, with vinegar."
Xue Meng: "..."
Status de energia semanal
-- Ranking de
Poder 
-- Pedra de
Poder