Capítulo 4: New Play
It was gonna be a normal day.
Get up... And that's where the problem starts. Ted was hoping once he plopped his head on his pillow, he would easily pass out. However, sleep avoided Ted like the plague because a certain blonde with hot booty shorts kept haunting his dreams. Finally biting the bullet, Ted reached for nearby tissues with one hand and begins to touch his firm member with the other, trying with all his might to think back to all the porn videos he's watched in the past and not on his friend. After unloading into tissues at least three times, Ted felt even less tired than before. Glancing at his digital alarm clock on his bedside table, it read 8 am in bright red lights.
'Might as well just get ready for the day. I just need something to distract myself.'
However, doing anything else would also provide some challenges. Brushing his teeth, Ted thought of a cute blonde bent over the sink. Heading into his office, a cute blonde popped up, legs crossed on top of his desk. All day, his pants felt uncomfortably tight, and no matter what he did or how many times he did it, Barney was always on his mind. Finally, it was time to meet his friends at the bar, now though, he hoped Barney wasn't there again.
However, as if the universe was playing a cruel joke on Ted, Barney was there, sitting next to Robin, dressed in his signature suit thankfully. Ted's heart clenched a bit in his chest when he saw how close they were sitting together. He made his way to the booth, ordering a beer from Carl and grabbing an unused chair from a nearby table for himself. Just when he sat down, something shiny grabbed Ted's attention.
"Wait, what's that?"
"I'm glad you asked, Ted!" Barney declared while the rest at the booth just groaned, clearly, having already heard his explanation far too many times. His grin was full of confidence as he lifted his cup of scotch in preparation for a speech. God, his smile was cute…
"Now that you all know my real preference for my many sexual encounters, I don't feel the need to limit my playing field. Like a great man once said 'A playing field once divided-"
Robin couldn't take it any longer "He's basically saying he plans to hit on guys in this bar now too. The earring is for guys to know which way he swings. Barney, don't give the damn speak again or so help me, I will rip that earring off and give you a new piercing where the sun don't shine!"
Not wanting to call her bluff but also wanting to look tough, Barney just smirked and kept his glass glued to his lips avoiding eye contact while doing so. It was obvious he was just stalling his reply to her vague threat. To alleviate the tension, Lily broke the ice with her sincere smile.
"Well, I for one am glad you feel comfortable enough to share this side of yourself with us, Barn."
"It's great Barney, really… but how are you going to pick up guys here when you don't even know of their…I mean if they…you know…don't 'go that way'?"
Marshall's concerns were valid, but Barney didn't seem worried. He scoffs as he places his, now-empty glass of scotch on the table. Then he begins looking around the room as if examining every person's face within the bar. Finally, he stops and begins to loosen his tie and unbuttons the top two rows of his shirt.
"Hmm… look's like slim pickings for women… Alright! Robin, may I borrow your compact mirror? Now Marshall, in my many years of picking up guys, both for myself and for my brother, shout out to James, I like to think I've got a keen eye for telling who's gay, straight, or bi-curious and I've developed a foolproof method to ensnare-"
"Peacocking, Barney, it's called peacocking. God, do we have to have an intervention for your stupidly long speeches?"
"It's peahen-ing! God, Robin do we have to have an intervention for your constant interruptions?"
Though it seemed like they were really arguing from an outsider's point of view, their friends knew it was just the same old, same old friendly bickering. Just then, Barney put the finishing touches to his hair, styling it to appear like he'd been drinking all day, slightly messy and invoking an urge to pull it while ravaging his body. Ted quickly looked away and started chugging down his beer.
"Here. Now, watch and learn how it's done." with that, Barney gave back Robin's mirror and headed to the corner of the bar counter, leaving behind his glass and ordering a pink fruity drink as a replacement. As he leaned onto the countertop, his butt slightly perked out from under his suit jacket, he held the cool drink with one hand and played with the long straw with the other, taking deliberate long sips and focusing on his drink making his eyes seem to glaze over with lust.
Ted couldn't look away, his face blushed and his heart beat rapidly, it was so loud he was afraid everyone would hear it. However, he didn't need to worry about his friends giving him weird stares as everyone at the table was watching and waiting for how Barney's new play was going to work out.
"Guys, maybe we should stop him. He could end up getting really hurt-"
"Shh, shh! Someone's taking the bait! Ooh, he's cute!"
Lily shushed her fiance, as a handsome and tall man made his way from one end of the bar counter to where Barney was at. The man was about 6 feet tall, with a cute stubble beard, he wore a casual button-down shirt and gray dress pants, and on his hands were stylish silver rings, some fingers having two or three on one. Though the group wasn't within earshot, they had a perfect view of what was going down.
First, the man walked up to Barney and just started talking to him for a bit. Barney looked at him for a moment, then gave a bright smile as he giggled and started talking back, looking really into their conversation. Then after a bit of chatting, the man placed a hand on Barney's lower back as Barney started playing with the rings on the guy's other hand. Throughout the constant flirting Barney was doing with this complete stranger, Ted felt sick to his stomach. Something in him made him irrationally angry, he clutched his beer bottle so tightly that his knuckles went white.
"Ted? You alright?" Marshall looked at his friend in worry. Even though Ted nodded, he had begun to chug down his third beer. Something was clearly bothering him and before he could ask any further, Lily excitedly exclaims.
"No way! He's done it! He actually snagged a cute guy here! Holy shit!"
"Damn, and I was hoping he was straight, I was gonna take a wack at 'em if Barney failed."
Both Lily and Robin looked on as the handsome man started leading Barney out, not before Barney turned around, giving his friends his signature 'Score! I'm getting laid' wink. And with that, the group was down one member for the night. The rest of the evening were talks about how Barney's new play had worked and if it would work should a woman try it to get a guy. Lily and Robin did most of the talking, Marshall giving his own perspective on things every now and then, but his main focus was on Ted who was practically silent right after Barney left. All he did was give a slight smile here or a nod there all while downing beer after beer.
At last, it was reaching 11 pm and Lily and Marshall get up to leave, paying for their table's drinks this time. Robin went to leave too but not before witnessing Ted fall out of his chair in his attempt to get up. With a worried look, she goes to help Ted up, and realizing he's completely wasted, she decides to help Ted back to his place. She just wanted to go home and sleep, Robin still had to change the water bowls for her dogs and then make sure they each went to the bathroom outside. Begrudgingly, she throws Ted's arm around her shoulder and basically carries him out the door and into his apartment building.
Once outside his door, she sets Ted down and starts looking for his door keys. As she's reaching around his pockets, Ted makes a suggestive groan, Robin froze in place, a slight blush rising to her cheeks.
"B-Barney? You're back? Heh heh hic, betcha that l-loser was a lousy lay? Hic! You know who you should get wi-hic-with? This hic! Guy!"
Ted points his two thumbs to himself before ultimately passing out. Robin stood there, stunned, hands touching his pockets. As if on autopilot, Robin reaches for her own ring of keys and uses the spare key Ted had given her a few weeks prior. With the door now opened, she stares down at the now sleeping Ted, her mind raced with the new information she's just learned. All she wanted to do was sleep and now it seemed like it won't come easy to her now. With an exhausted sigh, she grabs Ted by his arms and proceeds to drag his limp body into his home. Leaving him by the door, rather than taking the time to bring him to his bed or the very least his couch. Robin goes to lock the door, closing it on her way out, and finally heading home.
PENSAMENTOS DOS CRIADORES 
JackOH
JackOH totally didn't explain when this takes place. it's before lily and marshall are married but have their own apartment, robin and ted did date but robin hasn't dated barney yet and still lives in her first apartment with her 5 dogs. id say anywhere between season 3 or 4 or 2. tbh i kinda got bored around season 7 and most the episodes before are kinda blended together for me so if some canon stuff are bundled together at random times, remember, this is a fanfic and ima just do what i want. I was debating if I should have robin date don this early too but we'll see lol.
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