Capítulo 93: Once-Desired, Now Undesired Meeting, and a Resolution
It was the last day of summer vacation.
If it were any other year, Amane would have been resting at home, not
going anywhere. That was even more true now that he had Mahiru. But on
that day, Amane was headed out.
He got himself ready, dressing up enough so he wouldn't offend the
person he was meeting, then headed for the agreed-upon place.
…I hope this doesn't take too long.
He wasn't nervous about talking to someone he didn't know. He was
worried that the longer the conversation dragged on, the more anxious
Mahiru would get.
Mahiru had feigned composure when he told her that he was going to
meet her father, but he knew there was no way she felt good about it. It was
obvious that she was worried about what her father might say—and what
Amane would think of him.
Amane didn't want to leave Mahiru alone in that state for longer than he
needed to, and so he was determined to ascertain the other man's real
intentions as quickly as possible.
Weighed down by a great deal of emotion, Amane plodded toward the
meeting place. Then, as he approached the café—not far from his apartment
building—he spotted the person he was there to meet and straightened up.
Standing before Amane was a gentle-looking, fair-skinned man with
flaxen hair and caramel-colored eyes, just like the ones he was used to
seeing every day.
It was the same man he had crossed paths with once before—and with
whom he had made light conversation. They hadn't exchanged names, but
Amane had heard his from Mahiru, and so he knew who he was.
"Mr. Asahi Shiina?"
When Amane spoke the man's name, he—Asahi Shiina—turned to look
at Amane, and a faint smile appeared on his face.
"Nice to meet you…," he said. "Well, it's not really our first meeting,
but this is the first time we've had a conversation where we both know who
the other is."
"…I suppose so. I've heard a little about you from Mahiru."
The man didn't appear shaken by Amane casually calling Mahiru by her
first name, so he had probably looked into their relationship.
In response, Asahi's thin smile grew slightly strained. He gave the
impression of being calm, not timid, and at first glance, he didn't seem like
the kind of monster who would have neglected Mahiru as a child. Though,
appearances could be deceiving, and this was still only a first impression.
"In that case, we can get right to it," Asahi said. "Could I have a little bit
of your time?"
"That's why you asked me here, isn't it?" Amane replied.
"Indeed. I'm very grateful you accepted my sudden request. Though I
asked, I never expected you to agree."
"I was wondering why you went out of your way to contact me…
Shouldn't you be meeting with Mahiru instead?"
Amane wasn't sure about Asahi's intentions, and although he realized he
ought to be acting friendly toward him, he just couldn't resist giving the
man a small piece of his mind.
Asahi seemed to understand what Amane was implying, and he frowned
uncomfortably. "When you put it that way, you're right, but…I'm sure that
she doesn't want to see me," he said.
With a wry smile, Asahi seemed filled with regret.
Amane was angry with him on Mahiru's behalf. He didn't think he
would be able to forgive him. But the man before him didn't seem like a
heartless monster. If he was, surely he wouldn't have gone out of his way
to, however indirectly, quietly make contact with his daughter.
Amane's doubts were only growing.
Why wasn't he meeting directly with Mahiru—and instead beating
around the bush by reaching out to someone close to her?
Amane still didn't know what he was thinking or what he wanted out of
this.
Asahi must have noticed the quizzical look in Amane's eyes. He
scratched his cheek and smiled awkwardly.
"You must also have plenty of things you want to ask me, right? We
can't have a long conversation out here, so how about we go into the café?"
Indeed, there was no way they could have a deep conversation standing
out on the street, so Amane agreed and walked into the café with him.
"Order whatever you like. I'm the one who called you out here on the last
day of your precious summer vacation, after all."
The café, which Amane had visited from time to time, had private rooms
that were available by reservation. Asahi must have reserved one in
advance because they were shown through to one of them.
As soon as they sat down across from each other, Asahi offered him a
menu, a gentle smile on his face.
Amane said he would take him up on his offer and informed him that he
would have the daily special cake plate that came with coffee, as listed on
the menu. Asahi ordered the same thing.
Then Asahi sat with that same gentle expression on his face and didn't
open his mouth until their orders were delivered.
Amane figured he was probably keeping quiet because he didn't want
the staff to overhear their conversation. But for Amane, sitting across from
a man not all that different in age from his own father, the situation felt
extremely awkward.
In order to distract himself, he mentally organized the things he wanted
to ask that day, and around the third time he repeated the exercise, their
orders were finally placed in front of them.
After making sure the waiter had left, Amane spoke up.
"So what business do you have with me?"
It was a bit rude to ask so suddenly, but Asahi only smiled. He did not
seem offended.
"Of course. It seems you are dating my daughter, so I wanted to ask you
how she is getting along… I suppose that's the best way to put it."
"…She's doing all right."
"I can tell you're wary of me."
"Did you think I wouldn't be?"
"Of course not; it would be strange if you weren't."
Asahi nodded, and Amane pursed his lips. He was not sure how to
respond.
If, for example, Asahi had been as cruel to his daughter as Mahiru's
mother was, Amane could have put on a strong front and dealt with the
situation in any number of ways.
But the sense Amane was getting from Asahi was that he was worried
about his daughter. He really didn't seem like the type to abandon his child.
Based only on this single conversation, he seemed to be a decent father.
That made Amane wonder exactly why he had deserted Mahiru.
It was certainly possible that he was putting on a friendly face—and that
he might change the moment he secured an opportunity to make contact
with Mahiru. But Amane's intuition was telling him that wasn't the case.
"I'd like to ask you something myself. Why is it that you're going out of
your way at this point to try to get closer to Mahiru?"
It was because Amane had seen how deeply Mahiru had been wounded
by her father that he found it so disagreeable that the man would show up
now, of all times.
No matter how many years had passed, the thorn of hurt that had pierced
his daughter's heart had never come out, and she had been suffering this
whole time.
Recently, that thorn had only just begun to work its way loose and the
wound had started to heal, so the thought of letting her be hurt anew was
intolerable.
Amane, who intended to spend his life beside her, didn't want her to
suffer any unnecessary hurt. He refused to let her experience any needless
pain.
As long as he and Mahiru were moving forward together, supporting one
another, if it was possible to prevent such injury, he would do it, and if he
could protect her from danger, he intended to do that, too.
"…You really do take good care of that girl, don't you?"
Asahi simply seemed impressed. He looked at Amane with a pleased
expression—and without returning any of the hostility directed at him.
"I'm not thinking of trying to take her back with me or anything. You
seem to be worried, but I don't intend to do anything to threaten her life
here."
"…Really?"
"Of course… I have no right to interfere with the life she has now. I'm
not even considering it."
"So then why are you really attempting to make contact with Mahiru?"
"…When you put it that way, it's hard to explain. I just came to see her
face."
"Even though you're the one who abandoned her?"
Amane was fully aware that this was not something that a stranger, an
outsider like him, should say.
And yet the treatment Mahiru had suffered at the hands of her parents
was unforgivable.
Because of them, Mahiru had been continuously hurt, and in order to
hide her pain, she had put on the mask of a charming, perfect girl. She had
reached out for them, begging to be loved.
So why was someone who had never once rewarded Mahiru for her
attempts to reach him turning his eye on her now?
If he was reaching out to her on a whim, Amane wanted to brush off his
hand. Though some might say Amane was acting out of selfish resentment,
he intended to pull Mahiru away from anything that might cause her tears or
pain.
Surprisingly, Asahi was showing Amane respect. He did not look angry,
and he simply met Amane's gaze with a calm expression.
"You like to get right to the point, don't you?"
Even if the older man had been angry at him, the only thing he showed
Amane was that calm expression, which fueled the fire of Amane's fury.
To keep from exploding, he was balling up his hands tightly underneath
the table, channeling his impulses into his fists.
"You're correct, of course. At this point, I don't have any right to act
like a parent. It's questionable whether she even still considers me to be her
father. I bet she probably thinks of me more like a stranger to whom she's
related by blood."
"…If you're aware of that, you must also understand what you did to
her."
"I'll never be able to escape from what I did, for as long as I live… Sayo
and I failed to live up to our roles as her parents. I'm sure that people would
call the way we treated her neglect. It's only natural that she blames us."
Asahi coolly took an objective view of his and his wife's misdeeds.
Amane chewed on his lower lip.
Why not earlier?
Why couldn't he have reflected on his actions earlier?
If he'd been able to do that, Mahiru wouldn't have been as hurt as she
was. Even if she hadn't been able to get any love from her mother, she
might have received it from her father. She might have been happy.
Why is he repenting now?
Amane didn't know where he should direct his anger.
He probably wasn't entitled to be angry. His rage was probably
unreasonable.
Even so, it bubbled up inside him.
Amane couldn't help but wonder why this man hadn't extended a hand
to his daughter sooner.
If they had been outside, he might have raised his voice and grabbed
Asahi by the collar. But Amane kept his cool, knowing that he mustn't
cause an uproar in the café and risk letting strangers know they were talking
about Mahiru. After considering what might happen, he resisted making a
fuss.
It had been a brilliant tactic on Asahi's part to choose this place.
"Do you know what she said? Mahiru said that if she was such an
inconvenience, she never should have been born… You and your wife
drove her to say that."
"…Indeed."
Amane spoke in a flat, dead serious voice as he somehow managed to
keep from shaking. All the while, Asahi's eyes seemed to fully understand
and accept everything he was saying.
The man's reaction only aggravated Amane more.
"If you were going to neglect Mahiru and then feel bad about it so much
later, you should have committed yourself to her from the beginning. If you
had done that, she wouldn't have been hurt so badly."
"There's nothing I can say to that… Of course, I'm fully aware that I've
done the worst thing a parent can do."
"…In that case, really, why now…? Why are you trying to see her now?
If meeting you will only hurt Mahiru, I don't want to let you see her. I know
I'm only an outsider, but if it's just going to upset her, I don't want it to
happen."
There was no way he could interfere with a meeting between a father
and daughter. But Mahiru didn't want to see the man, so Amane found
himself speaking emphatically.
Even if the man reproached him, Amane didn't intend to yield.
Asahi accepted Amane's pointed look with a bitter, apologetic smile.
"Why do I want to see her? …I suppose I'm not sure."
"Are you dodging the question?"
"I don't mean to. It's just—it's quite difficult to put into words, you
know? …I suppose…I thought I'd try to see her while I still can."
"Does that mean that you won't be able to see her in the future? Or
maybe that you don't intend to?"
"That's right."
A bitter taste welled up in Amane's mouth at the confirmation.
"…You're a selfish man."
"You're right, I am selfish. And I don't intend to change, nor do I think I
could at this point. But I don't want to cause my daughter any more
unhappiness, either. So it's probably for the best that she hates me."
"I don't understand what you mean."
"You will, sooner or later."
From the meaningful look in Asahi's eyes, Amane could tell that he
didn't intend to say any more on the matter, and so he gave up pressing him.
"Is there anything else you want to ask me?" Asahi asked.
"…No, I'm good."
"I see… Well then, would you allow me to ask you just one more
thing?"
Amane didn't know what Asahi's question would be, so he was slightly
on guard.
"Go ahead."
"…The girl, is she happy now?"
Asahi asked his question with the same, unchanging gentle expression.
His tone of voice and the look in his eyes were pleading for his daughter's
happiness.
Amane squeezed his hands into fists, then let out a slow sigh.
"…There's no way to know without asking her yourself. But I'm trying
to make her happy. I'm confident that I can, and I'm going to do my best."
His words were full of aspiration, pride, and determination.
He never intended to part with that tenderhearted, dainty girl who
hungered for love.
He wanted to make her smile always—and to be the one to make her
happy. He was determined to do just that. No matter what anyone else said,
he didn't intend to waver from that purpose.
When Amane stated his intentions clearly in a firm, even voice, the
caramel-colored eyes across the table opened wide, then, in the next
moment, softened in unmistakable relief.
"I see. I'm glad to hear it."
Something about Asahi's soft smile reminded Amane of Mahiru.
"…It isn't my right to ask this of you, but please take care of her."
"I'm going to make her happy, whether you ask me to or not."
"I see… Thank you."
Even though Amane probably deserved to be scolded for his tone of
voice and rude attitude, Asahi smiled happily at him.
Through a haze of complicated feelings, Amane replied, in a voice that
was just a little less prickly than before, "There's no reason for you to thank
me."
When Amane returned home after parting ways with Asahi, Mahiru was
quietly sitting on the sofa.
Ordinarily, when she was at his place, she came to the door to greet him
when he got home. But on that day, she didn't seem able to move.
Mahiru projected tranquility with a hint of discomfort. She didn't seem
calm exactly, more like she had forced herself to settle down. She turned to
look at Amane, without moderating her expression at all.
"I talked to him," he said.
"Did you?"
Her slightly chilly tone was probably the result of an attempt to stay as
composed as possible.
In response, Amane looked at her as gently as he could and quietly took
a seat beside her.
As soon as he was settled next to Mahiru, she gently leaned over and
snuggled up against him. It wasn't her usual sweet behavior. Instead, she
gave Amane the impression that she was clinging to him for support.
…She must have been anxious.
She had been pretending like it was no big deal, but the father who had
neglected her had made contact after all this time—and with her boyfriend
no less.
Mahiru didn't seem to think that her father was such a terrible character,
but she must have still been anxious about their meeting.
"There was nothing like what you seemed to be worried about… He was
calm and quiet the whole time, more so than I had imagined."
"Oh, I see."
"…Should I tell you what we talked about?"
"Whatever you want. If you think it's best to tell me, then please do."
Even as she said she would leave it up to Amane, Mahiru seemed a little
afraid to hear what he had to say. Amane squeezed her trembling hand.
He had decided he ought to go ahead and tell her.
He didn't fully understand what her father had been thinking when he
had chosen to meet, not with his daughter, but with his daughter's
boyfriend. But he felt he ought to at least let Mahiru know that her father
had no intention of making her unhappy.
"I'm certain that Asahi doesn't intend to do anything to you. He told me
that he's not planning to wreck your current life."
"…I'm glad to hear that."
"Then I asked why he wanted to see you, but he didn't tell me
everything. Just that he wouldn't be able to see you anymore, so before that
happened, he wanted to check on you one last time… That's the gist of
what he said."
At Amane's words, Mahiru grumbled, "He never came to see me before
now, so it's a little late for that."
But her voice seemed like it carried more bitterness than contempt.
"…This is just my impression," Amane continued hesitantly, "but when
we met, Asahi seemed like he cared about you, Mahiru… He even seemed
like he wanted you to be happy."
That was exactly why it was all so puzzling.
Why would Asahi wish for his daughter's happiness now? If he was
going to regret it, he should never have neglected his child in the first place.
If he had done that, Mahiru could have grown up without suffering such
loneliness.
Mahiru sighed softly.
"…Honestly, I don't really understand my so-called parents at all."
Mahiru's voice was quiet, but it reached him as she continued. "They
think they've fulfilled all the duties of child-rearing so long as they give me
money. They're just strangers connected to me by blood. That's my
impression of them."
In a detached tone, Mahiru told Amane how she really felt. Her
expression was stiffer than usual and seemed to lack vitality.
"They never looked my way. No matter how good of a kid I was, they
never saw me. Even when I reached out for them, they never took my
hand… So it was only natural that I stopped reaching out. And that I
stopped expecting anything from them."
Amane could tell that Mahiru had stopped expecting anything from her
parents precisely because they had always ignored her before.
And he didn't think that her decision had been wrong. Though still a
child, Mahiru had perceived that her parents didn't love her, and that she
couldn't expect anything from them. It was inevitable that she had stopped
hoping. It was her way of protecting herself.
"…I've always known that my father was capable at his job and that he
had a good personality. Even so, that doesn't change the fact that he never
looked my way, so I'm not sure how I should view him. At this point, I
don't know how I should react to his attention."
"Mm."
"…Really, why now?"
"Mm."
"If he'd come to me earlier, I—"
Mahiru's sentence trailed off.
Instead, Amane heard a shaky exhalation as she quickly closed her
mouth.
Her tightly sealed lips were trembling terribly, perhaps because she was
squeezing them together so hard, and she was blinking a lot. Her eyes were
watering like she was about to cry, but no tears spilled over. She just looked
like she was trying to quietly weather the storm raging inside her.
Her ephemeral figure looked like it might dissolve and disappear.
Amane embraced her and turned her face into his chest.
As he had done before when she had encountered her mother, he
covered her up with a blanket.
Even though there wasn't much to hide this time, Amane wrapped her
up entirely and held her close.
Her delicate body trembled in his arms, but he didn't hear any sobbing.
Still, she didn't seem ready to lift her head. She surrendered herself to
Amane just like that and buried her face into his chest.
When she looked up again, the area around her eyes wasn't red. Perhaps
she had calmed down a little while Amane held her. Her eyes themselves
were wavering a little bit, but she didn't seem hopelessly distressed.
"…Mahiru, what do you want to do?"
Amane waited until after she had calmed down to ask the question.
Mahiru cast her eyes downward. "…I don't know," she replied. "I just—
I like things the way they are now. Even though he finally showed up, I
can't properly acknowledge that man as a parent."
"Gotcha."
"…I wonder if that's wrong for me to say, as his daughter?"
"The answer to that depends on your viewpoint, so I can't say for
certain. But I don't think it's strange of you to think that way, and I won't
deny your right to do so. If that's how you feel, I think that's fine. I accept
your view and your choices."
"…Okay."
Whether she was wrong wasn't for Amane to determine.
Personally, he didn't think it was strange that Mahiru didn't recognize
her parents as parents anymore. They had never done anything parental and
had never accepted her affection, so it was impossible for her to see them
that way.
"I'll be there for you, whatever you choose. I'm still an outsider, so I
can't get too involved in your family affairs. But I respect your opinion, and
I'll support you no matter what."
"…Sure."
"I'll always be by your side. If you ever feel anxious, you can lean on
me."
Amane had already made up his mind about that.
He had no intention of ever letting Mahiru go. He was going to live the
rest of his life cuddled up close to her.
In the past, he had heard from his parents' friends that the people of the
Fujimiya family were excessively affectionate. He knew he was no
exception.
Amane smiled a little.
He was convinced he would absolutely never lose the feelings he had for
Mahiru.
That wasn't a prediction, it was a conviction.
He had always had a tendency to like one thing and stick with it, and
that wasn't likely to change now that the object of his affection was a
person.
His beloved girlfriend scrunched up her face at Amane's words, then she
wrapped her arms around him, as if to say she wouldn't let him go.
"…You'll really stay by my side?" she asked.
"Of course."
"…So if I said I don't want to go home or be alone… If I said that,
would you accept it and let me stay, Amane?" she said in a gloomy whisper.
Amane answered without hesitation, "Do you even need to ask?
"If it's what you want," he continued, "I'll stay by your side forever. I'll
never leave you… Do you want to try staying over, to test it out?"
He asked the question in a deliberately teasing tone, and Mahiru, who
seemed to understand the meaning behind his words, instantly went from
looking like she might cry to blushing bright red.
Amane knew exactly what he was saying, so he also felt embarrassed,
but when he saw how Mahiru's eyes darted around and how she was frozen
stiff with bashfulness, he felt more in control.
"…You don't have to worry; you'll never be alone again."
He whispered the words softly, trying to calm the pounding of his heart.
Mahiru's eyes filled with tears for a different reason than they had earlier,
and she nodded.
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