Capítulo 53: Book I, Act VIII: Daydreams of the Future and Nightmares of the Past, Chapter V
Edited by: Bieverdog AO3: GalavantingGoose
Book I, Imbalance
Act VIII: Daydreams of the Future and Nightmares of the Past
Music: Tragedy and Fate · Yuki Kajiura
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix1tbX8HT04
Chapter V
She looked at her roommate, puzzled, helpless. The girl's golden eyes were gazing dully to the stained, padded walls. The fierce girl she had first met seemed lost under the mask of a straight-faced double that had been sharing a room with her; but at least, she could speak clearly now.
Irate, she snapped her fingers in front of the girl's face, hoping to get some semblance of reaction. "Hey, Azula... Hey! Concentrate. Here I am." Azula shook her head and nodded absentmindedly.
Twenty-seven days and counting since the day she was dragged with her, she thought time would bring her back to her senses; yet it only made her more sullen and quiet. Initially, she barely spoke of anything, but it wasn't that hard to piece two and two together, for the doctor's handiwork was evident. She wasn't sure if he would come for her and wondered what kind of sick test he had planned. Perhaps the doctor had aimed for her roommate to snap at some point, and she'd be the collateral damage.
She could tell the girl wasn't completely in her head even though she looked more centered now than before. But that was saying something, for what used to be slight quirks started to become worrisome signs. At first, she spoke as if in a trance, grasped at thin air, became jittery all of the sudden… Her palms became chill from even thinking about it. She had seen what she could do, heard things; if Azula snapped, she knew she didn't stand a chance. For countless nights, she thought about ending her. It wouldn't take long; Azula wouldn't even notice; and she'd be safe. But she skittered between certainty and uncertainty, for they needed her…
She stared back into her dead eyes. "Change that idiot face, will you?" Azula merely blinked, lowering her head slightly.
She stood before her. "You know… you never thank me. That day I should have kicked your ass for what you did to me."
The girl remained silent then looked away towards the steel door's barred window. "What would you like me to say? I've told you already: there's no way around it."
Zirin crossed her arms. It hadn't been the first time she answered the same; so, she was beginning to doubt if she was playing coy or was simply too afraid to act. "Stop evading it. I'm not stupid."
Her roommate sighed and traced a finger over the dry cracks in her palm. "It doesn't matter what you think… Doesn't change the facts. We're trapped here. For good."
She huffed. "At least, the savage got out."
Azula paused and lunged at her, gripping her tunic weakly, her teeth gritted. "Don't call her that, I told you!" Zirin shrugged and pushed her away.
She fell back against her bed, gripping her head. Azula glared at her. "I…Don't think she's coming back. Forget it."
Zirin kicked the leg of her bed listlessly. "Well, there's our chances of getting out of this hellhole."
The silence in the room was slowly replaced by her roommate's quickening breathing. "Shut up! I don't want to hear your lies…"
Zirin's anger turned to fear when she saw her hands trembling, and she grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. "Control yourself; stop this nonsense! Look at you! Think! If we stay here, we're done for. No one is safe here; we're just cattle marked for slaughter. There must be a way!"
Her eyes were wide, darting to every corner of the room. "There's no way! They know everything! He knows; she'll tell him."
Still holding on to her, her cellmate squeezed harder. "Look, you convinced me that it was worth fighting to get out of here. I thought it was impossible, and you did it, managed to show me that it wasn't. We all suffered for that! To you, we were nothing but meat shields. Do you know how many of my friends I lost that day?" Azula's shocked gaze faded away and avoided hers.
Zirin sat next to her. "They died fighting to escape this prison. I will not let their deaths be in vain. That was what helped me endure this torture. Every time they boiled my skin with that machine, the only thing I thought about was how I would tear them apart limb by limb, one by one, for each of my friends; how I will burn this place to the ground no matter what it takes! If they couldn't break me, neither can the others, we have to fight back."
Azula's eyes were grim, and the tone of her voice bitter, indifferent. "You think I wanted that? That's what drove me too: hatred for those who left me here, for what they did to me. And you know what? All I did was cause more damage, and they continue to torture me. We will never escape; you know we can't. Accept that, then maybe we live long enough to find another way."
She gritted her teeth, wanted to punch her so badly, but turned her back to her. "It's not my problem that you've given up. If you want to stay and be the doctor's pet, then by all means, go ahead."
Azula remained silent, her eyes glued to the ground. "You'll all end up dead; you'll get nothing but more torture."
When Zirin opened her mouth, her roommate was already desperately shifting around, shielding her face with her arms. "Don't talk to me! Let me go!" She gave her a wide berth and hoped for the best, counting the seconds to be let out for lunch. For a second, Zirin had almost forgotten that she was at a psychiatric ward.
Hours had passed, and Azula had eventually settled down and fallen asleep; but Zirin wouldn't go anywhere near–
Her guard dropped when the bolts clicked; and she anxiously awaited as the heavy door was pushed open. Two fully armored guards instructed her out, and she found it funny that she felt safer with her captors than her unstable roommate. Since their failed escape, there were now guards posted everywhere and even more useless controls at each door. To think I feared them before, with their armor and shields. In the end, they were of little use to them; they bled just as fast as they did. Their display of force felt void to her now. She had noticed, though, that they selectively kept some of them separated now. Also, Azula was not even allowed to go out unless she was surrounded by guards. She figured they wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
They had been placed in the most secure ward. There wasn't anything fancy about it: thicker steel doors, freezing temperatures night and day, unpainted concrete walls. A splatter of fresh blood in the middle of the long hallway was the only decoration. There was a patient in it, still, bloodied, raggedly breathing, surrounded.
The doctor had probably moved the most unstable patients to the normal wards. Now they got the special treatment. Not only were they accompanied by two guards each to every area, but also they only took half of the patients out at a time.
Ahead, other prisoners were in a line, avoiding the dying patient like a carcass. She's already done for. Everyone was silent, and the air felt tense as the guards fixed their eyes on them. There was only the beat of marching footsteps, halting at each search.
Zirin already had her routine, for she aimed not to raise suspicions. She walked with her head down, waiting in line. They searched each patient thoroughly before letting them through to get to the main hall with two guards beside her; and she sharpened her senses, taking mental note of anything that might be useful. To tell the truth, she had not found many people willing to organize another riot and suspected that several of those who had said yes were either really crazy or could potentially be informants. A little extra time outside, a fancy meal, or comfier beds would be all they needed for some to flip without a second thought.
Stealth had never been her specialty; but still, she had no other choice. She certainly knew she couldn't do it alone. Now it was her turn on the line. She hated it, every second of it. So, she looked away, tried to space out, gritted her teeth. Her mind filled with rage as the guards pushed and frisked her indiscriminately. Her glaring eyes fixed on a list a shaky nurse held, waiting for that tick, a temporary end to her humiliation. One of the guards nodded to the nurse. Finally. She quickly stood out of the way, and they shoved her towards the cafeteria.
No more controls, at least not until she had to return. It took them a while to clean up the mess, yet some dried blood stains had stubbornly remained edged on the ceramic floor. Strangely enough, they were a symbol to her that their fight wasn't over yet; that what they did somehow mattered. Once, the room had been filled with the din of talking, and the air had lingered with the sour stench of what they called food. But the noise was all a mere fraction of it now; the room wasn't even half full. They were rotated; so, the people they saw could change from one day to the next. They were always surrounded by an overwhelming number of guards, at least ten for every one of them, all standing orderly near the walls. She could scarcely distinguish a few nurses amongst the bunch, their white pinkish uniforms contrasting from the black and red of the guards who all stood firmly around them. Not a fly could buzz by without them noticing. Another precaution was that the tables and chairs were now firmly bolted to the ground.
She crossed her fingers, hoping to see a friendly face somewhere, and walked discreetly towards the cook, who was now protected by a sheet of metal. She saw no faces, only a ladle that dropped a thick greenish mash. She tried not to stand still but slowed her pace to look around. Then a brown-haired girl with a round face sideeyed her: Hana. The girl took great care not to seem excited, casually walking towards her and taking the seat in front.
They both ate idly, pretending not to acknowledge their presence. Hana stopped eating and stared at her. "Seen a lot of animals lately, different sizes and all, colorful too. How about you?" Not good then, she had expected her side to have less guards.
Zirin fiddled with her food. "Same old, same old. Lots of birds lately; they don't sing." Not only were they extremely well-guarded, but there was also complete silence, nothing; or at least, she couldn't hear anything. They were isolated.
"Oh. On my side, there's lots too, but they sing loud." Maybe she's in an unsecure ward, deemed unimportant.
Zirin was surprised. "Oh yeah? Do they sing something special for you?"
Her friend shrugged. "Nothing important really. I think they've made a new nest near my bed." How many more guards is Tsume going to fit in? The amount's already ridiculous. They'll need an entire ward to house these guys.
She was taken aback. "A whole family?" Zirin immediately lowered her head when a guard strolled past her, looking down on them like they were litter.
Hana nodded grimly. "Yep. I just hope they don't become a plague, you know?"
She fought the urge to bang the table. "Sparks. We'll need more trappers before they become a problem and fast." We still don't have enough people we can count on, far too divided. It's already been hard as it was last time, and we aren't even facing half of the guards. The problem's doubled if not tripled without even taking into account the new security measures. Even with the help of all the patients, it's gonna be hard to pull off.
The girl leaned in. "Can't think of anyone who could do the job. Did you have any luck?"
Zirin rested her head on her hand, stirring the green slop with the other. "Eh… Doesn't care about the birds. Seems she kinda lives with them. To be honest, I think the plague will take her soon." Azula doesn't care; she's already seen many like her. Not all quite right in her head; and to top it all off, for some reason she's the doctor's favorite patient. Nickname does fit her after all…
Her associate deflated. "That bad, huh? Maybe you could at least ask her for some advice on how to set them free? I've got a couple; but you know how things are, many fear the plague but aren't willing to do anything about it. Not many want to risk their necks, especially with so many birds around. It's impossible." Of course, after what happened last time, few would want to get involved; and Azula backed out and refused to help at all.
Zirin sighed, shoving away her tray. "I thought she would try, but no. Besides, sometimes the things she says don't make sense."
Hana's face contorted, but she composed herself; only her eyes betrayed her anger. "Curse her. This is all her fault, it's the reason why…" She shuddered and gulped. "...Helping is the least that she could do. You have to keep trying. We need that expert trapper; we won't be able to deal with all those birds on our own." The loss of their friends weighed heavily on all of them, even more so on herself. I led them all into danger willingly. And like a fool, I didn't act when I suspected something was up. I have to make this right.
"I'll try to find a way around it; you try to do your thing. We need to stop the plague, cure them all, unless–"
"Time's up! You know the drill: sit still until your caretakers get you, then form an orderly line." They came first for her, as Hana nodded subtly. Zirin knew what to do: just endure one more search, and that would be it for the day. The guard that walked past her earlier was behind her with another. They weren't her usual escort. She tried to turn but was pushed onward. Something was off; maybe they were onto her.
"Hey, you're–"
"Keep on walking, filth." Nothing was right. She froze as a guard looked at her with venomous eyes, aggressively searching her.
A half-formed smirk crept on the guard's lips as she waved a shiv in her face. "What's this, huh? Planning to cut our throats like you did our friends?"
Her eyes widened in shock. "That's not mine! I don't kn–" The punch to her face almost blacked her out. They restrained her, pushing her towards one of the wards. The nurse stood in shock, looking at Zirin, dumbfounded.
"Shut up! Take her."
She struggled to turn to the nurse, who backed away in fear. "Wait! Nurse! That's not mine! y–"
The guard looked at her like a jackal-cobra and nabbed her by her ponytail as the others held her arms. Amidst kicks and curses, they dragged her to an empty room. She struggled pointlessly only to be kicked in the gut. Two men kept her propped up holding her arms tightly as the woman stood in front of her. "Think you are going to get off easy? Oh no, you'll get to stay here a while. You're gonna suffer like they did, every day." the guard's voice cracked, and her eyes glimmered.
Out of breath, Zirin looked at her. "...I didn't–"
She slapped her and held her up by her hair. "Shut up! See here?" The guard held two drawings in her hand of two young men. One looked like the woman, with the same face but sharper eyes. She couldn't even focus on the other one before she pulled them away. "You killed them; and you are still here like nothing's happened, even get to eat, sleep, breathe the same air we do. That doesn't seem right, don't you agree? Don't worry, you'll pay for it in full. And you're going to feel every second of it."
The guard's first hit left her breathless, then it descended into a one-sided brawl of rage and vindictiveness, full of punching, stomping, kicking, and even spitting. The only thought she had was pain. She lost track of time, only saw red, couldn't breathe or think, began to choke on her own blood; then the hits stopped.
The woman smiled darkly down at her. "Not so fast; haven't even started yet. Take her to stitch her up again. We'll have time for her later."
"What do we write in the report?"
"She fell down some stairs. …Even if we don't, who's gonna care?" The woman spat on her face and walked away.
As they dragged her like a carcass, Zirin was too bruised to cry, too bloodied to groan. Her battered body felt like it was about to fall apart. They dropped her, and she stared blankly at the ceiling. The blurry shade of a face looked over her as she closed her eyes.
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