Capítulo 18: 18
Somehow no one felt sorry for the poor writer. Angry readers and admirers were looking for someone, of course. Still, Lucius politely asked Liz's permission to put an eye out for him and Henry - and everyone passed on, including the brood of Weasleys, led by Molly's beleaguered mother.
Henry almost crossed himself as they lapsed past the Malfoys for the sixth time.
- You don't like associating with the Weasleys, Henry?
- Yes, Lord Malfoy. And Ron's going to have to answer for setting me up today.
- Yeah, that was a very unpleasant situation.
- And I'd say Ron will be even more unpleasant later," Liz grinned. - Right, Henry?
- Absolutely right.
The purchase was a success. Reporting to Lord Malfoy about his housekeeper's shenanigans was a success, too.
The lord shook his head, then said that Dobby had become attached to the boy. But... why not? Personally, he didn't mind the tutelage; housekeepers were helpful creatures.
Henry, too, agreed with that way of putting it.
Let him come.
Dobby didn't mean any harm, and Lucius would know his business... Who cares? It would. Only in the first case explicitly, and in the second, secretly.
Draco was delighted with Henry's prank in the bookstore and fountained admiration. Liz chatted politely with Lord Malfoy, shattering his notion of Muggles. So what if he was a Muggle? It would take a good man... Weasley was a Muggle, but Henry suspected Malfoy would not touch him with a log.
At the same time, it was hinted that so many of Lockhart's books were for nothing. Wouldn't the headmaster get a kickback from the teacher in the form of a percentage of the book's value?
Malfoy thought about it and said he would certainly look into it.
If Lockhart is out of the hospital by then. That wasn't certain; crossed curses are peculiar.
An hour or two later, Liz and Henry said goodbye to the Malfoys and headed home. Both high-contracting parties were pleased with the day. There were plenty of dissatisfied ones, though.
Lots of Lockhart groupies are very unhappy about the attempt on the idol. More importantly, who's to get caught? Themselves?
Doesn't make sense.
The healers at St Mungo's Hospital try to cure this mixture of curses. You'll go mad!
And Lockhart himself, who looked at his body covered in pink hair, realised that with such a... oh, mother! What if it can't be taken off? AAAAAA!!!!!
****
The rest of the days before he left for school passed without incident. Except that Henry had had everything ordered delivered, and a letter had arrived from Draco.
The Slytherin informed him that Lockhart's condition was stable and severe. So whether he would teach or not was yet to be discovered. For the same reason, his books are a big question. It is necessary to deal with the school director and the author, who has yet to be released from Mungo. And they're contemplating a sting operation. But it's a complicated case... You can't grow it if you cut it off. And how to live... without a tail?
It's complicated...
Henry and Liz giggled at the message and decided to subscribe to the magic paper. It would come in handy. Who knows who, who knows what...
Henry packed up and headed for the Hogwarts Express on the thirty-first of August. I mean, he wanted to. But Dobby appeared and was quietly horrified. How could Potter-sir drive a vulgar Muggle iron?! He's a wizard! And carry a bag!? In his hands?! An affront and disgrace to the magical world! In the person of Henry Potter, sir.
Dobby was determined not to let that happen!
Only the apparatus! And only with him!
Henry was okay with that, but first, the apparatus to Liz and a touching farewell scene.
Then King's Cross station.
And that's where Henry was in for a surprise. That is the Weasley family, sitting in ambush at that very platform 9 and ¾. And waiting for someone. The family consisted of the two twins, Ron and little Ginny. The older one, Percy, was nowhere to be seen, nor were his parents. Apparently, they had already gone to the platform or stepped away. The younger ones were waiting for something.
Or someone?
- Not me...
- Sir? Are they waiting for Henry Potter?
- How shall I put it, Dobby? More like waiting. Not with good intentions," Henry muttered.
- They wish to harm your sir?
Henry wondered if knowing the whole family could be considered harmful - and nodded.
- I suppose so.
Dobby's greenish eyes lit up with a destructive fire.
- Let Henry Potter go ahead. I'll take their eyes!
Henry looked thoughtfully at Dobby. Well... Even if one of the Weasels loses an eye, it's no big deal. Fred's jokes with George made the whole of Gryffindor groan, so I'd say it's payback time enough for the bastards. And Ron...
And to Ron, we'll give him a personal... s-bastard! You want fame?!
I'll give you all the glory of Hogwarts! You'll live under the table!
Henry glanced at Dobby and stepped forward. Two. Three.
The Weasleys didn't see him at all. At all. So Henry padded onto the platform, silently horrified at the sight of Ginny Weasley. Well, what can I say? Carrot-top carrots. Whether she'll do any good is unknown. But looks are already out of the picture. Granger's prettier by leaps and bounds. And certainly smarter.
Henry quickly found the very compartment with the revived table and began to feed it cakes. Soon the Patil sisters and Malfoy and their friends joined him. Chatter ensued - and no one but Henry remembered the absence of the redheads. Who needed them?
Fuck it!
****
Hogwarts was still the same. Distribution, hats howling, freshmen going to different tables - and no Weasleys, except for an anxious-looking Percy. However, the others recovered for a while too. The feast was nearing its end when there was rumbling, whistling, the roar of an engine, and a dazed beeping outside. Everyone was immediately curious, but the professors quickly dispersed everyone to their faculties.
And the morning brought surprises.
Firstly, Gryffindor had fallen sharply into minus, by as much as a hundred and fifty points.
Secondly, it was yesterday that the Weasleys arrived with a bang and a bang. Turns out the platform had closed in front of them. Just as they were about to go in. They had to borrow a car from their father and fly out alone. Only the Ministry knows how much and what they'd done wrong. But the number of contractors in England has increased dramatically.
Thirdly, Ginny Weasley went through the placement ceremony in the headmaster's office. And she got a RAVENCLO!
That last one surprised everyone. Even the ghosts. Even the Weasleys themselves. After all, the vultures were regularly in the minuscule, and the Weasleys' stupid jokes happened often. But to get one of them on Ravenclaw.
- Is there a new species now - Weasleys with brains? - Malfoy was genuinely surprised.
Henry thought he'd have to find on behalf of that species. Oh, well. We'll see about that.
Though so far, we've been looking at him. Just...
Unless they were licking their tongues. The little redhead sat down next to him and glared at him.
- And you, Harry...
- I'm deaf and dumb when I eat," Henry interrupted her, his name crossing his lips.
Ginny sniffed her nose but stopped talking and chewed, elbowing Henry intermittently in the crook of her elbows. She ate as sloppily as Ron, except she was a little smaller and hardly ever chewed. But Henry barely waited until breakfast was over before running off to the lecture.
He didn't get very far.
Some small Gryffindor rose in front of him, and a flash clicked.
- Harry Potter, smile!
Henry's hands worked faster than his head. A step forward, a footstep, and Henry had the camera in one hand and the same Gryffindor in the other, held by the scruff of the neck.
- Okay. Who the hell are you?
- I'm Colin! Colin Creevey! I've read about you! You're so... so...
Henry barely restrained himself from smacking the little guy in the ears and smashing the camera. Saved by Ginny Weasley.
- Harry, will you walk me to my office? Because I don't know anything here?
That's when Henry wished he was a ghost. He'd be gone if he could just dive into the wall now. But...
- Ask your brother. We're having a conversation. Come on," he muttered, dragging Colin out of the Great Hall, away from the teachers' eyes.
And there he pinned the boy against the wall.
- Colin, do you think that's polite?
- Harry...
- My name's Henry - that's one. And two, do you know that people have to ask permission before being photographed?
Colin shrank back. He overlooked that little detail. What's the big deal, permission?
- I... that's...
- That's exactly it. I didn't give you permission. That's why you're a paparazzi. Cheeky and unscrupulous. Do you know what they do with them?
- N-no...
- Throw them off the balcony. You can throw them in the pool. But always with a camera.
Colin looked on with sheer horror.
- I don't have a balcony or a pool. But if I ever notice you retaking my pictures, I'll give you a choice. Either fly from the astronomy tower or drown in the toilet. In Weepy Myrtle's bathroom. You'll keep her company.
Colin sank.
- I thought...
- You weren't thinking. You were a boor. And no one will say a word to me. If they do, I'll get over it. But you...
The freshman sniffed his nose. But Henry was not going to be mollified by such trivialities. Dudley could cry for hours if he wanted something from Mum and Dad.
- If it was the last resort, I'd have to tell his teachers. I think after months of cleaning toilets, you'll drown yourself. Do you understand me?
- Y-yes...
- You sure?
- You're sure!
- Let's go. I'll walk you to your office.
- I'll be fine!
- Then erase all the footage from the camera, and you're free to go.
Colin did, sniffing his nose. Henry turned and left the corner.
And then he caught the redhead's gaze.
Fucking chemistry! God, damn you!
****
Lunch was marked by an exciting event. Everyone was chewing when three owls flew - and three letters fell on the heads of the three Weasels.
Henry nearly choked on his soup when the redhead's elbow slammed into his side.
- Henry, look! It's the whippersnappers!
Henry sighed. Then picked up his plate and got up from the table.
- Penelope, will you allow it?
There was only a vacant seat next to the headman.
- Of course, Henry.
The redhead was already getting attention at Ravenclaw. She didn't give the impression of a clever girl. But was it too early to judge yet?
Though if Henry had been asked, he would have passed judgment by now.
And then the Great Hall exploded with a shriek.
- ...STOLE THE CAR, I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF THEY EXPELLED YOU, WAIT TILL I GET TO YOU. I SUPPOSE YOU HAVEN'T STOPPED TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOUR FATHER AND I WENT THROUGH WHEN YOU SAW HER DISAPPEAR...
Mrs Weasley's screams, a hundred times louder than usual and echoed deafeningly off the walls, rattled the plates and spoons on the tables. All around the room, people were looking around, trying to see who got the whopper, and Ron slid down from his chair so low that only his purple forehead was visible.
- ...LETTER FROM DUMBLEDORE YESTERDAY, I THOUGHT YOUR FATHER WOULD DIE OF SHAME, WE DIDN'T RAISE YOU FOR THAT, YOU COULD ALL HAVE DIED...
Henry clamped his ears shut.
- ...UTTER DISGUST, YOUR FATHER IS BEING INVESTIGATED AT WORK, IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT, AND IF YOU COMMIT ONE SINGLE TRANSGRESSION, WE'LL TAKE YOU HOME RIGHT AWAY.
There was a ringing silence. The red envelope from Ron's hand burst into flames and turned into ashes. Ron sat in a daze as if a tsunami had hit him. A few people laughed, and then the buzz reignited, and the conversation began.
For five minutes.
And then:
- IDIOTS!!! YOU ROTUND, BACKSTABBING, LOW-LIFE!!! I'LL KILL THE MORONS!!! RAISED ON MY HEAD!!!!...
Mrs Weasley was raving for longer this time and expressing herself in a way that made even Dumbledore fidget on his throne.
Ginny's third whopper was the longest. And contained many questions about "Why didn't you stop them, you little toad!? How could you!? We were worried, no, HOW CAN YOU!?"
Then the screamer turned to a pile of ashes, and Henry cleared his ears. Shook his head.
Ginny sat all red. Henry sighed and left the table. There was no appetite. After the yelps? Shove them to the Weasleys! Might it help?
****
Herbology was the next lesson. As they approached the greenhouses, they saw the other students standing outside waiting for Professor Sprout. Barely had Henry joined them when she appeared on the lawn in the company of Gilderoy Lockhart. Professor Sprout's hands were full of bandages, and Henry noticed several Dragon Willow branches had been bandaged nearby.
- No life from the Weasleys," Terry Booth muttered. And Henry nodded his head.
Professor Sprout was a stocky little witch who wore a hat in patches over her fluffy hair; there was usually a lot of earth on her clothes, and the sight of her nails would have made Aunt Petunia faint. However, Gilderoy Lockhart looked flawless in a fluttering turquoise robe, and his golden hair shone under a perfectly-fitting red hat embroidered with gold.
- Ah, hello there!" shouted Lockhart, smiling at his students. - I was just showing Professor Sprout how to treat Dracula Willow properly! But I don't want you to think I know more about Herbology than she does! It's just that I've come across some exotic plants in my travels...
- Third greenhouse today, kids! - said Professor Sprout, who looked not cheerful as usual but rather annoyed.
An interested whisper ran through the crowd. They had only worked in greenhouse one before - greenhouse three was home to more exciting and dangerous plants. Professor Sprout took one of the essential keys from her belt and opened the door. Henry smelled damp earth and fertiliser mixed with the scent of huge, umbrella-sized flowers hanging from the ceiling. He was about to go inside when suddenly Lockhart clutched at his shoulder.
- Henry! I wanted to have a word... you don't mind if he's a few minutes late, do you, Professor Sprout?
Judging by the angry look on Professor Sprout's face, she did mind, but she didn't have time to say anything. Henry got there first.
- No!!!
The professors' mouths were equally open.
- Professor Sprout, don't leave us alone! - Henry spoke deliberately loud. - I'm scared of him!
- Harry! - Lockhart was taken aback. Apparently afraid of him for the first time. Henry wished the idiot had been cured. Oh, you should have. He should have been cured!
- Professor Sprout, he came on to me in the shop! With bad intentions! My aunt told me that he offers candy to children first and then sells it to brothels! And he looks suspicious!
Lockhart's jaw dropped. Henry took advantage of that to dive into the greenhouse. Professor Sprout threw up her hands theatrically.
- Sorry, Lockhart. Safety first.
And the door slammed shut.
Henry took a breath. Professor Sprout smirked.
- Henry, do you realise...
- I'm sorry, Professor Sprout, but... he's kind of strange. I'm terrified of him.
The professor snorted.
- All right, let's go. Today's topic is mandrakes. But be warned, you've got ZOTI. In the afternoon.
- Already on it, professor.
****
The ZOTI turned out to be with Gryffindor - and Henry was barely able to get away from Ron Weasley, who was trying to sit next to him. Padma Patil helped, steadily moving Weasley away.
- Sorry, Ron. This is my seat.
Henry immediately motioned a chair for the girl.
- Thank you, Padma.
- I'll see you later.
When everyone was seated, Lockhart coughed loudly, and there was silence. He reached out, took the book "Tour with the Trolls" from Neville Longbottom and held it up to reveal his winking image on the cover.
- "I," he said, pointing to it and also winking, "am Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin Third Class, Honorary Member of the League of Defense Against the Dark Forces and five-time winner of the Witches Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award... but I'm not talking about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon banshee by smiling at her.
He waited for them to laugh. A few smiled faintly.
- I see you've all bought my complete collection of essays... great. Let's start today with a little test. Don't worry - it's just to check how well you've read them and how much you've absorbed... Oh, Harry! Don't you have my books?
- Why, Professor, I had them!
- But.... - Lockhart pointed to a new clean desk.
- I just remembered that I need to bring toilet paper. And it's a shame to translate the textbooks.
Lockhart turned red.
- Harry, you...
- Actually, I'm Henry. But you've forgotten that, too, haven't you? "We celebrities are all apt to be absent-minded," Henry snapped.
The Ravenclaw chuckled. The vultures split in two. The girls snorted resentfully, and the boys laughed in support of Henry.
Lockhart considered it best to avoid getting involved and laid a piece of paper on the desk before Henry.
- You have thirty minutes. Start right... now!
Henry looked at his leaflet and read:
1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
3. what is Gilderoy Lockhart's most significant achievement so far?
And the list went on for three pages, down to:
54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would be his perfect gift?
Henry rubbed his hands together.
A questionnaire?
Uh-uh...
Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the sheets and ran through them right before the class.
- Ay-yi-yi... hardly any of you remembered that my favourite colour is purple. I write about it in a book called Term with Sasquatch. And some of you might want to read rest with the Werewolf more carefully - I make it clear in chapter twelve that the ideal birthday present for me would be harmony between all wizards and muggles... although I wouldn't mind a big bottle of Old Ogden Ogneviski.
He gave them another wink. Ron looked at Lockhart with an expression of disbelief; Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, sitting in the front row, were shaking with silent laughter. On the other hand, Hermione listened carefully to Lockhart and flinched when he called her name.
- ...But Miss Hermione Granger knew that my secret ambition was to rid the world of evil and launch her own line of hair care products... well done! And actually..." he turned over her leaflet, "top marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?
Hermione raised a trembling hand.
- 'Excellent! - Lockhart glowed. - Splendid! Ten points to Gryffindor! And Mr Har... Henry Potter?
Lockhart delved deeper into the answers.
The class watched as Lockhart alternately turned pale, red, purple, and green - and finally, grabbing Henry by the arm dragged him to the headmaster.
Terry Booth expressed the general opinion.
- Guys, I don't know where they got this moron, but he won't do any good. None at all.
Everyone except the Gryffindor girls agreed unanimously. And hoped Lockhart would have a heart attack. What if he got lucky?
****
The committee was small but very respectable.
Headmaster Dumbledore. Professor Flitwick. Professor Lockhart. And Henry, standing uncomfortably in the middle of the room.
- Ay-yi-yi-yi, boy," Dumbledore began reproachfully.
- Where's the aye-aye-aye," Henry wondered.
Dumbledore shook his head.
- Henry, aren't you ashamed of yourself? Professor Lockhart has just arrived at our school and is already in the first lesson...
- What did I do?
- Oh, well... Here I am reading your answers. What's Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour? Okay, blue. I get it; you got it wrong. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition? To be loved by everyone?!
- Why?! He said he was all for love and friendship in the world! Why doesn't he start with himself? - Henry fluttered his eyelashes. - He's the one who agitated and the other one who loved.
Dumbledore gasped. Flitwick stifled a giggle.
- What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's most significant achievement so far? That he had his tail cut off!?
- Why - did he stay?
- What does Gilderoy Lockhart dream of? To serve in the elephant shop? Why?
- You want big, clean love? Wash the elephant! Don't you? And he'll love you!
- Henry, that's rude! And this!? What's the perfect gift for Gilderoy Lockhart? A stuffed owl!? But why!?
- It's already dead. It's not worth it.
- А...
- And now my questions, professor! - Henry stepped forward. - What percentage does Lockhart deduct from the school for introducing his scribblings into the curriculum? Who thought of hiring a man who can't do anything himself?
- Why can't he? Henry...
- I'm more interested in the first question.
The cavalry in the form of Lucius Malfoy arrived just in time.
The headmaster grinned, Lockhart shook his head, but it was too late.
- So what about the deductions, Dumbledore? And the practical value of those books? Who came up with the idea of teaching children from fiction?
- You may go, Henry. Filius," Dumbledore didn't lose face.
Henry would have loved to stay and listen, but Lucius also pointed his eyes at the door, which was an argument.
Outside the door, Flitwick stopped holding back and laughed.
- Henry, you're a wonder! But be more careful from now on, okay?
Henry nodded.
There was no such thing as a miracle. It was just Dobby visiting him at lunchtime and telling him that his master was going to Hogwarts in about two hours. He got a thank you for the Weasleys and promised to keep trying. So Henry wasn't taking any significant risks; the main thing was to prolong the scandal. And that's easy.
But you can't tell that to Filius, can you?
At dinner in the Great Hall, it was announced that the directorate had revised the list of educational literature. And there would be an addition to the list of academic books. As for Lockhart's books, those who want them can keep them. For those who don't want them, let the faculties make a list and return them to the author.
Cheap and angry.
Henry was thanked by the whole faculty - and he really felt like a hero. This is different from catching Voldemort! You have to think!
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