Capítulo 30: 1st World A/B/O: 19
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The Chef x The Movie Emperor
Nix's P.O.V.:
Phoenix focused on Solaris's presence and focused on the weight of him on his lap helping to ground himself. He continued to focus on the little phoenix-dragon while he held his breath for 30 seconds in order to slow his racing heart and end this panic attack. With this he was able to calm himself down a bit as he found himself thinking that Solaris reminded him of a cat or dog curled up on its human's lap.
'He is just like a dog or cat trying to comfort their person, when they were in destress. Solaris seemed to do it instinctually. How and I did not think he could get any cuter.' This thought helped to calm Phoenix's chaotic mind and he began to calm down.
It was upon calming down that he had the vague reciliation that he might have heard a faint and distant familiar voice call out to him, 'Oh, Nikki my love...soon...' but that could not be right... right?
'Wait, what the, who the fuck was that? Why did that voice sound familiar. I know I heard it before but where? Also, Nikki... why does that name make my heart tremble, ache and long? It makes absolutely zero sense! No one has ever called me that before. Is that my original name... is that why it not only feels familiar but right? What the fuck is going on? I keep having these damn déjà vu feelings since I entered this world, and it all makes zero sense!
'That's it I must be losing my mind. Haha Nix you have finally done it, you have officially lost your mind! Perhaps I never left that hell hole, and I am just hallucinating in order to cope with it...' even if that is the case do I really want to come out of this hallucination? At least here I have a family who loves me, and I have a cute little phoenix-dragon as a pet and companion. But still I am not sure what is real or not now. Whatever now is not the time to be thinking about this or acting this way. Take a deep breath Nix and pull yourself together, weather this is real or not is not currently relative so just focus at the task on hand and treat it as if it were real, better to be safe than sorry.'
After thinking all this Phoenix, gathered his thoughts and strength and pulled himself out of his downward spiral. It would not bode well do dwell on all these what ifs and what nots. He had to get a grip of himself and suck it up weather he felt like it or not because on the off chance that this is all real, he did not want to mess it up. Truly the worst-case scenario is that he really is crazy, but if that were the reality of it all then he did not want to wake from this current delusion. Still, he could not shake the feeling that he knew that voice.
'Let it go Nix, at least for now.' he told himself over and over again until he finally calmed and collected himself. What was most important at the moment is how to explain his random outburst. His panic attack and bawling made no sense.
Well, at least it would not to the Beyols as Beyol Bong Tae-Hwan had always hidden his depression from his family, as he felt that it was his responsibility to keep up his sunny demeanor as everyone would always tell him that even on their darkest days, he was their only ray of sunshine and hope thus giving them the strength to carry on. He felt that if he told his family about his feelings that it would only make things harder on them and he did not want that. After all he understood that a lot of their stress came from him being a dominant omega. It did not help that his so-called best friend was as toxic as a radioactive isotope.
'That narcissist bitch really did a number on this shell!' Nix thought with disgust. Like a bolt of lightning, it hit him how he could explain his reaction and help protect his family a bit better at the same time.
Phoenix sat up and wiped his eyes and stumbled a pathetic apology for his unsightly dramatic outburst, guilt and embarrassment filled him upon seeing the faces of his family members. "You have absolutely no reason to apologize nae sarang" Mrs. Tae Eun-Kyung said voice cracking as she wiped tears away from her own eyes. This was followed by a chorus of agreements from the rest of his family. Phoenix had to hold back another bout of tears as once again he was nearly overwhelmed by the amount of love, understanding and acceptance.
'Would they even look at me kindly if they knew I was not their precious Beyol Bong Tae-Hwan?' I also cannot believe I reacted like that! I haven't cried like that since Solaris found me and I haven't cried at all for at least the past 10 thousand years not maybe it was more, either way it is still shell shocking to say the least.' Phoenix could not help but think bitterly to himself
'Mama, of course they would! I know for a fact they would, and I wish that you could see yourself the way others do, and I do not mean those from the prison you were in. All those lives were designed to hurt and break you. Even if you are not the same as Beyol Bong Tae-Hwan you are still an amazing person who deserves to be loved and cherished. Even if you doubt me, you must remember that the Beyols are truly pure hearted people. As for why you would react that way it is because you have significant trauma resulting in PTSD and now that you are completely free from your abuser(s) and have a loving family for the first time you were able to finally be able to release some of that built up tension and emotion. Honestly it would be more concerning if you continued to keep things in though I did not expect this reaction this soon. Despite what you have been brainwashed into believing you are more then worthy to be liked, loved and cherished. You are enough just as you are! I implore you to please use this life and allow yourself to heal even if it is in small stages, because you do deserve it Mama Phoenix.' Solaris said through the shared mental link between he and Nix.
Solaris did his best to comfort and reassure his Mama. He knew it was rude of him to pry into his Mama's private thoughts, but Phoenix did not hide them, and this time Solaris realized the importance of reassuring him. So that is exactly what Solaris did just that without hesitation. He knew his Mama never meant for him to hear or know any of that, but he did not care at this point Phoenix's mental and emotional wellbeing was far more important, privacy be damned when his poor Mama Phoenix was like this.
Solaris had a deep hatred for whoever did this to Phoenix. His Mama has such a beautiful soul even after everything he has been through and yet someone felt the need for reasons yet know, to someone who was pure, gentle and naive, well at one point he was now Nix was gray or grayer then white as freshly fallen snow, but he is far from the mud and sludge that forms once that snow melts away.
Solaris rubbed his head on Phoenix's stomach as a way to comfort the man and to his delight it seemed to work as Phoenix gave a weak but genuine smile.
Now that he had calmed down and the flood of memories and flashbacks from all he endured had ceased to run rampant in his mind, he was able to think more clearly. He finally looked up at his family before wiping his eyes and mumbling out, a pathetic apology for his unsightly dramatic outburst, guilt and embarrassment filled him upon seeing the faces of his family members.
"You have absolutely no reason to apologize nae sarang" Mrs. Tae Eun-Kyung said voice cracking as she wiped tears away from her own eyes. This was followed by a chorus of agreements from the rest of his family. Phoenix had to hold back another bout of tears as once again he was nearly overwhelmed by the amount of love, understanding and acceptance.
"Nix, Hyung can you please tell us what upset you so much? There must be something to make you react this way, after all it is just a name, and it is not even like you are asking us to call you by a different name. Phoenix is your name." Beyol Joon asked tentatively.
The whole Beyol family looked like a bunch of bobble heads as they were all emphatically nodding in agreement with Beyol Joon and this caused him to stifle a laugh. He bit his lip and looked at the table for a moment before looking up into the eyes of his family members and told them the truth, or rather a half truth.
"I have been struggling for a while now with depression and low self-image and self-loathing." He said softly. This took the entire Beyol family but surprise, never would they imagine those words would come from their brightest and happiest member. "Do you mind telling us what has brought this on and how long you have felt this way?" Mrs. Tae Eun-Kyung asked, her voiced laced with the fear, sadness and guilt she felt for never realizing one of her children were suffering.
"Well, I guess I should just tell you up front and get it all out on the table now, since you all really should know. I no longer want to be friends with Lee Eun-ae. I know we have been friends for a long time, but I have recently realized that she has always been a toxic friend and I think she may have even been sabotaging me.. She..." Phoenix a bit taken back when his father angerly interrupted him with what he could only describe as a thought said out loud, "How so?"
"Well, it started back when she befriended me in middle school, at first it was little comments that just seemed a bit off, but she would always play it off as if it were a joke. The only compliments she has ever given me were back handed ones not to mention she is constantly giving me advice on how to act and what to wear. Typically, that would not be a bad thing amongst friends, the advice part but as I got older, I realized that all that so called 'friendly' and 'lovingly' advice was just her way to tear me down and make others dislike me."
He was unsure just how much he should tell them. 'Go on Mama, they should know what kind of person Lee Eun-ae really is.' Solaris encouraged him lovingly.
"She is the one who convinced me to always wear baggy, discreet clothing, keep my hair down so that it always covered my face on top of convincing me that everyone was always taking bad about me behind my back and that only she truly had my back. I know now that it was just her way of making sure I kept everyone at arm's length because she was jealous. She would always talk me out of trying out for sports and clubs or even going out to social events.
I have never told yall but I have been in love with acting and the drama club for as long as I can remember."
This last sentence was a definite surprise to the bristling Beyols and it momentarily caused them to forget their building rage against Lee Eun-ae. Nix noted their surprise and confusion as he continued to explain.
"I never told yall because she convinced me that I would be letting yall down and undermining all of your efforts to keep me and my secondary status as a dominant omega a safe. She also convinced me that I would be disappointing you all if I did not end up working for the family business. She knew that if I were to become an actor or model that I would easily be famous just by my status alone. She said it was not fair and that the moment that people found out about me being a dominant omega that my horrible acting skills would be overlooked. She even convinced me to give up the lead role in our high school drama that ended up getting her signed into her current acting agency.
I am aware now how stupid it was for me to believe her, but she had managed to isolate me from all the friends I used to have until she was the only one beside me. I could not see that she had been bad mouthing me and telling everyone that I thought I was too good for them now that I was an omega. She tells anyone and everyone that I am an ungrateful, hateful and conceded person who is only out to find a golden thigh to hug. I did not want to believe it when a fellow acquaintance told me that Lee Eun-ae had been going around for years telling everyone that I had loose morals and was promiscuous with any alpha or beta who would have me.
Despite fining all this out I still harbored doubts because it was too hard to believe that the person I considered as close as a sister was actually a black lotus pretending to be a white lotus. That was until I accidently overheard her talking derogatively about you all to an alpha that turned out to be one of her numerous lovers. That was when I realized that everything, she had been saying about me all these years was in fact how she is and what she is doing."
Phoenix took a deep breath and allowed what he said to set in before dropping yet another bomb on his family.
PENSAMENTOS DOS CRIADORES 
Mrs_TNT
Mrs_TNT Hi, my lovely phoenixes & dragons, as always thank-you for your continued support of my novel. I also hope you all have a great day. I am loving the comments so much! Thank you all for them. I have to take my sick kiddos to the dr today but once I get home I may publish another chapter With all the names & places so that it's easier for yall to keep them straight & a mini theater I have been considering for a bit now. But that may be left for the author's thoughts section. ai am not sure yet. ^^
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