Capítulo 188: Chapter 188: Sex Ed.
[Edward POV]
As Luke and Alex were extremely jet-lagged, Phil took his children home after we returned to California. I, however, rushed to Jenna's house even though it was almost midnight.
Jenna opened the door, wearing Victorian era style pajamas. I couldn't believe my eyes and pointed at her dress, "When I'm settled with Jacob, we'll get back to this."
She defended herself, "This is what the pastor made us wear at Church camp."
"Where did you go to camp? Little House of the Prairie?"
She rolled her eyes and said, "Exposing your figure, especially at night, will make the devil tempts us with lust, and also-"
"Alright Nun Jenna. I heard enough." I stopped her quickly before she turned it into a sermon.
"Where's your mom?" I asked as we walked up the stairs together. Me at the front, she at the back.
Jenna brightened up and said, "She got casted for a role! Granted, it's for a piranha film, but she still got it!"
"Huh? What's the title?"
"Piranha 3D." Jenna replied. "I still don't know what kind of film it is."
I paused in my step before turning towards Jenna. I patted her shoulder and said, " It's better if you don't know…"
"???"
I opened the door to Jenna's room, and went directly to Jacob and Elsa. "How did you know you're pregnant? Have you done the test yet?"
Enid jumped up from the bed and rushed towards me. She answered for Jacob, "We did the vinegar test, and the toothpaste test…"
"Huh? Why don't you just buy a pregnancy test kit from the drugstore?" I asked in confusion and bafflement. "Also, what the fuck is a vinegar test?"
Elsa said sarcastically, "Sure! Just waltzed into the pharmacy and told the clerk, "Hi! I'm Elsa! I'm 14 and Pregnant! Will you tell it to everyone else in the neighborhood?" Think Ed!"
"Just ask Jenna's mom to do it. Or Jacob's mom- Wait, I see where I got it wrong here. Alright. So, what is the vinegar test? Or the toothpaste test?" I said as I grabbed Jacob's shoulder to comfort him.
"Both tests…show that it is positive." Enid said before Elsa burst into tears. She covered her face with her hands as she sobbed.
Jacob was also teary, and he turned to Elsa. "Babe. I know that it seems like the whole world is falling down right now, but just so you know, I will be by your side until the end." He then fell to one knee and said, "Elsa. Will you marry me-"
"Enid stop him." Elsa ordered. Enid then covered Jacob's mouth as she followed the order.
I rubbed my throbbing forehead and then asked, "Wait. It's not confirmed yet until you truly do the test. You kids…" I let out a heavy sigh and said, "Don't you guys know anything about protection or safe sex?"
"Jacob. You always told me every single detail of your relationship with Elsa, but you forgot to tell me that you lost your virginity?"
"Huh? I'm-I'm still a virgin!" Elsa shouted hurriedly.
"???" I froze from the confusion. "You're still a virgin? Then, what kind of Virgin Mary birth are you having! Who's going to be the 3 wise men!? Me, Jenna and Enid??!!!"
"Y-You still can get pregnant even when you're still a virgin!" Enid defended Elsa.
"Yeah. As long as my….you know…" Jacob muttered shyly and trailed off. Jenna rolled her eyes and said, "As long as your cum falls on her belly."
"??????"
I opened my mouth a few times, but I was so bewildered that my words couldn't come out.
"Okay. I need a thorough explanation about this whole thing. Every single detail." I said while my lips twitched from trying to hold back my laughter. "From Jacob."
Confused by my reaction, Jacob gulped his saliva and said, "Umm…You know…"
"No. I don't know. Tell me." I urged him. "Tell me how a baby is made."
"Ummm…" Jacob stammered shyly, and his face was blushing red. I said, "Hey, you have already done it, but you're still shy? What are you going to tell your kids one day when they ask?"
Jacob squirmed for a while before he flashed a look of determination. "Well, the…the semen…needs to be….E-e-e-e-eja-eja-ejaculaed…on….her…the girl's…stomach…and after…9 months…a baby will come out."
"How did that happen? You know…Scientifically?"
Jacob couldn't even enjoy his relief when he finally finished his story when he had fallen into another quagmire. "Ummm…"
Elsa was irritated and finally spoke, "Ed! What are you doing?! Why are you torturing him?"
I couldn't hold my laughter back anymore. I laughed and wheezed while holding my stomach. The group was startled and confused. Jenna said nervously, "T-That's not how you get pregnant?"
I laughed harder as I heard her question. My knees felt weak and I slumped on the floor.
"HAHA…You guys are all (Wheeze heavily)... Dumbassess…" I whispered and laughed as I hit the floor, not forgetting to mock these guys as I did.
Jenna and Enid's face turned red. Elsa covered her face with a pillow while Jacob went to the windowsill, thinking about whether or not he should jump from there and ran away to avoid the embarrassment.
After 5 minutes, the group was already numb. Enid looked at me and said tiredly, "He's…still laughing."
I was lying down on my back and was holding my stomach. My eyes were teary, and my voice became hoarse.
"You know…what happened here today…Cannot get out of this room." Elsa said menacingly. "We might need to silent him." She made a throat cutting gesture, and the others nodded to her.
I shuddered and finally stopped laughing. "Alright. I won't tell anyone else about this. Don't kill me."
"That might not be a choice Ed." Enid bared her teeth to me and made a clawing gesture.
"Someone reel the wolf cub back. I promise. I really won't tell another soul about this." I brushed the dust off my pants before sitting on the edge of Jenna's bed. Then, I lied down and covered my eyes with my arm, "Ahh. That made me feel relieved. Suddenly, I'm so tired right now."
The group's animosity towards me thawed quickly as they realized that I had rushed there after my busy schedule just to check up on them. Jenna and Enid also laid down on the bed, while Elsa and Jacob sat together.
When I asked Jacob and Elsa how they came to the conclusion, they told me that Tyrone, and everyone else who got the pregnancy scare today told them about it.
A viral rumor spread quickly around the school today, saying that a girl can get pregnant when a boy ejaculates on her stomach.
(Based on a true story)
Most of the girls had already done the pregnancy test using the kit they bought at the pharmacy, so they knew that it was all fake. But not everyone was fortunate enough to think about that.
"Why didn't you ask Alex? Or Abraham? Alex is a nerd…and Abraham is a horny dude. I'm pretty sure that they know about this." I asked them while lying down sideways.
"We…We don't want anyone else to know." Elsa confessed with a blushing face. "Now we know that that's pretty stupid."
I nodded in agreement and asked hesitantly, "You guys do know…how a baby is made…right?"
Jenna rolled her eyes and said, "Obviously we don't!"
I groaned and then said, "Give me a piece of paper." Their eyes lit up and Jenna immediately went to grab a book.
I hesitated and said, "I don't want to encourage you guys, but not knowing about these things could bring much more harm compared to knowing about it."
"Usually, it was the parents job to do this, or, Sex Ed class at school-"
Elsa interjected quickly, "Could you teach as soon, and stop dilly dallying?"
"Yeah. We don't even have SexEd at school." Jacob added. "And there is no way that my mom or dad will teach these things to me."
"Wait. There's no Sex Education Class at school? Shouldn't every school have one?" I asked in confusion.
Jacob said, "I think there were some classes a few years back when my sister went there. But they stopped it when Principal Brown came to the school."
"Huh? Why?" I asked.
"Ed!" Elsa urged. "Come on! It's already very late."
"Ah, right. Okay, first, let's start with the male and female's reproductive organs." I said as I drew on the book. I kept the topic strictly from the biological perspectives, and told them how exactly human reproduction works.
…
After 10 minutes of teaching them how it works, all of them were frozen. Then, I asked Jacob, "How did you get your mom to let you stay at a girls house until so late?"
"Oh…" He answered weakly, "Um…I kinda told them that….I was having a sleepover at…your place."
I paused as Jacob's sweats anxiously. "It's fine." I muttered, making him exclaim in relief. "Let's go."
Enid's eyes widened and she asked, "Wait…That's it? He doesn't need to ask you beforehand?"
"Well, a bro needs to lend a hand whenever another bro had fucked up. I didn't make the rules. The Bro Code did." I said.
"Bro Code?" Jenna asked curiously.
"It's like the bible…but for Bros." I said teasingly. Jenna rolled her eyes and then pushed me off her bed. "Go now–"
Suddenly, Jenna's mother opened her bedroom door before Jenna could throw me away. Alexandria's face was a little bit flushed from drinking. "Hey! Edward! Jacob is also here! Thank God, is Jenna finally over her whole being devoted game?" She muttered slurredly before staggering to the bed.
She slumped on the bed and said, "You guys are doing some group activities?"
Jenna became irritated and said, "Hey It's not a game!"
I hinted at Jacob and both of us stood up. We walked away quietly while Jenna was nagging her mother.
…
[General POV]
"Where's the boys?" Jenna asked after sending her mother to her room.
"Gone." Elsa replied curtly as she studied the information Ed had written down in the book. "I think that there's still a lot of things he didn't tell us." She added. "Like, what is a safe day?"
Jenna rolled her eyes and said, "Get that thing off my bed."
Enid chuckled and said, "Girl, You really had changed huh? No more, slutty Jenna."
"Even though you're the first one amongst us to lose their virginity." Elsa joked.
Jenna was fuming, "Please don't bring that up anymore. Yes, I made some bad choices before this-"
Enid asked, interrupting Jenna, "Did you bleed? When your…hymen…you know?" Although she had known about all that stuff, she was still embarrassed to ask her friend about it.
Jenna was taken aback and said, "What?"
"Bleed?" Elsa added.
"Huh? No, I didn't bleed."
"Really? Was he too small?" Elsa added. Jenna was aggrieved, "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"Hmm…Alright then. But, I'm kinda concerned. If there's no blood, was he even in the right hole?" Elsa joked.
Jenna was confused, "Huh? Why did he need to enter my… holes?"
Enid scrunched her eyebrows, "Didn't you hear what Edward said before?"
"Um….I kinda tuned everything out." Jenna said. 'And just stared at him.' She added internally.
"You need penetration…You know? To have sex." Elsa said and then explained what Edward had said before to Jenna.
Jenna was baffled, and her face turned from confusion, to conflicted expression, and then to elation. "Hey! He only rubbed it on the outside!" She realized it. Then, she kneeled on the floor, and clasped her hands together, "God! Thank you for saving my chastity even when I was just a lost lamb- I swear that this time, I will save myself till marriage and not throw it around like a common whore!"
Elsa was shocked, "Wait! You're still a virgin!? That's….IMPOSSIBLE!"
…
5 star Hotel, New York City.
"It's all your fault that we're late." Max muttered in annoyance as she followed Randall from behind. They were in the hotel's lobby as Randall awaited the company's arrangement for him.
"That homeless guy has a knife! I had to run away!" Randall defended himself while holding a cardboard box containing the cupcakes.
"That guy is a midget. And he's holding a PLASTIC Knife!" Max said angrily. "Then, you took the wrong subway, 3 times!"
"I-I'm just new here." Randall said meekly.
Max shook her head and said, "You should go back to California. You don't have what it takes to be a New Yorker."
"I agree." Pepper suddenly appeared in front of the duo. He too was staying in the hotel and was going to meet some of his friends when he saw the duo bickering consistently.
As soon as Max saw Pepper, she grinned and joked, "Hey, I think you're at the wrong side of the city. Queens is over there."
Pepper chuckled with a snort and said, "So bitchy. I love her."
"All gay guys love me." Max said casually. And it was true. Her mean attitude added with her casual insults bodes well with this demography. "Some even asked me where I get my boobs done, and almost all of them are disappointed when they knew its a natural."
"Well, that made me have one less question." Pepper said. "So, you're Max the cupcake baker, right?"
"I'm a waitress at a dead end job, but I do bake a little." Max said. "I assume you're this guy's boss?" She asked, referring to Randall.
"That's me." Pepper said and took the cupcake box from Randall. He explained to Max, "Edward had to go home right away, and he told me to apologize to you."
"Oh. He could've called." Max said disappointedly.
Pepper was confused and said, "He did? He called and texted you, but you didn't reply."
Max was shocked, "What? He did?" She took out her old phone and pressed its button, but all she could see was a dark screen. "Damn it! I wasted 3 whole dollars on this phone."
Pepper was astonished. "But, he's going to be there next week, and he asked you to prepare some cupcakes for him then." He added after he decided to ignore what Max had just said.
Max smiled brightly and brushed her hair behind her ear, "Oh. He's coming back. Usually when guys disappear on me, they won't come back. I guess he's an exception."
"Believe me. He is." Pepper said as opened up the cupcake box and took a bite on the red velvet cupcake. His eyes widened and he said, "Oh my god. This is quite good. No wonder Edward wants it so bad."
Max chuckled and said, "I usually only hear that sentence in a very specific context, so hearing it about my cupcakes is refreshing for me."
While licking the cream off his lips, Pepper looked at Max from top to bottom and contemplated, "Hmmm…"
"What?" Max said. "This waitress's uniform sucks, I know."
"They really do." Pepper said. "But that's not why I am mulling. Max, I have an offer for you."
"Well, I know that you're gay, so it is not going to be sexual, so I'll hear you out." Max replied.
Pepper eyed Randall and said, "You see. These guys here. Do you think that he's a wimp?"
"Pepper!" Randall gasped in offense.
"Absolutely." Max replied instantly, causing Randall to gasp again.
"I have a lot of work to do here in New York, and he's supposed to be my assistant. But as you can see, he'll just let anyone walk all over him."
"That's true." Max said while nodding.
"I don't need to hear this." Randall said while throwing his hands up and then he walked away, shaking his head.
Pepper turned back to Max and said, "See. So sensitive. However, he is really good at his job and managing Edward's schedule. So, Max. I'll be honest with you. I like your attitude, and I feel that it is what our company needs for us to make it in New York."
"Wait. Is this a job interview?" Max asked, astonished. "Before you decide anything, I should let you know that I don't even have a high school diploma. I have only known waitressing my whole life. I have no skills to do anything else."
"Doesn't matter. I just need you for your mean attitude. You know, like a guard dog. You're going to intimidate those old men that we're going to meet so that they won't try to do anything."
"Threatening old people? That's like, my dream job!" Max said in excitement.
Pepper chuckled and said, "So, I take it that you're in?"
Max hesitated for a while and said carefully, "Mr Pepper-"
"Please. Just call me Pepper. Also, it's Mr Saltzman."
"Okay. Pepper. I…Look. I know that you guys are all good people. So I'll just give it to you straight. I'm not really good at my job."
"Well….I can see that. Aren't you supposed to be waitressing right now?"
"See. The evidence is already clear!" Max agreed with Pepper. She touched her hair and said, "I don't want to screw things up for Edward. He seems like a very nice dude."
"Apparently, that dude feels the same way about you." Pepper added, making Max startled. "And in my few months of getting to know Edward, there's two things that I am absolutely sure about him."
"First, he's a genius. And not that standard genius. No, he's like a savant. He's going to be successful in everything that he tries."
Randall returned at this moment, already calmed down. He widened his eyes and said, "Wait. Edward has the Savant Syndrome?"
"That would mean that he has an intellectual disability, so no. He's just good at everything." Pepper cleared up. "And the second one is, Ed has an eyes for good people."
"Like Claire, like Randall here, Dwayne, Renaldo… He has that 6th sense. A gift you can say. He can see the good in others, even when they themselves couldn't see it. And Edward told me, he saw himself in you."
"What?" Max was astonished. "What's so similar? Did someone offer him money to get into bed with them too?"
Pepper smiled as he saw that Max was using humor to deflect what she was feeling again. "In a way…" Pepper joked. "But more of , coming from a dysfunctional family, and he had to raise himself too."
"Wait. He did?" Max was surprised. "But he has that… good dad beside him?"
"Phil? He only met that guy this year." Pepper explained. "I'll tell you all about him later. So Max. Do you want to return to working at the diner for the Italian Mafia, or do you want to go out there, and threaten old people? The choice is yours."
Max chuckled and said, "Well…If you put it like that, of course I'm going to pick the latter."
"Then, Welcome Aboard!" Pepper said as he gave Max a hug, the Italian godfather way.
"Wait. Max is joining us?" Randall was shocked. Max turned to him and threatened, "Yeah. So you better watch yourself or I'll stab you with a fork."
Randall turned to Pepper and said, "Can't you see that? She's mentally unstable. Do you really want to hire her?"
"Don't be afraid. Max is just practicing what she's going to say to those old people." Pepper said knowingly.
Max chuckled and said, "Yeah. And the more I do that, the more I can find my smile again. See? It won't stop." She pointed at her grin.
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