Capítulo 14: ch 13. queens
JOON:
jiminie had a new boyfriend.... i knew this was comming, but it hurt like a bitch non the less. i still loved him. in my eyes he was still the perfect creature there was. he was my all. and now i wasnt his. fuck college! but i had to learn for my future. i wanted to be succesfull, so i could take care of jimin. i wanted him so bad. these hookups didnt make the trick. nobody was even close to him. after it i felt hollow, a dead shelf. i looked at my phone at all pics i had from jiminie. all vids of him and us. i missed him so much.
the only thing what had me sane was that we would see us on christmas break. that was the only light in my dark days. soon!
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JIMIN:
"hey demon cat! what u doing on the break?!" "going home. why?" we layed on my bed and worked on our studies. he didnt even looked up. "soooo.... u are okay for not seeing me for a long time?" i pouted. finally he looked up and smirked. "ha! cutie will miss me, huh? should i come for .... lets say, a week to your place?!" i nodded happy. "would be nice" "i know! all the christmassy feelings, the smell of cinamon and cookies and...." "all the sex we are gonna have!" "my parents will be there" "so?" i looked big at him and sighed. he was indeed serious. "i will give my parents earplugs for christmas" he laughed and let himself fall on me. "outch!" "u know..... that will be the first time i ll stay over at someones place" "are u kidding me?!" he shook his head. "never a sleepover?" he shook his head again. "never" "why?" yoongi shrugged his shoulders.
"i was never into that stuff. i am an introvert. i love beeing alone at home" "wow.... we need to change that! its not healthy" yoongi chuckled. "since when u are my doctor?!" "i am your boyfriend, i am responsible for your health, body and mind" "are u serious?!" he snorted. my boyfriend snorted at me! "of course i am! as u are for me!" he looked funny and sat up. "u are serious" "why does it surprise u?!" "nobody...." "your parents?" he shook his head.
"they were always busy with work" "i am so sorry. but now u have me, right?!" his eyes turned watery after my words. i was surprised and amazed. i never saw him ever in tears. not even with my crappy jokes. i caressed his face. "did i said something wrong?!" he took some breaths, closed his eyes, a tear escaped the corner of one eye and than he smiled at me. "do u know how much i love u?" i was stunned. "u love me?" he pouted. "of course" and kissed me. he loved me! did i love him back?
in recap: i loved kook, until he ... u know. and i blamed myself, after i started college and had time to think about all. it was my fault, cause, lets be honest, i cheated on him with joon. tho we broke it off, but i immidiatly fucked with joon that day. if i was serious with my feelings, i wouldnt have. so .... did that mean i didnt loved kook?..... no i LOVED him. he was my first boyfriend! ....ugh...why is it so complicated?!
and i loved joon.....in a way. he still felt like a big brother, my rock to me. with love.... some kind.... i enjoyed our time together, i enjoyed us fucking, but... he was my best friend. he knew me best, better than i knew myself.... was that love?
and now yoongi, my roomie. i could tell him everything. he was a good listener. he was funny in his own ways, he made me feel safe and good. but he still had a wall around him. if i broke down that wall, what will await me? if he was in love with me, what will happen if i hurt him? his feelings? what will happen, if i tear down this wall and then hurt him. he would never forgave me. of that i was sure. on the outside he was this grumpy cold asshole, keeping to himself, on the inside, he was this loving, wonderful soul. ....
shit, i loved him! i really loved him!
i kissed him back, more harder than i thought, but i was overwhelmed from my feelings. he gave out a questioning sound and i backed away.
"i love u too"
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HOPE:
i hopped back to our change room and was satisfied with my performance. i wanted to get out of those shoes and watched kooks. so i was in a hurry, almost ripped my amazing thight dress in the process! stupid!
i cursed a lot at them after that....experiment, but.... shit.... i liked it and i wanted to do it again! am i got crazy?
i ran back to the bar, took a seat and a drink. waited for kooks stage. ruby j introduced miss diamond jacky and the crowd whooped whooped. a lot of people this night, we almost had no space at all! good for ruby j! i laughed, i cheered. jacky was the best. how she moved her body. and she was funny too, so .... what could i say, other than she was perfect!
we met up in the changing room and celebrated. "girls that was a great night!"
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