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Teeth POV
"Hello? Hell~o. Hi! Heya!"
Ok, so an exercise for warming up before a show is to just...talk to myself in front of a mirror. It's good for getting my mouth loose and warmed up. So here I am, talking to myself but I'm NOT crazy. Mostly. Heh. I dunno. I'm pretty sure all of us are crazy in our own ways.
"I'm not afraid to say that I ain't the smartest of Mouths. Well, my species aren't exactly known for their intelligence. Don't say that in front of Bill though, he gets kinda upset if he hears us speaking badly of ourselves. Or other people speaking badly of us. He's kinda protective like that. Not gonna lie, it feels nice to have someone like Bill standin' up for me all the time. He cares about us. All of us."
Like, cares a LOT.
Too much , some might say.
Even now, all these years (centuries? Millenia?) later, I still have no idea what it was about me that caught Bill's attention. I'm...just a Mouth y'know? There's plenty of Mouths out there. Many of whom have much nicer voices than me. Many of whom are so much BETTER than me.
"Once again, don't let Bill hear that." I muttered to my reflection.
"But for reasons I still don't know, Bill Cipher chose me to be his Friend. And all I did was mouth off (ha!) at him in a restaurant. It's not like I was planning to do that, I just can't shut up sometimes, especially not when a stupid joke comes to me. But instead of vaporizing me where I stood, he laughed. So I just kept going, half from giddy nerves and half because if I haven't fucked up yet, keep going."
That's the biggest part of improv you know? Just keep it going, even if it doesn't turn out how you planned for it to be. So I just kept going. I told my jokes, I talked to him, I made him laugh and somewhere along the way one conversation became two, then three and then Bill was coming by the restaurant bi-weekly just to get some food and requesting me.
"I confess I was terrified for a while." I admit quietly, glancing around to make sure I was alone.
I feel really bad about this. If Bill had known how scared I was those first few weeks...he'd be so sad. Heck, if I could send a message to my past self it would be "Idiot! You have nothing to fear! Bill's a nice dude!"
But that's not really true either.
Bill IS a nice dude and I love him a lot (not as much as he seems to love me, which always makes me a little guilty) but 'Nothing to fear' is entirely inaccurate.
"Handling Bill is...a delicate process." I fiddle with my hands as I leaned back and just rambled.
"Most of the time it's easy. He's happy and we're all happy. You can joke and play and even tease him with no fear of retaliation. The worst that can happen is you accidentally hurt his feelings (even now we don't know what all his issues are…) and Bill gets...super sad. Like, REALLY super sad. It's...kinda pathetic to watch actually. Probably don't have to repeat that these are thoughts that should never be voiced." I sighed as I questioned why my warm up rants always ended up on this subject. I suppose if Bill were here he'd say it was because I had thoughts on my mind that I had to set free.
"Bill is...lonely." I admit.
"The loneliest person I have ever met. Like, it shouldn't even be physically possible for that much sadness to be inside a single entity. At least that was what Bill was like when I first me him. He's gotten a little better over the years. Probably because we all told him that we love him and we WANT to be his friend forever. He's really hung up on that, but considering how old he is? Yeah, I can understand why the 'Forever' part is so important to him."
And it's not like he's...limiting us? Not exactly. Being Bill's Friend is...simultaneously the easiest AND hardest thing to do. I'm not book smart but you've have to be a huge idiot to not notice just how complicated Bill Cipher is.
Like, some of my other friends, back when I lived amongst my own kind, had a give and take relationship. They're my friend so long as I can provide something for them that they need. -Apparently what I provide wasn't enough to balance out how much they apparently didn't want me there…-
But with Bill?
He asks for nothing more or less than our company whenever he wants it. And it's not even all that difficult. If we're busy with something Bill will just float along beside us, watching, and letting us do our own thing. He's happy just being in the same room as us. So yeah, not difficult (if somewhat creepy at first with the way he stares unblinkingly at you for hours while you're working).
And when we're free to actually hang out, Bill makes it worth our while. Amusement parks, multidimensional sightseeing tours, fancy high class restaurants I would never be able to afford on my own no matter how long I worked…
"I really don't want to call him this but Bill is kinda our Sugar Daddy…" I muffle a giggle.
"Of course, I wouldn't have grown to love that triangle so much if it was JUST about the money he throws at me. No. Bill's more than just gold. We have game nights and movie nights. We just hang out together talking. He's...really nice. When I was kicked out of my apartment with NOTHING to my name, I was...scared. I was so afraid of what I was going to do. There was no way I would go home to my parents. They had berated me about my dream of becoming an actor for as long as I could remember. Going home to them would be admitting that they were RIGHT and that I really wouldn't amount to ANYTHING." Even now, just thinking about how scary it was to be thrown out with NOTHING...I still have nightmares about it.
"But Bill found me, gave me a place to live and encouraged me to keep trying. Sure he also bound me to his side until the end of time without explaining what his Deal consisted of (which is kinda a dick move) but I've gotten over that. I mean, immortality is pretty cool right? I don't have to deal with my gums growing soft or my teeth falling out. Bill's power keeps me in perfect health so I can gorge myself on whatever treats and sweets I want with no issue." Who doesn't want immortality right? Well...I was actually quite terrified if I think about it but what's done is done and frankly, I WANT to be Bill's Friend.
"It's a really good Deal all things considered. We're not his prisoners...sort of? Bill tries his best to give us the freedom to come and go however we want. But we are sort of his prisoners. I have no family to return to. My parents aged and died a long time ago. I just have Bill now. And everyone else of course. Damn I'm glad everyone else is here too. Bill's a cool guy but I don't think I could stand being alone with him for all eternity."
I shouldn't say that. I feel bad whenever I think about life without Bill. He doesn't deserve this minor betrayal from me. Even if it's just a small feeling. It's not that I don't like Bill, just that he's...difficult to be around sometimes. As much as I'm proud to be his Friend, it's just...he's scary.
That's the hard part of being Bill Cipher's Friend.
His mood swings are...scary.
I'm pretty sure it's not his fault, especially after he told us that he REALLY was insane. Like ACTUALLY insane. Shit, I...don't know how we missed that? Sure he's absolutely nuts and cray-cray but I guess none of us really put it together that he was actually sick and needs help.
It sounds bad when you put it like that but it doesn't make it any less true.
"Bill's sick in the head and he needs help…" I admitted it to myself, out loud.
I am not qualified for that.
I doubt any of us are.
I know Kryptos has been trying to learn everything around the stars at his school and I even found some textbooks he's hidden about the Mind and all that nerdy stuff. I shouldn't call it that. It's not nerdy stuff, it's smart stuff. The kind of stuff I don't understand.
And yet, I sort of do.
The thing about being an actor is that I have to get into the mind of the characters I play. I need to understand them, why they act the way they do, why they say the things they do, how did they become a person who would do and say these things. I've gotten pretty good at reading between the lines, as it were, and understanding characters. I just have to move that same expertise onto people and BOOM! I can sort of understand how their heads work.
When I tried that on Bill...I get mixed results.
Considering he does seem to have some kinda split personality thing going on I shouldn't be surprised. And I don't mean split personality as in there are separate people inside his head (even if he confirmed the Voices) because it's not like Bill ever REALLY stops being...himself. Except he DOES sometimes. He's got that little girl form he calls Miz who is STILL Bill and yet...not?
Like, he's (she's?!) still the same person. She still acts like the Bill I know and love. But at the same time...she's...more...solid? "I'm probably not making much sense." I scowl at my reflection, explain your feelings and thoughts clearly and concisely, it's one of the necessary parts of acting. "Hang on, let me find the best way to explain this. When he is Bill Cipher, triangle dream demon, he is himself. He's quirky and fun and also utterly terrifying."
When he's 'himself' he can oscillate between moods so quickly I sometimes lose track. It's not like he does that ALL the time or anything but it happens often enough that it's something to be careful about. One second he's the sweet Bill who loves playing with paper and colorful yarn, next he's every bit the horrifying demon that the multiverse fears, then he's like a sad pupper snup that you just really want to cuddle close to yourself and tell them that everything is going to be better.
That's just how Bill IS.
But when he's in his other forms, it's like...his mood swings...calm down. A little. More so when there's more versions of 'Him' running around.
I think Bill unconsciously has different personas for his different forms. They're all still 'Him' but also...different? It's like his different forms get different parts of his personality and deviate less wildly than when he is 'himself' which helps to stabilize him a little. Miz is the most childish. She is easy to distract and also the easiest to handle when upset. William is pretty much Bill in all his normal moods so he's not any easier or harder to handle than normal Bill. Jan...is a diva. He's a lot more easy going but also quite...flirty and dramatic. Whenever Bill is being Jan...he's more open with his affections. He's also more narcissistic than regular Bill. I've seen him posing in front of a mirror and swooning over himself. Xin...isn't a form we see very often but he is the 'calm' one. Bill as Xin is more mature and elegant, he holds himself with a serene dignity that I HAVE seen with normal Bill whenever he's feeling calm and content.
All the other Bills are STILL Bill. Just...sectioned off into their own little segments.
I'm sure Bill hadn't noticed.
I'm also sure this is actually good for him, despite probably being a bad thing in general. I don't think splitting your own personality into different people is a healthy thing to do but it HELPS him. Especially because we can sometimes 'train' Bill to react in a way we want for the situation at hand. Like when he gets upset and it looks like he might start screaming or throwing things violently everywhere, Pyronica will ask him to turn into Miz.
9 times out of 10 Bill listens to us and actually DOES it.
Miz cannot hurt us physically (doesn't matter how strong you are if you can't reach us with those little arms). No matter how beside herself she is, Bill(Miz) cannot get the leverage to accidentally hurt us while she's thrashing around, so we can just carefully pick her up and place her on top of Xanthar until she calms down. That's how we handle an angry Bill. Miz will throw her tantrum (which is quite adorable to watch actually), exhaust herself and, if she has a Dreamscape currently installed, fall asleep.
It's way easier than dealing with a triangle Bill when he's throwing a tantrum. When that happens we have to deal with red bricks, multiple clawed hands and rows upon rows of dangerously sharp teeth..
That tends to cause more broken furniture and potential injuries.
We try not to get injured. Not for our sake but for Bill's. He gets so guilty whenever he accidentally hurts us. And...sure, it's scary to think that he might accidentally kill one of us someday and I guess maybe we're insane (or stupid) too since we still stay with him despite that. I've spoken about this once with a guy in my theater troupe and he said that it's a sign of abuse, the fear we have of Bill hurting us and yet staying with him. I told him he's wrong...he may be right but I don't care. I don't know about the others, but I stay because I'm worried.
Worried about Bill.
And even if this isn't a healthy relationship, what with his moods LITERALLY threatening our lives, I still want to stay. I mean, if I bailed on a friend who needed help just because they weren't the perfect friend all the time, what sort of asshole would I be? Friendship is about sticking with someone through their highs and lows. Just 'cause Bill sometimes gets a little unstable doesn't mean I should abandon him for not being the best friend all the time. Especially when he tries so hard to be better.
"He needs my help. He needs OUR help." I repeat this to myself firmly. Because the bad times actually don't outweigh the good. And Bill never turns his rage on US. He tries to leave before we get caught up in it. He doesn't want to hurt us.
And it's been working. He's getting better. I wouldn't say he's 'fixed' or anything, poor guy's broken as fuck, but he's a lot calmer nowadays than he was back when I first met him. The kids are good for him. They make him so happy. He's still got his issues but then...who doesn't? We've all got our own problems. We're all broken in our own ways. But that's why it's so important for us to stick together. We...need each other. It's not just a Me and Bill relationship here...
I love Pyronica, even if she's a huge bitch half the time. I love Xanthar, seriously he's just the sweetest guy I've ever met. I love Ammy, he's so weird and has the strangest ideas for entertainment. I love Hectorgon, our own team Dad I guess. I love Kryptos, he talks about stuff I don't understand most of the time but he doesn't look down on me for not getting it, he explains it to me with examples that I DO understand. That's more patient than any of my school teachers growing up. I love Keyhole, the way he pushes pass his own anxiety to try and get stuff done is admirable. I love 8-Ball, he's not the smartest, even by MY standards but he's a gentle soul who lives with enthusiasm. If he wants something, he goes for it and always tries his best. I love PaciFire, not just because he's a really cool demon but also because he doesn't make fun of me for wanting to be like him. I know it's weird that I idolize demons so much but they're just so COOL! Paci's a great guy though, even gives me tips on how to be intimidating.
I love the twins, Pyrone is always up for a tumble or rough housing, Pynelope is just as quick witted as her mother (same sharp tongue too) and I love bantering with her. It's all in good fun even if we're both trying to insult each other (I have weird hobbies, but wordplay is just my thing ya know?). I love Quackers, she's very sweet. Respectful and diligent.
I like Google. Not that close to her yet but she's a very chill gal. I think it's good to have her here. She's a little scary sometimes, I swear I think she might secretly be an assassin or something, what with how quietly she walks, but she also outright tells Bill that his ability to kill people was...admirable.
Which is kinda fucked up, not gonna lie, but it actually seems to make Bill feel better. And Google apparently knows about how Bill feels guilty about the people he's killed by accident and even talks to him about that. Like I once came in to find her sitting down with Bill and talking about guilt and how to deal with it. So...I guess I like Google? Even if she's not a Friend. Frankly I don't know what Bill's criteria for Friend material is. Maybe he just hasn't realized that Google could be a Friend?
I should bring that up with him sometime.
Oh. There's the signal. Show starts in 5 minutes. Alright I think I've sufficiently warmed up my voice. Bill's gonna be in the audience, he always comes to my shows. The wholehearted support he gives me for my passion is great. Bill is a good friend. Even with all the negatives that come with being around him, the positives more than make up for it.
I get up from my dressing room chair and head out to the stage. I don't have to worry about anything I've said here being leaked across the galaxy, Bill in his infinite paranoia, Cursed my dressing room against all things that would cause harm to me or him. Dunno how that works. How does a Curse tell whether or not something would be harmful to him anyway?
Well whatever. The stage was set and my cue was coming up so I should focus on giving this performance my all.
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Bill came to the aftershow of course. I was leaving the changing rooms and found him floating in the hallway, waiting for me. He was staring at his Com and scrolling through something. I couldn't 'See' what it was from here. Bill looked...worried about something. He's been very preoccupied these last few weeks. Won't tell us what it was about. He just answered "REALITY CONVERGES UPON A SINGLE POINT. WE CANNOT ESCAPE THE ENCROACHING HORIZON!" and then burst into spiders....
He lit up (literally, his perpetual glowing flashed brighter for a second) and tackled me in an affectionate hug. "That was GREAT Teeth!" He squealed. I laughed and patted him on the back. "I dunno, I might have stumbled a line or two…"
"2 fumbles and 1 awkward pause but Ferdinande flubbed 3 of HIS lines so you still did great." Bill responded cheerfully. Of course he knew what all the lines to the show were supposed to be. It's eerie sometimes how much Bill just...knew. Then again, as he was so fond of saying, he knows LOTS of things.
We walked off, well, I walked, Bill floated everywhere. I asked about that once and Bill said that he didn't have shoes and his feet were delicate...which is fair I suppose. Of course he could make shoes but when I asked about that, Bill said something about pretty high heels and breaking his ankles…
Bill took me to a spa as a celebration gift for another successful show. I had been complaining about sore feet since this play had a lot of dancing and it was very thoughtful of him. I noticed he didn't go for any of the massage treatments himself, instead getting a pedi/manicure. I did catch him eyeing up the massage rooms with a longing expression.
It wasn't fair.
It has been years and years but Bill still couldn't get over it. If Handsy was still alive I'd like to give him a good kick or two. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help. He sat there with a towel neatly wrapped around his lower bricks and sighed. "I don't know. I just can't trust a stranger to touch me on more than my limbs…"
I know it was bold of me to ask but it left my tongue before I could stop myself, as it always does. "What if I gave you a brick massage?" I slapped my hands over my mouth. I always did this, speaking without thinking. I talk constantly and everyone I knew growing up hated that.
As always though, Bill never minded my bluntness. He told me once he appreciated my honesty. Had a weird look in his eye when he said it and when I asked he said it was an alternative timeline and wasn't important. So when I saw that he wasn't offended I put my hands back down.
He seemed contemplative. "...maybe? But...just...a little?"
"Just say stop whenever you start to feel uncomfortable." I assured him. He looks at me and I'm surprised as I always am by how...trusting he looked. He was scared but he...wholeheartedly believed I would never hurt him.
It was...daunting...to be valued this much.
I always feel like I'm not worthy of this. Of being Bill's friend and given everything I would ever want. There are people who would kill to be in my position. Some of my troupe tell me how jealous they were but they also seemed to think I was required to perform 'favors' for Bill.
I heard one of them mutter about how I must be "Really good with my tongue." and frankly it was sickening that they would think Bill asked such a thing of me. I've heard the way they talk about us. Especially about Pyronica. They're lucky Bill doesn't notice. They're unlucky that Pyronica noticed.
Bill gets annoyed whenever he needs to trade in a Favor to bail Pyronica whenever that happens and he scolds her about it. She keeps quiet about why she does what she does. We all do.
Hectorgon says that we have to do our part to protect Bill from such things. He may be an immortal demon but this was something we could do. We may not have the power to do much but we're here for the little things. Like this here. So here I was, sitting in the sauna room, we got the room to ourselves for the next hour or so.
Bill shivered a little as he knelt before me. I sighed and suddenly felt kinda lucky Kryptos wasn't here. He would be jealous as fuck. A lot of us were wondering why he hasn't told Bill how he felt yet. He's been crushing on the triangle for a couple of years now.
Bill gripped his towel tighter around himself. "I...um…" he took a deep breath. "My back has been kinda sore. The bricks there feel like they might be misaligned from the last time I...um...well, they might be misaligned…" he looked away and I held back my grimace. We all knew Bill had been hurting himself somehow. Striking at his own bricks until they break, bleed and heal. We couldn't really understand why he does that to himself.
It worried us but Bill doesn't really talk about it, plays dumb when we try to ask. It's...frustrating.
"Well, I can take a look at that?" I suggest softly. He slowly turned around so his back was towards me. Before I could do anything he pressed his small hand against the wall and it hissed as he burned a triangle into it. Ah, he wants to watch just in case. Bill trusts us but he's still a paranoid one.
I almost expect the triangle on the wall to blink at me but it remained motionless. Very innocuous looking. It was faint and difficult to see through the steam. Bill was really good at that. No wonder he's got so many spy eyes littered throughout the multiverse.
Bill said once that seeing through depictions of himself was something he started doing because the AXOLOTL only taught him how to see everything at once and it was too difficult to understand what he was looking at. Even the depictions used to be seeing through all of them at once and it took him eons to figure out how to narrow his gaze. Most of his explanation went over my head but it sounded really cool.
I looked at Bill's back. Well, looked is an arbitrary term. I didn't have eyes after all, but that doesn't mean I can't see. My sense of the world around me is generally tactile in nature but I can 'feel' the difference between lights and darkness. This sense has gotten much stronger in the years I've been without a colony. Like my body had adapted to being exposed and on my own. I didn't have any Eyes to see for me anymore.
If a shadow passes over me, I notice, my skin feeling the various waves hitting it or not. These photon receptors are sensitive enough to 'feel' colors. In this way I can easily 'see' both anything near me so long as there was light as well as the images and words in books or holo screens. My only issue is seeing things far away. I'm pretty much blind to things more than 10 meters away.
Bill is EASY to see.
He glows constantly, getting brighter or dimmer with his moods. I can feel the minor shifts in his hue faster than the others can see his change in color. It doesn't stop me from being afraid of upsetting him, in fact it's worse. When Bill is sad...he dims so much I can barely see him. It just isn't right to see Bill without his healthy glow. When he gets mad the color is so...vibrant it almost overwhelms me.
Now though, I saw how he glowed nervously. His bricks pulsing faintly with a fade so subtle and quick I doubt any creature with eyes would be able to see this blinking. The strobe effect happening too quickly for them to catch. "I'm going to touch you now." I tell Bill to warn him even though I knew he was watching through the brand on the wall. It felt nicer to give him an audio warning as well.
He nodded. "Ok." Permission granted, I reached out to feel around the bricks on his back. He's warm, as per usual. I slide my palm carefully up and down to check for any bricks out of line. There, my hand hit a bump. I felt around a bit more as Bill sighed and found two bricks that were jutting out faintly. It wasn't a big bump, more like whoever put the bricks together hadn't pressed them in all the way.
Bill was sighing as I felt around his back, his worry fading somewhat. "This feels kinda nice." He murmured. I traced the edges of the misaligned bricks and he let out an "Eep!" I pull back "Did that hurt?" I asked worriedly. He shook his head. "It tickled a little." He responded.
"What do you want me to do?" I asked. He had his hands pressed to the bench we were sitting on as he leaned forward. "I guess...push them back in?" He suggested. I nod. That sounds like it might work. I press on the edge that's sticking out and Bill grunted a little. It wasn't budging so I pressed harder which just pushed Bill forward along the bench.
"...I think you need to lie down?" I asked. He hesitantly glanced back at me before lowering himself to lie on his front. I could tell he was tense.
I reached out to press harder on the bricks. There was some resistance but I eventually felt them move, Bill was wiggling with some faint whimpering sounds. "Am I hurting you?" I asked worriedly.
"Just a little...but it's not the bad type of pain…" Bill moaned softly.
I don't know what he means by that but he wasn't pushing me off so I continued pushing down, leaning my weight onto him. The bricks slowly slid back into place as Bill panted with a slightly strained voice.
"If it hurts you should tell me to stop." I told him. He gasped. "I-it's fine…"
The bricks slid into place with a faint click and Bill shuddered with a groan. "F-fuck…" he hissed.
"A-are you alright?!" I sat back and watched him wiggle a bit, arching his back. "I'm fine. That...felt really nice...ugh...didn't even notice how sore I was…" he pushed himself up and groaned. "Thanks…" he pressed a hand to his back and rubbed his bricks. I reached out to rub them too, warning him beforehand. He sighed as I gave his bricks a gentle squeeze along his sides. "Is this alright? Not too much for you?"
"I can handle this much." Bill scoffed. I could tell he was still tense. I let go. "You don't have to force yourself."
"I'm not…" Bill whined. I scoffed. "Really?" I poked one of his bricks and he whined harder. "Teeth!"
I sighed. "You don't have to pretend you're ok with stuff when you're not."
"But I shouldn't still be so...uneasy about it. It's so STUPID!" Bill growled in frustration. I pulled on his hand lightly. "I still miss my colony." I admitted. He turned to glance at me. I give him a shrug. "It's been years and years but I still haven't gotten over that. Is it stupid? Maybe. But it doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel that way, or that there's something wrong with me for feeling like this."
I shuffled over to sit beside Bill. "It doesn't hurt as much as it used to but I still feel this way...and I think I always will. But...that doesn't make me any lesser of a person right?"
"It doesn't!" Bill assured me. He leaned over to hug me. "You're a sweet guy and they were fools who couldn't see that!"
"Yeah...I guess...but the point is, even if its been awhile I haven't gotten over this betrayal and I don't know how long it would take me to do so." I reached an arm around to hug Bill back. "So you're not allowed to feel bad about your own issues either."
"But it's different! It's been so, so long and-"
"It takes you longer to get over stuff. There's nothing wrong with that." I tell Bill firmly. He was always good at telling us everything is fine but he was hypocritically blind to his own self deprecating behavior. I wonder briefly if there's anything we could do to help his self esteem issues?
Part of me wonders how someone so narcissistic can have such low self esteem but I'm beginning to suspect Bill's proud ways are just an act to to hide how he really feels. He puts on a show in public, in front of his clients. Sometimes in front of us, though much less.
Despite the way he acts, Bill's actually pretty shy. It's unintentionally adorable and I feel like Bill would make more friends if he goes out and lets more people see that part of him. What's that word Bill uses? Moe?
"Do you ever want to make more friends?" I asked Bill suddenly. "Not Friends, but...friends? As Bill Cipher?"
He hummed. "I've got you guys...and some of my other identities have friends…"
"That's not what I meant." I shook my head. "Even if you think your reputation is too awful to get any better...shouldn't you still try?" Maybe interaction with more people would help? Bill spends most of his life watching people from afar. Maybe he just needs to socialize more. See that not everyone thinks he's a horrible monster.
See that he can have more friends than just us. Even if we were 'fated' to be his friends, he could always find more? Sure the house is pretty full but Bill can always make it larger? Or have friends who didn't live with us?
I've felt for a while now that Bill relied too much on his future vision. Even if he publicly says he hated Fate, he still valued the information he got from it. Not because he liked it but because it was like a comfort blanket. It was quite hypocritical, which is what Bill is. Not that it's a bad thing per say...a lot of us are hypocritical in our own way.
I think demons are cool as hell. But those demons that torture people make me...uncomfortable. Most demons are supposed to be 'bad guys'.
I know Bill has tortured people. I'd have to be an idiot not to know. We know clearly about the horrible things Bill has done. Is it wrong to care about someone who's done awful things? Is it wrong for us to still think he's a good person despite all the things he's done? I like to think his kindness makes up for any crimes he has committed.
And frankly, Pyronica's eaten and killed people too so it's not like we're saints. Oh...I guess we're all just...kinda bad guys? And...I'm ok with that?
Bill was staring at me, vulnerable and meek. It's weird when he looks like that. "Do you think I should go about helping people and just...hope that they'll eventually forgive me for the stuff I've done?"
"Well...I don't think doing that would make things any worse right?" I asked.
Bill closed his eye and makes a frustrated noise. "I hate doing tedious, pointless things." He hissed. "I hate fixing something and having to fix it again over and over. It feels like a waste of time."
I kept quiet as Bill flickered through different colors. "It's not like I'm asking for their gratitude. But I just get so... angry …" his hands curled into fists "I help them. They thank someone else. I do good things and they deny it. But...the INSTANT I do ANYTHING even vaguely 'unacceptable' they're up in arms against me!"
He hissed in frustration. "And whenever that happens I just... lose my shit ." he pressed his hands to his eye and took a few deep breaths. "I just get so angry that I can't think straight and I hate getting my hopes up like that only to have everything happen the same way over and over and over again!"
I pat his side comfortingly. "Ok. I'm sorry. You...don't have to do it if you don't feel right…"
He leaned against me. "No. You're right. I should try harder." He sighed. "I just got fed up with it all and gave up." he looked at me "Maybe it's time I started trying again?"
"Are you sure? If it really upset you so much…" I asked hesitantly but Bill shook his head. "No. I need to stop running away from my problems. I can't just give up anymore." He twisted his legs together nervously. "But what should I do?"
He glanced up at me, imploring me to make the decision for him. It was a lot of pressure for a simple Mouth like me. "Well...what if you...protect people who are in danger? Or...like...fight bad guys?" I suggest weakly. I really had no idea what Bill could do. I suppose he could try being a Protection god instead of a Chaos god?
I wasn't really sure what I was saying but Bill was humming to himself in thought. "I suppose I can pay a visit to some of the Scum in the multiverse. There's a crime lord in Dimension 392Xx who has been trying to get a Deal out of me but I don't want to grant his desires and I've just sorta been acting like he just doesn't have anything I'd want in exchange for it...so maybe I should just up and kill him already…"
That...was NOT what I meant but Bill was already making plans to himself and I wasn't sure if I should tell him that.
Ah well...this is probably fine right? Bill's not stupid, I'm sure he's got a real plan in mind for this…
A couple weeks later the galactic news reported how Sir Aethenick of the Delta-79 Bloodmarket was found torn open and strung from his own organs. A bloody note was left saying that this was the punishment that awaited people who dealt in sexual slavery and non-consensual organ harvesting.
I shuddered.
Bill Cipher is my Friend and I love him a lot...but he's a scary motherfucker.
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