Capítulo 11: Chapter 11 - Purpose
129 AC
Fifteenth Day Of The Eight Moon
Hightower
I watched my mother leave the room, her footsteps echoing softly in the silence. Alone, I walked towards the balcony, the night air cool against my skin. The city of Oldtown lay before me, the stars illuminating the sky. The Hightower stood tall and imposing, the highest structure ever built by man, taller even than the Wall.
What would happen if one jumped from the top? I wondered aloud.
The memory struck me like a blade. "I will throw you down the Hightower," I had snarled at Samantha. My head throbbed as I clutched it, the scene replaying in my mind. I would have done it, too, if not for my mother.
Damn it.
My temper was never under control. The rage that simmered beneath the surface threatened to consume me, the urge to burn everything and everyone to ashes growing stronger. The voices in my head grew louder, their whispers relentless.
What was my purpose?
"To kill all those who oppose you," one voice hissed.
"No," I whispered, shaking my head, trying to fight against it.
"What is one more child, one more woman, one more man, to the ever-growing mountain of corpses we have built?" the voice taunted. I saw them then, the men, women, and children I had murdered, their faces haunting me as I stood atop their lifeless bodies. I fell to the ground, overwhelmed by the weight of my sins.
Just one more. Daemon Targaryen. I need to end him, then I will be set free, I muttered over and over.
But deep down, I knew the truth. There would always be one more. One more enemy, one more threat, one more victim of my uncontrollable rage. The monster I had become was never satisfied, never sated. And it was tearing me apart from the inside out.
I was scared. Scared of what I had become. Scared of the monster lurking within me, the one that thrived on blood and fire. My purpose, my destiny, had twisted into something dark and unrecognizable. I was no longer the man I once was. I was a weapon, a harbinger of death, and there was no escape from the horrors I had unleashed.
As my heart finally began to slow, I heard the chamber door creak open. I turned and saw Alyssa standing there, her mismatched eyes gazing at me with a mix of sorrow and determination. She was dressed in her riding leathers, a stark contrast to the softness of her expression as she walked toward me.
"Alyssa," I muttered, but before I could say more, she swiftly punched me, the force of it sending me to the ground. She rained punches down on me, her tears falling freely.
"One letter, one fucking raven, you couldn't send me one!" she screamed, her voice breaking with emotion. The power in her punches waned as she collapsed onto me, holding me tightly.
I didn't say anything, just looked at the woman I loved, the one bright spot in my dark world.
"I..." Before I could finish, she kissed me, her lips desperate and searching. We clung to each other, drawing breath from one another until we finally pulled back, panting.
"You do not deserve her. She will die as well, because of you," the voice in my head sneered.
"Shut up!" I shouted, pushing Alyssa away from me. Her eyes filled with hurt as she looked at me, a bruise already forming on her arm from where I had gripped her too tightly. Guilt washed over me, worse than any physical pain.
"If I had the chance I would not hesitate to repeat my actions," I muttered, the faces of everyone I had killed flashing before my eyes. I held my head in my hands as the voices of my victims echoed in my mind.
"Kinslayer, monster, murderer," they chanted over and over as I sat in silence, feeling the weight of their accusations.
But then Alyssa's warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me back from the brink.
"Jaehaerys, it is me," she whispered, her voice a balm to my tortured soul.
"Alyssa," I said softly, as I saw tears falling from her face as she broke down in my embrace.
"I killed them all," I said somberly.
"Jacaerys, Lucerys, Joffrey, Rhaenyra, Jeyne, Rhaenys, the Velaryons, Rhaenyra's youngest sons, and countless men, women, and children," I said coldly, clinging to her as if she was the only thing keeping me from drowning in my guilt.
"But I do not regret anything", I said.
"I am sorry, Jaehaerys, for not being there with you," Alyssa said, holding my face in her hands. "You went through so much for the sake of our family," she said, her voice filled with sorrow and love. "You can rest now, my sun and sky," she said, caressing my face.
"No, the rogue prince still lives," I said, my voice shaking. "I will end him, and then all this pain will end," I insisted, gazing into Alyssa's eyes and seeing her tears mirror my own.
"You are worthless, not worthy of someone like her," the voice crept up in my mind.
"I want you to fulfill your dream of exploring Westeros, and once you have done that, I want you to marry and settle down. I will be watching you, Alyssa," I said, my voice melancholic.
"Jaehaerys," she shouted, her voice filled with desperation. "Do not say such words. Nothing will happen to you," she spat out, her anger mingling with her tears.
"I am a broken man, Alyssa. You do not deserve someone like me," I said, looking at her with hollow eyes.
"I have become a kinslayer, and the people curse me. After all, there is no one as accursed as a kinslayer," I said, my voice trembling.
"No, do not call yourself that. You are not a kinslayer," she replied, her voice shaking as tears fell from her eyes.
"You were never foolish, sister. If I am not a kinslayer, then Rhaenyra's three eldest sons were not bastards," I said, chuckling darkly.
Alyssa's face crumpled, her sobs breaking the silence between us. The pain in her eyes mirrored my own, a shared agony that words could never heal. She reached for me, but I stepped back, my heart heavy with the weight of my sins.
"I do not deserve to live after all I have done, the pain and misery I have caused. Countless families I have broken apart. I do not deserve to live. Once I kill the rogue prince, my purpose will be complete," I said, my voice filled with resignation.
But she slapped me, her hand connecting with my face in a stinging rebuke. "Never, never say that ever again," she said, tears flowing freely from her eyes as she brought our foreheads together.
"You are mine, and I am yours, now and for always," she said, her voice fierce with determination.
"You want a purpose? Then live for me, live for us, Jaehaerys," she pleaded, her voice trembling. "I beg of you, please. I cannot live without you," she cried, clutching me tightly.
"I am not the man you fell in love with, the man you grew up with. I am nothing but a monster," I said, my voice breaking. "And you don't deserve a man such as me."
"It does not matter if you are not the same as before," she said, her voice softening, filled with unwavering love. "Broken or not, monster or not, I will still love you," she said, looking deeply into my eyes before kissing me gently.
I embraced her, holding onto the one person who had not given up on me, despite everything. Her love was my lifeline, and in that moment, I felt a glimmer of hope, a chance for redemption through her unwavering faith in me.
We stayed like that for a long time, wrapped in each other's arms, the world outside the balcony fading away. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, I could find redemption. Not through more bloodshed, but through the love of the woman in my arms.
Alyssa's love was a beacon in the darkness, guiding me back to the light. And for her, I would try to be the man she believed I could be. No matter how broken, I would fight my demons, for her, for us.
The night stretched on, but the weight on my heart felt a little lighter. The voices in my head were not silenced, but their hold on me weakened as Alyssa's love filled the void they had left. I still had a long way to go, but with her by my side, I felt a flicker of hope. A chance to rebuild, to atone, and to find peace in a world that had seen too much of my wrath.
"I will live for you, Alyssa," I whispered, my voice resolute.
"And I will end the Rogue Prince. In the end, I will live in your heart as you fulfill your dreams, watching from afar if I am given such a chance," I said softly, looking up at the stars.
In that moment, I began to believe it.
"The Last Dance," I muttered softly, imagining the maesters' chronicles of my first and final battles with the Rogue Prince.
"In the end, we will both be gone, leaving no dark cloud hanging over my brother's throne or our family.
Jaehaerys the Monstrous, The Silent Fury himself will meet his end, and that will be my purpose," I said melancholically.
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P.s.
I changed the chapter as I felt that I made a mistake while writing Jaehaerys mental state of mind as He would not be crying like a bitch and also because he has killed before and accepts the fact that karma is real.
PENSAMENTOS DOS CRIADORES 
Last_Quincy
Last_Quincy Jaehaerys is one of the most complex SI's I have ever written and in no way has his mental state of mind improved drastically at the end of this chapter. The only thing that he has now is a purpose. A purpose to live for Alyssa. He is still a heavily scarred individual.
"Scars do not heal they fade with time".
It all depends on whether Jaehaerys survives the final battles against the Rogue Prince to ever know what inner peace feels like.
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