Capítulo 19: Chapter 17
He knew I wasn't asleep, yet he touched me anyways. It suddenly seemed all too familiar, the dark...the newly found courage. A memory I had preserved at the back of my mind because even I had always wondered whether it had been real.
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In the three-ish years of our friendship, Kyle had slept over at our house a number of times. His mom never cared, and if it were actually up to me, he'd have stayed over every night. I would have even liked it better if he moved in with us permanently. Especially after what I saw the other day, but I won't think about that because it only makes me angry.
However, despite all those times he had stayed over, tonight he seemed strangely nervous, I knew why.
This time my mom had suggested we stay in my room because my aunt was around with her two kids. As well as that friend of hers from work who had come by and decided to stay the night as well, most of the spare bedrooms were occupied, only two remained and they were filled with things which would take too long to clear out.
Should we watch something?" I asked him, standing just outside my washroom door and glancing over at him, he was seated on my bed with his legs crossed, looking around the room like he had never been in there before when in truth he spent more time there than at his own home.
" Sure, if you want. "
In the two or so years since meeting him, I knew. I didn't know whether I was old enough to know but I did, maybe it was because I watched too many things which I want supposed to. And I also knew it wasn't right for me to fall into such conclusions by myself but I really didn't care. Stevens was my best friend, which meant that I didn't care. It also meant that as his best friend i had the right to tease and mess with him as much as I wanted to.
" Don't you have a bedtime?" He then asked and I shrugged.
" My mom's already asleep, we just have to keep the volume low. "
He nodded, his eyes on every detail in my room. He had just showered and changed into a pair of my pajamas which my mom had picked for him, they looked better on him than they did on me. It was red with some vertical white stripes. He had buttoned the shirt all the way up, but I could tell he was uncomfortable. It was really hot in there, especially these days. My dad said it had something to do with climate but I wasn't into that kinda stuff so I didn't really care.
I realized that his hair was still wet since he hadn't dried it well and I headed into the washroom and picked up a towel.
" Or maybe we should play something instead?" I suggested when I walked back out, heading over to the bed and getting on it. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, looking even more uncomfortable than he had been a while ago. I didn't think I had ever seen him look so nervous before, I mean, he was always jumpy around me but this time it was worse.
" Here, " I shifted on my knees until I was kneeling next to him, then I used the towel to dry his hair. He immediately moved away from me. Turning to face me with wide eyes.
" Dude, relax! Your hair's getting the bed all wet. "
His attention fell to the covers and remained there.
" Oh, " he uttered, the singular word sounded strangled and dry. Then he reached up to touch his hair before he stretched his arm towards me.
" I'll do it. "
I was dying to tease him some more but I knew where to draw the line, when to stop because if I didn't he'd get truly mad. I handed him the towel and got off the bed, he chilled out a bit but was still very uncomfortable.
" Oh! My dad got me this new game yesterday, It's called Green Terror, do you know it?"
He shook his head, I knew he had no clue about it,he was mostly interested in books, the only reason he ever played was because I made him, and he never said no to anything I asked him.
" It's the best!"
I didn't know whether it was because I also hadn't played it. I went to connect it, fanning my face because it was too hot in there, the fan was on but it wasn't really helping much, and my mom never liked it when I opened up the window since she thought someone might climb into my room, I wasn't scared about such things but she was, and I never wanted to see her upset or worried, so I always kept them shut.
" Actually, I'm really sleepy. But you can still play. " Stevens said. I stopped connecting the game and glanced at him over my shoulder, he was already in the blanket. He was wearing a t-shirt underneath that shirt, how hot was he? I would have taken my own t-shirt off but I didn't want him getting even more nervous. Sometimes I thought about asking him straight forwad, but he wouldn't like that. Maybe I should just skip the asking, maybe I ought to assure him it was okay, I mean, that's what the people in all those movies had done...well, not all of them, some had ended up badly. I didn't want things to end up badly for Stevens either.
" Nah, it's no fun playing alone, " I switched the TV off and stood upright. Then I told him I was also feeling a bit sleepy. And tomorrow was still a school day so we couldn't stay up too late. I walked over to the bed and he slid into the covers, next he'd just bring them over his face. But instead of getting into bed I picked up the towel and took it back to the washroom.
When I returned to the bedroom he was facing the ceiling, shaking the shirt in an attempt to cool himself off.
" Just take it off, " I casually said, walking over to the other side and getting into the bed as well. It was a large bed, he was on his side and I was on mine, we weren't even that close. But as always, he was letting his nervousness shine through.
" You'll die otherwise, you think it's hot now? " I chuckled and shook my head, " Just wait a couple of hours and you'll feel like you're melting. "
That wasn't a lie, I was actually being very honest with him.
" I'm okay. "
" No you're not! " I shifted to lie above the covers, partly because of the temperature and partly because I wanted him to feel more at ease.
" You're the one who makes things awkward Stevens, I'm fine over here. "
He understood the hidden meaning behind my words but as usual he acted like he didn't. But he did sit up, and I watched as he started to undo the buttons one by one.
Maybe I could tease him just one last time? I thought. Then I reached over and told him I'd help. He freezed, his eyes falling to my hand, but he didn't move away how I expected him to.
" Wait! Are you wearing two t-shirts?" I eyed him in utter shock. No wonder he looked so uncomfortable, how did he even manage to stay conscious?
" No, it's a tank top!"
" Still! You must be burning up. "
" I'm okay, "
I never liked it whenever he said he was okay even though I could tell he wasn't.
" You're always saying I act weird but you're the one who acts funny around me, " I finally said. I knew he wouldn't like hearing that but I couldn't help it. It had to be said. I reached the second last button, but before I could undo it he gently pushed my hand away and said he'd do it himself.
" You should go to sleep, it's really late, " he added, staring at the wall clock. He took off the shirt and placed it on the bedside table. Then he laid back on his back and sighed, feeling slightly relieved but not completely. It was because he still had two shirts on. He pushed the covers lower on his body and groaned.
" But why is it so hot here! "
I chuckled, glad that he seemed less tense, maybe he was trying to prove me wrong, whatever the reason I was just glad he wasn't nervous anymore.
" I still haven't finished my homework, " I remembered and he shook his head.
" I'm not giving you my books, no more copying, the teacher is already getting suspicious. "
" No she's not. "
" She is, I can tell, yesterday while she was marking my work I saw her pick up your book and go through it again. I'm sure she knows. "
" So what if she does?"
He exhaled, his way of letting me know he was done with the conversation because he couldn't handle my uncaring attitude at the moment. He was always telling me I ought to care more.
" Goodnight Austin, " he whispered as he switched off the bedside lamp. I didn't reply because I still wasn't sleepy and something told me he wasn't either.
A few minutes passed. I stayed completely put. Then I heard him as he shifted and lay on the covers as well, it was much cooler there. And I think I also heard him taking off his shirt and placing it aside. It was dark so I couldn't see him at all, but I could hear everything he was doing, and I felt him beside me.
Closing my eyes, I thought of the question I was dying to ask, but I knew it would probably come off weird, I wasn't the best at communicating well.
But maybe I could ask him in a much simpler way.
" Stevens?"
I whispered his name, he took a while but he finally responded.
" What?"
" Why do I make you so nervous?"
I hated that I was starting to feel sleepy, my eyelids gree heavy and I was finding it difficult to stay awake.
I got no response,but I heard some sort of shifting and I imagined him reaching up to touch his ear, I just knew him too well.
" I..." he began but then stopped.
" You what?"
" I don't know. "
It wasn't an attempt to brush me off, judging by his tone I could tell he was being truthful about not knowing. Should I tell him? Was that allowed? Maybe he needed my help to know why, my movie and internet knowledge suggested that sometimes a person didn't always know.Thay they needed some sort of help to find out.
Maybe I was the help he needed?
" Do I scare you?" I then asked. He scoffed as if that was the most absurd thing he'd ever heard.
" Of course not!"
" You sure?"
" Mhhm. "
He was also starting to sound sleepy. He shifted, turned..then I felt him closer to me, like, a lot closer.
" How about you Austin? Do I scare you?"
I was supposed to say no because that was the answer,but suddenly I couldn't. Because my heart was suddenly beating too fast and this time I wanted to be the one that moved away, but that would have been too suspicious so I stayed put. My palms were all of a sudden sweaty,and I could feel his breath on my cheek.
" Austin?"
" How could you scare me? That's absurd. "
" Sure?"
He sounded too curious.
" Because sometimes it feels like I scare you too. "
" Too? "
He sucked in a breath on realizing his mistake. His accidental admission. Somehow I felt him grow rigid and I knew he was seconds from moving away ad putting an end to the conversation, but despite how uncomfortable I suddenly was, I didn't want it to end.
" Maybe you do scare me a bit. "
Minutes passed, I assumed he was asleep. But then I felt his small hand on my upper arm and my eyes widened, all they were met with was darkness. I couldn't control my breathing...and was it hotter than usual?
That's not how things normally went, I was the one supposed to make him anxious and not the other way round. He moved his hand to my chest and I shuddered, but he didn't say anything about it.
" So fast, " he whispered in amazement.
He was talking about me heartbeat. The stupid organ was pounding so loud I feared I might rear through my skin. And having his hand on my chest was what was making it worse. I was glad when he withdrew, but then I felt the same hand on my upper arm, and he traced it to my hand and he seems to be debating on whether or not to carry through with something.
" You scare me more than a bit, " he confessed, breathing out long and hard.
" But why? We're friends. I'm not supposed to be scared of you. "
I could tell him, my mind warned me. It told me that wasn't a smart choice, so I kept quiet. And because I didn't want to leave him hanging and confused, I reached for his hand and interlocked our fingers together.
"Maybe it just means our friendship is strong?"
" Maybe..."
He sighed.
" We'll always be friends though, right?"
How could even ask that?
" Of course we will! "
I meant those words. And not long after I finally fell asleep. I was sure I had imagined his lips brushing softly against mine.
It must have been nothing but a weird dream.
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