Capítulo 5: Life line
I guess my luck has totally ran out in this life. Maybe being in the biggest group in Korea ate it all up and now it's basically payback time in every other aspect of my existence. A portion of my string has already turned blank and if my calculations are correct, I might be one of those who needs to find their mate in a week's time. Great! Just fuckin' great!
As soon as I bailed yesterday, Namjoon did what a leader does. He called Sejin hyung to inform him about what happened. We didn't really get to talk about it yesterday given that we had a whole day of shooting but PDnim made sure to keep our schedules blank today so we can meet with him.
All eyes were on me as we sat in the same meeting room where we met the trainees the other day. Which brings me to that memory. Ofcourse, what if it was one of them? Wouldn't that be easier?
"Yoongi-ssi, how are you doing?" I can hear the concern and worry in his tone.
"I'm okay PDnim. Though I often feel lightheaded and my skin feels tingly most of the time but I think I can still hold up." I won't make them worry about me any more. They have taken good care of me all these years and putting the burden of having a soulmate on them, I think, is already too much.
"How's your string?"
"A portion of it already turned black. So, I guess I don't have a lot of time in my hands."
"Can I see?" What difference would it make if he sees?
I walked towards our CEO and showed him my right hand. As soon as he saw the red ring on my finger his features softened.
"Yeah, I think we need to find her soon but Yoongi-ssi please know that you're lucky. You have a chance to meet her."
"If I meet her PDnim."
"We will do everything to help you, Yoongi-ssi. I hope you know that. We won't let you get hurt. We will help you find her. And I hope you feel happy in the fact that you'll be able to meet her."
Why do I feel like he's trying to tell me something. And as his hand motioned for me to take my seat back, I saw a streak of gray on his right hand, carefully camouflaged by his ring. Did he have a soulmate? But why is his ring gray?
"Boys," It was Hobeom-hyung this time. "given that the promos are done, we were able to move the other shoots to a week later. We will still push through with fan meets though since we can't really make them worry too much."
"In line with that, another invite was sent to the people who attended the last fanmeet to attend on the next one scheduled on Tuesday. We have moved the venue to a bigger location to accommodate everyone who will be coming." Sejin hyung further explained.
"What about the crew during the shoot hyung?" Sometimes I get surprised about the amount of detail Jungkook observes. Him and Tae always seemed to look blank but they are the most detail oriented blokes I know.
"All of them are ours and we've worked with the same director before. I already inquired with the company and they had no one new in the team that assisted with filming yesterday. Oh but we also had some fans there cheering on you. I'll get the list ready and send invitations to them as well." I can't believe Sejin hyung missed that. He must've been rattled when Namjoon gave him the news.
"Thank you hyung." That's all I can really do right now. Thank them for helping me in this situation. I feel like I am getting more indebted to the company but somehow, it doesn't really feel bad. Maybe because PDnim has always treated everyone like family.
"It's good that Nana-ssi found a way to hide that ring yesterday." Hobeom-hyung looked more relieved now that the plans are getting more concrete.
"Does everyone in the company know?" I wonder why Jin-hyung asked, isn't it normal to let everyone in the company know?
"Well, we've decided to keep this in a close circle for now. Just your managers, Nana-ssi, the cordi and costume teams know." PDnim answered for us.
"May I know why we're not letting everyone know? We work with everyone anyway." I just can't find the point in keeping it. I mean wouldn't everybody know eventually?
"I wish it was easy like that Yoongi." Hobeom-hyung had a pained smile on his face. "If you were still a small group this would've been more manageable. I guess you don't really like going on sns, huh?"
"What do you mean hyung?" I don't know why I'm still not getting what he's trying to tell me.
"ARMY" Namjoon voiced it for our managers.
"ARMY? What do you mean ARMY? What do they…"
"Haven't you learned from all the things that happened the past years hyung?" Hobi rarely uses his serious tone with me.
"ARMYs mobbing us at airports. Haters spreading false news about us over the internet. The hate posts. The sasaengs." I'm sure Taehyung's mind is running 150 miles per hour right now. People say he looks blank a lot of times but that's only because he thinks about a lot of things too.
It was just then that everything clicked and my selfishness started eating me up like termites destroying a house. Why didn't I think of that? Why didn't I see their point of view? Their fears? And all the while. I was thinking to just go to broadcast stations, have a press con and announce my life bond to make things a whole lot easier. Why didn't I realize that this was more than me? That it can destroy everything we've worked hard for if it goes out of hand? I looked at my brothers faces and it's only now that it became clear. They are terrified about what will happen in the future. If we're not careful, we can lose everything we have now. All this fame, all these riches. All the love we are receiving. It can all disappear in the blink of an eye.
"Yoongi-ssi?" All eyes were on me again.
"Ye, yes PDnim?"
"Are you sure you're okay?" I only realized I was crying when I felt a tear drop on my hand. This has never happened before and I am scared. Scared beyond imagination. Terrified because if I suddenly die because of this, my brother's dreams will also end here and we have so much more planned for our next albums. I feel my world shrink in my head and the room felt too cramped. "I, I'm sorry. I gotta go."
Everyone called for me but I can't face them right now. I feel so shamed, so feeble. Why am I so selfish? I let my feet take me wherever. My head is too crowded to even think about where to go. I suddenly find myself in my studio.
"Yoongi…" I almost punched him as I swung my arm around. Damn! I think Jin-hyung wants to kill me. I didn't even hear him following me.
"Hyung! What the hell!" But all of my fears and frustrations were kept at bay when he threw his arms around me. "H-hyung, what are you doing?"
"I'm sorry Yoongs. We're sorry. We've been insensitive, just thinking about us when this is all about you. Forgive us please." I can feel his whole body shaking.
"Hyung, what are you talking about? You didn't do anything wrong."
"We were thinking about how this will affect our career. How this whole soulmate issue may derail us when we're almost reaching our goals. Once you've completed your life bond, you can't be without each other for long periods. Which means, we will have her with us wherever we go and that means risking the news going out about your soulmate and only God knows how that can affect us and BigHit as a whole."
What?! They're actually thinking they're wrong? How in the world did I land myself these people? The self-centered me. But that wasn't what my mind centered on. The phrase "life bond" is now echoing in my head. Yes, once we lock hands our lives will be mingled with each other, atleast our life force will be shared as far as I know. That means that I would need her to be beside me. She would have to leave her own life for me to continue being with Bangtan and who in their right mind will just suddenly leave everything they have for a person they barely know? This is obviously way bigger than I imagined it to be. I would have to be responsible for another person when I can't even take care of myself. Will she even like me?
"Yoongi-ah… are you okay?" Jin-hyung's face is painted with worry again.
"I… I don't think so hyung…" Then my ears started ringing, my head pounding so hard against my skull.
"You look pale. Are you alright? Are you hurting anywhere?" Panic was the color of his voice and he seemed distant now. I can't focus on him anymore, everything's just so painful. "Yoongi! Yoongi!"
I see him quickly dial his phone while holding me in place. I'm trying to keep myself from falling but lying down seems to be the only thing that will feel good right now. My legs are turning to jelly, like they can't support my weight anymore. I try to fight but the ringing in my ears prove to be the greatest distraction.
"Namjoon! Come to Yoongi's studio,…" was all I hear before the world turned black.
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