Capítulo 55: Darkest Thoughts 1
"Riksa, can we stop being friends? Can we not see each other again from now on?"
Like a thunderbolt in broad daylight, Sain felt the world shake as Neil said those words to himself. He seemed to have lost control of his axis and was lost in the space and time he was in now. Sain stepped forward in anger and grabbed Neil's shoulder then shook him to make Neil realize his own words.
"What are you talking about? Who told you to do this? What's wrong, Neil?" asked Sain with successive questions, unable to stand what Neil was doing or anyone else influencing him right now. Sain doesn't know.
However, the world of Sain was crushed in Neil's hands when the person he loved the most in this world spoke words that hurt him the most.
"Riksa, I hate you."
***
Sain saw Neil's shadow flash in front of him, he had been looking for Neil wherever Neil went he seemed to always avoid Sain. He couldn't stand it at all when Neil didn't think he existed at all. Sain saw Neil's back from a distance he quickly called him. "Neil!"
Sain chuckles in frustration at Neil's behavior, which actually turns away from him, by walking quickly without looking back. Sain felt the feeling repeating itself like this when Neil forgot about it at that time and Sain didn't want this to happen again. He hates it.
"Neil, I said stop," shouted Sain could not stand it anymore. He really didn't want to hurt Neil no matter what, in his mind that Sain only needed to protect Neil instead of making Neil afraid like now, let alone hate him.
However, Sain couldn't contain himself when he was faced with Neil who stiffened under his gaze and stared at Sain almost in fear. However, he hated it when there was hatred attached to Neil's gaze there.
So, Sain grabbed Neil's chin and glared at Neil, instantly Sain's blood rippled down as if his dream had come true now, and found that Neil was back in his grasp. Sain made a game in his mind.
"Are you trying to run from me? Never will," whispered Sain right in Neil's ear, he pulled the corners of his lips up with a smile that was more of a smirk. Sain was somehow happy in his current position but he needed to get the hatred for Neil out of Neil's head as soon as possible.
Sain snorted when he realized where they were now, Sain didn't like it if someone else caught them and would look at Neil. Sain really hates it.
"Neil, why are you changing so fast? I don't like it at all," he said raising his hand to caress Neil's smooth cheek, maybe Sain can do this for hours without getting bored.
Neil's face hardened in his touch, Sain touched Neil's eyes breaking the hateful look that lingered there. Sain thought that let them play around first and keep his Neil satisfied for a while.
Neil pushed his chest not strong enough to make Sain falter. His mouth twitched and snapped at Sain angrily. "Get away from me!"
Sain shook his head, frowning disapprovingly, he drew closer to Neil and pressed their bodies together. "Neil, why are you like this?"
"Because you are Sain."
Sain gripped Neil's shoulder not as he hated it when Neil said his first name like that. "I'm Riksa, for you. Call me Riksa."
Neil again pushed Sain away with force. His face turned red with anger. "What are you doing? Get away from me!"
Sain actually pressed their bodies tightly, pressing Neil's hands firmly against the wall until they were pressed against each other. Neil squirmed, trying to escape from Sain. Exactly what Sain imagined in his nights.
"I hate you," Neil said again with every emphasis in his sentence. Sain growled disapprovingly
"Don't make me mad, Neil. Until I finally do this." Sain said earnestly, that he had to go back to doing this in the end. "Look, you've never hated me in your life. There's only love, your whole life for me. You do love me, don't you?"
Sain let go of his arms, and Neil looked at Sain confusedly. Neil's cheeks slowly turned red just like Sain who was very pleased with his efforts.
"You love Me?" Sain asked with a twinkle and a smile on his lips.
"I love you," Sain said softly on Neil's neck.
"Me too, Riksa."
Perfect.
***
"Admiring yourself?"
Neil was surprised when Sain arrived behind him and whispered right in Neil's reddened ear.
Neil turned his head slightly towards Sain, Sain's hand crawled around Neil's waist until Sain fully embraced Neil's body from behind.
"You painted it?" Neil asked biting his lip hard.
"Yes, I painted it. Do you know? That every time I start drawing it will always relate to you. Always. There are many Neils in my paintings that you never see," Sain said proudly and rested his chin on Neil's shoulder.
"Riksa, this is too much."
"Something that's too much about you, its beauty. Maybe it's unrelated, but I want you to know that I'm addicted."
Sain is so addicted that it feels like he doesn't want to turn away from Neil, wants to be with him forever and keep it to himself or even Sain will lock him up all the time in Sain's room full of Neil's other paintings.
"Addicted?" Neil's voice pulled Sain out of his thoughts.
"Yes. To you, Neil and I refuse to go to rehab at any time." Sain nodded, placing a kiss on Neil's open neck.
If Sain didn't think much about how Neil was feeling right now, he might have bent Neil on the dining table right now.
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