Capítulo 159: 39.You're The first, The Last, My Everything.
Time had lost its meaning as I reached for the bottle, its cool glass pressing against my clammy palm. The scorching heat of the day seemed to sear once again my throat, igniting a familiar burn as the liquid slid down into my empty stomach. The room around me was dimly lit, the air heavy with the stench of alcohol and despair.
My pain, raw and aching, needed to be numbed. I craved the oblivion that only drunkenness could bring. The ugly truths of our situation haunted my mind, taunting me with their harsh reality. I berated myself for being foolish, for trying to overcome our problems, only to discover that there was no "us" anymore. I was reduced to nothing more than money and a vessel for procreation. Some women may have desired such a role, but not me. I longed to break free from the confines of being an alpha female, to let Mariella handle the burden, but not yet. For now, I needed to drink.
Maybe I was overreacting, maybe this was nothing. I mean, it was good to know that either of those did not love me. For them, I had a multitude of roles: bank, power battery, womb, energy source, and even blood source. And the object of unloading rage on. Someone to stab, slash, terrorize, and bully, but not love. That role was reserved for Mariella.
In the depths of my intoxicated haze, Charles' worried voice echoed in my mind. "Honey, what's the matter? Why are you holed up in some old safehouse, drowning your sorrows for a week? It's not good for you."
I snapped back, my words laced with bitterness, "Because I want to! Just leave me be. Let me drown my sorrows and go have fun with the wolves."
But Charles persisted, his concern clear. "Honey, listen to me. This is not the answer. Drinking isn't helping anyone, especially not you. You're better than this."
His words stung, exacerbating the internal turmoil raging within me. "Oh, really?" I spat. "Has Mariella or Damon put you up to this? So I don't ruin my value, my usefulness to them?"
Charles's voice remained steady, reassuring. "No, honey. I have no idea what you're talking about. But we're on our way there soon, and this will all stop. My guess is that Damon and/or Mariella have said something to you."
I didn't bother to respond, instead reaching for another swig of the bitter liquid. I didn't want to think, to feel. I just wanted to exist, if only for a little while longer. I cursed Salvatore for not letting me have a switch to take off. But then again, as I was a hybrid, what it would do?
I had listened to that conversation for quite some time; the words etched into my memory like a broken record. And I had it all on tape, captured within the depths of my glass.
Mariella's fearful confession to Damon echoed in my ears, her voice trembling with trepidation. "Do you know, Damon, my love? I must confess one thing. I am often afraid of Mimi. We witnessed her anger on that wedding, and even her rage fuels our energy web. I've heard countless stories from witches at the magic house about what she's capable of. She terrifies me. Did you know she has a dark side, a side that craves killing, maiming, and torture? She's a psychopath. We saw her, she killed those humans and did you see her expression, pure soullessness?"
I had hoped for understanding from Damon, for some glimmer of empathy, but his response shattered any illusions. "Darling, why do you think I always have strong flanks with me? That creature, she's not the girl I first met. She's no longer the shy little thing I seduced into my bed. No, she's a stone-cold killer. You're right, there's a black side to her. Managing her takes guts. I have my reasons for not engaging with her sexually, even though I'm a fucking machine. Because she's not just a woman or a female. She's a creature."
Of fucking course I have a dark side. It was good to know that my own pack was afraid of me. The whole goddamn world was afraid of me. Damon is not the same guy that seduced me. That part of him was pure fiction. Illusion and this core of him, has never loved me.
As the words hung heavy in the air, I took another swig, the burning liquid providing a temporary respite from the pain and confusion. At that moment, I embraced the numbness, desperately clinging to it as if it were my only lifeline in this tumultuous world.
These haunting words echoed in my mind, their whispered confessions lingering in the intimacy of our shared bed. I felt a profound sense of foolishness. My trust shattered into fragments. It became painfully clear that no one in this world didn't fear me. The weight of this realization enveloped me in a suffocating loneliness.
I glanced down at the bottle of booze in my trembling hands, its sharp scent mingling with the musty air. I muttered to myself, finding solace in the fact that at least the alcohol wasn't afraid of me. Or if it was, it had no power to act upon it. In that moment, it was my only comfort.
Everyone was afraid of me, and no one loved me. Hard bargain for me. Good lesson though. Gives one damn excellent motivation for being alone. No need to listen to lies anymore and try to behave. Hope that my pretender side has gotten it wrong. Fuck it when it did not. I was goddamnit it right all along and I was too tired to try even try.
I had no idea how I would navigate this tangled mess. The mere thought of it made me recoil. I didn't want to conform, not really. I fought tooth and nail to weaken Salvatore's hold on me, to keep some semblance of autonomy. But the more I struggled, the more worthless I felt.
I was reduced to nothing but my wealth, my reputation, and the role he forced upon me. Soon, the time would come for breeding, for fulfilling my duty as a breeder. I would lay there, legs spread, and allow myself to be impregnated. And once again, I would be left to handle the litter of cubs on my own, without anyone to lend a helping hand.
Not anymore. I had drawn my hormones down and they would keep that way. I could give a few little pheromones if I would be in the mood, but not in the mood for breeding. I had goddamn feelings too, and I had made an enormous sacrifice by giving the fleas up. This is what I get, the truth in my face. Goddamn it, I hated my own stupid, trusting nature.
If I would breed, make litter, or several, it would be still under what Salvatore says. God forbid I dared to find enjoyment in this twisted fate. If I did, Salvatore would find a way to snuff it out as quickly as possible. And Mariella, as she had confessed to Damon, claimed ownership over Charles and Adam as well. They would be bound to worship her, leaving me even more isolated and abandoned. She had been so happy that they were now her husbands and now she would have to say what they dressed, eat, she would need them to take her too. Not just me.
Adam and Charles were trying to be doctors. Despite their worry over their beloved Mimi, it was not easy for them to get in a medical mood and start thinking about what booze would do to Mimi and what supplies needed. Adam had one sports bag with him as they were in medbay. They were trying to find supplies to take with them as medbay or supplies that Safehouse was pretty nonexistent. Adam sighed. He felt so damn frustrated and he knew that if this was again one of those times when Damon broke that girl's heart, he would do something and properly. He was furious.
Charles tried to curb his temperament as well, and he felt Mimi's pain, her need to dull that pain and he knew that this would be only the first step and the road to recovery would not be easy as her heart felt so broken. Charles was pretty sure that the mating couple had again had a good long discussion in bed, confessing right about everything that they could come up with. He had himself heard over the years quite damn many times, both of them berating Mimi, calling her ice queen and whatnot as she was not the clone of Mariella.
Charles tried to focus. He sensed Adam being almost ready to explode, and it took quite an effort for him to do the same. As if those two had no idea who or what Mimi was. They had their own twisted ideas about her and Mimi being kind. She did not see the need to teach them, time after time, who she really was.
Restless, Damon Number Two was in no mood for having sex with Mariella. As he made his way to the kitchen to prepare food, his curiosity was piqued by the lights on Mebay. Frowning, he wondered who could be there. The scent of ripe apple and juicy pear wafted through the air, teasing his senses and hinting at the presence of Adam and Charles. Intrigued, he entered the room to find Adam rummaging through a half-open sports bag; He was checking something and then went to the cupboard, took a few packets, and put them in. While Charles sat at the computer, frustration evident on his face. Adam was about to explode from rage.
Damon Number Two questioned, "What are you doing here, and where are you going?"
Charles, frustrated himself, had scoured Mimi's files and Colin's notes, but found no information on how alcohol would affect her. Sensing that Damon Number Two had a different connection with Mimi than Number One or Mariella, Charles decided to ask, "As Mimi's protector, what would happen if she heavily indulged in alcohol for a week? I mean, really heavily. Strong booze."
Damon Number Two sighed, his gaze dropping to the floor as he pondered his response. He had recently acquired a deep understanding of Mimi's radar and had kept this knowledge to himself, not sharing everything with Number One during their playful testing. He had even considered creating special dental substances, seductive ones, for Mimi.
Looking back at Charles, he answered, "Nothing good. Her unique physiology would break down and eliminate alcohol just as it does with everything else, causing a severe hangover lasting for ten days for each week when her blood alcohol level surpasses 300 times the lethal dose for humans. And as you know, it takes 200 times the lethal dose to get us buzzed. So, for Mimi to get drunk, really drunk, I suspect her dosage would have to be around 800 times the lethal amount. Meaning that one week would yield a hangover for almost a month. This kind of drinking would cause an incredibly long and intense hangover, placing immense stress on her entire body. Please tell me that was merely a theoretical question. She was not in perfect shape after the operation."
Charles took out his phone. And show the snipper number two. Number two shook his head. He said, "My guess is you two are going to go and try to help her. Well, I am in. We need to find out first why."
Charles said," What I have gotten from our bond, is negative feelings and strong ones to number one and Mariella, so my guess is she must have heard again their pillow talk, secret truths of this pack. I can feel her pain. I am trying to keep myself not to rushing in there and picking her in my arms and making the pain go away."
Number two's eyes turned white as he looked into the past. Soon his soft voice broke the silence of the medbay, "Poor baby, those two are idiots,"
His eyes got their fierce ice-blue color back, he gave a few orders first to Adam and Charles, so they would make go have a few phone calls, while he got all the supplies. He was furious. Mariella and Number One had been cruel, and stupid and now, they would pay for it. He would make sure and properly, too. He was much more that Damon, who had been with Mimi, and his love for her, was real whereas his feelings for Mariella were coming from number one's memories and he had put them in a separate place.
He used them as a reference guide to see what had happened but it had not been him and he was making his own memories here, meaning his bond with Mimi, when they would get it on, would be much stronger than what it was with Mariella. for him, Mariella was almost like an arranged marriage, maybe over time, he would have learned to love her too but right now, his heart was broken because someone had hurt his baby.
After men returned, now made those calls that number two had ordered. He had done it as Mimi's husband, as her protector, as someone who loved her truly. It had taken little time for him to get his mind cleared, but he knew it now. Mimi was more important to Mariella, at least right now. They were soon ready to help her and it would take time. He was not sure yet where to help her, but Adam had told him about St Louis Manor and it was a good place. They would have time to link medbay, help the baby, and see what would come out of this.
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