original

Disordered Dreaming

Autor: H0LL0W

Author's Final Notes

The theme of this story for me was One Summer's Day

I cry every time as I listen to it, even now, when everything is fine, and I type this message, listening to this song.

It's the theme song from Spirited Away, by Hayao Miyazaki. That film helped me a lot during my childhood. I so badly wanted to be Chihiro. In my mind, I was her. She was given a fake name, Sen. I never liked my name. I always knew that it was not mine.

I watched as her parents turned into pigs, and she cried for them. Her parents were selfish and forgot about her, and she had to find her own way. I saw my parents as well, forgetting about me, more focused on their own things, sure that I, a child, would be fine. I wasn't.

At the end of the movie, Sen is now Chihiro, and she is confident after meeting Haku. He teaches her self confidence and bravery, after giving her basic kindness. Her parents take her home, and they are now good parents, worried about her.

I wanted to meet my own Haku, and have my parents stop being selfish pigs. I wanted all that and more. So I watched the movie so many times. It's a four hour long movie, and I never get tired, all these years later, escaping into the fantasy of a young child stronger than she could ever be.

I don't feel like Sen anymore. I'm Chihiro, and that makes me happy.