Pardon?
I joined Bighit as a trainee a year after BTS' debut. And as a foreigner it was tough, to say the least. My parents didn't approve my choice of the company. Of course there were a number of different choices, better companies, but all I needed was a small income to pay the bills while I pursued my dream career. My parents didn't approve of that either. They wanted me to have a respectable job. That's what they said but I know all they want me to be is a doctor. So I packed my stuff and moved to Seoul. By myself. I don't get why my parents were so mad. It's not like I've never been here before. My grandparents live in Busan. I stayed with them for a week, received their blessings and began to train under Bighit. I was born and raised in London and couldn't phrase a single sentence in korean without making an utter fool of myself. Naturally, the other trainees treated me like an outcast but I was okay with that. In fact, the worst part of this whole ordeal was that Mr.Bang did not want to take on any female trainees.
That time, it was only me and Lizzy, BTS, Homme, and three other male trainees. The company truly was down in the dumps. But I was happy. I knew about BTS beforehand. I used to listen to their music in London. Maybe that's why I decided to join Bighit. Or maybe it was because of the surprise call letter in granny's mailbox. Anyways, J-hope was teaching me dance and we used to have vocal lessons alongside the maknae line. What more could a girl ask for?
I was a good dancer because I learned ballet as a kid and my rapping skills were pretty cool, if I say so myself. I could also play the piano, which is why Bang PD kept me on-I would debut as a composer. That was the condition for my being a trainee. I had no intention of producing music for a career, but I didn't tell him that. Sunhee, Aera and Fengh joined the company during Boy in luv era. Lizzy even got to feature in their music video. There was a time when I was made to compete against Rapmonster in a rap battle. I had the time of my life even though I lost. I rapped in english and he was impressed. It was nice having someone to actually be able to communicate with. Did I mention that his english is really good? Yup. Then there was Ayano and Aoi, the Japanese girls that joined during Hwa Yang Yon Hwa. They could speak a little english and I was glad we had more girls. Bighit was doing extremely well due to BTS' success and I was sure Mr.Bang would form a girl group soon. I didn't expect to be in it, though, and was pretty surprised upon hearing the announcement. Then BTS won the Daesang.
We debuted a few months later. And I never saw BTS again.
Though 'never' would be pushing it. I did see them, a passing glimpse, a hurried greeting, a nod in acknowledgment on award shows...
Then even that stopped. We were busy in our schedules and they were busy going to international award shows. I was a two year old idol by the time they won on Billboard. They came back to Korea but we were in Japan and missed the chance to celebrate together. We wanted to do a video call but never got the chance. So we told our managers to wish them on our behalf and went on doing what we did. When BTS came to Japan we would be in Korea, when they came back we would be in Thailand. The Tom and Jerry chase never seemed to end. And I knew why we had to put up with it. If in the same place at the same time, we would always be overshadowed by BTS. I understood this bitter truth and never complained about it. It would be a lie to say that we didn't do pretty well on our own but BTS.......we can't beat BTS.
The name of our fandom is A.R.M.S. as in, arms and ammunition. I thought it was pretty cool. How an army needs arms to actually be able to fight. I thought it was genius. We were quite a hit, starting off as a melodramatic girl group and now releasing songs that taunt society. A complete opposite route to our seniors.
Speaking of which, I have a show to be on tonight for promoting our latest album. I'm a little nervous because I'm the only one going from my group. I pondered as to why that is, but didn't ask any questions.
"I'm not going to need all that, you know. We have make-up artists for a reason"
Lizzy turned around, still stuffing my bagpack . "Of course you do, dear. What if you cry in the van home because you miss us so much?"
"Lizzy, no one is going to film me in the van"
"But there will be fans waiting outside"
"No. You know where I'm going, right?"
"I do and it's isolated and very far and I can't come along to watch or take care of you and we don't know who else is going to be there. What if there are no other female celebs? What if some sasaeng finds out the location of the shooting? What if-"
"Lizzy chill!"
She huffed, zipping up my bag and blowing out her cheeks. My phone rang. It was my manager. I exchanged a few words with her and cut the call.
"I need to leave"
"Just remember to call me when you get there...."
"Yeah yeah", I pocketed my cell and began tying the laces on my shoes. She kept repeating the safety ritual she always gave us before a trip or a concert. I tuned out as I got ready to leave.
"Are you taking your car?", she asked as I grabbed the keys.
"I'll leave it at the company", I unlocked the front door.
"Wait", she disappeared inside the dorm and returned with a bottle of guava juice. I gave her a thumbs up and a sleepy Aoi appeared from behind her to give me a hug.
"Be safe, Unnie"
"Aish! This kid", I ruffled her hair and told her to go back to sleep. She nodded absentmindedly and sleep-walked back to her room.
"I told them all last night to be up when you leave. Seriously, these kids never listen"
I rolled my eyes at her words and almost escaped the dorm when she said,
"Be sure to eat and don't you dare bring up the incident with the condom again!"
I laughed a little. "I promise not to if you explain it to me"
She looked a little outraged but explained it to me nonetheless. I laughed about it all the way to the company.
Once there, I was a little surprised to see manager Sejin.
"Sejin hyung!", I called out. Yes, 'hyung'. I said hyung. Sue me.
"Nara? Where have you been?"
"You're the one who's been travelling the globe, hyung. You can't ask me that"
He chuckled and patted my head. "You didn't change one bit. Go on ahead. I just have to make a call"
I nodded and headed to Bang pd's office. I opened the door and peered inside. He wasn't in. There was someone else, though. I went over and sat opposite to him on the armchair. He was reading something and didn't notice I was there. I was both surprised and shocked to see him there. What year is it? Well, it sure has been a long time. I helped myself to the coffee on the table between us. I took a sip, leaning back in my seat and studying the man before me. Is this how a mom feels when she sees her son after years of separation? He had grown-of course he had. But the caramel brown parted hair, those thick-rimmed glasses and those brows that furrowed in concentration. Damn, he looked hot.
I am so not his mother.
He must've felt my eyes for he looked up. I raised my cup in greeting and he straightened up, closing his book, too quickly, and the pencil in his fingers flew to the closed door, bouncing off the wood and rolling on the floor. He cleared his throat, awkwardly. I tried not to chuckle.
"Um, hi", he said. More awkwardness. Mostly because I didn't answer him. I was taken aback by his strange demeanor.
"....sunbae", I started, leaning a little forward so he could see every detail on my face. He couldn't have forgotten me right?
He raised his brows.
"You recognize me right?"
He only looked lost.
"It's me", I said, voice a little louder than I meant it to be, "Nara. Lee Nara!"
He furrowed his brows. "Pardon?"
Heol.....
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