Capítulo 8: Arc II - By a Thread - Part 2
"Xiao Zhan. Are you alright?"
He looked up to see Auntie Wang standing at the foot of Yibo's bed, concern in her eyes. Then, before he had time to reply, Nurse Jang did.
"He just had a little moment of weakness," she said with a smile. "But we're good now, aren't we, Mr. Xiao?"
She gently patted his shoulder. Xiao Zhan was shocked at her sudden transformation.
"Poor thing. I can't blame you. It was a shock for me, too," said Auntie Wang before sitting next to him. "Nurse Jang, Dr. Park says he would like to talk to you. He's in his office."
The small woman nodded.
"Just call me if you need anything, Auntie," she said before leaving.
He watched as she walked away with an assured step. Had he just misunderstood her? She had been very nice to him once he'd collapsed. Maybe he was just on edge.
"Isn't she nice?"
"Yes, yes," he replied distractedly.
Suddenly, Auntie Wang took his right hand in hers. He turned to face her. She was smiling.
"Thank you so much for being here, Xiao Zhan. I know it'll mean a lot to him."
He nodded. He always wondered how much she knew about them. Yibo was close to her. Had he said anything? He sometimes wondered if she didn't have clearer knowledge of her son's true feelings for him than he did himself.
"What did the doctor say?" he asked, pulling his mind away from that rabbit hole.
"Dr. Park says that he is reacting well to the surgery and that his brain activity seems to be stabilizing," she continued. "We're still not in the safe zone, but we're getting closer."
She looked at Yibo lovingly.
"I bet you heard that GeGe was on his way, and you felt embarrassed, didn't you, BoBo?"
Her soft laughter mellowed the tension in Xiao Zhan's chest. He was still very much afraid, but maybe there was a chance things would be alright? He chased the thought from his mind for fear of jinxing everything.
Auntie Wang let go of his hand and gently patted his thigh.
"Are you hungry? Dr. Park gave me some clementines."
She showed him a paper bag bursting with orange fruits.
"He's such a nice man. And he speaks decent Mandarin, too. We're really lucky, aren't we, BoBo?"
She smiled at her son as she asked him the question, then turned back to Xiao Zhan.
"I'll peel one for you. Go wash your hands and say hello to BoBo."
He got up slowly and was glad to discover he wasn't dizzy. As he walked to the sink, he couldn't help but glance at the other patients. A few of them had family members by their side, either asleep or keeping themselves busy with small tasks, but many were alone. He wondered if they knew, if they could feel, somehow, that nobody was at their side. He shook his head. He didn't need to make himself sad right now. He washed and dried his hands carefully. This small task suddenly made him realize that it was a relief to have someone to tell him what to do. Although he was a grown man and usually enjoyed his independence, right now, having an "adult" in charge was what he needed more than anything else.
When he returned to Yibo's cubicle, Auntie Wang had already peeled three clementines and set them on a handkerchief on his chair.
"He has an oximeter on his index," she said without lifting her eyes off the fourth fruit. "Aside from that, you can take his hand. Dr. Park says that sensory input is very important. You should talk to him, too."
Xiao Zhan got closer to the head of the bed. Although most of his face was obscured by bandages and the respirator, he caught sight of the Yibo's closed eyes for the first time. Had it not been for a small scratch on the bridge of his nose, you could have believed that he was simply asleep. Xiao Zhan was taken aback by this untouched beauty amidst the chaos that was the rest of the man's body. He clenched his fists, resisting the urge to softly run his thumb along the line of his long eyelashes. His lips itched to kiss his brow. He would have given up everything for just one touch. Instead, he gingerly covered the back of the man's hand with his and gently squeezed.
"Hey," he said in a small voice.
He pinched his lips. His chest was tight. Words fought in his mind, his rational and emotional sides at odds. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. What was one to say in such a situation?
"You've really done it this time," he finally managed with a small smile.
He discreetly caressed Yibo's wrist with his thumb, and the innocuous gesture suddenly felt very intimate. How many times had he done this before without thinking?
"You have to get better, alright? Your mom is worried."
I'm worried, too, Yibo.
Tears welled up in his eyes. He wiped them with his free hand. He'd promised himself he was done crying.
There was so much more he wanted to say, but he couldn't articulate it. He squeezed his hand again and reluctantly let go. He returned to reality and sat next to Auntie Wang. What a strange world he now inhabited, a world where clementines were eaten next to people fighting for their lives.
Xiao Zhan realized he'd dozed off when he was woken up by Nurse Jang addressing Auntie Wang.
"They're still investigating, but they'd like you to pick up his personal items," she said.
Xiao Zhan rubbed his eyes and stretched, causing a hospital blanket to slip to the floor. As he picked it up, he noticed it was dark outside. He wondered how long he'd been asleep.
"I would rather not leave his side right now," said Auntie Wang, eyes on her son.
"You could always go tomorrow?"
"What is going on?" asked Xiao Zhan.
Both women turned to him.
"The police are ready to release Mr. Wang's personal effects."
"I don't feel comfortable leaving BoBo at this point…."
"I can go," he offered. "I mean, can I go?"
"Oh, Xiao Zhan. Would you?" said Auntie wang, grabbing onto his forearm.
He nodded.
"I will check with our contact, but I don't see why they would refuse. I'll be right back, Auntie."
The cold snapped Xiao Zhan awake. He hadn't expected Seoul to be that much colder than Beijing. He shifted from foot to foot, rubbing his hands together as he waited for Nurse Jang. He had expected the police department to have an interpreter, but apparently, it was too late in the day for them to arrange something on such short notice. The small woman appeared at his side and hailed a cab. She was dressed in a fashionable royal blue winter jacket and leather boots with heels that gave her slightly more height. This was a far cry from the austere look he had expected. She noticed him giving her the once over.
"What? Did you expect me to go out in my uniform?" she asked curtly.
He shook his head. The taxi pulled up.
"Get in," she said before walking to the other side of the car.
As he settled, Xiao Zhan was now certain he hadn't imagined her earlier abruptness. Nurse Jang spoke to the driver, and they were on their way.
For a long while, only the sound of the taxi's radio broke the silence. Xiao Zhan stared out the window. Despite the cold outside, the inside of the car was too hot for comfort, and it was beginning to upset his stomach. The acidity of the clementines had also done him no favours. He unbuttoned his jacket and started massaging his middle.
"Do you have stomach problems?" asked Nurse Jang in her usual tone.
He turned to look at her. She stared at him intently.
"It's nothing," he replied, hoping to close the topic.
"This afternoon, was it the first time you've ever fainted? Have you felt dizzy recently?" She continued.
As she spoke, he noticed she was slowly transitioning into what he had labelled her "nice mode."
"I thought you weren't wearing your uniform, Nurse Jang," he said, surprising himself.
Her eyes widened, but then he caught the slightest trace of a smirk.
"Touché. Humour me, then. Answer the question, Mr. Xiao," she said, her abrupt tone back.
The car came to a stop.
"We're here," he replied with a wide grin before stepping out. He couldn't help but feel like he'd won this round.
An officer took them to a sparsely furnished windowless room. On top of a metal table were a clear plastic container and a box of tissues. So this was another room where crying was expected, thought Xiao Zhan. The glee of his earlier victory was long gone. He wanted to peek at the box's contents but was also afraid of what he might find. Nurse Jang listened as the policeman gave instructions. He then cop handed her a clipboard and stepped out of the room.
"They think most of the items in the box should be Mr. Wang's as Mr. Zhou's family has already come by. I have an inventory here. You just have to put a checkmark next to what you take," she explained. "He says there is another item he needs to bring. He'll be a few minutes."
Xiao Zhan nodded.
"Should I wait?"
She shook her head.
"You can go ahead."
Although her tone wasn't warm, it wasn't cold either. She chewed on her lower lip, fingers drumming against the clipboard. They broke the silence at the same time.
"Would you like me to…"
"Could you please…"
They both stopped.
"Go ahead," said Xiao Zhan, recovering faster.
"No. You go."
He sighed. He had meant to ask her to stay, but the moment had passed. If he did now, it would be awkward.
"Could you please check the items off when I'm done? I can't read that."
"Yes, yes, of course," she replied a little too quickly.
"Thank you."
They stared at each other for an awkward moment. She was the first to break eye contact.
"I'll be in the hallway then. Just call when you're done."
She opened the door.
"What were you about to say?" he finally asked.
"Nothing. Just holler if you're about to pass out," she said as she walked out.
He shook his head. He'd lost this round.
He pulled out a chair and sat. These were only things, he reminded himself. Just objects. Nothing more.
But they're his things…
He reached for the box and pulled it closer. It was very light. He finally looked inside. A checkered blue and white scarf occupied most of the space. He knew for a fact that this wasn't Yibo's. He took it out to reveal a wallet, a watch, and a set of keys. All of those he recognized.
He took the keys out first. The cute acrylic bunny keychain Xiao Zhan had given him as a joke was severely damaged. He rubbed the scratched surface with his thumb before setting the keys on the table. He reached for the wallet. It was his, no doubt about it. It looked no different from the last time he'd seen it. He opened it to find an array of cards and receipts. Letting curiosity get the better of him, he looked in the other folds. He found some change and, in a smaller pocket, a folded piece of paper with printed characters. Judging by the creases, it had been in there for a long time. He unfolded it.
It was a rough sketch of a bunny. The style was Xiao Zhan's, but he couldn't remember drawing it. He looked at the back and recognized parts of The Untamed's script. Had Yibo saved one of his doodles? When had this happened? He'd made it a point to doodle in any abandoned script. Most of the time, he's drawn silly things to make people laugh, but there was a softness to this rabbit that was different. He tried to guess the scene from the printed lines but couldn't figure it out. His hands shook as he put the paper on the table. How long had Yibo been carrying this around?
As he took the watch, the officer entered the room and put a motorcycle helmet on the table. It would have been more accurate to say what had been a motorcycle helmet. The shell was badly crushed at the point of impact, with cracks expanding outward like the many tributaries of a delta. The design was scratched to the point of being unrecognizable. As for the protective foam, it had been partially torn and bore unmistakable marks of dried blood. Despite the damage, Xiao Zhan immediately recognized it as the helmet he'd given Yibo. It was the one he'd been wearing in the last picture he'd sent.
The chair loudly screeched as Xiao Zhan suddenly pushed himself from the table and looked away.
"Nurse Jang," he heard himself call as if from far away.
His breath shortened. His vision blurred. He felt as though the walls were closing in on him.
"At least you're sitting down," said a voice, barely getting through his panic.
Then, there were small hands on his upper back again. Small hands that gently made him lean forward and put his head between his knees. Small hands that gently patted his back like a mother would a sleeping child.
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