Capítulo 49: Chapter 14: SS: Kurushima Kaoru — Confusion
[Kurushima Pov]
Friedrich Nietzsche, once famously remarked, that what does not kill us, makes us stronger. Suffering can make us more resilient, better able to endure hardships. In the end, he was kind of right.
After their deaths, I learned pretty much the truth my parents wanted to conceal from us, their children.
The dark side of the Japanese society.
For many, it might sound unbelievable, considering Japan's good reputation.
But even a country like Japan has its own shares of problems.
In particular, of us 'Throwaway Children', that were looked down upon.
Society did not care about orphans, as a matter of fact.
Rather, it was the complete opposite.
They provided minimal-existent support.
Once you became an orphan, you were on your own—in a literal sense.
You were regarded as a 'Throwaway Child', by society, for being an 'orphan'.
No matter what, it greatly influences one's life.
Acknowledgement?
It's non—existent.
For a family-oriented Country like Japan, you were an unusual exception, if you were an orphan.
In fact, many orphans have been taken advantage of, being used for human trafficking in broad daylight.
I, too, was a Throwaway Child, after that fateful day.
My family left me alone, and as a result, I deeply loathed my life.
Sometimes—I wish, I was in that car, too.
Dying—alongside with my family, it sounded strangely nice, truthfully.
At the very least, that's how I think.
For many, such a thought process about life would never be good.
You shouldn't think like that, they would say.
Your life has meaning, they would suggest.
You can still contribute to society, they say.
But as a matter of fact, many people have wished for my death since that fateful day.
I was a special case, unlike that of any other orphans.
I was an extremely wealthy one.
That was what differentiated me from them.
Kurushima Kaoru...
He had no family, no distant relatives; he had nothing, aside from wealth.
The moment I would die, the remaining wealth and assets of my parents will go to the Japanese Government.
For many, it might result in the following things:
Improvement of Healthcare.
Improvement of Schools.
Improvements for pensions.
Improvement of Public Transport.
For them, they simplified me as 'A Mean for Society'.
My family, my siblings—no one cared about that anymore.
Only I—did.
And if I miraculously did not take my 'life', everyone wanted to become suddenly friends with me.
Kurushima Kaoru—can offer advantages, they say.
You could work for his company, they would say.
You could live in wealth, if you had him fall in love with you.
As exaggerated as it might sound, it was the entire truth.
After all, Kurushima Kaoru, will be one of Japan's wealthiest people in the future.
I was extremely lucky to have Aoki; otherwise, I'm not sure where I'd have ended.
No, there's still one other family that would have taken my guardianship. Perhaps, my reason for not forcing him to do anything is because of that?
By now, I'm not even sure anymore.
But I certainly feel grateful to your family, Koenji.
They were ready to help me, so I won't bother you much.
For a long time, I was technically dead inside, devoid of any emotions, besides hatred.
But not quite anymore; I also found something called love, strangely.
It makes me weak, but I don't mind being weak, somehow.
It's unbelievable that this is coming from me personally, but around her, my life is suddenly filled in with other colors, not just full red anymore, as usual.
But... she, too, fell in love with the wrong Kurushima Kaoru, in the end.
All I'm doing is putting a facade in front of her and everyone else.
A charismatic leader, a caring classmate, a good friend, someone you can trust, Kurushima Kaoru is everything of that, yet in fact, he's also none of that, at the same time.
I'm just a selfish individual who'll do anything to achieve his goals, no matter what. Classmates?
Friends?
I don't care about that anymore.
Once I got the poison, their usefulness ended for me...
It should have...
So why, why do I have trouble moving on?
Do I want to stay at this school, perhaps?
Do I want to enjoy my life as a high school student, perhaps?
My time with Hiyori?
Do I want to form any other meaningful bonds?
Find Friends?
I cannot tell.
Emotions—they were something I expressed so often as a child—but soon after that incident, I got practically incapable of expressing them anymore.
I was once like that, too...
Like Ichinose...
Believing everyone was equally important, being a completely pacifist, disgusted by violence, seeing the world in multiple different colors—until I realized, none of that was ever true.
Life was extremely cruel.
It didn't care about your problems.
My burden in particular was something it did not care about.
No matter what I tried—going to the police, to deal with them in the righteous way, the presumably "correct" way—it did not work.
Private Investigators?
It also did not work.
They died, and I'm at fault.
If I had never sent them, they would perhaps still be alive.
These people—they're monsters.
And the only way to deal with these Monsters is to become one myself.
As Nietzsche said, "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."
Father, Mother, Kaori, Kyo, your life will surely not be in vain.
As long as I'm still alive, I'll make sure that the culprits get what they deserve.
That will be their Justice—My Justice.
Chairman Sakayanagi, you're the first one on my list.
And don't even think of being quiet.
I'll make sure you talk...
--
A/N: And this concludes the SS Chapter from Kurushima.
How do you find it? The Chapter, I mean.
He's showing many Nihilistic tendencies, he always did, but he isn't quite one.
Also, I want to mention, "Throwaway Children", are those who are unwanted from Society's Point of View.
For Kurushima, who grew up with seeing many people wanting him to die, from Young Age, he in particular regards himself like that.
It greatly influences his perception of others, since not long after his family's death, he experiences this, as a Seven-Year Old Child.
People wanted to use him throughout his entirety of life, so he was always very mistrusting towards anyone else.
I actually wanted to upload something else, when Valentine's Day occurred, something more of a romance Chapter, but well, instead I did this.
Anyway, that'll be all.
Have a great day.
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