Capítulo 61: Don’t Feed the Animals
It had been one month since they started dating.
Amane, who hadn't even kissed anyone before, still wasn't
sure how he was supposed to touch Mahiru.
They'd held hands and hugged each other but hadn't
taken it any further than that.
Even though they had embraced the other day while he
was shirtless, nothing else had happened. Amane was sure
that if Itsuki somehow heard the story, he would be
subjected to plenty of teasing. Of course, Amane didn't agree
with Itsuki's judgment on the matter, but he also understood
why his friend might point out that it wasn't very manly.
Amane wanted to take their relationship to the next level,
but he was also afraid of moving forward. If she rejected his
advances, or if he hurt her and made her cry, Amane was
certain he would never recover from it. And he was terribly
worried that she would think he was a loser.
He glanced over at Mahiru, who was sitting beside him.
The day after she said it was all right to touch her, she was
fidgety and restless. However, several days had passed since
her remark, and perhaps she understood that Amane wasn't
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going to try anything, because she had gradually returned to
her usual demeanor.
Even Amane thought it was weird that he was feeling
more awkward than her, but in the end, he couldn't help
being nervous.
"…Is something the matter?"
Mahiru had apparently noticed his gaze, and she looked
confused. She didn't seem to have noticed his internal
conflict.
"N-no, I was just… Well, I don't know how I'm supposed
to touch you, Mahiru."
He added quietly that he wanted to, but not carelessly, a
statement that sounded weak as soon as he said it.
Mahiru's eyes widened as she recalled again what had
happened the other day, and her gaze shifted nervously.
Apparently she hadn't been thinking about it at all. Her
reaction made Amane laugh.
"So what do you want me to do?"
"…Is that something you should ask me?"
"W-well, you're the one getting touched, right? I don't
want to do anything you don't want, and I'd like to be as
gentle as possible toward you."
He'd prefer to avoid rushing ahead and acting on his own
feelings, because he knew that his conscience would never
let him rest if he made Mahiru uncomfortable. His parents
would certainly reprimand him if they ever found out.
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Precisely because this was his first relationship, and there
was no room for error, Amane knew he should be as
considerate as possible, and since it would also really hurt
him if she cried or ended up hating him. He wanted to grant
all of Mahiru's wishes.
With his heart set on that, he stared back at Mahiru, who
squirmed like she wanted to run away but then leaned
against Amane's shoulder.
"I-it's fine; you can do whatever you like," she said. "Just
don't tickle me or pinch my belly."
"…You don't have anything to pinch, do you?"
"Well, I do keep a close eye on my figure, but whether or
not I have anything extra there, girls generally hate getting
their bellies squeezed by their boyfriends."
"Well, I don't plan on doing anything you would hate,
but…um, is it really okay?"
"I told you: It's fine."
Mahiru had stated definitively that he could do as he
pleased, but still, maybe she felt there was something a little
scary about allowing a guy to touch her however he wanted,
even if that guy was her boyfriend. Through the shoulder
that she was leaning on, Amane felt a slight shiver run
through her body.
He was happy she accepted him, but on the other hand, he
knew he would have to be careful because it would still be
problematic if he was pushy about it.
He really wanted to touch her but didn't know what to do,
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so after puzzling over it for a long ten seconds, Amane
pushed her up from his shoulder and embraced her gently
like he was trying to wrap himself around her whole body.
He could tell that her small frame was shaking and curling
up with surprise inside his arms, so in an effort to relax her,
with gentle, deliberate movements, he patted her back to
calm her down.
He didn't want to frighten her, and with that in mind, he
touched her with careful gestures. Mahiru relaxed and
leaned against him.
"…You don't have to worry; I won't do anything more."
"I-I'm not particularly scared… Just, well, first I'm
embarrassed, and…I was expecting more, I guess."
"Expecting…?"
"You know…a kiss or something."
Mahiru whispered the last bit weakly as she nuzzled her
cheek against Amane's chest, and this time it was his turn to
tremble.
"…A-Amane, I know you really love me, and that you've
been cherishing me like some treasured object, but…I want
to really feel your love."
Amane felt a swell of emotion at Mahiru's adorable words.
Although she always radiated of cuteness, she unconsciously
hit her boyfriend with an extra-large helping, and Amane's
head started spinning.
If he wasn't careful, he was going to grasp her tightly and
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never let go, so he had to bite his lip hard and suppress that
urge.
"I know you don't want to rush me, and you're not going
to…to coax me into anything, but…"
Mahiru was mumbling in a tearful voice, with an
expression that was shy and apologetic.
Unable to bear it any longer, Amane buried his face in her
collar.
"…I can't take this anymore."
His quiet whisper seemed to have reached Mahiru's ears,
since she was trembling uneasily. He didn't want her to
misunderstand, so he peered into her teary eyes and
continued.
"Here's the thing, Mahiru. When you say stuff like that,
it's hard for me to resist. But if we go forward, I'm never
going to want to go back."
Hoping that hearing his plea would do her some good,
Amane squeezed her in a tight embrace as he mumbled his
objections.
"I think you ought to value yourself a little more, Mahiru."
"I—I do, but we're in love, so I want you to do as you
please."
"Please stop with the suggestive statements. You shouldn't
test a man's restraint."
"Test…?"
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"…If you understand how much I love you, like you say,
then you're being a terrible temptress."
Amane did consider she might be stirring him up on
purpose, knowing he absolutely wouldn't make a move, but
he concluded there was no way that innocent Mahiru would
do such a shrewd thing. In other words, she was seducing
him without even knowing she was doing it. That was the
scariest thing about it.
Maybe because she sensed Amane's face pucker as he
tried to resist temptation, Mahiru's cheeks flushed slightly
as she looked up at him with a sweet gaze.
"…I trust you; you know?"
"I feel like my trust is being held hostage."
"Th-that wasn't my intention, though. I see that you're
conflicted, and somehow…that makes me happy. Wait, I—I
don't mean that I'm enjoying this or anything, okay? But the
idea that you treasure me so much, well, I can really tell, and
it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy—and so loved…"
In spite of himself, Amane looked at Mahiru after she
whispered these heartfelt words and received a fleeting,
bashful look in return.
"In the past, I learned all sorts of things from the
housekeeper, Miss Koyuki, so I know that people like you are
incredibly rare, Amane. People who listen to the feelings of
others and respect them. I know that you respect me—and
that you treasure me. That's exactly why you gave me the
right to choose earlier."
It was precisely because he treasured her that he didn't
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want to do anything that would clash with Mahiru's feelings
—this sentiment of Amane's had indeed been conveyed to
her, and it was with that understanding that Mahiru was
begging him to act on his desires.
Amane was speechless as Mahiru looked up at him
timidly once again.
"From the bottom of my heart, I'm so glad I fell in love
with a guy like you."
Seeing Mahiru wearing a smile packed full of joy,
happiness, and love, Amane reached his limit—he pressed
his lips against her tender, soft, pale cheek.
Her cheek was incomparably smooth compared to his
own skin, and he gave her the tenderest of light kisses,
putting all his love into it. Starting from the spot he had
kissed, her pale skin flushed pink.
"All right, there… I kissed your cheek; was that okay?"
He had followed through, but now he was worried that it
would have been better to warn her before he did…
Although, it was already too late for that.
An amused, happy smile blossomed across Mahiru's face.
"…I feel like that's not something you need to ask after
you've already gotten permission."
"I couldn't help it… I just—my self-control was at its limit,
you could say. Sorry for indulging myself."
"You really are a conscientious person. Of all the things
you could do to me, the only ones I would hate are… Well, I
wouldn't like being tickled or having my cheeks pinched, but
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really, there's nothing else, okay?"
Then Mahiru gently brought her lips to Amane's cheek in
retaliation. After kissing him, she moved them close to his
ear as he sat there, frozen.
"Listen, I'm never going to object to getting a kiss from
my boyfriend."
Oh my god…!
Agonizing over what a bad boyfriend he had been, to be
blind to that obvious fact, Amane planted another gentle kiss
on Mahiru's porcelain cheek.
He forced himself to get ahold of the desires that were
swirling around inside of him, and he embraced Mahiru's
small body again, simply appreciating how lovable his
girlfriend was.
"So stop me if I get crazy, please. This is already a lot…"
"Crazy?"
"I feel like I might lose control, you know? I've got no
willpower to spare. I know that's pretty pathetic, but…"
"…And if you did go wild, what would happen?"
"I'd probably make you cry."
He wasn't going to force her into anything, and he
obviously didn't want to make her cry, but Amane felt like
there was something inside him that he couldn't control.
Embracing her, and feeling her soft body against his, filled
him with urges that were hard to resist. The very fact that he
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had endured it thus far was practically a miracle.
He suspected Mahiru might not stop him if he kept going,
but it was precisely because of how much he cared for her
and wanted to treasure her that he couldn't allow himself to
take things any further.
Instead, in order to rein in his hopeless urges, he loosened
his hold on her just a little.
Amane caught a whiff of her sweet scent, which somehow
seemed even stronger than it had been before, as he slowly
pressed his lips against her neck.
His touch was light on her slender neck, which was so
pale that the blood vessels showed through, and her slim
body shivered. But she didn't seem to dislike it. She just
twisted a little bit as if it tickled.
Slowly, he slid his mouth down, and when he reached the
base of her neck, Amane filled his nose with her scent and
bit down gently.
Of course, he didn't bite hard enough to leave behind
tooth impressions. Though it was a light nibble, Mahiru
made a high-pitched noise. But she didn't try to escape from
his arms. She gripped Amane's shirt tightly and let him do as
he pleased.
Her irresistible sweetness threatened to overwhelm him
again, but he kept ahold of himself, and finally, in a spot that
he figured would be covered by her school uniform, he
gently sucked on her skin.
Staring at the single dot of rosy color on her otherwise
pale white skin, Amane felt guilt, affection, excitement, and
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a faint sense of dominance and conquest. When he was
done, he was left with the keen feeling that he was a
despicable man.
He slowly looked up and saw Mahiru staring at him with
teary eyes and a bright-red face. There wasn't the slightest
bit of hatred in her gaze, but her expression was filled with
embarrassment.
Amane immediately knew that he had overdone it, and he
hung his head. "Um… I'm really sorry about that. That
wasn't right."
Mahiru opened her tightly pursed lips and, without
hesitation, bit down suddenly on the base of his neck near
his shoulders, just above the collar of his T-shirt.
He could almost hear the adorable sound effects as she
chomped down, then kept nibbling as she tried and failed to
suck at his skin with her mouth. From the way she was
moving, it was more like she was trying to eat him.
After a moment, Mahiru pulled her mouth away. She
made a face as if she didn't understand why she had failed to
leave even the faintest impression on Amane's skin. She
must have felt his eyes on her and looked up at him with an
expression that was somewhat sulky and childish, yet also
daring.
"…Fair's fair."
The tone of her voice challenged him to complain. Along
with the fact that she hadn't even been able to leave a mark,
it was so adorable Amane thought he might die.
Though he was filled with a desire to hug her tightly and
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carry her right off to bed, Amane somehow managed to hold
back. "You dummy," he groaned as he buried his face in the
base of her neck again, careful not to start sucking on a new
spot.
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